New World Order (War of the Fae: Book 4) (50 page)

“Yes.
 
I know about everything.”

“Do you know that you totally slammed my heart into a wall back there?” I figured there was no one here but Chase to hear my embarrassing admissions, so I might as well go balls out.

“Yes.
 
I know.
 
I can feel your pain.
 
The same pain is mirrored in my heart.”

I grabbed his arms.
 
“Then
why?!
 
Why are you asking me to do this?”

Chase put his hands on my shoulders, staring deeply into my eyes.
 
“This is what must be.
 
I cannot stay here with you.
 
But Ben can.
 
He is a good man, a good fae.
 
He is an elemental – one of your kind.
 
Together, you will do great things.
 
And one day, when you leave this realm to come to the Overworld, I will be there waiting for you.
 
You and I will be together again, I promise you that.”

“So ... what?
 
I’m supposed to take Ben as my consolation prize?
 
Does he know that?”
 
I couldn’t imagine a guy like him being okay with that.

“No.
 
Ben is no consolation prize.
 
He is the real deal, Jayne.
 
He was meant for you.
 
Both of you have let the petty concerns of a few cloud your vision.
 
Open your eyes and see who he really is.
 
See who Tony sees.
 
See who Becky sees.
 
Trust your friends who have no other motivation than to be true to you.”

“But I don’t really even like him,” I whined, annoying even myself with the tone of my voice.

“You just need to give him a chance.
 
That’s all.
 
If you can’t do it for yourself, do it for me.”

I choked on a sob.
 
“Do you have any idea how fucked up that is?
 
For the guy you want to be with, to tell you to go like another guy for him?”

Chase shook his head and jerked my shoulders – not sharply, but enough to snap me out of my pity party fog.
 
“No!
 
That is not what’s happening here.
 
What’s happening is your guardian angel, the one who gladly took the appointment to watch over you for all of eternity, is telling you where you will find your earthly happiness.
 
This is what the universe wants for you!
 
This is what you
deserve!
 
Now
stop
denying yourself these things and
take
what’s being offered.
 
Some people and some fae never get this opportunity.
 
Too few do, in my opinion.
 
Don’t throw it back in my face.
 
I have worked very hard to win this for you.”

“You did this?
 
For me?” I said weakly.

“Not all of it.
 
But some, yes.
 
I love you, Jayne,” his face softened, “I always have, and I always will.
 
No matter what you do, no matter how many times you mess up, no matter how many bad choices you make, that will never change.”

The tears fell down my cheeks and dripped off my jaw and trembling chin.
 
“Why?
  
Because you’re my own personal messiah?”

“Don’t call me that.
 
I’ve told you before, that’s not what I am.
 
And to ask me
why
is just ... stupid.”

I looked at him like he was nuts.
 
“What?
 
Are guardian angels even
allowed
to tell their wards that they ask stupid questions?
 
Don’t they have a handbook up there that tells you that you have to be
nice?”

He was clearly frustrated with me.
 
“Listen, we are out of time.
 
I love you because you are perfect, exactly as you are, faults and all.
 
I believe you are going to be a wonderful Mother to these fae.
 
It is what you were born to do.
 
Now, we must get going and proceed with the bonding ceremony.
 
And then I will leave to return to my realm.
 
I expect you to remember every word I said and keep them with you forever.
 
I
will
see you again – hopefully later, rather than sooner.”

“Why?” I asked in a tremulous voice.

“Because.
 
The next time I see you will be when you are in the Overworld.”

“Meaning, I’ll be dead.”

“Yes.”

I nodded my head, finally getting it.
 
He was leaving and he wasn’t coming back.
 
Becky had known and Tim had suspected it.
 
I had too, but had denied it for as long as I could.
 
Part of me wanted to cling to him desperately and beg him to stay – but I knew it wouldn’t make any difference.
 
This was one of those things that I knew I couldn’t change no matter how hard I tried.
 
I stared at the sky for a second, trying to get my emotions under control and biting back the cuss words that wanted to fly out of my mouth and ring out across the meadow.
 
It was so.
 
Damn.
 
Hard.

I looked out through the green haze towards the place I knew where Ben was standing – waiting for me to do the right thing by our people.
 
Maybe one day, I’d be okay with not being able to change this moment.
 
Maybe someday I’d be happy it was ending up this way.
 
I could only hope.

I took the bubble down, once more exposing us to the eyes and ears of the fae standing in the meadow.
 
Chase and I slowly made our way down the path and back to stand in front of Ben.
 
He was the first to speak.

“Jayne, if you don’t mind, I’d like to talk to you for a minute alone, too.”
 
He looked at Chase.
 
“I won’t take long.”

Chase nodded his acquiescence.

Ben gestured for me to precede him, back to the spot where Chase and I had just had our little meeting.
 
Before I even had a chance to bring up my bubble of protection, I found myself surrounded by a dome of fire.
 
It was beautiful, completely blocking out the view I had of everyone and of every sound I had just been hearing.
 
There were no more birds chirping, no more murmuring crowds of fae ... the only thing I could see and hear was Ben and me.
 
The reds, oranges, and golds of the heatless flames were gorgeous.
 
I sighed in amazement without even thinking about it.

“Nice, huh?” he asked, smiling tentatively.

