No Stars at the Circus (17 page)

Châtelet was the station that always hurt Nadia’s ears the most because it was so huge and had so many different passages. There was always more noise and more wind there than anywhere else. Even Mama could get lost down there. She said you always had to keep your wits about you at Châtelet, and mind your purse too.

I stuck with those nuns, even though they got seats on the train and I had to stand. I stood beside them, all the way. They didn’t look at me and they didn’t speak to each other. I suppose they were praying hard, with their arms folded inside their long robes. Just like the old priest we used to see, walking around in the church behind rue de la Harpe. Where Mama had made me promise to bring Nadia, if anything ever happened to her and Papa.

Oh, Mama, I tried my best. I really tried, but it didn’t work
.

It was starting to snow by the time I reached rue Cuvier. That made the whole sky dark, even though I knew it couldn’t really be very late. It didn’t feel as cold as it had been earlier but I had to keep brushing the flakes off my hair and my shoulders or else I would have turned into a snowman. I wrapped the scarf around my head but it didn’t take long before it got as wet as a dishcloth.

There was no guard outside Prussian-Boots’s house this time.

I gave a little tap on the door of No. 12. Nothing happened. I felt terrible. The park would be a really scary place to have to wait in now.
Why is that boy standing under the trees in the snow? Has he no home to go to?
Besides, the park people would probably lock up the gates so they could get back to their own homes before the snow got worse. I’d have to keep walking around and around outside, just like I’d said in my note. And I was starving.

I peeked through the letterbox. Nothing, just darkness. I’d forgotten the Prof had nailed a black cloth across it after the day with the firemen. I tried to poke the cloth out of the way but it wasn’t easy.

I was so busy doing that I nearly fell on my face when the door opened wide. The Prof grabbed me by the arm and pulled me inside. He closed the door and leaned back against it, breathing very hard. His face was as white as the ceiling.

“It’s all right,” I said. “I’m really, really sorry, but I had to do it. I couldn’t tell you beforehand because you wouldn’t have let me go. I’m all right, I promise. It didn’t work out but I had to try.”

He still said nothing, just put one hand on my cheek, as if he was petting me.

“You’re frozen,” he said. “My God in heaven, but I prayed for you, Jonas Alber. It’s a long time since I prayed for anybody in that way.”

Then he just grabbed me in a big clutch with both hands and held me to him. He said nothing more. His clothes smelled of the kitchen, steamy and damp.

“Come down,” he said. “We have a visitor.”

The kitchen was bright and warm. I’d never realized a room could be so warm, not since we lost our home. The little flame on the gas felt like a blazing campfire. There was a pot of something on top, boiling away, and a big loaf cut into slices on the table.

There was a woman sitting in the seat I usually sat in. Her coat was draped over the table, covering my encyclopedias. She reminded me of someone, but I couldn’t think who it was. I’d never seen her before. I’d never seen
anybody
in the Prof’s house all the time I’d been here.

I didn’t want anyone to be there on my last night with the Prof.

“This is Jonas, Nadia’s brother,” the Prof said to the woman. “Jonas, say hello to Madame Picard, who has very kindly come here to give us some information.”

Nadia’s brother?
I was still trying to figure out why he had said that when he reminded me to shake hands.

“My goodness, but your hands are frozen, young man,” the woman said. She shook her head and looked cross. “Going out like that was very unwise. This poor man was driven wild with worry. And though I haven’t been in the house for long I was getting that way too. You see, I have somebody else to think about.”

Then she did something very peculiar. She lifted her hands up and signed to me. When she’d finished I kept staring, not because I’d forgotten how to read the signs but because of what she’d said. The Prof hadn’t noticed.

“Here,” he said. “Wrap this rug around you and I’ll go upstairs and get you some fresh clothes. Then we’ll have to get everything you’re wearing dry for tomorrow.”

He stopped at the door. “Madame Picard, would you mind serving Jonas some of the soup?”

Ten minutes ago I had been dreaming of eating something hot. Now all I could think about were the words she’d signed.

