No Turning Back (18 page)

“Stop!” she hissed in a loud whisper, backing up fast. “For God's sake, Ben, don't... ” Her voice broke.

Everything in him screamed that he should grab her and haul her to safety. “Tell me what's wrong, Sam.”

“If they s-see me or hear you, they'll... rem-mote detonate the b-bomb.”

He froze. Rhys cursed in his ear over the radio.

Christ.
“What bomb? Where?”

She continued scrambling away from him, and now he could see she was trembling so hard her teeth were chattering.

“Where, Sam?”

A sob hitched in her throat, hitting him square in the chest.

For a moment, he thought she wouldn't answer. Then she stopped and stared at him with swimming eyes. “H-here.”

His eyes darted around. “Where?” In a building? Hidden in a pile of garbage? He looked back at her, ready to take her down and shake it out of her if necessary.

She trembled as she faced him, her expression impossibly sad. Resigned.

A shiver of unease rippled over his skin.

“Here,” she whispered.

He sucked in a breath.
What the
—

She lifted the hem of her blue robe and drew it up over her pants, revealing the white canvas suicide bomber vest wrapped around her torso.

His heart stopped. “Oh, shit, Sam... ”

Sam's legs shook so badly she could barely stand up. Every muscle in her body quivered with the knowledge that whoever held the cell phone with the remote detonator would push a button at any time and turn her into a human shotgun, killing her and anyone within a fifty-foot radius. If she had to die, she did
not
want Ben or the others to go because of her.

“Oh, shit, Sam... ”

She wanted to bawl. Ben's face said it all. She was doomed. Looking away from his stricken gaze, she searched for a place to hide that might contain the explosion if the vest went off.

“Sam, sweetheart, don't move.”

God, he was coming toward her. “No!”

She had to get away from him, for his own protection. She frantically scanned the street for a dumpster, a cement wall... A flash of silver caught the light. A bumper? Straining to see, she made out the shape of a car parked in the next alley. Without glancing at Ben, she tore towards it and skidded to her knees between it and the wall, huddling into a shaking ball, expecting to be blown to pieces at any moment.

Please God, don't let me feel it. Don't let it hurt anyone else.

Running footsteps got louder as they approached, and she huddled down with a whimper locked in her dry throat. “I told you, stay
back
!” Why wouldn't he listen to her?

In seconds, Ben appeared next to the bumper and got down on his haunches, meeting her terrified gaze.

“Get away from me! They're going to blow it. I don't want you anywhere near me when they do.” She choked on another sob and squeezed her eyes shut, pressing into the still-warm brick wall to make herself as small as possible.

“Shh, Sam.” Not only did he stay, he got down right next to her and took her face between his palms.

The physical contact jarred her, and she tried to twist away.

“Please, Ben, just g-
go
... ”

“No.” His grip was gentle, but implacable. “I'm not leaving you.”

She couldn't hold the tears back. “No-o-o... ” If he stayed, he would be blown to pieces. She wouldn't let that happen.

Ben wiped the tears away with his thumbs, and she became aware that he was speaking to her softly.

“Dammit, you have to go!” She tried shoving him with the heels of her hands, but he didn't budge. “Do you want to die?” she finally yelled. “Get the hell out of here!”

He got right in her face. “Look at me.”

Her eyes squeezed shut. “
Please...
”

“Look at me.”

He wasn't going to leave. Not even to save himself. It broke her heart and made her want to hit him. But she met his pale gaze. “Ben... Go while you s-still can.”

“Shh. We're going to disarm the thing, okay? Just stay still and look into my eyes so you know I'm not going anywhere.”

She tried to stop shaking, but it was impossible. Blind terror had hijacked her body, turning her into a mass of adrenaline and instinct. God help her, but she loved him more in that moment than she'd ever loved anyone else. Even after all that had happened, even though he had reason not to trust her, he was risking his life to stay at her side.

Luke suddenly materialized out of the darkness and took the situation in with a single assessing glance. “Hey, Sam.”