“Yeah.
 
Better than mine.”

“I can teach you how to do it.
 
If you want.”

I shrugged.
 
It might be nice to have another elemental who knew his shit to show me the ropes.
 
Maybe.

“Jayne, I just wanted to ... I don’t know.
 
Talk to you.
 
Before you made any decisions.”

“Go on,” I said, willing to hear him out, at least for now.
 
“I’ve got a couple minutes to spare.”

“I know you’re shocked by all this.
 
Believe me, so am I.
 
And I completely understand why you don’t want to be with me.
 
I don’t blame you at all.
 
I’d do the same thing in your shoes.”

“You would?”
 
I found that hard to believe.
 
In my experience, beautiful guys were too full of themselves to realize what assholes they were.

“Yes.
 
I’ve hurt you.
 
Physically, emotionally ... and I made you think I was stealing your best friend from you.”

“You let Leck melt my brain.
 
You
told
him to.
 
I have to be honest ... I’m having a hard time getting past that one.”

Ben dropped his head in shame.
 
“I know.
 
And you should.
 
I wish there was something I could say to make it better – but there’s just no excuse for it.
 
I was blinded by my passion to accomplish what I thought was right ... at any cost.
 
I was weak.
 
It was stupid and cruel and unforgiveable.”
 
He lifted his head and looked at me, desperation in his eyes, “If it makes you feel any better, I plan to work the rest of my days in this realm to make it up to you – to show you how sorry I am.”

“How are you going to manage that?”
 
I was intrigued by the idea of total enslavement, I had to admit.

“I’m not sure yet,” he said, smiling a little.
 
“I thought I’d start with foot rubs and work my way around from there.”

“Don’t get ahead of yourself, Romeo,” I said, taking a step back.

“That’s not what I meant,” he said, holding up his hands in surrender.
 
“I mean it.
 
I have only honorable intentions.
 
This ... bonding or whatever it is ... you define it for us.
 
Not me.
 
I will follow your lead, I promise.”

“Meaning ... ?”

“Meaning, if you just want to be friends for life, I can live with that.
 
If you want more, well, I’d be good with that too.
 
More than good with that.”
 
He hurried to add, “But, like I said, it’s up to you.”

“So I decide where we go with this?
 
And I get foot rubs on request too?”
 
I did loooove me some foot rubs, that was no lie.
 
I wondered if Tony had tipped him off.
 
I had never figured out how to con Tony into giving me one.
 
The idea of my smelly feet grossed him out too much.

Ben smiled, a dimple showing up in his cheek that I’d never noticed before.
 
“Yes.
 
That’s it in a nutshell.”

“And in the meantime, we fight off these demons and orcs ... and then what?”

Ben shrugged, losing his smile.
 
“I don’t know.
 
What do you think happens next?”

I looked at him, searching his face for signs that he was tricking me, but I didn’t see anything.
 
“I don’t know.
 
Do we go back to living in different compounds?
 
Hating each other?
 
Trying to destroy each other?”

“I hope not,” he whispered, concentrating everything he had on my face.
 
I could feel it.
 
The intensity of his gaze nearly burned me, but without any pain.

“Me too,” I said, my face heating up and my heart racing.
 
Everything was so messed up for me right now – but even so, I could see this person was standing in front of me, blindingly beautiful, looking at me like he was totally okay with being bound to me forever.
 
This powerful fae elemental who three people I cared about deeply – Tony, Becky, and Chase – had told me I should trust.
 
Four, including Tim.
 
The fae elemental my guardian angel had called
Father
.

“So we’re good then?” asked Ben.
 
“We’re going to do this?”
 
He held out his hand.

I looked down at it and then back up to his face, smiling at the hope I saw there.
 
“Yeah.
 
Let’s do this.”
 
I lifted my hand and gently placed it in his.

The dome of fire dropped away as we emerged from the path holding hands.
 
Smiles broke out on the faces nearest us and then spread like wildfire through the crowd.
 

No one said anything too loudly as we approached Chase, but I could hear whispers carried by the wind.
 
They didn’t sound unhappy.
 
On the contrary, they sounded quite hopeful.

We came to a stop in front of Chase who held out his hands in front of him, palms up.
 
His voice rose up, an ethereal quality to it making it spread across the entire meadow so every fae could hear him.
 
I had a feeling that all the fae living in and around this forest were here for this event.
 
I looked down at my feet, at the soil that I knew contained the body of my mother, and was glad that she could be here with me today – on the day of my wedding to Ben, the Dark Fae elemental, and up until this day, my sworn enemy.

I looked up at Ben’s face and was blown away by its beauty.
 
I had always noticed it, but somehow it hadn’t seemed so breathtaking before, when I’d held him in distain.
 
That anger and distrust was fading away as I stood in the presence of my guardian angel, the one who loved me unconditionally – the one who was sent to help us fae bring our two worlds, one Light and one Dark, back together again so we could quell the uprising of the creatures from the Underworld.
 
Ben’s face was my very ideal of perfection.
 
His skin was dark, either from the sun or his heritage, I didn’t yet know.
 
His eyes were a brilliant green and reminded me of the power and energy that made up the Earth element I commanded.
 
He turned towards me, and his full, sensual-looking lips turned up in a smile.