Nobody's Hero (5 page)

Now he’d fucked her. A god-damned virgin.

Jesus Christ.

One more thing to add to his life’s long list
of transgressions.

Adam reached over and turned on the light.
Glancing down at the sheet, he saw the bloodstain and closed his
eyes again. He’d hurt her. Yeah, he’d fucked up royally. God, had
he ever.

But what was she doing in his bed in the
first place? It seemed every time he woke up lately, she was in bed
with him, or sleeping in a chair nearby. How was he supposed to
keep her at arm’s length when she plastered her body against
him?

Don’t go there, dickwad
.
You are
completely responsible for what happened. She was an innocent—until
you came along
.

Truth be told, if his memory wasn’t totally
faulty, it sure seemed like he was the one plastered against her
hot little backside.

When he went to sit up, the muscles in his
back protested loudly. He sat on the edge of the bed waiting for
his head to clear, then stood up. Slowly, trying not to pull any
maimed and healing muscles—if he hadn’t already done so while
pumping his dick into Karla with so much enthusiasm—he stood up and
walked into the adjoining bathroom to clean himself up, then
returned to the bedroom. He pulled from the dresser a clean pair of
sweats and a USMC t-shirt.

Between having sex and being out of bed for
the first time in more than two weeks, he felt as weak as a
kitten.

Kitten
.

He’d called her kitten. Where the hell had
that pet name come from?
Oh, yeah
. Her friend, Cassie, had
called her Kitty as they were hiking down the mountain looking for
Angelina. He’d wondered all those years ago in the Chicago bus
station what nickname she hadn’t wanted to reveal to him.
Kitty.

He preferred kitten.
His kitten.

Aw, fuck that shit.

Hell, he needed to check on her. He crossed
the hallway and knocked softly on her door. Was Cassie still
sleeping next door? He hadn’t ventured out of his bedroom since
he’d gotten home from the hospital. Karla’s best friend would find
out soon enough what he’d done, but he wasn’t ready to face the
accusations of being a pervert yet. He needed to regain more of his
strength first.

“Karla.” He hoped his voice carried through
the room's solid, vintage door.

No response. He should just go back to bed
and leave her alone. Or maybe he should get Cassie up. Karla might
be more comfortable talking with a woman at a time like this. Then
the sound of sobs coming from Karla’s room undid him, twisting his
gut into knots tighter than the ones he used in rope suspension.
Aw, hell
. He’d made her cry. He opened the door and found
her lying across the bed wrapped in a towel. Her long bare legs
stirred his dick back to life.

Fuck it all to hell, old man. Can’t you
control your head anymore?

“Karla?” Her body tensed and she rubbed her
hands against her eyes, but didn’t turn to face him. “Hon, we need
to talk.”

“Not now, Adam. Please, just don’t say
anything more.”

More? What had he said? He tried to think
back, but came up blank. Damned pills. “Hon, I can’t tell you how
sorry I…”

She rolled over and glared at him, dashing
more tears away from her cheeks. The towel loosened to expose her
beautiful breasts. His dick throbbed harder. Until she came along,
he could go months without having sex, and now he was eager to go
at it again in what, less than an hour? What the fuck was the
matter with him?

Judging by the glare in Karla’s eyes, having
sex with him was the furthest thing from her mind at the moment.
Good girl
. At least one of them was thinking clearly.

“Adam Montague, I don’t want to hear another
word about your regrets.”

She sat up, ignoring her bared breasts. Well,
he
certainly couldn’t ignore them. Their dusky pink areolas
begged to be touched. Sucked. Bitten.

Whoa!
He wouldn’t be having rough
sex—scratch that. He wouldn’t be having
any
kind of sex with
Karla ever again.

“What happened in your bed this morning was
the most beautiful thing that’s ever happened to me, and I won’t
let you cheapen it or make me feel dirty because I didn’t stop you
when I should have.”

When
she
should have? Hell, he was the
one on top. Wasn’t he?

Karla stood and came closer to him, first
stabbing him with her angry gaze, then stabbing his chest with her
finger. At least she finally pulled the towel up to cover her
breasts. “I’ve wanted you to make love to me for months. Now all I
want is for you to get the hell out of my room.”

