“At least it’s taking your mind off your…troubling thoughts.”
“Yeah. For a while, anyway.” She put the book aside without marking her place and adjusted the robe so it covered more of her chest. “I wish Daniel had provided me with a robe like yours, instead of this flimsy thing.” Then she touched her hair self-consciously. “I’m not really put together well right now.”
“I think you look fantastic,” Griffin couldn’t help saying. “Blue is a good color for you. And your hair looks…sexy.”
“Why do you have to say things like that?”
“Because they’re true.”
“You make me uncomfortable, you know.”
“It’s not my intention. Well, maybe it is, a little,” he said with a grin. “I want so badly to hold you. But those stone walls around your heart are a mile high and three feet thick.”
“I’m guessing it’s not my heart you’re after.”
He thought about that for a few moments. What did he want? More than what he usually wanted from a woman, despite what he’d just told Daniel. He’d seldom felt such a strong need for any woman’s company, in or out of bed. In unguarded moments, he fantasized not just about sex with Raleigh, but about sharing small, sweet moments with her. Holding her hand. Watching a sunset.
It was crazy.
“I want more than a quick roll in the hay.”
She looked a little surprised by his admission. “You know, maybe that’s why I’m so scared of you. If all you wanted was sex, it wouldn’t be quite so threatening. I have…needs, after all.”
“So if I was some sleazeball player who wanted to screw you, then never see your face again, you might be tempted?”
She folded her arms protectively across her chest. “You don’t have to put it that way.”
“It’s immaterial, because I don’t want you that way. You’re worth more than a quick lay.”
“Thank you. I think.”
“I’m not looking for gratitude. Look, Raleigh, there’s something between us, and it’s not one-sided. I see it in your eyes, I feel it rolling off you in waves. Why are you fighting it? We’re two single adults who like each other and have a strong, mutual physical attraction.”
“I don’t think of myself as single,” she said on a sigh. “I’m a widow. You don’t love someone the way I loved Jason, then just toss it away.”
“I’m not asking you to forget the man. But you might consider putting things in perspective. It’s been six years.”
“It might be another six before I’m ready. I might never be ready. My grief counselor said everyone heals at their own pace.”
Griffin wished he could get five minutes alone in a dark alley with that grief counselor.
“I’m sorry,” she said a little desperately.
This was not working. He had to get away from her and get his head back where it belonged, with his story. If he couldn’t sleep, he could work on the story, prepare for the day when he would have all he needed to send to CNI and get the green light.
“Okay.” He slapped his hands against his knees in a gesture of finality, then stood and headed to a bookcase, where he saw a laptop computer. Daniel wouldn’t mind if he borrowed it for the evening. He grabbed the computer and headed for the door. “I’ll see you in the morning.”
He was about to close the door when a single word froze him in place. “Wait.”
He turned and looked at her.
“I came in here because I just couldn’t lie in bed, alone. I remembered the accident today. Now I understand why I suppressed it.”
“Bad, huh?”
“The kind of bad I wouldn’t wish on anyone.” She shuddered slightly. “When I was a kid, I had nightmares about this big, black bull chasing me. But I was afraid to tell anyone about it. Night after night I would lie in bed and try not to close my eyes. But I always did.”
“It doesn’t surprise me, that you didn’t tell anyone. You were probably determined to be self-sufficient even then.”
She smiled, a little sadly. “I guess I was.”
“Would it—” He stopped and thought very hard about what he said next, because he wanted to be very sure he meant it. He examined his conscience for ulterior motives and, honestly, couldn’t find any. “Would it help if I held you? Because I could do that. With no thought or expectation of anything more. I could hold you until you fell asleep.”
She started to shake her head, an immediate, reflexive action.
“Uh-uh, think about it first,” he said.
“I couldn’t ask you.”
“You’re not asking. I’m offering. I’m insisting.” He put the computer aside and went to her. “Either of us could easily have died today. I don’t want to be alone, either. We can wear all our clothes. No funny business.”
