Authors: Clever Black
Back inside the home, the family was preparing to walk out onto the
patio and bring the cars around to the front of the home for the ride
to Ne`Ne`s Hill where Doss would be buried on this sunny, but cool
late September morning. The day was beautiful, there wasn't a cloud
in the sky; but as the sun’s radiant rays showered the land
with its inviting warmth, the hearts of everyone on the ranch was
carrying a heavy burden. Careful thought and planning had gone into
Doss’s funeral over the past week, now that the day had
arrived, all many could do was try their best to hold back their
tears and push on through the ceremony while leaning on one another
for strength and support.
Mary and Martha walked out of the front door while the rest of the
family exited onto the back patio. They greeted Naomi and stood on
either side of her.
“Doss, Doss loved to pull the kids around in a wagon when they
were babies,” Naomi smiled through her tears. “I never
thought I’d have to do the same for him. I wanted him to
out-live me. I felt he deserved to given the life he was living. How
foolish of me to believe this would end on a happy note.”
“How and why it happened doesn’t matter, Naomi,”
Mary said lovingly. “What matters is that the family loved him.
Your kids loved him. We all loved Doss and the man he was here
because that is the only man we ever knew.”
“That’s right,” Martha chimed in. “Don’t
feel guilty because you’re still here, sis. I’m sure if
Doss had to choose he would choose to go first, but this isn’t
about that at all. It’s about showing love to family, letting
one another know how much we really care.”
“Guilt isn’t in my heart, Martha, nor do I regret
anything. Me and Doss lived a wonderful life together. Call me
selfish, but my bed is so lonely at night. I miss him holding me
already. Even when he was alive and not around, I missed him, but I
had the reassurance when I got that call that he was on his way home.
He could hold me again. We could eat breakfast together and I’d
tell him about the kids, who did what, who needed what—we were
a family again—just a normal family. I’m never going to
get that call again. I’m going to miss the kids’ father
forever,” she cried lowly.
“Nothing about the way you feel over your loss is selfish,
Naomi,” Mary said, placing an arm around her sister’s
neck. “That’s real love. You and Doss had something
that’s real and rare in today’s world.”
“We truly did,” Naomi said as she began walking down the
stairs towards a wooden wagon that had two Clydesdale horses attached
to the front. The three sisters hopped into the wagon and Naomi
guided the horses over to Mary’s trailer, where DeeDee,
Mendoza, Junior and Flacco were waiting by the staircase.
The family’s three Suburbans pulled up along with Bena’s
car, which was driven by Walee, and everyone exited. The doors on the
trailer were opened and a cool, cloudy mist escaped the insides and
Doss’s coffin came into view as DeeDee led the men and Naomi
inside.
Walee, Tak, Udelle and Chablis climbed the stairs and a few minutes
later, Walee, Tak, Udelle, Chablis, Mendoza, DeeDee, Flacco and
Junior emerged with Doss’s coffin.
Another hard-hitting moment was felt by the family as they watched
the men walk down the stairs carrying Doss. Spoonie and Tyke grabbed
their stomachs and screamed a painful scream that brought tears to
everyone’s eyes. “Daddyyyyy!” Tyke screamed.
“Daddyyyyy!”
Family members began breaking down as Doss’s casket was loaded
onto the wagon. They all stood at the rear of the cart, huddled
together and crying and hugging one another. DeeDee backed away and
stood before the group. He looked over to the hill top where the
canopy sat over Doss’s grave and tears began to form in his
eyes. He wasn’t supposed to be around to see this day. He
thought he’d die of old age surrounded by all of his family,
including his beloved son. “
Foolish thinking,”
DeeDee said to himself as he bit his bottom lip and stared at Doss’s
coffin resting in the back of the wagon. “My son,” he
then cried. “My, my boy,” he wept as he stepped forth and
placed his hand on the casket. DeeDee then balled his fists and stood
upright at the foot of his son’s coffin, his body stiffened and
his eyes poured tears as he moaned a loud and devastating moan before
bending at the waist and grabbing his knees. “Forgive me,
family,” he moaned. “I just, it hurts. It hurts my
heart
!”
