Not About Love (This Love Book 2) (22 page)

I remembered thinking what an odd omen it was.

When I turned around, I was transfixed by Ally’s body. In the bluish light of the night, her skin had this glow that made her look even more ethereal. I remembered jokingly howling at her and devouring her with my mouth and my hands, unable to get enough of her. I remembered her laughter and how perfectly
happy
I was.

Yeah, we had gotten pretty wasted that night.

“It could have been that night,” I mumbled. I hadn’t mean for that night—or any other night—to have life-changing consequences. We had fun together, but it wasn’t more than that. I liked my life the way it was; I didn’t want to change it. I had promised myself I would never get involved, never fall in love again.

Despite how much I liked Ally, I didn’t want to change.

I wanted things to stay the way they were, but it was probably too late for that.

Still, if I didn’t get involved, if I didn’t fall in love, I couldn’t get hurt. Despite what Roger had said, I didn’t want a relationship.

Then there was the fact that I had not stopped thinking about her since I had gotten back, and I didn’t like it.

“I’m not expecting anything from you, Boyd. If you want to be part of the baby’s life, we’ll figure it out. Maybe you could get to see the baby when I come visit my parents.”

Her words made me snap out of my internal ramblings.

“No…no, I can’t do that. I can’t just forget about my share of the responsibilities and let you deal with everything by yourself.” I didn’t think I could ever forgive myself if I let Ally raise our kid on her own, not to mention the shit I would get from my family.

I might have been a selfish bastard most of the time, but I never ran away from responsibility. I would never be that kind of man. I would never be the type to turn my back on a situation like this.

“Ally…let me sort things out, and I promise you, I’ll be there for you. I’ll call you soon.”

RADIO SILENCE.

That’s what I got for weeks. He had said he’d call me, but he didn’t. He disappeared.

Liar.

I couldn’t deny that I was hurt, but I also couldn’t say I was surprised.

Over the years I had learned to expect nothing from men. He was just one more name to add to a long list of failures.

Despite that, a part of me had been rooting for him. I thought he would honor his word. I knew the news had shocked him as much as it had shocked me, but I had thought he’d come around…eventually.

When I finally got a call, it was not from the Mr. Rivers I was expecting to hear from. It was Lou. I had given Ella permission to tell him after I talked to Boyd; she had been dying to let him know. Everyone seemed to be excited about me having a baby—well, everyone except me…and the father-to-be.

“Has he called you?” Lou asked over the phone.

I let out a breath. “He hasn’t.”

“When was the last time you talked to him?”

“A couple weeks ago?” I guessed.

“A couple weeks ago? What the fuck? The douchebag didn’t tell me that. What’s wrong with him?”

“I don’t know; you tell me. We talked a couple days after I gave him the news, and he said he was going to take care of some stuff and figure out a few things. I think he said something about coming over for a few weeks, but I haven’t heard back from him. It doesn’t matter, really.”

“What? No, Ally. This is not right. My brother needs to take responsibility for what he’s done.”

“I don’t want him to owe me anything. We…we just need to find a way to co-parent this child.”

“Co-parent…that sounds like such a stiff word,” he scoffed.

“Well, what do you want me to say?”

“It’s not what I want you to say, it’s what he needs to do. He needs to take care of you and the baby.”

I laughed. “Excuse me? Have we met? I can take care of myself, thank you very much.”

He laughed. “I know. I know you can. If there’s anyone who can do it on their own, it’s you, but that doesn’t diminish the fact that he needs to man up. He needs to step it up and be there for you. I can’t believe the fucker is just washing his hands of all this. Wait until my parents hear about it. They’re going to rip him a new one.”

“Oh, gosh. Please don’t, Lou.”
This is plenty embarrassing and heartbreaking as it is.
“If this is the way he’s going to act, let him deal with it. He’s a grown man. He should be trying to do the responsible thing on his own.”

“You’re right, but I’m still going to have a talk with him. I’m sorry you’re having to deal with this—with him. Good grief, this is fucked up.”

“Tell me about it,” I said, resigned. “Then again, Lou…I want to try to see his side, too. This happened, but what he’s supposed to do? Drop everything and rush to my side?”

“He’s the one who put you in this position.”

“Sure, it’s our responsibility, but I’m the one who made the decision to keep the baby. I think Boyd just hasn’t come around…yet.”

“I promise you, things will get better. If he’s not going to pick up his slack, the rest of us will. You have no idea how excited my mother is. I’m actually surprised she hasn’t been emailing you or calling you. My asshole brother might still need some time to come around, but I can tell you, we’re all very excited. This baby is going to be very loved, Ally.”

I felt tears pricking my eyes. “Gosh, Lou. Stop it or you’re going to make me cry…and you know I’m not a softie.”

“Do I know that?” He laughed. “Listen, how’s my girl?”

“Ella’s good…she’s been very busy but she’s fine. Do you need me to keep an eye on her?”

“Oh, no. She can take care of herself these days…but I do need your help for something else.”

Lou needed my help throwing Ella a surprise, and it wasn’t the first time. Two years before he had thrown her a surprise birthday party, and that was the night she finally realized how much she cared for him and that she shouldn’t let him go.