Slowly, she nodded. “I think I would like that. Two…friends, keeping the monsters at bay.”
“Exactly.” It would be physical torture to have her so close, in bed, and not do anything about it. But if he could do something to take some of her pain away, to make her feel safer, he was willing. “Your room or mine?”
“Mine, I think.”
He walked slowly toward her and offered his hand. “Come on, then.”
It seemed to take forever, but she finally reached up and took his hand. They walked down the hallway together, holding hands like two old friends.
She’d wanted a simple distraction from her disturbing thoughts. Sooner or later she would have to absorb those memories of the accident. Absorb them, process them, put them in perspective—all those things mentally healthy people did so they could function normally.
But she wasn’t ready for that, and it had seemed like a good idea at the time to accept the offer of a strong shoulder to lean against, someone she wouldn’t have to do a lot of explaining to.
Now here she was, in bed with Griffin. He wore a pair of boxer shorts and a T-shirt, which she suspected was a concession to her. He probably slept in the nude. And she was still in her robe and nightgown, though both were so thin they offered little protection.
To his credit, he’d been a complete gentleman. He had put his arm around her, let her cuddle up next to him like a puppy, turned out the light, and hadn’t said or done anything since, and that had been ten or fifteen minutes ago.
He wasn’t asleep, though. His breathing hadn’t gone slow, deep and regular, and he wasn’t quite relaxed enough to be sleeping.
“Are you comfortable?” he whispered.
“Yes. Are you?”
“I’m fine.”
She was comfortable and not the least bit sleepy. Instead, she was plenty distracted. Griffin’s plan had worked a little too well. She tried to summon a memory of Jason—her husband, alive and well, laughing, teasing her. But the picture that came to mind was thready, insubstantial, like an old home movie that had been run too many times through the projector.
How much easier it was to picture Griffin. The memories were so fresh, the images so vibrant she could almost…no, she
was
touching him. Her hand rested on his chest, and she could feel his heart beating slow and steady. Up her arm and all the way through her body, she could feel his heart…
She was afraid to move. Afraid of what her body might do totally independent from her will.
“You’re tense,” Griffin said.
“I know.”
“You can change your mind. I’ll slink off to my own bedroom.”
He was giving her an out. The sane thing was to take it. “No, please stay. Maybe if you…remember how you talked to me in the limo? You helped me relax then.”
“I can do that. Start with your breathing. In to the count of five, out to the count of five. Fill your belly with oxygen.”
She did as he said, completely trusting him. After a minute of so of deep breathing, she could feel herself relaxing.
“How do you know this stuff?” she asked.
“Shh. We’re going to do progressive muscle relaxing. Start with your scalp. Feel your scalp and how it covers your skull. Now let every tiny muscle in your scalp relax…”
He progressed to her face, her jaw, her neck, her shoulders. She didn’t remember much past her chest and lungs, because she fell asleep.
When next she was aware, sunlight streamed through her curtains and a warm, male body lay beneath her. Jason—no. Her head was tucked beneath his chin, and she inhaled deeply of his skin and knew it wasn’t Jason.
She suffered a moment or two of confusion, and then she remembered. Griffin. He’d spent the whole night in her bed, and now she had her arms and legs wrapped around him. He had one hand on her bottom and the other on her breast, and his deep, gentle breathing told her he was asleep.
She certainly wasn’t, not anymore. Her body tingled with awareness and her mind filled with erotic images of her and Griffin—more vivid than they’d been before.
Suddenly the effort of denying what her body wanted was just too much work. Her brain went on strike, simply refusing to tell her how to extricate herself from this sticky situation of her own making.
Maybe consciously she hadn’t intended this to happen, but on some level, she’d been hoping to ease herself into an intimate situation with Griffin. She hadn’t made any monumental decision to abandon her six-plus years of celibacy; rather, the day’s events had organically led to her and Griffin in bed, their hands all over each other’s bodies.
