No Ordinary Love (31 page)

Today, no one came. That worried me even more. They'd all stink of fear when they visited. Something big would happen soon by my or my father's hand. He still had men that listened to him when he needed it, that did things behind my back just from his words. Eito tried to tell me as much as he could, but with him still monitoring Tora's movements, he couldn't spy as much.

But who are Father's loyal people now and what will they do if I continue to ignore him?

Tora's face flashed in my mind.

They better not touch her.

There were whispers all over the city about how I'd fallen in love with an American girl and turned my back on all of our traditions. I kept more men, monitoring Tora when she ran off on her solo journeys. I left her alone. She needed the space to think about staying with me. I hoped. Yet, each minute away from her, my soul twisted into a torture that no one could free. She’d hooked me. I dangled from her exquisite finger like a wild man, desperate to taste her and unafraid of falling.

What if she says no? Then I’ll do whatever I have to—

Someone knocked on the front door. I set my journal down, headed to the front of my condo, and opened it.

Chikusho!

Guns gazed back at me. My heart paused. Many guns. Their tips pointed at my forehead. Others targeted my throat.
They’ve all come to kill me?
I'd known my father still had several men, but not a hallway full of them. Dread slammed into my chest, but I wouldn’t show it. My heart boomed in my ears, yet I smiled.

“Symbolism is more effective.” In his hospital bed, Father coughed into his hand. “Courage. They need to see it in your eyes. Confidence should be on your lips. Never falter with these men.” He coughed, spitting blood into a napkin and then dabbing at his mouth with a clean one. “If you stutter, they will seize the opportunity to slice your throat. If you stumble, they will knock you down and rip your heart out from chest to back. Do you understand?”

“Yes, Father.”

In my building’s hallway, these men watched me. My men. In my mind, all their names skittered across their faces. It must've been twenty of them—all familiar, men I'd grown up with. They all pointed their guns at me. Some of their fingers shook, but most didn't as bloodlust floated in their eyes.

When I returned to Tokyo, I didn’t spend time with them nor show interest in the men that they’d become. I barely knew their families anymore. I couldn’t, because men like this, in their positions, died more than lived. Enough ghosts haunted me, I didn’t need any more.

There’ll be no allies here.

“All of you still think my father is in charge?” I gave them my frightening grin and stepped out into the hallway. They backed up, and my heart decreased from drumming to a calmer beat.

So they’re still nervous.

“Everyone wants to be the one to kill a dragon.” I raised my hands and headed to the elevator. “Should I assume that my father wants to see me?”

Nobu stood in the front of the elevator and he nodded his head.

“Then let's go.” I let myself think of Tora one more time, and then blocked her out of my mind. “It's time to see who's actually in charge.”

The drive took long. I sat encased between two men who’d sworn to obey me.

The whole time they were with my father, following his orders. They would be the first to die when I leave him. They’ll be the first I make examples of to the others.

I glanced at them both and laughed.

Father, you pushed my hand. I sat here for these three weeks, trying to figure out an alternative to this situation, but you pushed my hand. You couldn't just let me lead. You couldn't just let me live my life. You've turned my own men against me. You've rattled the puppet strings without even wondering if I had scissors to cut them off.

That beautiful, calm domineer that Tora had built around me crashed away. My true insides revealed themselves—the monster within the man. I bellowed again with that strange laughter. The noise rocked the car and made my eardrums quake. At least that was what happened in my mind, which now began to split into a web of obscurity. Shattered pieces of me, spiraling around and around in my skull.

You have these men bring loaded guns to my home and point them at me, Father? What else would you do?

“But then I’ve seen what you would do,” I said.

Nobu sat on my right and gave me a sidelong glance.

“Don’t worry. I’m just talking to myself. A good friend does this, too. I see why. It’s liberating.”

Everyone in the car stirred in their seats.

What will happen today, Father? Will you chastise me? No. That time is done. Kill me? No. I’m the only one left that doesn’t want your little position. I never asked for this, yet you use me as an avatar, taking over the reins of my body to do your will.

I leaned near Nobu and whispered, “What is today?”

“It is—”

“No.”

Nobu quirked his eyebrows. “Kenji, are—”

“Today is the end.” I returned to staring out of the front of the car and laughed.

Everyone but me shifted in their seats. They exchanged glances with each other. Tension saturated the air.
The end.
After a while, the driver turned on soft music and cracked the window as if to let out the heat that was radiating from my body.

Now you'll see that I am truly the monster you tried to get me to become. I'll show you today that I'm your greatest masterpiece.

I let my mind venture back to the night he'd choked that young woman in front of me, right after he'd had sex with her.

“Father, s-she’s
…
” Saliva dripped out of my mouth. I could barely finish my sentences. Tears streamed down my face. “She’s d-dead.”

“Enough. You didn’t even know her.”

“But—”

“Do not shed tears for strangers.” Father wrenched up his pants, zipped them, and buttoned the top. He put his back to me and gathered his shirt. Ink decorated almost all of his skin. A raging emperor was plastered on his back, brimming with crimson red. The emperor's gown was blurred shades of yellow and green. A dragon stood behind the furious emperor with bowed eyes, yet flames spilled out of his mouth. Solid black scales covered the creature. It gazed back at me as if it was a real, breathing animal, instead of only a tattoo.

My father faced me. “You cry for a whore that you’ve only known for barely thirty minutes? A whore you’ve never touched.”

I wiped my eyes with the back of my sleeve. If I didn’t get control of myself, he’d hit me. Father didn’t do it a lot, but in moments of stress, it was best to stay as calm around him as possible. “B-But, she’s dead.”