More tears blinded her. She hitched in a sob as everything clicked into place. Of course. They'd done this to kill Luke. They'd manipulated everything to end it this way. Tehrazzi knew Luke, probably better than anyone. He'd known Luke's honor would never let him desert her. And the vest was the perfect weapon of choice, wasn't it? Who knew more about explosives than a Navy SEAL? They'd known he would come out of hiding to help diffuse the bomb. “This is w-what he w-wants.”

“No doubt.”

“Leave m-me.” Her jaw quivered so hard her teeth chattered. “D-don't let him win.”

His eyes were dark and steady. Fathomless. Full of resolve. “We won't.”

She couldn't believe they were staying, risking their lives to try and save her. How could anyone be that brave?

“Ben said they're using a remote detonator.”

“Y-yes,” she managed.

“Let's see what we've got, okay?”

His voice was so damn calm, and his demeanor even more so. Like he dealt with this situation every day. A shudder ripped through her. She could feel the seconds passing, imagined someone's thumb poised over the button that would blast her into a red mist so that someone would have to hose her remains off the buildings and street.

“How long have we got?”

“D-don't know.”

He pulled up her robes. “Let's get this thing off.”

“H-hurry.” If they weren't leaving, she wanted the thing off. Now.

Luke pulled out a penlight and held it in his mouth as Ben cut the robe off her, exposing the hideous vest with its intricate webbing of wires attached to the C4 explosive and its shrapnel of ball bearings. Her breath hitched in, and she turned her head away, unable to look at it a second longer.

“Stay real still,” Ben instructed, tossing the ruined robe aside and getting on his knees before her. “Hold onto me, Sam.” He took her icy hands in his and gripped them good and hard. “Now look into my eyes.”

Clenching her fingers around his, she swiveled her head and hesitantly met his gaze. He was so beautiful and brave and strong it brought a rush of fresh tears.

Ben's gaze bored into hers, holding her with the force of his will.

“Stay right here with me and breathe. Don't look anywhere but my eyes. We're going to get you out of this. You're going to be fine.” The low timbre of his voice brushed over her.

God, how she wanted to believe him, but it was hopeless. “I d-don't want you to die.”

“No one's going to die, Sam.”

She didn't see how they could survive. Luke had lots of experience with explosives, especially from his time in the Teams, but even he had to see how dangerous this was. They had no control over when the bad guys set off the bomb. Staring into the green depths of Ben's eyes, she spoke to Luke. “If you don't think you c-can do it, don't t-try. Just leave me. Please.”

“Nope,” he said around the penlight.

Ben tightened his grip, jerked her attention back to him. “Right here with me, Sam.” She refocused on his eyes. “Slow your breathing down to match mine.” His voice was calm, but she noticed the sheen of sweat forming on his upper lip as he glanced over at Luke to check on his progress before meeting her eyes again. “Almost there.”

Please, God, please don't let us die.

Somehow she found the strength to hold Ben's gaze. If he was brave enough to face this, then she owed it to him to not look away. Was this the last time she'd look at him? Here in this dark alley, with her heart pounding against the explosives that would kill them all?

The faint illumination from Luke's penlight washed over Ben's dark hair and bearded jaw, covering the cleft in his chin she loved so much, and made his eyes glow an unearthly shade of green. In the ebony depths of his pupils, she could see her reflection, face pale and pinched. Terrified.

I love you.

She almost blurted it out, but somehow held the words in. It was enough that she knew. At least she had that to hold onto for whatever time she had left. Could be seconds.

A clipping sound made her muscles seize. A faint tug pulled at her as Luke adjusted his grip on the vest to cut something. If he got the wrong wire... Well, she'd never know about it, would she?

“Breathe, Sam,” Ben ordered softly.

She maintained the eye contact, the most intimate of her life, and commanded her shuddering lungs to even out her breaths.
I love you, Ben. I always will.

“Stay real still. Small, shallow breaths.”

She gave herself a mental slap.
Stop shaking. You have to stop shaking.

“Rhys and Davis reported the warehouse is empty,” he told her. “The CIA team is following the targets, but so far no remote detonators have been recovered.”

“C-cell phone.”

Ben's eyes sharpened. “Copy that, Rhys?” After a second he nodded. “He heard you.”

Luke shifted beside her. “Hold this thing for me,” he said to Ben. “I need a better angle.”

Ben took both of her hands in one of his and kept looking into her eyes. “I'm just going to hold the light steady.”

