Nolan: Return to Signal Bend (31 page)

He’d made her a promise. For a future. Iris had never before in her life seen a future for herself, but she’d seen one with him, and then he’d ridden away with that future in his hands and left her standing alone.

Moe’s shook all that loose and left her feeling broken and weak. But beating on BOB brought her strength back. When the Horde brought Nolan home—if the Horde brought Nolan home—then they would talk, and they would decide.

But she wouldn’t be left again. Not like this.

Lilli opened the spout on BOB’s base, and water rushed onto the barn’s dirt floor. “Gia, when BOB’s empty, put him away, then drop shavings over the mud before you bring the horses in. Iris, you want to come in for a drink? Got tea, lemonade, beer.”

“Thanks—I’ll be in in a minute. I’ll help Gia out here first.”

Looking unsatisfied with that idea, Lilli stood for a moment, clearly thinking. “Gia is doing some restitution with her chores, but okay. She can have help tonight. Kodi! Come on, old man. Let’s get into the air conditioning.”

Kodi creaked his way to his feet, then went to her side, tail wagging, and Gia and Iris watched Lilli and the dog walk toward the house.

“You don’t have to help.” Gia had waited until her mother was well out of earshot before she spoke. “I’m good on my own.”

Iris turned on her young friend. “What is going on? Are you angry at me? Because—”

“No! I’m not angry. I’m…I don’t know. Not angry.” She turned away, and Iris grabbed her arm.

Gia broke her grip, just as they’d been practicing, and they both grinned at that.

“What’s wrong, Gia?”

With a sigh nearly theatrically expressive, Gia sat down on the mounting block. “I’m really sorry about your face. I shouldn’t have called you. If you hate me, I get it.”

“I don’t hate you. You’re supposed to do stupid shit when you’re a teenager. You’re supposed to sneak and break rules. But that was a big barrel of stupid. You could have been really hurt. Why are you hanging out with Hilary?”

Hilary and her shitty friends had gotten through that night like Gia, unscathed except for the dosing, and the Horde had returned the girls to the Jasper house. Iris still thought she wouldn’t have minded too much if Hilary had experienced some harsher consequences for being even more of a stupid twat than her sister.

Gia’s answer to Iris’s question was a lackadaisical shrug.

“Gia, come on. What’s up?”

BOB’s base was no longer running water. Gia got up and closed the spout. She pulled the dummy back into a small room.

Apparently, they weren’t going to talk. Iris went to the stall where they kept the shavings and dumped a shovelful onto the mud, then returned the shovel to the shaving pile.

Gia stood just outside the stall when she was done. “I’m never going to have a boyfriend. Not as long as I live in this town.”

“What do you mean?”

“The guys at school will barely talk to me. They all stare, until I look back. Every guy I know is terrified of my dad
and
my mom. My mom might be the worst. I mean—the stuff we did today, the palm strikes and the hold breaks? That’s nothing. I know how to destroy a man’s knee and cripple him for life. That’s a big one with her. I know where to hit their head so I’ll probably kill them. I didn’t use the stuff she taught me because it
scares
me. It was too late before those guys scared me as much as the thought I might accidentally, like, kill one. I can shoot five different kinds of guns, and I’m an expert archer. Every guy I know thinks of me as the girl with the parents who’ll kill them if they touch me, and they don’t even know that I can kill them my own self. I’m a total freak.”

“So the other night was what?”

“I don’t know. Trying to be somebody who’s not a freak, I guess?”

“You’re not a freak, Gia. And you don’t want a guy who’s so weak he’s afraid of you or your parents. Trust me—that’s a blessing, being known as strong. Being strong.”

“I always thought I’d be with one of the Horde someday, but…there’s no one now.” She blushed and looked away, and Iris remembered that Gia had a crush on Nolan.

“Not all strong men are Horde.”

“All the strong men I know are.” She huffed and stalked off a few steps. “I just feel so
weird
. I want somebody to touch me. Sometimes I want it so bad it hurts—like, literally.”

“That’s hormones, Gia. You’re fifteen. That’ll settle down, I promise.”

“Please don’t give me the ‘urges’ speech. This isn’t that.”

Iris thought it probably was exactly that. She remembered fifteen. It had been like waking up in somebody else’s body and not knowing how to operate it.

“Okay. Have you talked to your mom?”

“God, no! God! You saw how she is—completely unreasonable. She’ll just tell my dad, and then they’ll lock me up or send me to a convent or something.