“You’ll be a man soon. You’re as tall as me. Do not become a slave to pleasures of the body or even things in this world, son.” He walked around me, lifted the blanket up off the bed, and lay the fuzzy material over her. “Yes. She’s dead. Come.”

I shoved that memory out of my mind.

That is the man you are.

I nodded. “Yes, today is the end.”

I gave the men silence the rest of the drive. It might have been the biggest thing that set them on edge. They checked my face every few seconds and then whispered things to each other. I relished in it as that terrifying creature seeped out of my pores and prepared for battle.

He’ll have to listen today. I’m done hearing him mutter evil words behind an oxygen mask.

We made it to the hospital. Still quiet, I trailed behind them. Rage coursed through my veins. Thick anger pulsed within my core. I was no longer Kenji.

I am the Dragon.

The closest men gave me more distance as we walked. I shifted into something else. This thing that I’d become the night I tortured the pedophile for hours.

I am the Dragon.

Scales sliced my skin and pushed over my flesh. They gleamed in the hospital lobby’s light as we journeyed through. My face extended and reshaped into a massive skull with a big jaw and razor-sharp teeth. Smoke rushed out of my golden nostrils. My view transformed to a burning glow. Fire blazed through my blood. My bones heated.

I am the Dragon, and you’ll feel my flames, Father, if you push me.

Sound left. It was akin to the moments during summers at the beach when I would jump into the ocean and water filled my ears, plugging out all the noise. In cool water, I kicked my feet and moved my hands to stay afloat, keeping my head above water the whole time. Still, I relished the lack of chatter and reveled in this connection of humanity to nature—salty liquid on my tongue, cool water swirling along my skin, the grit of sand under my feet, the quiet of the surface as it rippled out from the center.

Those soundless moments allowed meditation and reflection.

Mute.

Quiet.

Free.

Noiseless moments didn’t come to me much anymore, and due to that, there was not much reflection on myself.

Haiku provided minutes of meditation. Sex gave me seconds of a break from the prattle in my head.

However,

the moment before the kill,

that was when

peaceful quiet

rained down

on me.

That was when I was truly free.

That second when life left the eyes of my victim, and the evidence reigned true in front of me. It showed me proof that there was something bigger out there, guiding us all and yanking our bodies in different directions.

Those seconds gave me peace.

…
and Tora. Nyomi. No. That is not what I will focus on right now.

Her face evaporated in my mind. In its place came a horrid scene.

“There is no pleasure like the one you receive from choking a woman. There is nothing that will ever compare to it.” Father looked down at the black rope that I’d been turning over in my fingers.

Since watching the woman die by my father’s hands, I’d been playing with it more and more. Why, I never really understood. When I would wrap that hard cord around my own neck, shivers would spasm through my body. The coarse edge bit into my skin, and an erection grew in my pants. After that, I stroked myself daily, with the rope hanging around my neck.

“Your mother says that you carry this rope around with you all the time,” Father said.

“Not all of the time.” I shoved it back into my pocket.

“She spotted you touching it at the breakfast table.”

“I don’t remember that.”

“Did you tell her that I gave you the rope?” he asked.

“No, Father. And she doesn’t understand why I have it.”

“Yes. She asked me where you got it from, and I told her that I would come in here and ask you.” He patted my shoulder. “Don’t take the rope out anymore. It worries your mother the way you look at it. I don’t like when she’s worried.”

“Yes, Father.”

“Kenji?” Nobu whispered to me as he pressed the elevator button. “Are you okay?”

When I looked his way, the roar of my flames rose. He edged back. Confusion swam in his eyes. Heat surrounded us. It could’ve been my imagination but the fragrance of singed hair and burning skin filled the air.

“No, I'm not okay.”

The doors beeped open. Nobu jumped, but hurried to regain composure and cleared his throat.

On the elevator, a few of them took off their jackets and adjusted their collars at the rising temperature. Whether the heat came from me or the hospital, I would never know. What I had definitely realized was that everything after this day would never be the same.

Today, it all ends. Today, I am the Dragon and my monster of a father will hear me roar.
 

Chapter 34

NYOMI

That night, I watched the Tokyo Tower’s lights shut off without Kenji. When I arrived at his apartment, he hadn’t greeted me like he always did. None of his usual men stood outside of his door either. The whole space appeared like a ghost town with me lost and wandering hopelessly in it.

Me: Where are you?

I’d texted him that sentence and more so many times my thumbs ached at the joints.

Me: Kenji?

Silence.

No reply.

My heart twisted into knots while my stomach caved in on itself. Worry bit away at my nerves. I’d resorted to chewing on my hair like I had years ago during the time my dad left my mom. Gnawing on strands and staring off into nothing, hoping that it would all be okay soon.

Something isn’t right. There is no way he would ignore my texts. And why isn’t he home? Something messed up is happening. Damn it.

Me: Are you okay?

The morning I’d woken up and Dad had left, it felt like I was falling—my whole body dropping off of some unseen ledge. Nothing lay under my feet but this foggy black existence. Years later, after Dad went to jail, I continued to descend into something else, never really getting my feet back on solid ground. Writing helped me escape, gave me a way to float on the haze, to keep my body above ground.

Me: Please, baby. Answer me. I’m worried.

Tonight, I fell for Kenji.

Tokyo stood before me. Lights glittered off in the distance; golden ones that dotted the landscape like stars decorated the sky. Still, my body sank.

What does one do when they’ve fallen in love with the wrong person, and that unlucky soul is helpless to save them both? What would dear old Dad say?

Me: Dragon?

Kenji: You should leave.

I jerked up in the chair and spilled my beer. The dark liquid drenched the floor, but I had no time to clean it all up.
He’s okay?
My fingers moved frantically over the screen.

Me: What? Leave? Why?

Silence came again. Ten minutes passed with no reply.