Not Enough: Is love ever enough? (The Enough Series Book 1) (15 page)

I continue
to stand in the doorway of the bathroom shocked by the revelation that Austin
has apparently killed his child. I can see that Austin is still arguing with
his mom but his stance is one of defeat. I really do not believe that Austin
killed with intent, there simply has to be a rational explanation to this. Not
knowing what to do next, I grab my shoes, sit down, and tie them while I
breathe deeply and try to get a handle on my emotions.

After tying my shoes, I warily walk out into the bedroom and find
Austin sitting on the floor beneath the bay window, with his head between his
knees, and the phone still against his ear. I want to rush over to him, wrap my
arms around him, and tell him that everything will be fine. However, our
relationship is so new that I am too unsure of myself to make any move other
than one for the door. I quickly make my way downstairs to the living room
where J and Bode are relaxing on the sofa.

The guys are watching ESPN and they both look like they could
fall asleep at any moment. Who knows what exploits those two had last night
after I bailed with Austin. I walk quietly over and sit down between them
leaning my head on Jeremy’s shoulder. We sit quietly watching highlights for
the next ten minutes and I begin to feel the exhausting effects of the last 24
hours.

Just as I am succumbing to my exhaustion Bode asks, “So where’s
the boy toy?”

He looks at me with a knowing smirk when it takes me a minute
to respond. “Oh, um he is on the phone with his mom,” I say with an unwanted
bit of anger in my voice.

“Not a fan of mommy dearest,” he asks causally.

I know I cannot explain any of this to them so I decide to
try to deflect, “Let’s just say I am not a fan of anyone who interrupts play
time,” I say with a wink. As suspected, the answer earns me a few grunts of
disapproval and no further questions.

Austin has now been on the phone for over half an hour and it
is beginning to drive me crazy. What if she talks him into believing I am
damning him? What if her clear disdain for me wears off on him? I really can’t
be sure he is still on the phone but I am not brave enough to go up and check
either. Maybe he is up there contemplating the best way to tell me it is over.
As another five minutes pass and my sanity begins to crumble so I decide to get
out of the house.

I hop up off the couch, “Either of you boys want to come down
to the beach?” Considering they are both zoned out watching the television I am
not expecting them to accept. Jeremy looks up at me with a small smile, “I am
worn out sis, but I will go if you want me to.”

That is my big brother always there for me but the truth is I
want to be alone, “No I am good, just thought I would ask.”

I can see relief flash on his face before he responds, “Ry, I
think Bode and I are going to head back down the street, if that’s ok.”

“Absolutely, you two go and get some rest, I will see you
later,” I say in absolute honesty.

We all make our way out the door and just as I turn to head
towards the beach J pulls me into his side, “We will see you tonight, right?”
It came out as more a statement than a question and I can see a bit of concern in
his eyes as he looks at me.

I give him a big smile, “Yes, I will text you in a couple
hours and we will figure it out.” I have been so wrapped up in my
relationship/non-relationship lately that I haven’t really spent as much time
with my brother as I would like. That has to stop now, he is the only family I
have, I remind myself.

Boss and I make our way down the trail to our favorite
stretch of sand and I can finally breathe again. God, how I love the ocean air
and the sound of gentle waves rolling in, it is my serenity. As much as I feel
like just sprinting down the beach I force myself to stretch and work into a
slow jog to let my boy get warmed up. As we start our jog, I can feel the
aftereffects of my night with Austin, which both elates and saddens me. I am
sore in places I forgot existed and in ways I did not know were possible. My
discomfort is only heightened by the realization that last night may be the first
and last time I am with Austin.

My mind is running through the various scenarios regarding
the startling new information that was leaked this morning. Continuing to pound
the sand, I suddenly realize Boss and I are nearly three miles down the beach.
My body is undoubtedly exhausted but the fear of the unknown is obviously
driving my adrenaline. Knowing Boss's limit is around five miles total we turn
to head back when a sudden flash catches my eye.

Ignoring the flash and continuing a slow jog back, I get the
eerie feeling I am being watched. I try to inconspicuously glance around but
all I see are families out for a beach day with kids running freely in the sand
and a few couples walking hand in hand. Nothing seems out of the ordinary until
I see the flash again out of the corner of my eye.

Subtly, I turn my gaze that direction to find a dark-clad
figure in the distance atop the cliffs, but I cannot make out enough to say
whether it is just an aspiring photographer or something more sinister. Either
way I am feeling uneasy, however that may be due more to my scattered emotions
than anything else.

Reaching the mile to go point Boss and I slow down to a walk
and I continue to glance up at the mysterious figure that is coming into focus
the closer we get to our starting point. The flash has gone off a few more
times and I wonder to myself who would use a camera flash in broad daylight. Of
course, I am not a photographer, save the pictures I capture on my smart phone.
We are about two hundred yards from our ending point, and the little bench we
like to inhabit after a long run, when I notice Austin.