“I know what happened to Nadia.”

Who did this woman think she was – La Giaconda? I stared hard at her. She was ordinary. She couldn’t possibly know anything about Nadia. I’d spent all day dodging Pimply Arms and Germans, trying to pretend I was an orphan, trying not to freeze to death, and this woman had just called here and thought she knew something about my sister? She mustn’t know how to sign properly. She’d made a mistake.

She put a bowl of soup in front of me.

“I think you may have heard of me, Jonas,” she said. “My brother-in-law is a policeman. Not a bad one, but not the best either. Could do better. You know who I mean?”

I nodded.

“Take your soup. I won’t say another word till you’ve taken at least three spoonfuls.”

She was so bossy. Now I knew what she reminded me of. It wasn’t a
who
, it was a
what
. She definitely had to be a teacher.

“How did you know where to find me?” I said. But I wasn’t sure what I meant. Maybe – start at the beginning, go on to the middle and then get to the finish? She was the kind of person who could do that, no problem.

I started spooning the soup into my mouth.

“Let’s just say your kind friend, the Professor, sought me out. All right? Now, finish the lot of it.”

The Prof came back with a towel and some clothes and Madame Picard looked the other way while I changed into them. I was nearly warm all the way through now.

“Have you told him?” the Prof asked. She shook her head. “I’ve only started,” she said. “First things first.”

She waited until I had finished dressing and was sitting down again.

“Jonas, I teach in the school your sister went to, but I didn’t know her because she was much too young for my class. Madame Odile taught her. You know that lady?”

Of course I did. At the beginning of every year Madame Odile had sweets for everyone in her class. Even with the war on she’d managed to get sweets from somewhere. Madame Odile had thought Nadia’s stories were great. She’d pinned them on the wall and stuck stars on them.

“When Ulysse, that’s my brother-in-law, told me about the round-up that was going to happen on that dreadful day in July, he nearly left it too late. Typical of the man. But I went straight to Madame Odile. There was no point in me fooling around, trying to figure out which girl was Nadia out of all the…” She stopped. “I’ll have another coffee, if you don’t mind, Professor.”

She looked at me exactly as if she knew what I was thinking. But not the way La Giaconda did. The way a teacher did, with eyebrows.

“Madame Odile isn’t usually bossy the way I am, but when she is, she’s far more terrifying. She gets things done. She got down to the Vél d’Hiv early that morning when the buses started coming in. She stood there, inspecting everybody, and nobody dared say boo to her, because she looks like everybody’s granny. Which was the whole point.”

She gulped down the coffee. “When she saw Nadia getting out of the bus with your parents, she went right over, lifted her up and kissed her. She told the policemen they’d made a monumental error – that was the phrase she used, she said. To scare them. She told them Nadia was her granddaughter and that your mother sometimes minded her. She told the police not to make fools of themselves. I wish I’d seen her.” She shook her head. “I really do. And your sister is cut from the same cloth, by all accounts. She knew exactly what to do.”

Nadia had gone with Madame Odile without making any fuss at all. She’d turned round at the street corner and waved to Mama and Papa. Then she’d taken Madame Odile’s hand again and they’d walked on, away from the vélodrome, all the way to Madame Odile’s apartment in Montparnasse. It was too early for ordinary buses.

“She had a safe place organized for Nadia by the end of the day. She’s not in Paris, Jonas, but she’s safe and well and she has new papers, just like you. And now I’ll be able to let her know that you’re safe too. Though I won’t say where you are. The Professor tells me you’re going somewhere in Normandy.”

“But … where
is
Nadia?”

She reached out a hand to brush the damp hair off my face. “Oh, Jonas, even I don’t know that. All Madame Odile will tell me is that she’s living near the sea. With a nice family. Safe as any child can be these days. But when all this is over…”

She stopped. “If you write a letter to your sister, I’ll give it to Madame Odile. That would be the best thing. Just don’t write down any names or places. Just tell her you’re safe and well and that you have excellent friends.”

