Night and Day (25 page)

And her base was Ivan Sabak, who was even more important now than she had thought before.

She went in search of him.

LASCOVIC HILLS

“We're supposed to climb that?” Cara's eyes widened as she gazed up at the rugged, snow-covered hills towering above them. She could see snakelike hiking trails, but they appeared narrow and treacherous. “There's no other way?”

“There are other ways, but none that would allow us to get to a deserted area where Eve and Joe could land a helicopter without interference. You saw how closely the highways and side roads are being watched. Twice, we just barely managed to slip by a roadblock.” Jock grimaced. “It appears that Kaskov has pulled in every favor and bribe that's owed him by the Moscow police and bureaucracy as well as working the underbelly of his fellow crime buddies.” He added bitterly, “He really doesn't want to let you go. You've evidently charmed him.”

“Not me. It's the music.” She was still looking doubtfully up at the hills. “I've never done any climbing.”

“You won't have to climb to the top. Most of the trails wind around and through the hills.” He pointed to a small lodge with shuttered windows, and then at two manmade ski runs a short distance away. “The trail we'll be taking goes past the lodge and ski runs up into the hills, then down the other side. Though I won't lie, it's going to be a rough trip with all this ice and snow on the trails. It just started to snow in the city, but it's been snowing up here in these hills for days.”

“It will be okay. You'll be there.” She had changed to boots, warm pants, and parka at the last gas station they had passed, and now she put up the hood. “I'll try not to slow you down.”

“No problem.” He smiled. “As you said, I'll be there for you.” He set off walking down the trail. “It's going to get dark before we start down the other side. There's supposed to be a rest house near where the trail changes. We'll stay there for the night.”

“You don't have to stop for me.”

“I'm stopping for both of us. I don't want to take a chance of falling off that trail in the dark.”

But she couldn't imagine Jock's falling off a mountain, much less these hills, she thought. Every step was light and springy and full of barely suppressed energy. On the other hand, she had been having trouble from the first yard or so. The trail was icy, and she had to watch her every step.

He glanced over his shoulder. “All right?”

She nodded. “I'll be fine.” Concentrate. Don't fall. Don't give Jock any more trouble than she had to.

But she did fall—more than once. The first time he was there, pulling her to her feet. The next time she waved him away. “I'll do it.” She struggled to her feet.

“How am I supposed to be there for you if you won't let me help?”

“You're for emergencies. Not stuff like this.”

His lips tightened. “You're not going to change your mind?”

She shook her head. “We're in this together. I have to do my part.”

“Have it your own way.” He turned and strode down the trail.

He wasn't pleased. Well, she couldn't help it. She was already feeling guilty enough without having him baby her.

Though she could have used a little coddling the next time she fell … and the time after. Jock waited for her, but he didn't look back or offer to help.

She fell twice more before the trail did become more rocky and easier to negotiate during the next few hours. By that time, she was very tired and was only thinking of putting one foot in front of the other.

“Okay, we're here.” Jock was suddenly beside her. “Right up ahead. I thought you were going to go right past it.”

The rest house. A small cabin perched beside the trail that was blessedly now leading downward. “Are you sure we should stop? I could hold—”

“I'm sure,” Jock said firmly as he took her arm and guided her toward the door. “Now be quiet until I can get you inside and warm. I'm considering that an emergency, even if you don't.”

It wasn't, of course, and she should argue with him. But it seemed a little thing on the big scale. She gazed around her as he opened the door. It was getting dark, and the snow had a chill, bluish tinge in the half-light. Chill. Yes, it was becoming colder, too, as night fell.

Jock pulled her inside and slammed the door. “Go sit down on that heap of blankets in the corner while I light the oil stove.” He was already piling logs from a brass storage rack beside the fireplace onto the grate. In a moment, he had a blazing fire growing, and he turned to the stove. He had to clean out the interior, but in ten minutes she could feel the heat begin to pulsate through the room. He turned to face her. “Thank God you didn't decide to make a statement about this. I've had about enough.”