I can tell
from here Austin is upset even though I cannot see his face. He stands in a
defeated posture with his head slightly down and his hands in his pockets
staring out over the horizon as if it holds the answers he is seeking.

I don't know why he is down here. Is he collecting his
thoughts? Is he looking for me? I hope he is looking for me even though I
didn't come out here to hide, I came out here to give him some space, and
myself time to process the eventful morning.

In reality, I have no more answers than I did when I stepped
out of the house. I know that I enjoy being with Austin and the way he has
brightened my life. But, I am not sure how to react to the possibility he
killed a child other than I simply don't or can't believe he willingly did it.
The way he has treated me and Boss, for that matter, over the past few months
tells me he couldn't purposely hurt anyone.

The desperate forlorn look on the face of my usually happy-go-lucky
man breaks my heart. So, for now, I vow to believe in him until he gives me a
reason not to.

About fifty yards from Austin I stop and lean down to Boss
petting his large head before whispering to him, “Go get him boy, go give him a
hug.”

There are few things in this world that can undoubtedly make
me smile and one of them is love from an animal. I hope that Aus feels the same
way because he is about to get a whole lot of it. Boss barrels towards him at a
full run and stops just shy before standing up and giving my new guy a hug and
sloppy kiss.

It is obvious Boss caught Austin off guard when he begins
tumbling backwards and winds up on the sand with Boss towering over him. My
only saving grace at this point is the fact that I can hear him laughing and he
is now play wrestling with the dog.

When Austin finally makes his way to a seated position, he is
covered in sand and I can hear him ask Boss, “Where is that gorgeous owner of
yours?” I stand back and admire the sight of my best buddy and the man I am in
love with and it warms my heart.

“Gorgeous, huh? I thought you might have other names considering
Boss just tackled you.” I laugh watching him shake the sand out of his hair as
he stalks towards me.

“Yeah, you are gorgeous and the best damn thing that ever
walked into my life. As for the big man over there, a lot bigger and a lot
uglier has tackled me. He is the only one to ever put a smile on my face while
doing it though.”

In this moment, with him looking at me as if I hung the moon,
the shell around my heart cracks some more and I know he will be the one to
destroy it.

“So what ya doing,” I ask silently hoping he did come out
here for me. I know it is silly to wish for that considering we haven't spent a
moment apart in the past twenty-four hours, but I still do. I also want to
believe that his seeking me out means that what his mother accused is
unfounded.

His smile fades slightly as he turns his attention to the
sand beneath his feet, “Well, I was hoping to find you. I, I was um” I can see
the unease and pain in his face. Stepping forward, I run my hand down the
muscle lines in his arm before entwining my fingers with his. He glances upward
at me and I know he senses the security I am trying to inspire.

With a slight squeeze of my hand and his head held low, “I
um, I didn't do it. I didn't do what my mother implied.” It comes out nearly a
whisper but at once I feel my worry wane.

I bring my free hand up to his cheek and direct his gaze to
mine, “I know baby, I know.”

I do not know if it was the pain in his voice, his body
language, or the sadness in those beautiful blue eyes, but in this moment I am
beyond certain he did not kill anyone. I am still curious why his mother would
accuse him of such a thing, but I also know the answer will not sway my
feelings. For now, I choose to ignore the unanswered questions and support the
man who has taught me how to live again.

We make our way, hand in hand, up the winding path back to
the street. I see the flash a few more times and nudge Austin, “I saw them too,
but it is probably just fodder for the local rags,” he says nonchalantly.

I wish I believed that, but I am finding myself increasingly
uneasy. Once we pass the dark-clad camera-wielding figure it occurs to me
Austin’s sister was here yesterday. “Hey Aus, where is your sister?” I feel
like a turd that I just realized she practically disappeared.

“I put her on a plane back to Texas yesterday afternoon. That
was part of what my mom was berating me about. She didn’t know where Ally went,
and she blames me for her showing up here.”

I can tell this is a sore subject for Austin and one that is
not fit for public, especially with the strange attention we are receiving. “I
am sorry Austin. I hope you didn’t send her back on my account.” I know I sound
self-centered, when he is obviously dealing with family drama, but I am hoping
to ease out of the conversation.

“Well Ry, truth is, you were part of the reason, but I knew
she had to go before my mom lost her shit and did something crazy.” The
remainder of the walk home was silent, I could tell Austin was deep in thought
and I didn’t want to force him to share.

Austin and I
spent the rest of Sunday afternoon curled up on the couch alternating between
watching television, napping, and having sex. To say it was the perfect
afternoon, would be spot on. We went down to my house Sunday evening to hang
out with J. We ordered in pizza and they told football stories. I was in heaven
with my two favorite men.

