Northern Proposals (2 page)

"Thank you,
Jade," she said again.

* * *

We made small talk while she drove us out of town. Traffic was heavy but not terrible, and I decided she was a good driver.

Once we were clear of the city I asked her to tell me more about the cabin.

"The drive is pretty," she said, "especially the second half. It's a modest, quiet lake, big enough for water skiing, but Marcy specifically told me I couldn't use the ski boat. But the pontoon boat is my brother's. We can't ski behind it, but it makes a good boat to sit out on the lake. Jon bought it used. It's very old, actually, and when he bought it, I thought it was a piece of junk. But he stripped it down and rebuilt everything. It's not fancy or stylish, but it's very practical, and I'd rather use it than the ski boat any day."

Her tone changed, becoming almost dreamy and a little distant
. "The water is nice. Clear. It might be a little chilly. At night, you can hear the loons. There's a fireplace, and Jon cuts the firewood; he told me to use all I want. I brought all the food, and we won't touch any food up there. " Her tone changed again, and I was growing to recognize the tone she used when thinking about her sister-in-law. "We need to make sure the place is spotless when we leave. If there's one grain of sand, Marcy will make sure I hear about it."

"What's with your sister-in-law?"

"She's a homophobe."

"Oh," I said. "I'm sorry."

"She hates me, but she treats Jon very well. He apologizes to me for her, but they do love each other, so I don't go out of my way to bait her. We mostly stay out of each other's way."

"You really groveled to her to get the cabin?"

"Pretty much," Jessica said shortly before her tone became less harsh. "That may be overstating it. She wasn't actually being a bitch about it, but she was put out that I asked. We were together at mother's day. I hadn't actually planned on asking her, but you know what work has been for all of us over the spring. We were both in the kitchen, doing the dishes together, and it just sort of slipped out. 'Marcy, could I use the cabin sometime in the middle of June?' Marcy didn't respond right away, but once it was out, I realized how much I wanted it."

"So what happened?"

"She stood there, staring at me silently for a long time, then she just said, 'Jessica.' I swear, that woman thinks I can turn her gay just by getting her to say my name. I'm sure she thinks I'm going to leave gay germs all over the cabin. You know, she won't let me babysit the kids or spend any time around them unless she's watching?"

She looked over at me, and I could see the pain in her eyes. "It's not like I'm going to have any of my own any
time soon. I like kids. I could, you know, make arrangements to make a baby, but I want a stable relationship first. A real family."

"I'm sorry," I told her. "I know what you mean about kids.
I've thought about that, too. There is time."

"So anyway,"
Jessica said. "I told her how much we've been working. I rented a cabin at a resort last year, but it wasn't remotely as relaxing as going to her place, and I told her that. I probably babbled for a while, then I promised to do whatever she asked in exchange." She paused. "When I was done, I realized I had embarrassed myself badly, and I wished I hadn't asked. We both stared quietly at each other, and then she offered this weekend and told me to make sure it was spotless when I left. She gave me restrictions. Stay out of her bedroom. Don't touch the ski boat, and do not act all gay in town."

"She actually said that?" I asked her.

"Yes. And it was 'my bedroom' not 'our bedroom'."

"I thought you said she treats Jon well."

"She does." Jessica appeared thoughtful. "I don't get all their dynamics, but they dote on each other, and it doesn't look like an act. I think he's the only one she lets her hair down around. She doesn't have to prove anything to him." Jessica shrugged. "She's brilliant and has a good job. She's a good mother. She doesn't have anything to prove to anyone. I'm not sure she has good parents. I met them a few times, and they seemed like the disapproving type. They certainly didn't like me, and I've been pretty conservative around them."

"Family can suck." I said.

"Yeah. But you understand how I wasn't going to give up my weekend."

"We'll have fun. What will we do when we're not working?"

"Flirt."

I laughed.

"Seriously," she said. "I like to take the boat out into the middle of the lake and use it as a swimming platform. We can swim from shore, too. It's a nice swimming spot. But swimming off the boat is fun. Jon has it rigged for swimming, partying and fishing. He thought about it a long time before he rebuilt it. He keeps two large coolers up there with wheels. You can roll them all the way from the cabin down onto the boat and into a cubby underneath two of the benches. There are spots everywhere for putting your drinks. He built a platform that folds up against the side of the boat most of the time, but you can lower it, and when lowered, it sits right at water level for climbing back onto the boat. It's great."

She talked for a while about making
s'mores and listening to the loons.

We continued to talk as we drove up Highway 169, eventually reaching Lake Mille
Lacs, a large lake that can be considered the gateway to lakes country in northern Minnesota. We talked about family; mine was all still in Iowa. Hers was all local. We talked about friends and our social lives.

"Do you have a boyfriend?" she asked me at one point.

"No. I did, but after a while all he wanted to do was play his computer game, some online game. I would come over to his place, dressed a lot like you are now, and instead of paying attention to me, he'd play his game."

"Did you ever play with him?"

"No."

"I had a girl friend who was a gamer," Jessica told me. "She had all these online friends, all undersexed boys, and when we would voice chat while gaming, you could practically hear them drooling."

I laughed. "So you play computer games?"

"I did with her. It was fun, but not something I could obsess over. She was into it a lot more than I was. She went to conventions and would dress up for them. She was very popular."

"I bet that's why she did it."

"Partly. She did like the games, but she liked the attention more. She didn't get much of it in high school. Even I found it was flattering, and some of the guys were kind of cute, if guys are your type." She paused. "Hang on, need to make this turn."

