Not Pretty Enough (17 page)

Read Not Pretty Enough Online

Authors: Jaimie Admans

 

 

CHAPTER 31

 

I’m on my own at lunchtime. The only people I spend lunchtimes
with are all at their fabulous luncheon, along with Lloyd and the rest of the
team.

I sit on the picnic benches
outside our form room, chewing on my cheese salad roll and doing the Welsh
homework that I should’ve done last night. Trying to, anyway. All I’m really
thinking about is how to make Ewan and Debs realise that they both like each
other. It’s painfully obvious to me, the way he’s always trying to find excuses
to touch her, like a pat on the shoulder or a friendly hug. He lets her copy
his homework without even asking, and yet Debs is still oblivious.

“I brought you something.”

I jump when I hear Lloyd’s voice
and look up to see him in the process of sitting down across the table from me.
God, if I just stretch my leg out a little bit my foot would be touching him.

No. Stop it. I don’t care about
Lloyd anymore, I care about schoolwork.

“Here.” He hands me something
wrapped in kitchen roll.

“What is it?”

“Open it and find out.”

I pull the kitchen roll off and
discover that he has brought me a piece of cake from the lunch.

“Are you serious?”

He shrugs. “Debs said you like
cake.”

“Everybody likes cake,” I say
nonchalantly. Great, Debs, thanks. What a way to make me look like a greedy
cow.

I pick at it gingerly with my fingers.
I want to shove the whole lot into my mouth because it does look like really
good cake, but knowing my track record with Lloyd Layton, I’d probably end up
with it spread round to my ears and stuck in my teeth or up my nose or
something.

“So,” Lloyd says. “Are you
okay?”

“Fine,” I mumble.

“I’m really sorry you couldn’t
make it this weekend.”

“Yeah, right.”

“No, really. I am. The whole
thing was your idea. I would never have thought of getting a basketball team
together, but you did. It just seems wrong that you weren’t there to see the
end result.”

“Thanks, I guess.”

“So, what happened? Why couldn’t
you come? No one said.”

“I was grounded.”

“Oh, right. Sorry. What did you
do?”

“Lied about being a victim of
domestic violence.”

“Oh, that. You’re still being
punished for that?”

“My mum was
really
mad.” I look at him for a moment. “She had
every right to be, obviously.”

“That’s taking it a bit far.”

I shrug. “Like you’re not still
mad at me. You hate me, right?”

“No.” He puts his hand on mine
across the table and I can’t help the little spark that shoots through me. “No,
I don’t hate you. I’d hate you if you didn’t realise you were wrong, but no one
who wasn’t sorry would have done all that you’ve done in the last few weeks.
Plus a thousand quid for the charity is a nice way to say sorry.”

I pull my hand away from him.
Not that I don’t like it there, but I’m worried that if he touches me any
longer, I will melt. Literally. Into a puddle on the floor. It’s taking every
ounce of self-control I have not to do that.

“So, I was wondering something,”
Lloyd is saying. I look at him and try to concentrate over the buzzing in my
brain. “I was wondering if you’d go out with me. On a date?”

I wonder if this is what it
feels like to hyperventilate?

“On Saturday night,” he
continues. “We could go to the movies? Or something else… It’s up to you.
Whatever you want to do.”

“Yes,” I manage eventually.

“Yes, you’ll go on a date with
me?”

I nod.

“Great. Do you want me to send a
taxi?”

“It’s fine, I’ll meet you at the
cinema in town. What time?”

“Seven? Eight?”

“Seven is fine by me.”

“Okay, great. See you on
Saturday at seven, outside the cinema.”

“Great.” I smile.

“See ya.”

With that, he’s gone.

I really can’t believe this is happening.
Lloyd Layton just asked me out on a date. I sit and try to process that
information in my mind for a while. A date with Lloyd Layton. Me. Of all
people. Of all the pretty, clever girls in this school, he chose me to ask out
on a date. I’m so shocked I don’t think my legs would hold me up if I tried to
stand right now.

Oh. My. God. I have to start
planning. What am I going to wear? What am I going to say? How am I going to do
my make-up?

Oh God

How am I going to get out of the house? I’m still grounded.