The Prof nodded. “He can write it tonight and I’ll bring it to you. But, Madame Picard, you must go now before it gets dark. Or before the snow freezes over.”

She got up, picked up her coat and pulled it around herself. Then she held her hand out to me.

“Write your sister something that only you and she know about, Jonas. Then she’ll believe it’s really from you, and isn’t made up by one of us. That’s important. You must stand together now as a family, just the two of you.”

She messed my hair up again. Then she was gone.

Dear Sister
,

I hope you still have d’Artagnan. I began to make an albatross for your theatre but it didn’t work out. If you get a chance to make one, they are seabirds with huge wings that used to fly over Paris millions of years ago. You will also need to make a cat like Grimaldi. Then you can put on this play
.

THE NEW MUSKETEERS

D’ARTAGNAN: I tried to discover where the princess was hiding. But the Cardinal’s men were too many for me.

ALBATROSS: I soared above the city on my great wings. I looked right and left and right again even though there are no traffic lights in the sky. But not even a fairground to lay an egg on did I see.

GRIMALDI: The streets will be very quiet when all the children leave the city. But they will come back, with many fishes for me, the Cat Who Fishes. All the way from the seaside and the big river.

D’ARTAGNAN: The princess and I will triumph in the end and the Cardinal will lose much more than his foot this time.

ALBATROSS: The princess will also get a hat of ostrich feathers, which I will pluck from those crazy birds and bring to her all the way from Africa.

GRIMALDI: And I will eat the rest of the ostrich all by myself. Hey Diddle Diddle, the Cat and the Harp!

It’s not much of a play but I didn’t have time to do better. You can add anything you like to it, or change it
.

I hope you are well. I’m learning lots of music and I’m sure you’re learning new things too. We’ll have lots to talk about when we see each other again
.

I’m sending you this 50 francs for your ninth birthday even though that isn’t until March. Read what’s written on it and you’ll know it must be true
.

Love from

     
Your brother

Dear Professor
,

I’m sorry I was so much trouble to you. And for spoiling your good scarf. I didn’t tell you last night because I was afraid to, but I also lost your wife’s music case. I didn’t know it was hers when I took it. I am very sorry
.

I am leaving you the last of my Deyrolle notebooks as a gift for Christmas. I’ve used up all the others. Will you mind them for me, but please not read them? Everything is in the trunk and so is my will. I wrote that when I came here first, when I was very afraid. I never had the books and the comics and the roller skates here with me anyway, so maybe it’s best to forget about the will. I have the money in case I need it and I’ve brought the flea circus carriages with me, because Papa made them for me. I know Signor Corrado wouldn’t mind
.

If you ever meet him, or La Giaconda, or Alfredo again, please give them my love. I hope they are enjoying much success. I hope Tommaso got into Nadia’s school
.

I know Mama and Papa would want to thank you from the bottom of their hearts so I will just have to do it for them. Mama was right – you are a great teacher of music
.

I never had a grandfather but I’m sure you would be the best kind to have
.

I hope you will be able to travel to the United States and meet your son in the end
.

Wishing you well, and a happy Christmas too
.

Love
,

      
Jonas

I know it isn’t safe to bring these notebooks on the train so I won’t. The Prof told me the Nazis are always making checks, at all the stations and even on the trains. But I hate leaving them behind because they are a testament to all the Alber family, not just to me.

There won’t be a Jonas Alber living in France any more after tomorrow. There hasn’t been a Nadia Alber living there either, not since July. I wasn’t able to tell Nadia my new name and I don’t know hers. But we will both know we are Somewhere.

I didn’t find out anything about Mama and Papa. Nobody knows where Léopold Alber and Anne Berlioz Alber are now. Probably the Germans do, because they make lists of everyone, like Papa said. But not even the policeman was able to find anything out. So I don’t know if they are somewhere or not. And I
know
what that means.

If I think about that I just feel the cold going right into my bones, even though I’m inside and the snow is outside. Then it’s like Mama and Papa are outside too, always, because I don’t know where they are. The window is black, just like the windows in the métro, and the snow is always falling on them.