Nightingale Songs (3 page)

I remember looking out the window, expecting to see him pushing his lawnmower across the street. Instead, I saw his car pulling out of the driveway.

It was a late Sunday afternoon when I broke my promise. I had already done my duty keeping Mitch company earlier in the day, and was anxious to keep out of my house -- I didn't think I could take looking at those empty rooms much longer. I wanted to pretend, just for a while, that nothing had changed since the year before. I picked up my bicycle from the garage and said good-bye to my mother who lay on a lawn chair on our stone patio. I wondered if she had the same need to be elsewhere as I. In her lap sat a book she wasn't reading. Instead, she looked at the small garden my father had built. When I told her I was leaving, she looked at me in a way that worried me, but then she smiled and asked that I be careful in a voice more serious than I think even she expected. I pretended to laugh and jumped on my bicycle.

But by the time I reached the end of the driveway, I wasn't laughing. Instead, a chill ran down my back and sank in, and I looked up at the small white face in the window across the street. I could hear Mitch's voice in the back of my head, urging me to go over, to find out things about her. Yet, the girl seemed too pale to be real, her hair too dark against her skin. I wondered if she were a ghost, and even when I rejected the thought it still seemed as though that was how a ghost would look if ghosts were real and eleven years old -- like a pale lonely child.

I looked up and down the street, then behind me, but no one else was around. No cars moved, no neighbors walked. Even the birds were quiet. The sun had already started to tint the sky orange, and it felt as if everything had just stopped, as though time were suspended in a single moment. The girl had gone from the window again, but that didn't seem to matter. In some sort of daze I put my bicycle down and walked across the street, never taking my eyes off that window, even when I crossed through the weedy grass that grew past my knees.

As I did so, the world sprang to life again, and a handful of dark butterflies took to the air with my passing.

The window was filthy, and even with my hands cupped to it I could not see very much beyond the glass. There were no lights on inside, but I could just make out a chest of drawers standing in the shadows, and perhaps an armchair of some sort. I lightly rapped on the glass, hoping to get the girl's attention, and instead the noise shook something loose in the trees overhead. I looked up and saw nothing beyond the dark leaves that flittered in the summer air like tiny wings.

When my gaze returned to the window, I was startled by the girl's pale face, inches away from my own.

She stared wide-eyed, her head cocked as though she had never seen another person before. I raised my hand and waved at her, and she cocked her head in the other direction. Then, she too raised her hand, though she didn't wave. I leaned closer to the glass.

"What's your name?"

She looked past me at the street, and then looked at me again.

"What's your name?" I repeated.

This time, she said something, but I couldn't hear it. I could only see her lips move. They moved precisely, though. I can't forget that.

But what she said was a mystery. I leaned closer and screaming into the window, "What?" but it didn't seem to do any good. She did not reply. Instead, she looked behind her at the dark shadows behind the curtains, then a look of absolute fear came over her face, and hastily she made a shape with her two fore-fingers in the dirt of the window, then ran off into the darkness. The drawing remained, though it meant nothing at all to me.

The whole incident proved unnerving. I felt sick to my stomach, and instead of taking the bicycle ride I had planned, I went straight to my bedroom to lie down. My mother came in a short time afterward, holding her arms as though she were shivering.

"What's wrong, Neil? Why didn't you go out?"

I didn't know how to explain what I felt, as I didn't really fully understand it myself. Instead, I changed the topic.

"Do you think Dad is ever coming home?"

My mother looked at me and I could tell she wanted to say something, but I don't think she knew what, so she came and sat down beside me and started stroking my hair.

"Things change all the time, Neil -- sometimes in the blink of an eye -- and usually when you aren't prepared for it. The trick is to not let yourself get tied to the past. It won't help anyone. You can't see what's in front of you if you're always looking at where you've been. Does that make any sense at all?"

"I think so."

"Your father, he was stuck in the past, and until he sees what he has rather than what's gone, I'm afraid he'll be lost to us."

I nodded, though still unsure of just what she was trying to tell me. Then I rested my head in her lap, and closed my eyes, but the girl's pale ghost-like face kept appearing to me, continuing to mouth those unknown words she had spoken, trying to make me understand. My fear had gone, however, dispelled by the soft touch of my mother stroking my hair. Before I knew it, I was asleep, and dreaming of my family together again, far away from where we were. It may have been the last time I felt truly safe, and even knowing what I know now, sometimes I think I would sacrifice anything to go back to that one moment and stay there forever.

I hid from the world the next morning inside my room. I lied when my mother came to check on me and told her I didn't feel well. "I'll let Mrs. Ramsey know you won't be coming by for a while. We can't risk anything happening to Mitch. Why don't you call him, though? He'll probably miss you." I nodded, and sniffled, and she smiled and touched my face, but the look in her eyes seemed distant, and her smile somehow false. I closed my eyes, not wanting to see her pain any longer, but when I did I saw the face of the girl across the street as she watched me. A shiver ran along my back.

"I need to do some shopping, but I can stay home if you need me to."

"I'll be okay," I said, and though I don't think she liked the idea she didn't argue with me. In hindsight, I wish she had.

When I telephoned Mitch, he sounded disappointed. I think he was growing tired of feeling like someone's chore, and he was not as talkative as usual, not until I told him what I'd seen across the street.