Shit, he’d not only hurt her physically, he’d
hurt her emotionally. Total clusterfuck.

Adam reached out and pulled her closer,
rubbing his hands up and down her bare arms. “Karla, I never wanted
to hurt you. If I hadn’t been on all those meds…” The flash of pain
in her eyes told him he’d just hurt her again. Okay, he needed to
steer clear of that tack. “Hon, your first time should have been
with someone who can make a commitment to you…”
Shit
. Now
tears. A woman's waterworks always wrenched his gut, but he'd
rarely seen Karla cry. He reached out and wiped them away with the
pads of his thumbs, then pulled her against his chest.

“Aw, kitten, I’m so sorry. Please believe me.
I wish I’d made your first time so much more special.”

“Adam, it
was
special. Please don’t
make it ugly now. Don’t apologize anymore for making love with
me.”

Christ. What did she need to hear from
him?

Adam wanted to lift her into his arms, but
didn’t have the strength, so he sat down on the edge of the bed and
pulled her down into his lap. She laid her head against his
shoulder and he stroked her gorgeous thick hair, remembering how
incredible it had felt to finger comb and bind it in the hair
corset at Marc’s—that evening seemed like a year ago.

He nearly lost his resolve to do right by
her. He wanted nothing more than to lay her down on this bed and
make love to her the way he should have the first time. But he knew
he wasn’t going to make anything better at this point with more
sex. Time to regroup and form a new plan. Assess the situation on
the ground, figure out how to put this behind them, and move
forward. He just had no fucking clue how to do that.

“What do we do now, hon?”

She reached up to brush away her tears.
“Don’t make me leave, Adam. Please don’t send me away.”

What was she talking about? He didn’t know
what all he’d said in the bedroom exactly, but didn’t remember any
talk about sending her away. At least, not that he’d spoken aloud.
Had he? Oh, hell, maybe he had. Damn it, he hated having his head
on so many fucking drugs. How was he supposed to navigate these
dangerous waters when he was under the influence of narcotics? He
wasn’t going to take another damned pain pill from now on.

“I’m sorry, hon.” He felt her go stiff and
quickly added, “If I said I wanted to send you away, it must have
been the pills. I don’t want you to go anywhere.”

I need you.

Whoa.
Sure, he wanted her, but it
wasn’t a need. He didn’t need anyone. He’d never needed anyone.

Karla pulled away and her tear-stained face
tore at his heart, her long eyelashes clumping together. He’d put
those tears there. “Adam, I can’t go on the way we’ve been living,
though.”

“What do you mean?” What was wrong with the
way they’d been living?

She placed a hand at the nape of his neck and
pulled him toward her, letting her other hand stroke his cheek.
Oh, God, no
. He couldn’t resist her when she used tactics
like that. He groaned and turned his head as his mouth sought out
her sexy lips. He grabbed the back of her head and deepened the
kiss, his tongue delving into the sweetness of her mouth. His dick
came to a full salute.

Shit. No
. This needed to stop.
Now.

She moaned, making him aware that his hand
was cupping her breast. Those firm breasts had been begging to be
touched for months, and he’d lain awake many nights imagining what
it would feel like to do just that. Now here she was in his lap,
his arm around her, hand touching her.

Yeah, he needed to stop this shit. Now.

His lips trailed down her neck, and her head
dropped back giving him better access as she gasped for air. He’d
never been so out of control.

God help him, but he didn’t want to stop.
Ever.

“What do you need from me, kitten?” he
whispered in her ear.

“Love me, Adam. Please, just love me.”

Oh, God
. Don’t ask for the one thing
he couldn’t give her or anyone. He pulled away and searched her
eyes, watching the sparkle fade as realization dawned on her. What
a fucking heel he was. “I’m sorry, Karla. I can have sex with you,
but there can never be anything more than that.”

“Because you still love your wife?”

He closed his eyes and pressed his forehead
against hers. No. Because he didn’t want to hurt Karla the way he’d
hurt Joni. “I made a lousy husband, Karla. You deserve someone who
can love you one-hundred percent, twenty-four/seven. I’m not that
man.”