Iris laughed, trying to bite it back when Gia blushed with embarrassment and offense. “I’m sorry, Gia. But you know who my dad is. He’s, like, famous for beating on his daughters’ boyfriends. Your parents aren’t gonna lock you up. When you find the right guy, he’ll face them and stand up for himself. And he’ll think what you can do is sexy. Your mom found your dad, after all. Pretty sure your dad is into her.”

Gia rolled her eyes. “Ugh. Don’t even. They are so gross.”

“I hear ya,” Iris laughed. “My dad and Shannon, too. So, you know. It can happen. But it’s not going to happen by you acting like somebody you’re not. I one-hundred-percent promise that that is the wrong way to find a guy.”

Not looking convinced, Gia offered a nod. “Okay. Well, I hope you’re right.”

“I am. The good ones love you for who you are, and they add their strength to yours.”

~oOo~

That night, exhausted from the training session and just life in general, trying to carry on when her heart and mind and spirit were all trapped in limbo, Iris took a shower not long after supper, and she went to bed early.

For a while, she read in bed, with Toby tucked in her arm, but she kept reading the same page over and over, unable to focus, so she gave up.

When she reached for the light at the side of her bed, she saw her phone. She hadn’t called Nolan’s number since the Horde had left to find him. Tonight, though, she needed to hear his voice, so she dialed.

Instead of the message she’d heard hundreds of times by now, she got a dry female voice:
This mailbox is full. Please try your call at another time.

The strength she’d felt earlier in the Lundens’ barn was gone again, and the hopelessness had returned. Now she wouldn’t even be able to hear those few words in his voice; she’d squandered that sliver of a connection she’d still had to him.

But she didn’t want to cry anymore. So she lay in bed with her phone pressed to her forehead, fighting for enough power to simply hold back her tears.

In her hand, her phone buzzed. The vibration against her forehead rattled her teeth a little.

She checked the screen—it showed the local area code, but not a number she knew. She thought of the last time that had happened, when Gia had called. Now, though, Gia was in her phone by name. So this was somebody else, calling at ten o’clock at night.

She almost didn’t answer it, but curiosity got the better of her. “Hello?”

“Hi, babe.”

It was a trick. An illusion. Iris checked the screen again and saw the same number. No other information. She put the phone back to her ear, and opened her mouth to speak, but had no words.

“Iris? You there?”

“Nolan?”

“Yeah. I’m coming home. I’m so sorry. I don’t know if I fucked us up, but when I get home, I hope you’ll—”

“Come home,” she cut in. “Come home, come home, come home.”

He chuckled. “Tomorrow, babe. We’ll be home tomorrow.”

A sound burst from her throat: part laugh, part sob, part moan. She shoved her hand over her mouth to stop it from happening again.

He must have heard it, and there was a beat of silence between them. Then his voice, low and beautiful: “I’m sorry, Iris. I love you. If you still want it, I want everything we talked about.”

She couldn’t even begin to think in such big terms yet. “Are you okay?”

“I am now. I’ll be better than okay when I get home.” He paused, then added, “Do you love me, Iris?”

“Yes. Please hurry. But be safe.”

“I will. I’ll see you tomorrow. Good night.”

Iris slept that night with her phone in her hand.

CHAPTER TWENTY-THREE

The Horde had left Vega as he’d instructed, out in the woods. Nolan felt bad about that, leaving the man to be devoured by wolves and whatever was left of him to simply rot into the earth, but it was the way to be as sure as they could be that his death wouldn’t come back on the Horde. They’d removed all traces of Nolan’s presence, wiping down the cabin, and they’d left.

No, they hadn’t walked all twenty-plus miles to the cabin. They’d come around the long way in a van and had floated from Lake Winnipeg, up north into a smaller lake, and walked in from there. And that was the way they went back out. The hike was less than half the distance, but to get there, they’d gone through some small settlements. They were less worried about being seen than Nolan had been.

When they got back to Bismarck, they picked up their bikes, and that was when Nolan had called Iris. He wanted to be back in the States, and as sure as possible that they were safe, before he talked to her.

And now he just wanted to get home where he belonged.

His brothers were treating him like a brother—even Showdown, who’d blacked his eye and then helped him up off the ground and into another bear hug. Later, that first night, they’d all told him about what had happened with Iris and Gia, and Nolan understood that punch differently. It hadn’t been about turning his back on the Horde. It had been about leaving Show’s daughter behind.