 

I rush home from school, change
into my oldest clothes, and start cleaning the garage. I have to get back into
my mother’s good books before the weekend, even if it means that I have to
spend an hour in the bath getting cobwebs out of my hair tonight. Lloyd Layton
just asked me out, and if Lloyd Layton can ask me out then I can do anything.
Even conquer my fear of spiders.

Oh bugger, there are a lot of
spiders in here.

Okay, maybe not conquer my fear
of them so much as scream and run in the other direction, but it’s the thought
that counts.

“What are you doing?” My mum
asks when she gets home half an hour later.

“Cleaning the garage,” I say.
“Like you wanted me to.”

“Okay,” she nods slowly. “What’s
this in aid of?”

“I just wanted to apologise for
how I acted over the weekend. It was really immature. And the whole lying thing
as well. That was so bad. I really am sorry. I swear I’ll never lie to you
again.”

“I’m pleased to hear it but
what’s this really about, Chessie?”

“Nothing.” I shake my head innocently.

“Oh, come on. I know you better
than that.”

“Okay, there’s a new Owen Wilson
film on at the cinema on Saturday night and Debs is going to see it, and I
really
want to go too.”

My mum considers this for a
moment. “Okay, if you finish the garage before then and don’t get behind on
your homework, then I think you’ve suffered enough.”

“Thank you so much,” I scream.

I go to hug her but she pushes
me away. “Yuck, you’re not getting that grime all over my uniform.”

“Okay, there’s just one more
thing… Can you get rid of that spider for me? It’s really big.”

 

I know I lied to my mother
again, but desperate times call for desperate measures. She’d never let me go
out with a boy after all this, and I can’t chance anything going wrong here.
Nothing is going to wreck this date with Lloyd Layton. This is it. My whole
year amounts to this moment. When you put it like that it sounds kind of
pathetic, but different people want different things out of life. Some people
want great exam results or to get into a good university, some people want a
Porsche, and some people want a date with Lloyd Layton.

I go over to Debs’ house three
hours before the date to get ready, so I have plenty of time to change and my
mum won’t see my outfit or make-up. Trying to make Debs realise that Ewan likes
her is a great way to distract me from obsessing over tonight with Lloyd. Not
that anything can really distract me from obsessing. This is Lloyd Layton after
all. I don’t even remember what it was like not to have a crush on him.

 

 

 

 

CHAPTER 32

 

I get to the cinema at a quarter to seven. I figure this is
just the right time not to seem too nonchalant about it, but also not to look
too desperate and like I’ve been preparing all day.

The universe must be on my side for
once because it’s not raining, and it’s not especially windy. It’s quite cold,
but it usually is in early December, and I borrowed a plain black jacket from
Debs.

The outfit I finally decided on
is black trousers with a pink and black asymmetrical top that Debs said makes
me look thinner, and a couple of matching pink butterflies clipping my
straightened hair back. I’m wearing trainers on my feet, because they give off
the casual vibe, even though I’m anything but casual on the inside.

My make-up is understated. Debs
assured me that less is more, and I’ve been so wound up since Lloyd asked me
out that I didn’t really have time to think for myself. I just have a smudge of
grey eyeshadow on, plus liner, a little blusher and clear lip gloss. The
miracle of them all though, is that my skin is relatively normal. You know, no
monster zits, no rashes, in fact it’s so normal that I only needed a little bit
of foundation to make it look okay. I really think the cosmos is rewarding me
for how hard I’ve worked this year.

It’s almost seven now, and my
feet are aching already, and it is way colder than I thought at first. I’m
huddled inside Debs’ jacket as much as I can. I want to look tall and slim when
Lloyd gets here. I want his first impression of me to be that I have good
posture, not that I’m hunched down inside my jacket or sitting behind the wall
over there that looks very inviting as it might keep the wind off a bit.

 

I can’t believe he’s late for
our first date. I can’t believe I was dumb enough not to get his phone number
or give him mine. It’s only a quarter past seven, so I’ve been here for half an
hour, mainly playing over the reasons for his lateness. I know he’s probably
just busy doing something good like fundraising, but what if he’s gone to the
wrong cinema or something? Okay, I know there’s only one cinema in this town,
and he would have had to go into Cardiff itself to find another one, but it’s a
possibility. Or maybe his taxi broke down or was in an accident or something.
Oh God, what if he’s badly injured and is in hospital, and I’m standing here
cursing him for being late.

