Nobody Loves a Bigfoot Like a Bigfoot Babe (21 page)

A COUPLE OF MONTHS LATER, Lou sat at her desk dressed in a white bridal gown, just one hour before getting hitched to Willis. She had just enough time to tidy up her desk. Deputy Dwight entered her office. She picked up a file marked "Phantom Bigfoot Bather Case" and dropped the file into a drawer then slammed it shut. There had been no new cases since number five, but Lou didn't feel optimistic. She felt sure there would be more. Question was-when?

Dwight hovered with a peculiar look on his face.

She looked at him. "Please don't tell me the Phantom Bather has struck again?"

"Not exactly." He cleared his throat. "Well . . . you're not going to believe this, sheriff?"

"Try me."

"You see . . . it's kinda like this . . . Walt's been abducted, again."

"Little Beaver?"

"Where else?"

"How do you know he was abducted?"

"Go ask Duane, he witnessed the whole thing."

"Where is he?"

"In the outer office." Dwight gave a slight chuckle.

Sheriff Lou sighed heavily and thought whatever Duane would tell her she wouldn't believe. "Until I get back from my honeymoon, it's your case." She stood up.

Dwight admired her wedding dress, "You look absolutely ravishing, Lou."

"Why, thank you, Dwight." With that, Lou stepped out of her office to stare in utter amazement at Duane.

AFTER ALL THESE YEARS Duane-o stood before her looking gorgeous as she knew he could. His clean-shaven face grinned at her. His beautiful blond hair was neatly trimmed. His black tuxedo showed off his muscular body. He was an Adonis with a delicious aroma to match.

Lou's face flushed as she thought what she could do to him, but thoughts of marrying Willis confused her. She became breathless due to the tight bodice she was wearing.

"Are you okay, Lou?" Duane asked.

No she definitely was not alright. She felt light-headed. Lou swooned.

Duane caught her in his strong arms.

Lou looked up and swam in Duane's blue eyes. "Oh Duane . . . you've ruined everything."

WHILE THIS WAS GOING ON, Acting Sheriff Dwight sat at the computer and used the mouse to activate a hidden file.

On the screen appeared the lurid picture of Bigfoot seated on the toilet, eating a doughnut. He used the mouse to activate the printer. Dwight rubbed his hands together with excitement.

"This is going to be so cool."

LATER THAT DAY, the town welcome sign had the same lurid picture taped to it with a desperate plea-"Has anyone seen this toilet?-If so, please contact the sheriff's department immediately."

This message was also displayed on every lamppost, telephone pole, electricity pole and on every milk carton in town, as ordered by Acting Sheriff Dwight.

THE END

Simon Okill
turned to writing as therapy after a disability forced him into early retirement. He has written a number of screenplays and has several novels in progress. He lives with his wife, Shirlee Anne and their cat, in a pretty coastal town in South Wales, UK.