"I
told
you she wasn't a figment of your imagination." I thought of how quickly she had disappeared in front of me. "What did she say to you?"

"I don't know. I couldn't hear her through the window. She drew something on it though. In the dirt."

"What was it?"

"It looked like the number eight inside a box."

He didn't speak, but I could hear his breathing on the other end of the line, a faint wheeze as it travelled in and out. The seed of worry inside me began to grow into something far worse.

"Don't go anywhere," he said, and hung up the telephone before I could ask why.

I was still in bed, trying to shake the dread that had overtaken me, when I thought I heard a quiet knocking at the side door. I opened it to find Mitch, his brown eyes peeking over the paper mask around his nose and mouth. He wore a pair of latex gloves and was hopping from one foot to the other, breathing heavily.

"It's been a while since I've ridden my bike this far," he said, and then panted for another moment. I stood there stunned to see him on my doorstep.

"What are you doing here? You have to go home."

"Don't worry about me. I'll be fine. I was fine before the stupid doctors told me I couldn't go outside, wasn't I? I need to see that house."

"But, you
can't
."

"I'm going over there. You don't have to come if you don't want to."

What could I do? I went with him.

The grass was so long that we could lie down in it and remain hidden if we'd wanted. Even so, we sneaked carefully upon it, not wanting to be seen by anyone inside. Butterflies lifted off with every step we took, until the air clouded with them, hundreds of wings beating past us. I thought for a moment I could hear them, until I realized it was my own heart pounding in my ears. We reached the window where I saw the girl peeking out, but she wasn't there. I didn't know what to do.

"Should we wait?" I said.

Mitch thought quietly. I studied his face, looking for some indication that I had led him to his death. Was his skin red or blotched? Were his eyes watering? Did it sound as though he had any trouble breathing? Everything looked fine, he was fine, yet somehow I didn't feel relieved.

Then, he stood and peered through the dirty window. I waited for him to say something. Instead, he put his hands down and looked at its frame.

"It's been painted shut," he said in a whisper. Then, he looked closer at the sill.

"What
is
this?"

I stood up and saw what he meant. On the sill of the painted shut window the number eight had been repeated carved sideways into the wood, each within its own little square.

"What's it mean?" I asked, but he only shrugged.

"I need to get inside."

The cloud of dark butterflies passed over us, and its shadow distracted me, but only for a second. When I looked down, Mitch was no longer beside me. Instead, he was over ten feet away, lying at the front door of the bungalow house. His whole body was shaking with spasms. I screamed his name and ran up to him, but I couldn't stop his body from jumping. His eyes were bloodshot and white, rolled back into his head, and his skin was covered with boils as though he were burning alive. I didn't know what to do. I couldn't think over the sound of his teeth chattering. I started banging on the door of the house, banging and screaming for that girl to open up, but no one answered, no matter how hard I hit it or screamed. The butterflies in the trees around us leapt at the first sound of my pleas, and they were flying wildly overhead and around the house, swirling and twisting in a frenzy, though they didn't make any sound.

I ran back to the window Mitch and I had been staring in, the window in which I first saw the young girl, and began to knock wildly. I saw a flicker of movement inside, of someone young in a frilly dress, and I knocked harder. She looked at me as though she were a trapped animal, and then she came to the window, shaking her head with terror.

"You have to open the door!" I screamed. "You need to call a doctor!"

She shook her head vigorously, waving her arms madly. I could see reflected in the window the small sharp shadows of butterflies swarming behind me. I refused to give in.

"Open the door! I need help! He's gong to
die
!"

But she wouldn't stop shaking her head.

I went crazy. I don't know how else to explain it. I was so frantic, so desperate, that I was no longer myself. I stood back from the window and looked at Mitch, who had stopped moving, and all I clearly remember is the world turning into a fog of red. I remember the feeling of the blood leaving my face, and dizzily picking a large rock out of the unkempt garden. The girl jumped back from the window, crying noiselessly. With all my might I threw the rock, and thousands of pieces of glass sprayed out, sprayed like tiny slivers of light, and with the shatter came a noise like air filling a void, an awful whoosh of something moving in. Within a second, all the dark insects that had been swarming overhead were rushing through the hole into the house, the stream of them going on and on while I did nothing. Inside, there were screams even louder than my own, and it sounded as though everything was being thrown into the walls.

There was a sudden crashing noise, and then, to my right, the front door of the house flung open. Through it an old woman came running, swatting at the things circling her head. Then she saw me and began to seethe, her eyes filled with the most awful hatred.

"What have you done? What have you done?"

She came at me on her frail legs, and her uncontrollable anger must have blinded her because she stepped right into Mitch's motionless body and fell forward. I saw her face for only an instant as she went down, and the look of disbelief and horror there has become permanently etched into my memory. Then, her head drove into the ground with a dull crack, and she did nothing any longer.

The dark cloud of butterflies emerged from the house and in a flurry descended upon her. They swarmed over the ground for only a few seconds, but when they dispersed the old woman's body was gone. Only Mitch remained. I ran towards him and shook him, looking for any sign of life. He had turned horribly pale and his body was cool. I looked to the sky but there was nothing there, nothing but daylight. Then, from far behind me, I heard another horrible scream, and I turned to see my mother, newly returned home, running towards me and the body of my best friend. She moved so slowly that I wasn't sure she would ever reach us. It was only then that I started to cry.