We had reached the northern end of Lake Mille Lacs, driving up the west side of the lake. She pulled into the left turn lane, waited for an opening, and made the turn. "How about a quick stop?" she suggested.

"Sure."

We pulled into a full service station, and she drove to the pumps. "We don't need gas, but I may as well fill up anyway." We climbed out. She began pumping the gas then switched to cleaning the windshield. I watched and talked to her.

Right then
I decided something: I liked her. Not wanting to have sex with her sort of like, but just liked her. And admired her. She was dead sexy, I had to admit, especially the way she was dressed, but she wasn't paying attention to anyone else while she was taking care of her car. I wasn't sure what that meant, but it gave me something to think about. Plus she didn't act like she needed someone to take care of her. I liked that about her. She exuded an aura of quiet competence, I guess.

She paid for the gas at the pump but then headed towards the store, giving me a playful little bump as she stepped past me. "Salt," she said. "And maybe some empty calories. Calories don't count this weekend."

"Yeah, right," I told her. "You don't keep that figure with that attitude."

"I'm going for a ten mile run in the morning," she said. "Will you join me?"

"Ten miles? Seriously?" She nodded. "You know, I'd like to go with you, but I don't know if I can keep up, and ten miles might be more than I would like."

We stepped into the convenience store. We each found some salt, some empty calories, and things to drink. When we got to the register, Jessica took everything I was holding and paid for it.

"I should have paid for that," I told her when we stepped outside. "You're paying for everything else."

"I promised you a no-expenses weekend," she said, smiling at me.

"But-"

"I'm happy you're here, Jade." She put an arm around me and hugged me, shoulder to shoulder.
Then she held my car door for me again. Most of the guys I dated didn't open my car door, but she did. It was nice.

She got us on the road and said, "About two more hours. I have picnic style food in the cooler behind you. Hungry?"

"What was all the salt and sugar for then?"

"Mostly I wanted a
little longer break to stretch. But don't worry, I'll go through all the salty treats I bought and half of yours."

"Have you just admitted your weakness?
I was starting to think you were Super Woman."

"Oh, I have more weaknesses than that," she said. "Hang on, another turn." It was a right turn. We were heading north again. "Okay, can you reach the food? It's all on top. Finger food."

"Sure," I said. I raided the cooler. She had sandwiches in one bag, cut up fresh vegetables in the second, and grapes in the third.

"I hope you're not a vegetarian," she said. "Susan is definitely a carnivore, so I made sandwiches accordingly.
Two of the sandwiches are turkey, two are roast beef."

"Carnivore here," I told her. "What sandwich do you want?"

"One of either," she said. "And if you can open the bags and put them where I can reach them, that would be great."

We ate quietly for several minutes. "Sorry," she said. "I kind of wolfed the sandwich."

"Did you want another?"

"No
, thank you." She glanced at me. "About the morning. We can walk if you don't want to run. Or I can go alone. Across the road from the cabin is a state park. There is a bunch of hiking trails. It's just through the trees and pretty flat, but it's still pretty. I like bringing my camera."

"I'd like that," I told her. "Mosquitoes?"

"Probably. I brought spray. I'm the only one who gets to bite you this weekend."

I laughed. "I don't think you'll be biting me, either."

"Ah, you have left a window of hope wide open for me. I will bask in the knowledge you didn't flat out say 'no'." Jessica glanced over and looked me up and down pointedly before returning her attention to the road.

"You wouldn't want to bite me
," I replied. "I taste like straight girl."

She
laughed and glanced over at me. "You're okay. For a straight girl."

I watched the trees slide past our window
. It was a beautiful evening, and traffic was now much lighter, the road narrower, the trees closer to the road, a mix of oak, birch and swatches of pine trees. It was gorgeous, and riding along in Jessica's car left me feeling relaxed.

"Jessica?"

"Yes, Jade?"

"How did you know you were gay?"

"Is that what you were thinking about for the last fifteen minutes?"

"No, I was thinking how beautiful the drive
is, and how relaxed I am starting to feel, and then suddenly I wanted to talk to you again."

"So you asked the hardest question you could ask." But she was smiling. "For me, it was a process. I dated guys in high school, and I had fun with some of them, but when I got to college, and they wanted to step up the physical intimacy, I found I just wasn't interested. So I continued to date, but casually." She paused, remembering. "Then, during my junior year over winter break, I was at a New Year's Eve party. And you know how it's traditional to kiss right at midnight?"

"You kissed a girl?"

"Yeah."

"And that's how you knew?"

"No, but the seed was planted. It was a really nice kiss. She was a little drunk. Not a lot drunk, just a little, enough to have lowered inhibitions, and she decided to really make it a nice kiss, not just the little peck I was expecting. She wrapped her arms around my neck, and she was able to raise my blood pressure by several notches before she let me go."

"Wow."

"That's what I said," Jessica said, laughing.

"Was she gay?"

"
No. She called me the next day, completely embarrassed, and we both got teased about it for a long time afterwards, but I realized I had enjoyed kissing her more than I had ever enjoyed kissing any guys. By senior year I was actively trying to find women to date, although I was pretty stupid about it."

"Oh?"

"I didn't do anything stupid, stupid. No bad choices. I was just bad at it. I didn't know how to find them. I could find the militant lesbians, you know, the ones who hate men, but I found I didn't like them. I had horrible gaydar; I still do, actually. So dating was a frustrating experience for me."

"And now?"