She had steadfastly avoided thinking about children because children meant commitment and commitment meant caring and that was altogether too dangerous, but she couldn’t stop the thought that it would be nice to have an apple-cheeked little girl of her own rolling in the snow with a puppy. Unfortunately, the exact image that came to mind was of a native child with Clint Sisnuket’s coloring and sensual mouth. She didn’t dare glance his way in case he caught a glimpse of her longing.
That
would scare the hell out of him. Who was she kidding? It scared the hell out of her.
They pulled up to a rectangular building. “Here we are. That was Lila’s granddaughter you just videotaped. Lila’s a basketweaver.”
“I’ll show her the footage if you point her out. It’s definitely grandma material.”
She followed him into the building. Inside reminded Tessa of the airstrip office in that the walls, floor, and ceiling were all wooden. An assortment
of round and rectangular tables were scattered about the room. A radio played country music in one corner and the sound of women talking and laughing floated through the air. A group of toddlers played in one corner with an assortment of toys. Two babies slept on blankets. The whole place exuded a homey, good energy.
Several of the women waved and called out to Clint but went on with their business. The women ranged in age from what looked like teenagers to great grandmothers. Although a couple of the women shot curious looks her way, she had no doubt they all already knew who she was and why she was here. If nothing else, she’d figured out that news traveled fast in the Alaskan bush.
They approached the basket weaving table. “Afternoon, ladies. I brought the bark I promised.” He reached inside his jacket and pulled out the strips. “And this is Tessa Bellingham, who’s in Good Riddance shooting nature videos. She wanted to stop by and see the baskets.”
Tessa was already fixated on the works of art on the table. She’d thought the bark was lovely when she’d seen it before, but now that she saw it woven…“Hello,” she said, glancing around the table and then back to the baskets. “They’re beyond lovely.” She shook her head in wonderment. “It’s like seeing poetry. The lines are so fluid, you can almost see the movement.”
Several of the women smiled, nodding, obviously pleased with her assessment. She hadn’t, however, said it to garner favor, she’d only spoken the truth. “Would you mind if I watched you work?”
“I could show you how it’s done,” one of the older women offered.
“I’m not very coordinated but I’d love that if I won’t be holding you up.”
“Tessa, this is Lila Whitehorse. It was her granddaughter you taped outside,” Clint said.
“She’s adorable,” Tessa said, pulling out her camera. She showed the footage to Lila whose grin nearly split her face when she watched the antics of the little girl and the puppy. All of the women at the table got up and gathered around, eager to see. Tessa enjoyed viewing it again, especially because it made everyone smile and laugh. There was nothing quite like sharing happiness.
Lila looked at Clint. “Bring an extra chair and put it here next to me.”
All the other women slid their own seats over a bit to make room. Lila patted the empty spot. “Now, you come sit next to me,” she said to Tessa, “and I will show you how to weave with the bark that flows.”
A quarter of an hour later Tessa couldn’t believe that she, who historically had been all thumbs when it came to any kind of crafting skill outside of beading, seemed to actually have the hang of weaving the beautiful bark. The footage had definitely been
an ice-breaker and the women had all made her feel welcome. There was something very soothing and peaceful about the tactile experience of working with the bark, of actually creating something that was not only useful but beautiful. In fact, the camaraderie of the women in general had the same effect on Tessa.
She was in the middle of laughing while Elaine, a woman who appeared to be Tessa’s age, recounted the antics of her toddler, when a sudden silence descended on the room except for the radio and the children. Tessa turned to look at the door, which is where everyone else seemed to have fixed their attention.
An older, dark-haired woman and a much younger woman stood just inside the room. The younger woman looked decidedly uncomfortable. Clint stepped forward, “Hello, Grandmother, we were going to stop by and visit on the way out.”
His grandmother merely inclined her head in acknowledgment as she crossed the room and approached Tessa’s table, the younger woman in tow.
Even though there was a smile on her face, her eyes were flat, which indicated her hostility as far as Tessa was concerned. Tessa stood, since it just seemed the right thing to do.
The other right thing to do was to grab the bull by the horns, so to speak. “Hello, I’m Tessa Bellingham. I’ve just been enjoying learning the basics of bark weaving.” She offered her friendliest, most charming smile.