“There’s nothing to forgive, il amico moi,” Mendoza
said through tears. “Let it go. You’re with family.”
Kimi, Koko, Spoonie and Tyke were all in line behind their
grandfather in a tight embrace, rocking side to side as tears
streamed down their faces. Lips trembled, hugs were numerous, and
moans spilled forth at random as the family eyed the coffin in a
dreamlike state, still not able to believe that Doss Dawkins Junior
was no more. The family all went and grabbed red carnations and after
lingering for several minutes, they climbed into the cars.
Naomi was helped back into the wagon and DeeDee sat beside her while
Mary and Martha sat on the second row of the carriage. Mendoza and
Francine sat in the third row, Mendoza’s eyes now covered with
sunshades to hide his pain and Francine steadily dabbing her eyes
with a silk scarf as she held onto several carnations.
“You ready, dad?” Naomi asked lowly.
DeeDee placed his left arm around Naomi, looked over to Ne`Ne`s Hill
and said, “Let’s send him home, Naomi.”
“Everybody ready?” Naomi asked aloud s she looked back.
Walee was driving Bena’s pristine Lincoln. He was directly
behind the wagon with Spoonie and Tyke in the front seat and Kimi and
Koko in the backseat with Udelle and Chablis. “Y’all
ready?” he leaned out the driver’s side window and asked
aloud.
Junior, Regina, Tak, Tacoma, Twiggy and Reynard were in a Suburban
behind Walee. Tak leaned out the driver’s side window and
nodded. “Y’all ready?” he then asked as he looked
to his rear.
Siloam was in a Suburban behind Bena’s car with Jane Dow on her
side and Flacco and several ranch hands in the backseat. She nodded
and waved at the Suburban behind her, which held a host of ranch
hands. “We’re ready, Senor Siloam,” a ranch hand
remarked from the driver’s side as he blew his horn.
With the signal given, Naomi pulled the reigns and the Clydesdale
horses began their walk across the land, strolling past Mary’s
field of pumpkins and onions, the cars following in a single file
line. Halfway through the trek, Naomi heard those melodic strings,
drums and the piano and the tears flowed heavily. Martha and Mary
leaned into one another and Mendoza and Francine closed their eyes.
Inside Bena’s car, Spoonie leaned into Walee and grabbed his
right arm and placed it around her neck and grabbed his hand tightly.
She needed her brother’s strength for this journey as she
listened to the music through her tears. Tyke laid her head on the
passenger side door and cried openly as she held Spoonie’s free
hand tightly. Kimi leaned into Udelle and Chablis placed an arm
around Koko and pulled her close as the song played on. None of the
kids wanted to reveal the song they’d all agreed to play, but
when it was heard, everybody felt it because it described to the
fullest extent what Doss had done for his family throughout his life
and in death even…
…“
So
I have tried to…not be the one who’ll…fall into
that line…but what I feel inside…I think you should
know…ohhh…and baby that’s you, you, you….made
life’s hi-sto-ry…’cause you’ve brought some
joy inside my tears…you have done…what no
one…thought…could be…you’ve brought some
joy inside my tears…”
Stevie
Wonder’s song
Joy
Inside My Tears
rang
out across the land from Bena’s sound system, bringing tears to
everyone’s eyes as the family and friends reflected on Doss’s
life while caravanning in a single file line, following Naomi, who
led the way.
The
day she first met Doss in his slick, light grey out-fit, the first
day they made love in Serena’s home, the numerous times they’d
made love in her office inside the Sears Tower, his joining her down
in Oklahoma and the way he strengthened and supported her when Serena
and Kevin were killed, his enthusiasm and support when she resumed
her search for her sisters, his cooking abilities—all those
memories and more encompassed Naomi as she guided the carriage across
the land.
