She sat in the bar where they first met barely sipping her martini. She wanted to relive the moment when he first approached and they had that amazing first conversation which ended with a passionate kiss in front of her cabin door. She knew it was ridiculous, but somehow she wished if she sat there long enough it would happen again. At least, by sitting there she could remember the emotions she felt when they first met.
“Hey, aren’t you Chase’s girl?” the bartender Jim asked. Delia almost burst into tears at the mere mention of his name. She couldn’t respond verbally so she nodded. “So, you two are still together? Is he here? I haven’t seen him.”
Delia shook her head. “No we’re … he’s not
… ”
She didn’t know quite how to put it so she blurted, “He’s dead.”
“Oh, I’m sorry to hear that. So that’s why I haven’t seen him or Felicia this year.”
She nodded.
“How did it happen?”
She really wasn’t ready to answer questions about it. The memory of her lying in his arms and seeing his body crumple before her was just too heart-wrenching. She couldn’t take it.
“I can’t … I’m not really ready to talk about it.” Delia stood, downed the rest of her martini and fled the bar.
A lump developed in the back of her throat and she knew tears were soon to follow. Maybe this cruise was a mistake. She would probably disembark in Barbados and not return.
On the way back to her cabin, the alcohol began to take effect. She felt a little woozy on her feet and succeeded in nearly running down a man with a cane who was walking toward her.
Men with canes were not out of the ordinary on the Golden Swan considering most of the passengers were well over sixty, but this man was different. Delia couldn’t tell exactly how old he was because he wore extremely dark shades, but she knew he couldn’t have been more than thirty, maybe younger.
“I’m so sorry. I didn’t mean knock you over.”
“That’s quite all right. I was probably in your way. I do that a lot.” His voice was deep and scratchy with a tinge of a French accent and he didn’t look at her when he spoke. Delia thought that was rather odd until she realized he was blind. Then she felt even worse.
The man knelt on the floor and began feeling around for the cane Delia had knocked out of his hand. She found it and helped him to his feet.
“Once again, I am so sorry. Can I help you to your room?”
“Well, actually, I wasn’t going to my room. The night is young and I thought I’d enjoy a drink out on the deck. Would you like to join me?”
His question caught her off guard. She was used to getting hit on by men, but for some reason she never expected a blind man to show interest in her.
“I … um … I was
… ”
she stuttered trying to find a believable excuse.
“I know you’re not going to reject a disabled man whom you just tried to kill,” he teased. “Don’t make me have to call the ACLU. I’ve done it before to ensure a date.”
Delia couldn’t help but smile at his humor. One drink couldn’t hurt. Besides, maybe she needed to talk instead of running away from memories.
“So what brings you to the Golden Swan?” Delia asked once they each had a drink and were taking a seat.
“I just wanted a cruise. I wasn’t picky. Anything would have been fine. I just wanted to get away. Honestly, I didn’t read the fine print. I had no idea this was a senior citizen cruise. What about you?”
Delia took a sip of her drink. Maybe it was the second glass of alcohol or maybe it was the knowledge that she would never see this man again or maybe it was the anonymity of him being blind, but something impelled her to open up to him.
“Two years ago on this cruise I met someone who turned out to be very special to me. I guess you can say I loved him.”
“Loved?
Past tense?
What happened?”
“He was killed. He actually died saving my life.”
“Wow. He must have been really special.”
“I’ve had a hard time getting over him. Every man I meet I compare to him. I see his face in everything and everyone. I guess I came on this cruise as a way to finally say goodbye. It’s my attempt to move on.”
“How is it going? Have you been able to move on?”
Delia shrugged. “On the one hand, I love being here because I love thinking about him and remembering him, but on the other hand it’s torture because he’s not here to share it with me.”
“Do you think you’ll ever find someone to take his place?”
She realized that he was holding her hand trying to comfort her. His question seemed to imply that he wanted to be the one to replace Chase. She looked at their fingers entwined. He held her hand the same way Chase used to. He traced the back of her hand with his finger tips then turned her hand over and weaved his fingers in and out of hers as they were making love. Then he brought her hand to his lips and gently kissed the inside of her wrist the same way Chase did.
It must have been the two martinis that made her giddy because at this point she felt like she was floating.
Dreaming.
Maybe she was imagining that this strange man was touching her the same way Chase did.
“No one can replace him,” she said finally still staring at their hands together.