Keeping Iris safe was on him now, and he hadn’t been where he belonged. She needed him. His club needed him. His family. His town.

He understood now.

When Nolan and his brothers passed the Signal Bend welcome sign, he raised his fist and let out a whoop.

~oOo~

Most of the Horde turned toward the clubhouse, but Nolan had other business. He needed to see his mom and his brother, and he needed to see Iris. The club had business of its own—they were meeting immediately on the question of his patch. Before he entered the clubhouse again, he had to collect his kutte from his mom’s house. As much love as his brothers had shown him, there was no guarantee that he’d leave the clubhouse with that kutte.

He’d betrayed his club. There would be consequences. But first, for now, Nolan focused on his family.

He meant to go straight home, see his mom and brother, and take a shower before he went to Iris. It had been a long time since he’d had an actual shower. But he rode down Main Street on his way home, and saw Iris’s little white pickup—she called it ‘Moby’—parked in front of Jubilee Antiques. She was working, she was right there, and he couldn’t resist.

When he backed his bike to the curb, he saw her in the window. By the time he’d dismounted, she was standing on the boardwalk.

God, her face. Like a mask under her eyes, from side to side and over her nose, her skin was mottled yellow, green and blue.

In addition to a hardcore general beating, they’d smashed the hands of all the guys who’d had Iris and Gia and the other girls—just as they’d done to the men who’d come at Lilli, Bo, and Gia at the Spring Fest. Those were righteous retaliations.

And Raider Moe’s was a boil on the back of their territory.

He should have been here. If he had, Iris would have been with him when Gia called her—or, at least, she would have called him. And he could have handled it and kept them both safe. That had been his job. He was the fucking Sergeant at Arms.

Instead, he’d been tied to a bed in the middle of nowhere, because he’d been stupid enough to think he could take on, alone, a Fed with more than twenty years of undercover work on his resume, and selfish enough to abandon every other thing in his life to chase that folly.

For a moment, they simply stood there, facing each other. Her hair was blonde again, this time a warm honey color. The sunshine made it gleam so brightly it almost sparkled.

Iris spoke first. “You’re hurt.” She stepped to him and put her fingers on his cheek.

He caught her hand and brought it to his mouth. Kissing her fingertips, he smiled and said, “Your dad. I deserved it.” They could talk about his other injury at another time. They’d have to; he wanted to be naked with her soon. If she’d still have him.

“I’m sorry I wasn’t here to keep you safe,” he murmured, brushing his thumb lightly over her nose.

“It’s okay. That’s not your job.”

“Yeah, babe. It is. I love you.”

“I missed you so much.”

Nolan couldn’t stand it anymore; he wrapped an arm around her waist and drew her close. When her arms came up over his shoulders, he lifted her, ignoring the ache in his shoulder, and held her to him, tucking his face against her neck.

She smelled fantastic. He knew he did not, and yet she held him just as tightly.

“I’m sorry.” His lips moved over the skin of her throat.

“Are you okay now?”

He lifted his head and met her eyes. “I am. I’m good. Iris, do you still love me? Did I ruin us?”

The silence between his questions and her answer made his stomach ache with regret. “I love you. We need to talk about some stuff, though.”

He’d been a dick, so he wasn’t about to challenge her assertion. Besides, she was right. They had to talk and find their footing again. “Okay. I…I can’t now, though. I have to get to my mom’s house.”

She squirmed, and Nolan set her down. “I can’t, either, right now. Geoff is negotiating a private sale, and Heather is off today. I’m on my own in the shop. I’ll be off at six, though.”

“Okay. Can I pick you up?”

When she smiled, the way she smiled, her face bright with its happy glow, Nolan knew that they would be okay.

He didn’t tell her that his patch was on the table, maybe even as they spoke. In that moment, knowing that she was still his, he knew he’d be okay whatever happened in the Keep.

He held her beautiful face in his hands and kissed her. When she bent with him, he pushed his tongue between her lips and made that kiss mean everything he could make it mean. Right out there on the Main Street boardwalk.

“Nolan,” she murmured when he pulled back. “Take a shower at your mom’s, okay?”

He laughed and kissed her bruised nose. “Planning on it. Sorry for the stench.”

She shrugged, and then her fingers scratched over his cheeks. “But don’t shave. I like that your beard is back.”