Yes,
Doss Dawkins had given forty-eight year-old Naomi-Holland Dawkins joy
beyond compare, he truly did bring joy to her tears as she reflected
upon an awesome man she was fortunate to have met and loved. Wisdom,
strength and courage. Gentleness, compassion and ohhh, the way he
made her feel in bed. A good man had died if Naomi had to tell it.
And he could never be replaced. If she had to live life all over
again without him, and knowing of his existence once upon a time,
there would never be another. There was only one Doss Dawkins Junior
and Naomi had tasted the real thing. Its flavor was nothing short of
sweet, loving and kind. That was her husband. That was Doss the man,
the only man Naomi had ever loved in life and she would willingly
endure a thousand deaths by God the Most High, if only to be able to
spend just one more day with the man who’d been the love of her
life…
…“
I
feel that lasting…moments are coming…far and few
between…so I should tell you all…the happiness that you
bring…baby, baby, it’s you, you, you,…made life’s
hi-sto-ry…ohh, baby…’cause you’ve brought
some…joy inside my tears…baby, you have done…what
no one… thought could be…you brought some joy…inside
my tears…”
The
song played on and approached its crescendo as the family pulled up
to the foot of Ne`Ne`s Hill where they all exited. Doss was carried
up the hill, the family singing the chorus to Stevie Wonder’s
song, which was set to repeat, as they slowly ascended the hill where
Doss’s coffin was placed beneath the canopy beside his open
grave.
Naomi
stood before her husband’s casket crying her heart out, her
eyes closed and her body rocking side to side in a gentle manner as
she reflected on what was a glorious life shared with the man of her
life, her children’s father. She would miss her husband
something fierce and would always feel as if she was now half of a
person because on this day, she was indeed letting go of half of her
persona, half of her existence, the one thing in life that made her
whole was no more.
Doss
was sent home righteously by those who loved him. A ranch hand, who
was an ordained minister, sent prayers up to God above as Doss’s
casket was draped with red carnations. The family then descended the
hill and convened outside the guest house where the grill was fired
up and food was prepared for Doss’s celebration. His grave
would be lowered and covered just before sunset.
*******
“
And
Doss says to me, license or no license, I’m drivin’ this
rig back to Chicago! Naomi’s threatening to leave my ass! And
if I don’t propose immediately I’m gonna have to stalk
this woman the rest of my life,” Mendoza said through laughter
as he sat beside DeeDee, the two reminiscing about the events that
led up to Doss and Naomi’s marriage alongside Francine, Junior
and Twiggy.
“
Doss
was the best at what he did, granddad. I’m gone miss the guy.”
Junior said as he bounced his daughter Malaysia on one knee.
“
We
all are, son.” Mendoza replied as he scooped Malara up into his
arms, taking her away from Francine. “So, when Tiva gets back
you two gonna come to Montana and see the ranch me and your
grandmother are putting together, right?”
“
Wouldn’t
miss it for the world, granddad.”
“
Good,
because I want to see my great grandkids set foot on their future
inheritance while I’m still around. I have a new camera and all
to take plenty pictures. We’ll have to get there soon before
the snow sets in. It gets cold there, you know?” Mendoza ended.
Naomi’s
five, meanwhile, were holding down the grills. Walee was master chef
and he was taking his duties seriously. He’d watched and
assisted his father on the grill for years and it was now his
responsibility to prepare meat and vegetables for the family. He laid
out three full slabs of ribs and sprinkled them with his father’s
secret rub recipe which he’d memorized and mastered to
perfection before he closed the lid. He then turned to the other
grill, where Spoonie and Tyke were waiting with two bowls fresh corn
on the cob and cucumber and coated them with butter before spreading
them out over the coals.
“
Kimi,
anybody heard from AquaNina?” Walee asked as he closed the lid
and wiped his hands with a rag.
“
We
been calling and calling that girl. Me and Spoonie even went over to
the condo back in town, but she wasn’t there.” Kimi
answered as she sipped a glass of lemon tea.
“
I
talked to her a while ago. She at their house in Oklahoma City,”
Koko said. “She ain’t come to the funeral and hasn’t
even been to see Bay in Saint Louis.”