Oh God, what if it’s worse than
hospital? What if he was actually here? What if he came here at seven, took one
look at me and ran away? Maybe he’s watching me right now. Maybe he wants to
see how I act when I’m alone. I immediately stand up straighter and start
innocently looking around to see if I can catch him.

But I don’t think that’s it.

I wonder if we made the time
clear enough. When he actually asked me out, he asked what time and it was
like, ‘
Seven? Eight
?’ What if I didn’t make the
seven clear enough and he thinks it’s eight?

Yeah, that must be it.

 

I give him until nine, and then
start walking back to Debs’ house. It’s well and truly dark and well and truly
raining by now. I’m freezing, soaked through to the skin, and a mixture of
incredibly pissed off and incredibly upset.

“What happened?” Debs asks after
she takes one look at me.

“He didn’t show up,” I say. “All
that preparation and he didn’t even turn up.”

“Maybe he was busy? He didn’t
have your phone number, so how could he have let you know? I bet he’ll be there
apologising first thing on Monday morning and begging you for another date.”

I shrug. I’m so cold and wet
that I don’t really care if Lloyd Layton wants another date or wants to go and
play in traffic.

“At least you know he likes
you.” Debs hands me a towel.

“Maybe he doesn’t. Maybe it was
just some big wind up. A joke. Or maybe he got to the cinema tonight and saw me
waiting outside and realised what a mistake he’d made and ran away sharpish.”

“Don’t be so hard on yourself.
You look really nice. At least… you
did
.”

I glance down at my dripping wet
outfit and have to agree with her. I certainly could have looked worse when the
evening started. However, now the mascara has run down my face and my hair is a
dripping mass of rats’ tails, the look is ruined.

I change into the t-shirt and
jeans I was wearing when I left the house in order to avoid suspicion from my
mother and work on getting my hair dry.

“It was probably a genuine
mistake.” Debs tries to reassure me again as I get ready to go home. “He
probably got caught up in something and had no way of letting you know.”

I shrug, feeling utterly
dejected.

What an anticlimax. I waited all
year for a date with a boy who doesn’t even have the decency to turn up.
Couldn’t he have at least called the cinema and told them to go and look
outside for a girl waiting and tell her not to waste her time? That would have
been the gentlemanly thing to do, wouldn’t it?

 

Debs and I find Lloyd in his
usual spot under the archway on Monday morning.

“Oi,” I say, still too riled up
to be nervous of speaking to him.

“Hey.” He actually has the nerve
to smile.

“So, what happened Saturday
night?” I ask.

“Huh?”

“We had a date, remember?”

“Oh, right.” Lloyd regards me
for a moment. “Yeah. Oops, sorry.”

“Oops, sorry? You stood me up
and that’s all you can say?”

He shrugs. “Didn’t realise it
was that important.”

Argh. What is it with boys? If
you arrange a date then it
is
a date, not an
‘oops, sorry, it wasn’t that important’.

“Did you ever intend to come?
Was it just some sort of payback or revenge thing?”

“Look, Chessie,” he snaps. “It
wasn’t payback. Believe it or not, you’re not that important to me. I was doing
something Saturday night, I didn’t realise you’d take the whole thing as a date
and get all girly about it.”

“Girly?” I am seething. “
Girly
? There is nothing wrong with being angry that
you stood me up when you are the one who asked me out, you’re the one who said
it was a date in the first place.”

He shrugs.

Why didn’t I notice Lloyd Layton
was this irritating before?

“You know what? I deserve better
than this. Thank you for showing me what a jerk you are before I wasted any
more time on you.”  I spin around and stalk away with Debs running to
catch up with me.

“Women,” I hear Lloyd muttering
under his breath as we leave.

“You were so good.” Debs walks
beside me.

“Thanks,” I say. “That felt
brilliant.”

“Yeah, you really showed him.”

“I can’t believe what a prat he
is. Why did I waste so much time fancying him?”

“That, I’ll never know.”

 

 

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