It had been weeks since he’d shaved, and he had nearly a full winter beard, which he’d been looking forward to ridding himself of. He hated wearing a beard in the summer. It felt like a wool scarf, and Missouri summers were hot and muggy. It was on his tongue to protest a little, but then his girl lifted up on her toes and brushed her lips over his cheek.

“I like the way it feels,” she whispered. And Nolan figured he’d just throw out his razor instead.

Turning his head to capture her mouth, he kissed her again, this time walking her to the building and pressing her into it so that she could feel how much he’d missed her.

Finally, she tore her mouth from his with a loud, desperate gasp, sucking air in. “I…we…I should…”

Nolan set her down with a chuckle. “Sorry. Couldn’t help myself. I’ll be back at six.” He kissed her forehead and went back to his bike.

She was still on the boardwalk as he pulled away. He blew her a kiss.

Yeah, he was okay.

~oOo~

His mom flew into his arms as soon as he stepped into the house. His brother, on the other hand, gave him a nasty look and stomped down the hall to his room.

Nolan watched him go. “Fuck.”

“He’s had some trouble with you gone.” His mom stepped back and stared hard at him, her eyes still shining with tears. “Nolan, I’m so glad you’re home. I love you unconditionally, you know that. And I understand your restlessness. I hope you got what you needed from this…whatever it was. But I want to say something to you. You’ve been left a lot in your life. I know it hurts you. But your brother has, too. And
you’re
the one who’s left him the most.”

The words hit him like a strike, and he took a step back. “What?”

“How can you not see it? He never knew Hav.
You’re
the man in his life. You went to SoCal when he was five. Everybody else came back in a couple of weeks. You stayed away more than a year. No warning, nothing. This time, you left your kutte and disappeared. It was days before we even knew if you were alive—and until last night, we still weren’t really sure. You’re the one who leaves Loki. I know you do it because you need it, but
you’re
what he needs.”

“Jesus. I’m…fuck.” He really was a selfish prick. For so long, he’d been trapped in the hole Havoc had left. It had never occurred to him that he was leaving a hole just as big. It had never occurred to him that he was so important, so necessary.

“I’m sorry.”

His mom smiled and kissed his cheek. “I get it. He doesn’t. Make it right with him.” She wrinkled her nose. “And then take a shower. Ugh.”

Nolan smiled. “Everybody keeps telling me to wash. I’m gonna get a complex about it.”

“As long as you’re clean when you do.” She turned back toward the kitchen, then stopped about halfway and faced him again. “You know, I had a conversation not all that different with Hav once, about you. The day you shot at him? Remember?”

He did. Havoc had hurt his mom pretty bad, put her in the hospital, and then freaked out and bailed when he’d found out she was pregnant—with Loki. He hadn’t meant to hurt her, but he
had
meant to bail. Nolan had been more furious than he could process, and he’d been stuck in a wheelchair, recovering from being hit by a truck on one of his walkabouts. When Havoc had come to try to make it right, Nolan had shot at him. He’d meant to shoot to kill, but he’d never shot a gun until that moment. He’d missed wildly.

“Yeah, I remember. Of course I do.”

“I told him he had to make it right with you. And he did. Now it’s your turn.”

Nolan went down the hall and knocked on his brother’s door.

“Go away!”

He knocked again. “Already did that, big guy. Now I’m back. I want to apologize.”

“Fuck you!”

Nolan chuckled. Their mom was pretty mellow about language, and both her sons had picked up some salty vocabulary early. He tried the knob. When it turned freely, he opened the door. His brother sat on the floor, packing up a box of Nolan’s old comics. “I’m sorry, Loke. I screwed up. Can I come in and talk about it?”

“You suck.”

He went in. “Yeah, I do. I had some stuff making my head noisy. I had to work it out. But I shouldn’t have left the way I did.”

Loki dumped some more comics into the box. He wasn’t being careful or putting them back in their sleeves. Even though Nolan never opened those boxes anymore, he felt a pang to see them treated so carelessly.

He crouched and laid his hand on Loki’s neck. “I love you, guy. I’m sorry you haven’t been able to count on me like you should.”

“Doesn’t matter.” There was much less fire in his tone now.

Nolan sat on the floor and picked up an X-Men issue. “It matters a lot. I’m done leaving now, I promise. I’m staying put.”

Loki didn’t answer, but he stopped stuffing comics in the box and instead opened one of them. For several minutes, they sat together on the floor, reading.

Finally, Loki said, “You missed my birthday.”