“I wouldn't have done that. I might have gotten in your way, and that's not the point at all.” She rubbed her eyes. “Are we going to eat soon? I think I'm hungry.”

“I'll see what I can do.” He took off his knapsack and rummaged in the backpack. “I seem to have jerky, crackers, health bars, and some old-fashioned Spam and brie cheese. Choose.”

“Cheese and crackers.” She pushed her hood off. “But I have to go out and wash my hands. I'll be right back.”

His lips twitched. “Such a polite, well-behaved, girl.”

“Elena used to tell me that cleanliness was healthy, and we had to keep clean if we were going to be healthy enough to keep running.”

“Now that was an inspiring life lesson to teach a little girl,” he said dryly.

“She taught me what I had to know to keep alive,” she said soberly as she opened the door. The cold air struck her sharply after the warmth of the cabin. “I don't know about inspiring.”

Then she was outside, dipping her hands into the clean, icy snow. A moment later, she was hurrying back into the cabin. “It's almost completely dark out now. It was so strange that it happened that—”

“Give me your hands.” Jock was there, meeting her at the door, taking her hands and rubbing them vigorously with the corner of one of the blankets she'd previously been sitting on. “This blanket isn't too clean, but you'll have to put up with it. At least, they'll be warmer now.” He held her hands a moment after he'd finished. “I didn't mean to be flip. I know your Elena taught you to stay alive,” he said quietly. “And I thank God every day for her.” He turned away. “Now sit down and eat. You need to get some sleep. All that flopping around on the trail had to be exhausting.”

“Flopping around,” she repeated. “If I'd flopped, I wouldn't be this sore. I hit hard every time.”

“I have no sympathy.”

“Yes, you do. Or you wouldn't have gotten so mad at me.” She was eating the cheese and crackers. “It made you angry that I wouldn't let you help me.”

He opened the Spam. “Did it?”

“You know it did.”

“I just didn't want to have to deal with you after all of this hits home. I thought that if you didn't have such a rough trip, you'd be more likely not to be upset at the end of the day.”

“I don't know what you mean. I'm fine, Jock.”

He started to eat.

“I'm fine,” she repeated.

“If you say so.” He kept on eating.

“And I wouldn't make you deal with me even if I wasn't. I'd hate that.”

“Then we won't talk about it. Just finish eating and I'll try to find us some semiclean bedding among those blankets. Providing you don't mind if I deal with that problem.”

“I don't mind.” She was suddenly exhausted and cold even in this warm room. “Whatever.”

He looked up at her, his gaze narrowed on her face. “Aye. Whatever.”

*   *   *

The shot splintering the beak of the wooden swan beside her.

Jock beside the man in the black-leather jacket, twisting his neck.

Jock holding up two fingers as she looked down at the shell casing.

The carousel going round and round, the music that was no music blaring.

Natalie's beautiful smile beaming down at her. “I'll have a surprise for you, Cara.”

A surprise.

Death.

The carousel going round and round and round.

“Get on the carousel. I'll have a surprise.”

Cold. So cold. Cold eyes. Such a cold heart.

She was shaking. She couldn't stop shaking. So cold. How could anyone be that cold?

“Stop it,” Jock said roughly. “Wake up. I can't take it anymore.” He was suddenly beside her, dragging her up his body to lie against him. He said between his teeth, “I
won't
take it.”

He was warm in a world that was ice-cold.

She opened her eyes. “I … don't think … I was asleep.”

“I was hoping that you were.” He was pushing her head down to his chest. “Though, if you were, I woke you up because I evidently didn't give a damn. I was more concerned with myself than you.”

“I'm glad. I was so cold … Jock. The whole world was cold. The carousel…”

He went still against her. “The carousel?”

“I have a little … surprise for you. She said that … so cold. So cold.”

“I'm certain that a number of things struck you as … cold about the carousel.”