The other woman’s smile didn’t reach her eyes, which held a glimmer of malice. “I’m Clint’s grandmother and this is Ellie, his fiancée.”
“S
HE’S NOT MY FIANCÉE
,”
Clint said the moment Tessa slammed—and she did
slam
—the truck door closed. He put the truck in gear and headed back toward town.
“That’s convenient for you to say now that we’re not in front of anyone.” She stared steadfastly out the passenger window.
“Tessa, it would’ve been disrespectful to my grand mother and humiliated Ellie if I had spoken up. I can’t call my grandmother a liar in public but every woman in there knows Ellie isn’t my fiancée.”
“It’s really none of my business.”
“I’m making it your business. My grandmother’s been pushing me and Ellie at each other for a long time now but she and I both know there’s nothing there. Intellectually, we should be perfect together but it’s just not happening. Didn’t you notice how miserable Ellie looked?”
“She did look fairly unhappy,” Tessa grudgingly conceded.
“That’s an understatement.”
“For Pete’s sake then, why doesn’t she just stand up to your grandmother? Ellie doesn’t have to disrespect your grandmother in public but she could have a private conversation and tell her how she feels.”
That was easy enough to answer. “Because she’s not you.” Tessa had been careful not to show his grand mother any disrespect but she had also “handled” her. “You held your own against my grandmother today and that’s no easy feat, but Ellie isn’t as strong a woman as you are.”
Which was probably why he and Ellie had never clicked. Not that Tessa was loud or abrasive, but she possessed a quiet strength and strong will Ellie would never know.
“Your grandmother hated me,” she said, with a slight pause, giving him the opportunity to step in and deny it.
“She didn’t hate you, but I’m not going to lie and tell you she liked you. She didn’t.” He regretted how bewildered and hurt she looked and the role he played in that.
“But she just met me. She doesn’t even know me. How could she not like me? I’m not used to people disliking me without a reason.”
How did he explain it was prejudice, plain and simple? His grandmother had decided before even
meeting Tessa that she didn’t like her based on her skin and hair color. Instead he told her, “It’s complicated and wrong but it’s really not about you.”
She smiled, her first smile since they got back in the truck, and it was amazing how damn glad he was to see it. “It certainly felt like it was about me, but I don’t suppose it could’ve been since she doesn’t even know me.”
“I’m sorry she was rude to you. That’s not normally the native way.”
She shrugged. “I’m pretty tough-skinned. I just wasn’t expecting it.” She paused as if unsure to continue, but then she did. “And I have to say it was pretty surprising when she announced you were engaged.” He knew he would’ve felt as if he’d been kicked in the gut had the situation been reversed. And she must’ve thought he was all kinds of a jerk to have made love to her when he was engaged to some one else. She sent an almost-shy smile his way. “I suppose it doesn’t matter, but I’m glad you’re not engaged.”
He’d sworn he wouldn’t touch her again but he couldn’t seem to help himself. He pulled the truck over to the side of the deserted road, put it in park, and turned to her. He tentatively reached across the space separating them, giving her ample opportunity to object or back away. She did neither.
He cupped her jaw in his hand and she leaned into his touch, rubbing her cheek against his fingers, as
if she’d missed him. He’d wanted to do this all day. He’d told himself time and time again it was a bad idea…and it
was
a bad idea…but sometimes there was no getting around it. You just had to go with a bad idea.
“Tessa.” He breathed her name on a sigh. He drew her toward him.
“Clint.” She came willingly, meeting him halfway across the distance separating them. She cupped her hand behind his neck, burying her fingers in his hair.
His lips found hers and it was like a homecoming. She tasted sweet and tempting and he kissed her with all the longing he’d kept penned inside all day. She handed his passion back to him in equal measure.
They broke apart.
“I’ve wanted to do that all day,” he confessed, tracing his finger along the line of her lower lip.
“Hmm. Me too.”
“It’s a bad idea,” he said.
“Terrible.” She kissed him again.
“Awful.” He licked her bottom lip.
“Your room or mine tonight?” she said.
“Maybe both.”
M
ERRILEE LOOKED UP AS
Bull crossed the floor.
“I heard what you said to Tad today,” he said without preamble.
“Which part?”
“The last part. Thank you.”
“So you missed the part where I told him I wouldn’t divorce him?”