He'd warned her because he wouldn't be able to maintain eye contact anymore. “O-okay.”

Once the penlight was in the right spot, Ben kept his eyes riveted on whatever Luke was doing. In any other circumstance, she might have been able to help with advice on the wiring, but she was too far gone with shock and fear, and it took all her focus to keep her eyes on Ben's face rather than the vest.

Another quiet snip of the wire cutters from Luke's jackknife, and she flinched.

In the hush, her heart pounded like a bass drum in her ears. Her body's pump, full of desperate hope, frantic to live, racing so fast it made her freezing cold and raging hot at the same time.

Then Ben stiffened and raised his eyes to Luke's. The alarm in his face kicked her in the gut.

Her blood pressure plummeted.

Luke's sharp words into the squad radio broke the awful stillness. “Anyone with a cell phone you shoot through the neck.”

Sam bit her lip until it bled. A shot high up in the neck would sever the spinal cord and instantly paralyze the victim.

So they couldn't push a button on a cell phone.

God, they must have engaged the enemy. Was someone's finger hovering over the number that would end their lives right now?

Ben squeezed her icy hands. Sweat trickled down her temples. “Hey,” he said. “It's all right. Almost done here.”

The shaking started up again, with a vengeance. “You c-can still leave.” She forced the words out. “I'll und-understand.”

“Already told you, sweet thing. We're not going anywhere.”

Her muscles quivered like she was having a seizure.

“You gotta hold still, Sam,” Luke growled.

At her breaking point, she closed her eyes in desperation and clung to the last thread of control she had, concentrating on the feel of Ben's hand curled around hers and the faint evergreen scent of him rising up to her in the still, warm air.

Another snip. Then another.

“Watch their hands, Rhys,” Ben urged. “If they so much as flinch, take the bastards out.”

Visions swam in her head, of Rhys and Davis sniping off the arms dealer's men, chasing them through the darkness and taking aim at anyone holding something in their hands.

Two more cuts, in quick succession. Luke paused.

He and Ben were motionless. Something must be happening over the radio. Seconds ticked past. Luke held the wire cutters poised over the vest.

Then, “Is he down?” His voice was full of urgency.

A beat passed.

“Shit— ” Tension poured off Ben.

“Take him out— ”

Someone had the remote trigger. A scream formed in her belly, rose up her throat.

“
Do not let him hit that button—
”

Snip.

“Christ,” Luke snarled. “One more, just— ”

Snip.

“Clear!”

The vest was ripped off her, and someone swept her off the ground. She dared to open her eyes. Ben had her, was running flat out, Luke barking orders behind them. The horizon dipped and tilted, her mind struggling to grasp that she was alive and the vest was gone.

I'm not going to die.

Her body didn't seem to believe her. She was quaking in Ben's arms like she was dying of hypothermia. And she felt just as cold. Her hands dug into his BDUs, fingers sinking into the hard muscles in his shoulders. A truck raced up beside them, skidded to a stop. Ben threw open the door, and set her on the floor of the back seat. Rhys was behind the wheel.

“She okay?” he asked.

“Yeah.” Ben slid into the front passenger seat, and the truck sped off.

Huddled on the floor, Sam wrapped her arms around herself. She wasn't okay. She wanted to scream and throw something and cry until the tears were gone, somewhere private where she could be alone and let it all out.

“Talk to me, Sam.” Ben reached back and sought her hand. He wound his fingers around it, but her joints were too stiff to squeeze him back.

“I'm... f-fine.” The engine roared as they sped through the darkened streets. The few lights they passed created shifting bars across the back of Ben's seat. She stared at them, transfixed.

“You're safe now, sweet thing.”

The words sounded far away. She'd almost been blown up, would have died without him and Luke.

Ben swiveled his head to look at her. “Cold?”

She nodded, feeling like her bone marrow was frozen.

“We'll get you into a hot shower as soon as we hit the hotel.”

A shower. Such an ordinary thing. The insane urge to laugh seized her, but she held it back with a shudder. The pitch of the truck's engine held steady for a while, then dropped as they slowed and turned a corner. She closed her eyes and fought the adrenaline crash taking its toll on her body. She could barely hold her head up.