“And I’m Dinah Corday, lost in so many ways, who would welcome a rescue should the need arise.” She took his hand in hers and felt the immediate sensation between them. A spark, or maybe a sparkle. Or maybe an illumination as bright as the stars above.
“How will I know when the need arises?”
“It’s arising,” she said, her voice as tranquil as the rustling leaves on the trees surrounding them. Sliding her hand up his arm, she liked the feel of it. Strong arm. Lean. Well-muscled, and larger than her grasp around it. Was she causing goosebumps on him somewhere the way merely the feel of his arm was causing them on her? “I’m not an old-fashioned girl, Eric. My life may have suited me better had I been, but there are only so many moments given us for the things in which we find pleasure, and we waste too many of them.” No, she was not old-fashioned, but not smart in love, either. Yet this wasn’t love, she was telling herself hard and fast as her fingers refused to cease their journey over his flesh. Not love. Not love. Couldn’t be. She wouldn’t let it be.
He chuckled, the rumble of it resonant in his chest. “There’s no way I ever had that impression of you.”
“And that’s good?” Suddenly she wasn’t sure why she was being so bold. Did she want to be seduced by him? Or to seduce him? Silly questions. Of course she did. She had almost from the moment he’d left her standing in the rain with his umbrella while he’d driven off.
“It is, if you’ve got that blanket you said you did.”
“I had a pillow, but it went with Shawn,” she added, reluctantly letting go of his arm so she could pick up her
backpack. If ever there’d been a time when she didn’t want to lose the feel of flesh to flesh, this was it, for she feared that in the mere seconds it would take to unzip the pack and pull out the blanket, he would change his mind.
Or she would lose her nerve.
“What I have in mind doesn’t require a pillow.”
After she’d pulled the blanket from the backpack, she saw exactly what Eric had in mind. Somewhere in the urgent tumble of shedding clothes and exploration so frantic that it promised to explode, the blanket was totally forgotten, and the pile of discarded clothes on the bed of pine needles was enough. They were naked and entangled, the night was chilly, and neither one of them noticed anything but each other while the natural heat of so many emerging emotions cocooned them in a fire that wasn’t even touched by the raw elements surrounding them.
“Are
you
sure?” he asked, much more quickly that he’d anticipated. More quickly than he’d wanted. He’d come prepared, and debated whether or not he should. Debated whether or not he could go through with this, of if guilt would pull him away from her. But now…
“We don’t have to,” she whispered, sensing his apprehension.
“Yes,” he choked, “we do.”
“Then I’m sure…”
He responded with a guttural moan then plunged deep and hard, bringing her to an immediate climax that coaxed him to his own. To start with the final act the way they did…Dinah liked that. She also liked that afterwards they spent their leisure pleasuring each other with the less urgent things that came of lovers taking their time to get to know each other. The little pleasures, the little discoveries. It was nice…nicer than she’d ever dreamed this could be. She craved the slow exploration of his hand on
her, craved the building of a trust she’d never thought she could have. Because here, with Eric, she was vulnerable and trusting. And for the first time in her life, it didn’t frighten her. It’s exactly what she wanted to be—with him, and for him.
A
NOTHER
blanket would have been nice, but they were wrapped so tightly in each other that it didn’t matter. Nothing about them was cold. And everything was perfect. His body matched hers, inch for inch, in a hard press. Sensually, though. Not sexually. He felt good, squeezed tight to her, pulling her into his contours. She felt the way a woman should feel with a man so close to her they were practically sharing one heartbeat. “I’ve never done…
this
outside,” she whispered, as the kisses he was trailing down her neck threatened to rob her of breath. The chill of the sensation radiated all the way down to her kneecaps, tiny little prickles of pleasure with every kiss.
“Neither have I,” he said, breaking a perfect cadence just long enough to start a new journey from her neck down to her breasts. “But I think it’s already become my favorite thing to do in the great outdoors.”
“Are you going to add this to your wilderness survival course?” she gasped, as he teased her nipple with his tongue first, then his teeth. She arched to him, wanting more.
He didn’t stop long enough to answer. Rather, he mumbled a very rough “Uh-uh” as his hand came up to claim the breast his mouth hadn’t yet claimed.
In the distance she heard the call of a night bird…was he courting his lady love? Or was he alone, looking for a lady to love? It was a sad, mournful call, one she knew so well in her heart. One that had temporarily fled from her.
“What was that sigh?” he asked, finally pulling back a little.
“Just thinking what tonight would have been like if we’d gone back to town.” “Are you glad we didn’t?”
“Very glad,” she whispered, words murmured as his lips claimed hers full and hard.
The kiss was so hard and full of long-held passion that she feared her lips would bruise, or that she would bruise Eric’s lips. But as what couldn’t possibly intensify did just that, and as she felt the deep probing of his tongue, and returned it, she kicked off that single blanket and rolled over until they were side to side. Then she pulled back enough so she could see his face. His beautiful face.
“What are you doing?” he asked.
“Just looking.”
“But it’s dark, there’s not really much to see.”
He was wrong, though. There was everything to see, and it made no matter that there wasn’t sufficient light. For she saw it in her heart. And it frightened her, because she wanted it so badly.