“Bullshit.”

He pulled back and opened his eyes to find
her glaring back at him again. Well, it sure beat tears. This woman
was not the meek Karla he’d encountered in the hallways in this
house, or at the kitchen table, all these months, but the one he
remembered as a sixteen-year-old. The one he’d corresponded with
for almost nine years. Feisty, stubborn, and full of life. For some
reason, she seemed to have rediscovered that feistiness while he’d
been in the hospital. That seemed to be when everything went south
and her demeanor had changed.

“Come again?”

“You heard me. I said ‘bullshit.’ Joni loved
you and I know you loved her. You still do.” Karla’s hand reached
up to stroke his cheek and her voice softened. “But she’s been gone
a long time, Adam.”

He winced. Guilt assailed him at how he’d
treated Joni, never able to love her the way she wanted and needed
to be loved. Guilt at how he knew he’d hurt Karla if she tried to
get that close to his heart, too. Guilt—the useless emotion that
threatened to consume him before he tamped it back down. Guilt
didn’t help anything. He couldn’t remedy anything about his
relationship with Joni. But Karla was another matter.

“What would a young woman like you see in an
old man like me?”

“Would you get your head out of your ass for
once, Adam, and see what’s been in front of your face for months?
You need a living, breathing woman who can warm your bed and your
heart. You need me, whether you’re fucking ready to believe it or
not.”

“Watch your language.”

“Excuse me? I’m only a few years younger than
Grant and she swears like a…well, a Marine.”

“Grant
is
a Marine—you’re not. What’s
Grant’s age or swearing got to do with you?”

Adam had no clue what was getting Karla so
riled up, but he stroked her arm to try and calm her down,
surprised when it seemed to work.

“Adam, I don’t know what we have in common,
because you won’t let me close enough to get to know you. But I
know you served in the military, as did my brother. I know you like
to eat, so I’m having Angie teach me to cook, mainly for the joy of
watching you eat whatever I make.”

“You don’t have to go to all the
trouble…”

“Don’t interrupt.”

Damned bossy woman.

“I
want
to, Adam. I want to please
you.”

His mind zeroed in on the words “please you”
and raced to images of Karla restrained for his pleasure. His dick
needed no further encouragement. Having her sitting in his lap felt
better than anything he could imagine. Then again, maybe not. Big
mistake.

“I know you’re brave and kind and noble and
that you
care
about me or you wouldn’t have bothered to send
me all those letters for nine years—”

“Being a pen pal isn’t a reason to fall in
love with a guy.”

“I. Said. Don’t. Interrupt.” She glared until
he gave her a nod of the head. The woman had Domme written all over
her. A relationship between them would never work.

“I know you got a mountain lion to chase
after you just to save me. And I know you’re my hero.” The
intensity in her eyes and catch in her voice caused his gut to
clench.

“I’m nobody’s hero. Anyone would have done
the same when they saw you were in danger.”

She winced, and he knew he’d hurt her again,
but he needed to divest her of the notion there would ever be
anything more between them.

“Adam Montague, you will not degrade what you
did on that mountain any more than you will degrade what we shared
in your bed or I’m going to be the one wielding the whip and
striping your ass the way Damián does his masochistic subs.”

“Sorry, hon, but I don’t swing that way.”
Oh, yeah
. Definitely a dominant.
Shit.
No fucking way
was she coming after
him
with a whip. “See? We don’t even
have kink in common.”

His kitten leaned toward his ear and said in
the sexiest purr he’d ever heard, “Adam, when you bound me with
those ropes in Marc’s playroom, I was never so turned on in all my
life.” His dick felt like it was about to explode.

Damn
. Adam had known that
demonstration had been a mistake from the start and still didn’t
know how he’d ever gotten roped into it, so to speak. Karla had
seemed as surprised as he was when Angelina had suggested it.

He rubbed his hand over his face. This
conversation was going south fast. When had he lost control with
Karla? The damned cougar attack. How soon could he regain the upper
hand with her? Maybe when the fog cleared completely? At least he’d
sworn off the damned pills now.