This year, he wanted to do something similar, only this time, he was going to propose.

* * *

I was never the jealous or envious type of girl. I was the one who always had her girlfriends’ backs—sisters before misters and all that—but I couldn’t deny that organizing a surprise engagement party for Ella made me feel a little sorry for myself.

Here I was at thirty-four years old, pregnant and single with no prospects of a partner or even a friend to raise this child with. I had yet to hear back from the baby’s father.

I spoke with Lou a couple different times after our initial conversation and tried to tell him to leave his brother alone. I didn’t want anyone else to get involved in this messy situation, and I didn’t want Boyd to assume his responsibilities because his family told him to.

I’d have rather raise the child on my own.

I was hoping that now that I wasn’t PMSing any more I wouldn’t suffer from crazy-ass mood swings, but alas, I was wrong. I started reading some articles about pregnancy and childbirth, and it looked like I was doomed.

Freaking crazy pregnancy hormones had taken over.

I was distracted and moody every damn day, and since I had been cutting back on coffee—I still allowed myself one measly cup in the morning—I was sleepy all the time.

On top of work—Grant Lightfoot’s case in particular was shaping up to be a real pain in the ass—I had a surprise proposal to pull together.

Ella was busy recording new music, but she made sure we hung out every night. If I told her I was tired and didn’t want to go out, she would usually pick up dinner somewhere and bring it over. She was staying with Johan and Helga, occupying the old room that once belonged to her. Lieke was so happy to have her ex-babysitter around, even if only for a little while. I was, too, but since I had been so out of it, I was afraid I’d let something about Lou’s proposal slip, so I was constantly on edge around her. I felt she was starting to notice it, too.

The plan for the proposal was simple: Lou would arrive in Amsterdam on Ella’s birthday, which was a few weeks away. Of course, she had no idea. He’d told her he had a work commitment and couldn’t take off. She was sad she wasn’t going to see him for weeks, but she wasn’t the type of girl to throw a fit. She knew they’d be reunited again soon enough.

Lou had me renting the same boathouse he’d rented for Ella’s birthday. He said the place held a special meaning, and it wasn’t hard to figure out why: it was the place where they had been together for the first time. Ella hadn’t gone into details and I hadn’t asked her to, but I knew that was what had happened. I was supposed to take her to the place just like I had two years before, and we’d have dinner with our friends. He was going to surprise her by showing up and getting down on one knee. I was so excited for both of them, but I still couldn’t help feeling a tiny bit jealous.

I sighed. I’d never had anyone do something that romantic for me, and I probably never would.

I knew it just wasn’t in the cards for me. It wasn’t that I valued myself poorly, but I had come to accept that love wasn’t part of the deal for me. I had believed in it before, and it had ripped my heart out. After Shane left me, all the dreams, all the plans we’d made together vanished with him.

I couldn’t bring myself to believe in happy endings. I looked down at my belly and laughed. Yep, I was fucking right. Happy endings were just for fools.

“Allyyyy! I brought dinner!” Ella said, waltzing in through the front door. At her request, I had given her my house keys. She said she needed them in case anything ever happened to me. Boyd might have still been MIA, but at least I had someone taking care of me.

“Hello, honey! How was your day?” I asked her, pretending to be a ’50s housewife.

“Fabulous! How’s my godson or…goddaughter?” She came close and patted my belly. It was too damn early to start this shit; I didn’t even have a belly yet. Well, I had my own, but there was no baby to touch. I was going to have to set some boundaries, godmother or not. Of course, it was also too early to even think about a godmother…she was the one who was running with the idea. Maybe I was letting her get away with too much.

“Great…I think. Just really tired.”

“Ugh! I’m sorry, boo.” She frowned. “Have you heard from Boyd?”

I shook my head no. I had been hoping she wouldn’t bring his name up; it made my stomach hurt even though I wasn’t suffering from morning sickness as much as before. I was really upset with him; his behavior was inexcusable.

“Have you checked his Instagram lately?”

“Why would I?” I asked her, but I was lying. I had actually checked his Instagram days before to get clues about his whereabouts and to see what he was doing instead of calling me.

“He had a blurry picture of some paperwork with a weird post about changes…I was wondering if you had seen it. Lou said he hasn’t been able to talk to him…ever since he ratted him out.” I rolled my eyes. I had specifically asked Lou to leave Boyd alone and make his own decisions, but apparently he couldn’t just let it go.

I pulled up my phone out of curiosity and started scrolling through his Instagram feed again. I went all the way back to the weeks when he’d been in Amsterdam. There were shots he took at night, and I could see my silhouette in the distance in a couple of them. Then there was one he had clearly taken in my bed; he had perfect bedhead and a cocky grin. Then there was another picture I had never seen before…of him and me…in bed. My face was hidden by his body, and he was kissing my shoulder as I lay asleep next to him.

I suddenly remembered stirring next to him that morning. We’d had slow, sleepy sex, the kind that makes you think life doesn’t get better than that. I remembered trying to dismiss how good it was and how much I liked having him in my arms. I felt tears stinging my eyes, and the screen of the phone became blurry.

Why had I not heard from him yet? What the fuck was his deal?