“Yes. The whole world…”

“I had to kill him, Cara. I had no choice. It had to be fast and clean because I knew what was coming next. I didn't want to do it in front of you, but I'm not sorry.”

He wasn't talking about Natalie, Cara realized hazily. It was the man in the black-leather jacket. “His neck … was funny.”

“Aye.” He paused. “I suppose you'll have nightmares about it. I told you once that I wasn't a good man. I didn't think I'd have to demonstrate how bad I really am. But that was a different world, wasn't it?”

Gaelkar. Mist on the lake. Mountains in the distance. Eagles soaring high. A different world. But she shouldn't be thinking of those things right now, she realized. Because there was pain in Jock, and she should try to heal it.

“Not bad. Sad. Very sad. And shining…”

“You never give up, do you? I thought seeing me in the act would do it for you.” His hand cradled her head. “You will give up someday, you know.”

She shook her head. She was beginning to come awake, and there was something else she should say. “When Joe Quinn was trying to save Eve and me from that man who was hunting me down, I knew that Joe would probably kill him. It would be the only way to save us. Does that make Joe a bad man?”

“It's not the same thing.”

“Because you think you have a wicked soul, and Joe doesn't?”

He didn't answer.

She was silent, staring into the fire. “I … was … It came as a shock when I saw you do that. I will probably always remember it. But that was because it was you, not because it was evil. Killing is always evil. I learned that a long time ago when my sister, Jenny, was killed. But she sacrificed herself for me and Elena. So if the opportunity would have been there, would I have killed to protect her?” She nodded. “I think so, Jock.”

“You're a kid. You shouldn't have to be thinking about things like that,” he said roughly.

“Jenny was nine. You have to protect the people you care about.”

“Not like I do.”

“Maybe not. Because it hurts you more than other people. And every time you kill, I'll hate it. Because I'll know how much it's hurting you. But I won't hate you, Jock. I'll never hate you. Because it would be like hating myself.” She said with sudden fierceness, “And I
won't
do that. No matter what. Because I don't deserve it. Do you understand?”

“No, I don't,” he said unsteadily. “Let's stop all this talk about hating yourself. You must be a bit woozy from hitting that ice so hard.”

She nodded and tried to smile. “That must be it. So we should both stop being so serious. We were talking about you, not me.”

“Were we?” He was silent for a moment. “That's right, the conversation is always about me. Never about you, Cara. I find that very curious.”

“Not so curious. You lead a much more interesting life than I do.”

“Really? Yet I'd say being chased by killers and kidnapped and being—”

“You know what I mean.”

“You mean you'd like to ignore what I'm trying to get at and skip to something else. I'm not going to let you do that, Cara.”

“Please let me do it.” She steadied her voice. “Remember, you said you didn't want to deal with me after all of this hit home. I don't want you to have to do it either. Let's just forget about it and go to sleep.”

“Too late. Talk to me. I shouldn't have said I didn't want to deal with it. I was just hurting, watching you struggling, and it made me angry.”

“But you were right, I shouldn't have—”

“Talk. You were very defensive about never hating yourself. That's an odd thing for a kid like you to say. Was it because you heard someone else say that you should?”

“Listen to you.” She raised herself on one elbow to look down at him. “You're all ready to go out and beat somebody up just because I said something in the wrong way.”

“I don't beat people up, Cara. It's all or nothing. So convince me it should be nothing.”

She stared at him in frustration. He wasn't going to give up. And she was too tired and sore and on edge to fight him any longer. She buried her face in his shoulder again. “She … hates me, Jock. I knew it before. One night I was playing for Kaskov, and I looked up and saw it on her face. I … didn't know what to do. I couldn't understand why. I knew she wanted to have me there to use in some way. That she probably didn't care for me even though she was my mother. But I didn't know about the hate. I couldn't understand what I'd done to deserve it. I thought you had to be a bad person to have someone hate you.” Her voice was suddenly fierce. “I'm
not
a bad person, Jock. I didn't deserve it.”