Monday morning came too early after a late night of
lovemaking with Austin. It seems as if we are incapable of keeping our hands
off each other for more than a few minutes at a time. I look over at my clock
to see that it is six a.m. and I have to get up for work. I delicately extract
myself from the strong arms wrapped around me and head for the shower.

After a quick shower and a little make-up, I am nearly awake.
I quietly pad into my closet looking for something to wear. I settle on a black
pencil skirt that hits a couple inches above my knee and a white button down
shirt with three-quarter length sleeves. I could probably get away with wearing
my normal jeans to work, but with the draft this close I don’t want to be
caught off guard if any of my clients pop in unannounced.

I grab a pair of black pumps and call it an outfit. I carry
my shoes down the stairs because I don’t want to wake Austin up. J is at the
bar drinking a cup of coffee and seems to be engrossed in whatever he is
reading on his tablet. “Morning J, big plans for the day?”

He looks up and smiles. “Nah, just going to head home in a
bit. I need to attend a few of the voluntary workout sessions this week.”

I always hate to see J go, but I understand he has a life of
his own. I just wish it wasn’t four hours south of here. “Ok, so will you be
back this weekend?” I ask hoping he says yes.

“I don’t know Ry, Kasey really wants me to spend more time
with her and she isn’t willing to come back here.” I can’t help but laugh.

Of course, she doesn’t want to come back here. She made a
complete ass out of herself the last time. “Well, that is not surprising. So
you two are still seeing each other?”

I am honestly shocked he is still seeing her. J rarely sees
the same woman two weekends in a row let alone any longer. “Yeah we are still
kind of dating I guess. I like her, but we aren’t exclusive or anything.”

Well, holy shit J likes a girl. The world may just stop turning
any moment now. I cannot voice my shock, “Good for you big brother. Please tell
her she is welcome back here anytime.”
I could use another laugh like that.

He raises an eyebrow at me to gauge my seriousness and I
manage to keep a perfectly straight face complete with a genuine smile. I love
him too much to stand in the way of his happiness. “Maybe I can talk her into
coming back, we will see.” I can tell he is done with this conversation so I grab
my drink and keys before walking over to give him a hug goodbye.

“Be careful going back and let me know when you get there.”

He rolls his eyes, “I will mom,” as he returns the hug.

“Alright I have to go, but Austin is still asleep upstairs. I
don’t have the heart to wake him up, so will you let him know I went to work.”

 He nods, “Love you J.”

“Love you too sis, now get out of here before you are late.”

By ten o’clock, I had a huge bouquet of roses on my desk with
a love note from Austin. I hurry through my day, glad I gave my assistant the week
off, and rush home ready for more time with Austin. I walk through my front
door to the heart stopping sight of Austin in loose fit jeans and no shirt. The
jeans hang low on his hips revealing the waist black waistband of his Calvin
Klein boxer briefs and his sexy as hell abs.

I stand there for a moment enjoying the view before Boss
comes running up and announces my arrival with a thundering bark. “Hey boy,
looks like you have a little company. What did I tell you about letting
strangers in the house,” I kid with my dog as Austin stalks towards me.

“Strangers huh, I was under the impression we were more than
familiar.” That deep sexy voice sets my body ablaze and I can’t think of
anything except running my mouth down those rock hard abs.

“No sir, I don’t think we are properly acquainted,” I tease
as he takes my flowers and purse from my hands. With my hands now free I reach
for the abs, I am practically drooling over and run my hands down them feeling
every crevice before unbuttoning those delicious jeans. I place a kiss squarely
between his pecs before lightly kissing his lips.

He tries to deepen the kiss but I resist and trail light
kisses and licks down his body before sliding him out of his pants and boxers.
I take his firm shaft in my hand slowly stroking as I make my way to my knees. Gliding
my tongue up his length and tasting the sweet bead at the tip, I give him a
taste of what is to come. I look up to see pure unadulterated lust in his eyes.

I start slow taking him into my mouth before hollowing my
cheeks and sucking. I alternate sucks and strokes until I feel him grab my hair
in desperation. I allow him to fuck my mouth and I take him as deep as possible
to increase his pleasure. The moans my act elicits spur me on until I can feel
his imminent release.

“Fuck Ry, I am going to come baby.” I look up to see him
staring at me through hooded eyes and increase the pressure around his cock
causing him to throw his head back and pump his entire load into me. I swallow
quickly and kiss my way back up his delectable body. When I reach his sternum,
he pulls me up and devours my mouth in the most intense kiss I have ever
experienced.

Eventually he sets me down, “Jesus Rylee that was fucking
amazing.”

I smile and walk upstairs to change my clothes ecstatic I can
make him come apart like that. I slip off my heels and shirt before I turn to
find Austin staring at me. “Woman, you are crazy if you think you can do that
to me and then walk away. That is not how this works.” He proceeds to repay me
several times. My god, I love this man.