“You what?”
“I’m not divorcing him.”
“The hell you’re not.”
“Nope. Jenna doesn’t deserve what she’s going to get with Tad. Somebody has to save that girl from her self, and as long as he’s married to me, he can’t shackle her to him. That would be bigamy, and while he might be a jerk, he doesn’t do stuff that’s illegal.”
“You know how I feel about you being married, and you’re going to stay married to rescue someone you just met? Are you sure it isn’t that you can’t let him go?”
“I know you don’t mean what you just said. I despise him. But Jenna could be my daughter, Bull. I can’t let that girl make the same mistake I made twenty-five years ago because I’m just not sure she has the emotional fortitude to get away from him…and look how long it’s taken me and I’m still not free of him. I can’t abandon her to that.”
He pulled her into his arms and rested his chin on the top of her head. “You’re something else. You know that, Merrilee Danville Weatherspoon? I love you.”
She brushed her fingers against the scars marring his neck. “I know you do. And I love you too.”
He nodded and there was a sad resignation in his eyes, along with an uncompromising resolution. “I love you, but I won’t ask you to marry me again.”
He had just firmly tossed the ball into her court. Even with the paperwork signed, getting to a yes on her part would have been hard enough. Now she just couldn’t envision a point in the foreseeable future when she would ever get to
would you…?
Her marriage to Tad aside, it looked like she and Bull were back to where they’d always been which should have been comforting. Why, then, did it feel so dang depressing?
T
ESSA FOLLOWED
C
LINT
down the stairs the following morning, appreciating all over again the breadth of his shoulders. They’d wound up in her room last night and Tessa was fairly certain Merrilee had a good idea that was the case.
Tessa would be leaving and Clint was the one who had to live here but he seemed okay with Merrilee knowing. For all that there were no secrets in Good Riddance, Tessa knew Merrilee wouldn’t be passing along any gossip about them. It just wasn’t Merrilee’s way.
“Morning,” Merrilee called out as they came down the last step.
They returned her greeting. “We’re catching break fast at Gus’s and then we’ll be heading out to see the eagles.”
Eagle viewing was on-schedule for today. Tessa was stoked. They’d drive as far as possible and then sled the rest of the way in to a location where the eagles nested. As Clint had explained in the emails they’d exchanged prior to the trip, it was an unusual opportunity.
Most bald eagles headed to coastal areas in the winter as they required an open body of water that remained unfrozen. Good Riddance was far enough north that most rivers and lakes froze, but Mirror Lake had thermal properties. It remained thawed year round, thus supplying the necessary open body of water and food source for the mighty birds, which were prolific fishers. Clint had assured her she’d get some awesome footage, particularly as the entire area would be rimmed in snow with steam rising off the thermal lake. As with every day that she’d been here, she was looking forward to the trip.
“It should be the perfect day for it,” Merrilee said. “What else is on today’s schedule?”
“Snowshoeing this afternoon in the Chinna area. There’s been lots of moose activity out that way. Lucky’s going to hook us up with a lunch to go.”
Tessa had to think for a second, she’d met so many people. Oh, yeah. Lucky was Gus’s short-order cook who handled the breakfast and lunch demand. A retired military cook, he ran the kitchen with a tight precision. The dinner hour, however, was Gus’s responsibility.
“Excellent.”
Using the connecting door between the airstrip and the restaurant, they walked into Gus’s. About three quarters of the tables were taken.
“Bar or booth?” Clint asked.
“Let’s do the bar.” There was something about sitting at the long counter where you could see the room and who was coming and going in the mirror over the bar.
Teddy, the pony-tailed, twenty-something blonde who served as Gus’s second in command came over with a coffee pot in hand. “High-test for you this morning?” she said with a friendly smile.
“Please.”
“Sounds good to me.”
Teddy poured two steaming mugs of the fragrant brew.
“Do y’all need a minute or have you already decided on breakfast?”
It was funny but Tessa suspected Merrilee’s southern accent had rubbed off on Teddy with her use of “y’all.” Tessa and Clint both ordered eggs, toast and hash browns.
Clint’s knee brushed against Tessa’s and a tremor ran through her. How could he so thoroughly turn her inside out in such a short amount of time? She didn’t have that answer. All she knew was that he did.