But this wasn’t love. Wasn’t love. Couldn’t be love.
Could it?
“There’s always something to see.” Sliding her leg across his hip, she wiggled closer, pressed her lips to his ear. “If you know what you’re looking for.”
What she was doing to him, in the explicit moves, in the subtleties. As he rolled on top of her, so ready to take her again, it was clear that this second time would be as fast as the first. There was no subtlety in what he needed
or what she wanted. “Do you know what you’re looking for?” he practically groaned.
“I think I do.” In the perfect spot underneath him, finding the perfect rhythm with him…“I think I really do.” Though knowing and truly having were so far apart.
“Eric, do you read me?”
The crackling noise from the walkie-talkie startled her awake, and at first blink Dinah was surprised to find that she was totally naked underneath the blanket. At second blink, she was surprised to find she was totally alone.
“Come in, Eric.”
It was Neil’s voice. She recognized it.
“Come in, Eric. Can you hear me?”
Rolling over on her belly, suddenly very self-conscious about her condition, she grabbed the walkie-talkie from atop her backpack. “Eric’s not here right now,” she said, struggling to sit up and keep the blanket wrapped tight.
“Tell him that the Dawsons are all stable. Everything’s fine here, and we were wondering when the two of you were going to head back. We don’t need to send a rescue team out to find you, do we?”
Even though Neil was chuckling at the suggestion, Dinah felt totally humiliated.
“We can have a helicopter out there to get you in the next ten minutes. Unless you care to camp out there a little longer.”
“Ten minutes is fine,” she said, trying not to sound as despondent as she felt. Had it been that bad for Eric? Was he having morning-after regrets? Was he still battling over his feelings about his wife, and now feeling guilty about what they’d done? She felt horrible about that. Didn’t want to cause him any pain. But she was afraid that’s what she’d done.
“Seriously?”
“Seriously. I’m not sure Eric will want the ride, but I do.” He’d said he had rules. She’d known her own rules. And broken them. Another case of her emotions ruling her head. “And I’ll be ready.”
“Then ten minutes it is.”
Well, it was something she couldn’t fight. Something she
wouldn’t
fight. And maybe it was good to find out now, before they…what? Got too serious?
Dinah sighed, tugging on her clothes. Eric had to be in the throes of complete emotional regret. “But I knew,” she said, slinging her backpack over her shoulder, getting ready to hike on down the trail to the pick-up point. If she met up with Eric somewhere along the way, she’d simply pretend that last night hadn’t happened. That would make it easier for him. Ignore the deed and soon the fact of it would be forgotten.
Except she wouldn’t forget. She’d expected…well, it didn’t matter what she’d expected, did it? It was what it was. She should have known better. Nothing was going to change.
As it turned out, Eric wasn’t too far off from the campsite, which surprised her. He hadn’t gone off and left her at all, which was what she’d thought he’d done. In fact, he was sitting on a rock, staring out over the river, mere yards from where they’d slept. In sight all along. Yet so far away in the things that mattered.
He had to get back to her. She’d be waking up soon, wondering where he was. Then she’d be jumping to the wrong conclusion. Well, not exactly the wrong conclusion because when he’d opened his eyes that morning, he’d wanted to feel guilty, wanted to feel disloyal. But all he’d felt was good…good in a way he hadn’t felt in such a long time.
That’s what had sent him off to be alone, to think. Because his feelings scared him. The fact that he
had
feelings after so many years scared him even more.
Oh, he’d been accused of hiding—behind his job, behind his daughters, behind his sister. Too many times one woman or another had approached him, shown interest, tried being friendly only to have him brush them off when their overtures proved more than he’d wanted from them. But that’s what had always made it easier for him, what had always made it better. He had excuses. Places to hide. Safety in a life he really didn’t belong in.
But Patricia wouldn’t have wanted this. She would have wanted him to be happy, to get on with his life, find someone else, be normal again. In theory, it sounded easy. In practice, it was so damned hard because it wasn’t in the plan. His life had been set the way he’d wanted it, everything laid out. Perfect. Then she’d died and left him floundering. What to do without her? What to do with the girls?
Honestly, it had been easier just sticking to the original plan—the original plan minus Patricia. Except easier was getting so frustrating lately because he wanted…needed a new life. Being with Dinah made him see what he wanted in that life and, logically, he should have been feeling guilty. But he wasn’t. And it hurt, letting Patricia slip away. He wasn’t guilty, though. Just reconciling. And sad.
Dinah made things better. Made them good. Changed everything. Yet she was running away from him as hard and fast as she could. She’d take a few steps closer then bolt. One night brought them closer, but didn’t bring them together. The thing was, being together scared him, too. So maybe he was running away as hard as she was, and hadn’t even realized it. Or why wasn’t he waking up with
her right now, making sweet morning love to her the way he should have been?