“I’d like to try, Delia.” He was being unusually forward but Delia didn’t feel the slightest bit uncomfortable with him. She looked into his face and tried to search his eyes, but they were covered by the dark glasses.
“You don’t even know me,” she said playfully, thinking he was just flirting with her.
“I know you better than you think.” He took his other hand and caressed the side of her face. She closed her eyes and let her head fall against his hand. “I know you sneeze when you’re nervous, and that you’re allergic to orchids. I know that your eyes vary between three different shades of green depending on your mood. I know that you’re stronger than you think you are and have survived some pretty awful things. I know more than anything in the world you want to feel loved and worthy. And I know that I have loved you since the first time I ever laid eyes on you.”
Sometime during his speech the French accent slipped away and his voice became soft as a whisper. Delia wasn’t sure she knew what was going on, but she was pretty positive that only one person could know those things or would declare his love like that.
The man slipped off his glasses and Delia got a glimpse of penetrating blue eyes. Chase’s penetrating blue eyes. She gasped, yanked her hands away and covered her mouth.
“I don’t understand. What’s going on?”
“I didn’t die, Delia. When I was shot, the FBI took it as an opportunity to stage my death and change my identity for my next case. I tried to tell you. I tried to say goodbye and let you know that I would be back for you, but you were in a coma. When I came back to DC to find you again, you were gone.”
She didn’t respond. She was too shocked.
Chase felt obligated to continue explaining. “You see I was promoted to FBI and assigned to a federal case. I was only supposed to be gone for two weeks. Get in, deliver a package, and get out. I thought I’d be back before you woke up. But then I witnessed a murder and I had to go into the witness protection program and I wasn’t allowed to have any contact with you.”
Eyes shut
tightly,
Delia shook her head whispering denials. She had just started to accept his death. She was ready to move on. Now this crazy person was bringing up all the emotions she had struggled to forget. It couldn’t be Chase. It just couldn’t be.
“Listen to me, Delia. It’s me. It’s Chase. The case was closed two weeks ago. I really shouldn’t even be here, but I couldn’t stay away any longer. I love you, Delia. I’ve always loved you.”
Opening her eyes, Delia reached out and touched his face. He looked so different.
Older.
Taller if that was even possible. But looking into those eyes, she knew it was Chase. It was definitely Chase.
Hot tears streamed down her face. Tears of relief, tears of joy and tears of … of … anger. Once again, he had put her through hell. She slapped him across the face. “You let me think you were dead for two years! Do you know what that has been like? Do you know what agony I’ve been in? I thought you died because of me. I blamed myself. You lied to me again. Why do you keep torturing me?”
She jumped up and ran away. Chase raced to catch her. He grabbed her arm and spun her around.
“I’m so sorry, Delia. It was my job. I had no choice. I didn’t want to put you in danger. I shouldn’t even be telling you this now, but I can’t live without you anymore. I really did try to contact you. I’m so sorry. Can you ever forgive me?”
He grabbed her hands and kissed the inside of both her wrists. Her knees just about buckled. Who was she kidding? Of course, she would have to forgive him. She had spent the last two years hoping, praying and wishing that his death wasn’t real and that he would come back to her. Now that her wish had come true, she wasn’t about to reject him.
“Let’s get one thing straight. I can’t take this undercover stuff anymore. It’s either your job or me.”
“Delia, I will never be a cop again if it means I can have you in my life.”
“You promise?”
“Anything you say.” A smile crept across Chase his face as he noticed her coming around. “Can I kiss you now?”
“You can kiss me now and every day for the rest of our lives.”
Chase honestly tried to give up police work for Delia, but she could tell he was completely miserable. He had started watching DVD collections of every police show known to man from
Dragnet
to
Rizzoli and Isles
. Sometimes he would sit in the living room for hours on end taking apart his gun just to put it back together again.
Finally, Delia couldn’t take it anymore. She desperately wanted to see him happy so she contacted the Washington D.C. police department to see if there was still a place for him. To her surprise, she learned there was a special assignment beginning immediately that had room for not one, but two more.
“Do you have your gun?” Delia asked from the surveillance vehicle.
“What kind of a question is that? I’m a cop. Of course, I have my gun,” Chase responded into the small microphone taped inside his sleeve. He adjusted his glasses and pretended to be engrossed in the newspaper in his hands.
“Well, you haven’t been a cop for three years. You might have forgotten some things,” Delia said.
“Hey, you handle the nerdy stuff and leave the real work to me.
Okay, Double D?”