Teddy had just stepped into the open kitchen and called their order out to Lucky when the airstrip door
swung open and Tad and Jenna came in, sitting a few seats down from Tessa and Clint at the bar.
“Have you ever seen an eagle’s nest?” Clint asked.
“Never. That’s one reason I’m so excited.”
“Their nests are the largest of any bird’s in North America. The eagles add to the nest every year and some of them can be up to thirteen feet deep and weigh a metric ton.”
“Wow!” Before she could respond further, Tad raised his voice at Jenna, making it impossible not to overhear.
“I said you’re not going back over there today.”
“But I’ve got two nail jobs coming in. You should see how thrilled they were when they heard I could do it.”
“We didn’t come all the way to Alaska for you to do nails. We’re supposed to be sightseeing.”
Jenna wrinkled her nose. “But I don’t like snowmobiling.”
“You wanna go dogsledding?”
“Uh-uh. It’s too cold. I wanna go do nails at Curl’s.”
“What? I’m supposed to hang out by myself? I did that yesterday. It doesn’t work that way.”
“Well, then come over to Curl’s with me. It’s real interesting. He does taxidermy and hair cutting and when people croak in town, that’s where they take them.”
“Jesus H. Christ. We travel four thousand miles to hang out with dead animals and dead people.”
She waved her hand, laughing. “Nah, nobody’s dead right now. Oh, c’mon, Daddy, it’ll be fun. I’ll give you a manicure while we’re there.”
“Pedicure, too?”
“You know it.”
Tessa sipped at her coffee and exchanged a smile with Clint. She couldn’t fathom him signing on for a mani/pedi. Teddy showed up with their breakfast.
An hour and a half later they were following Kobuk and the sled, the wind whipping against her face through scenery she found breathtaking. They had spotted a cabin a couple of rises over and the wind carried the heady scent of woodsmoke. The trail cut through towering evergreens, their boughs heavy with snow. Tessa wasn’t sure when she’d ever been happier. It was one of those perfect moments in time.
Clint tapped her on the shoulder, and once he had her attention, he pointed above them. Overhead an eagle circled, checking them out.
They topped a small rise and Tessa gasped at what lay before them. A lake, steam rising off the surface, was surrounded by trees, while snow blanketed the ground. Something inside her responded, a recognition, an acknowledgment. She turned, smiling, toward Clint. With a single command, he stopped Kobuk and the sled.
Even though they’d passed a cabin, their location was remote enough that silence thickened the air.
“What do you think?” he asked, pride evident in his voice.
“I think it’s incredibly beautiful.”
“I thought you would. It’s pretty special out here.”
“Yes, it is.”
He was pretty special himself. She thought it was a darn good thing Clint Sisnuket belonged in Alaska, because if he wound up in Tucson and she saw much more of him, she’d be in imminent danger of falling in love, and falling in love was the very last thing she wanted to do. Falling in love meant caring, and caring meant opening yourself up to soul-numbing hurt, and she wanted nothing to do with that particular poison.
Pointing in the distance, he said, “There’s a nest. Do you see it?”
It took her a second or two to spot it. There it was, an enormous compilation of sticks. “Awesome.”
“We’ll set you up somewhere near the nest. Will that work?”
“I’m sure it will be fine. All of the other places you’ve chosen have been great. I think you might have a bit of an artist’s eye,” she said, teasing him.
He merely grinned and set them in motion once again. An hour later, Kobuk was out of his traces and curled up on the snow. Tessa had set up the tripod on
the top of a hill and captured two eagles “fishing” in the steam-blanketed lake. She was beyond pleased with that.
Clint had just flashed her a smile when a terrible sense of foreboding washed over her unlike anything she’d experienced before. She was about to mention it to him when out of nowhere an eagle appeared, which in and of itself wasn’t unusual, except this eagle was flying with talons fully extended as if it had spotted an appropriate prey. Clint spotted the bird diving straight at him.
Tessa could only watch in horror as Clint waved his arms and yelled in an attempt to deter the attack without success. What happened next was like a bad dream. The eagle flew into Clint which sent him tumbling down the snow-covered hill. At the bottom of the hill, a cracking sound and his cry reverberated in the silence. Her heart was racing ninety to nothing while she waited for him to stand back up. It took her a few seconds to realize he wasn’t going to.