Sitting on a boulder jutting out over the river, with the early sun beginning to shine down on his shoulders, Eric watched the water flow by. It moved along no matter what happened, the way his life should have. But his life had been stagnant for so long, sitting in a little dammed-up pool off to the side, flowing nowhere. Until Dinah. “Dinah…” he murmured. He didn’t want to hurt her. If ever there was a woman he could love again, she was the one. So unlike Patricia in just about every way, she attracted him like he’d never expected anyone could again. And it was a different feeling of attraction, something so unexpected. With Patricia it had been calm, steady, all about a sense of well-being. With Dinah it was wild, crazy, off balance. And, God help him, he wanted that in his life. But was it fair to Dinah when he wasn’t sure if he could get to the place where it was truly good with him…good without all these doubts in himself? She deserved more.
Eric stood, stretched, and looked around him. In the distance he could hear the sound of an approaching helicopter, and wondered if Neil had sent someone to get them. A brisk morning hike would have been good. Very cathartic, and very long. Almost three hours from here. So maybe a short ride was best. Time to get back to reality and see what happened next. Maybe he needed some distance from Dinah…just until he was sure he wouldn’t hurt her, just until he was sure about…himself.
Dinah…Thinking about her brought a smile to his face, and quickened his step as he hiked back to the spot where they’d spent the night. But halfway there, he met up with her, and even though he’d expected her to come at him with a vengeance for leaving her alone, even though she had never really been out of his sight, she simply looked up at
him. “Our ride’s here,” she said. “I decided I didn’t want to hike out this morning.”
She was avoiding the obvious, but he saw it in her eyes. The questions, the doubts. She couldn’t hide it. She couldn’t hide anything from him, and it unnerved him, being so aware of her. “It’s not easy yet, Dinah. Whatever this is going on between us…it’s not going to be easy. We’re both still fighting against it and I needed a few minutes to think. That’s the only reason I went off by myself.”
“I understand,” she said.
But she didn’t. She doubted him, and he saw that in her, too. It killed him that such a little thing had hurt her because he didn’t want Dinah hurt by anything, most of all by him. “I didn’t leave you, Dinah. I don’t want you thinking that I did.”
“People leave. It’s not a big deal. They leave, you move on.”
“But I didn’t leave.”
“And I
said
I understand. So let’s just get in the helicopter and get back, OK? I have a shift at the hospital this morning, and I have to cook this evening.”
Well, she’d shut the door. Shut it and locked it up tight and he didn’t know how to open it. He wanted to be optimistic about their future together, but he wasn’t sure he knew
how
to be optimistic anymore. For Dinah, though, he really did want to be.
“I’m glad you saved all of them,” Janice said, then immediately turned Eric’s daughters loose on him.
“I called the hospital in Salt Lake on the way in and they told me that Shawn is in surgery, his father is in Intensive Care and Troy is waking up, doing better than expected. I wish all our rescues could turn out that well.”
Now that he was back, Pippa and Paige were going wild, holding on to him, trying to out-talk each other, telling him all the little details of their night without him. “They don’t know what he does, do they?” Dinah asked Janice.
“They know he’s a doctor, and that he helps make people feel better.”
“But they don’t know about the rescues?”
“He thinks they’re too young to understand. He’s afraid they’d be worried, especially as they don’t have a mother.”
Dinah dropped to her knees in the grass then sprawled out. She wasn’t physically tired so much as she was emotionally worn out. Too much had happened, too much to think about, and she just wanted to stay there in the grass for a while, empty her mind and stare up at the sky.
“By the way, I have a message from Angela,” Janice said, standing over her, looking down.
Dinah opened her eyes. “She’s OK, isn’t she?”
“Fine. Perfect.”
“Not in labor?”
Janice shook her head. Then smiled. “But she said to tell you that she named her new daughter after your grandmother.”
Dinah bolted straight to her feet. “She had her baby? When? Why didn’t someone call me? Is she in the hospital? Is the baby OK? Who delivered the baby? Did Gabby get here, or did—?”
“Whoa,” Janice said, thrusting out her hand to stop the outpouring of questions. “Everybody’s fine. Angela is in the hospital, and she wouldn’t let anybody tell you because she knew you’d come back to her in the middle of the night, and she thought that was too dangerous. So everyone here had to promise…”
“Neil knew?”
Janice nodded. “That’s why he offered the helicopter to get you back here.”
“And Eric?”
“Not Eric. He’d have tried getting you back here in the middle of the night, and we decided it was better for him to rest.”
“I can’t believe no one said a word to me.”
“Your sister’s request.”
“But she’s OK? You wouldn’t be keeping something from me, would you?”
“Other than the fact that it’s a girl, her name is Sarah, she weighs seven pounds, and she’s beautiful, there’s really nothing else to tell you except that Angela wants to see you as soon as you can get there.”
As soon as she could get to the hospital turned into about fifteen minutes, as Dinah bypassed her room, a shower and a good meal at the lodge. She hopped in her car, drove straight to the hospital, parked in the no-parking zone at the front and ran in the door, fully aware that she looked like she’d spent a night on the mountain.
On the way to the maternity ward, she paused to look at the babies in the nursery. Three of them. All beautiful, all of them causing a lump to form in her throat. The one on the left was her niece, as it turned out. Naturally, that was the baby she’d already picked as the prettiest. Of course, she’d never met a baby that wasn’t beautiful but as it so happened, little Sarah was the one who brought tears to her eyes.