His T-shirt rode up, revealing a strip of his tanned abs. Knowing it was dangerous, Raleigh moved her hand down until her fingers flirted with his bare skin. So warm. So vibrant. So alive.
She shoved the bedcovers back and her breath caught in her throat. She had a clear view of Griffin’s erection. She knew men often had erections in the morning. She’d been married, after all. But she couldn’t help feeling that this one was for her. He was cupping her breast.
He wouldn’t object if she changed her mind. Griffin had made it pretty clear he would welcome sex with her. If they crossed that line, it would be just sex and friendship, she reminded herself. He hadn’t alluded to anything more.
He wanted her, she wanted him, pure and simple. No exchange of heavy emotions need be involved.
Raleigh turned her head and pressed her lips into his neck, touching just the tip of her tongue to his skin, tasting him.
“Raleigh?”
The low rumble of his sleep-roughened voice startled her. “Um…good morning.”
“I’ll say.” He made no effort to move his hands. “What’s going through your mind? And you better tell me fast. Because in about ten seconds, words won’t be necessary. Or welcome.”
“Words are overrated.” Who needed explanations? It was pretty clear what was going on here.
She pressed her hand against his chest, raising up so she could kiss him on the mouth. What was left of her brain melted on contact. It was the most inviting, sexiest, warmest kiss on earth.
With a groan, Griffin rolled her onto her back, bracing her head on either side with his big, capable hands and kissing her with an intensity and a thoroughness that took her breath away. She squirmed with the need to feel him all over her, inside her. Her private parts tingled like a limb that had gone to sleep and was just now waking up. The sensation was so pleasurable, yet almost painful at the same time.
Her silk robe’s belt was already loose. Griffin worked one hand inside the robe, then found her bare thigh. Her nightgown had already worked itself up around her hips, and she wasn’t wearing panties.
“Raleigh. Oh, my—you have the sexiest ass I’ve ever seen on any woman. And your belly. I have to see.” He raked the gown up higher, revealing everything to his hungry gaze. He got up on his knees so he could lean down and kiss her belly, working his warm kisses lower, stroking her thighs, teasing her legs open.
“Do you—” Her brain was having trouble forming words, but she wasn’t so far gone she’d forgotten one important thing. “We need—”
The kisses slowed, then stopped. “You think I carry it around in my wallet?”
She couldn’t help laughing, on the edge of hysteria at the thought that they might not be able to consummate their mutual and rather frightening lust. “I’ve heard that’s not a good thing to do. Your body heat—”
He groaned. “I’m gonna die here and now.”
“The bathroom. It’s incredibly well stocked. Disposable razors, feminine products—”
“Don’t move. I mean it. Don’t move and don’t think too hard.”
She wouldn’t. She would stay in suspended animation until he came back. Seconds later, she heard a victorious “Yesss!” and she nearly wept. Bless Daniel. Or Jillian. Or whoever the gods of illicit sex were.
When Griffin returned to bed, he was gloriously naked. She quickly followed suit, though the only thing still actually on her body was the silly wisp of a silky nightgown she’d found in the room, like nothing she would ever buy for herself. She whisked it over her head, letting it float to the floor in a blue-gossamer cloud.
She could see that Griffin approved. His eyes darkened, and he opened his mouth slightly, taking in more air.
Letting her instincts guide her, she held her arms open. It seemed so wanton, all this naked flesh in the bright, cheery sunshine. Sex like this was more suitable for the dark. But she was glad for the light, because she wanted to experience this coming together with all of her senses, including sight.
Griffin was a beautiful example of the male species.
He rejoined her on the bed, drawing her against him, kissing her again until she was dizzy with longing to be one with him. He coaxed her legs open again, stroking her folds with boldly curious fingers. She was as hot and slick as she’d ever been, her flesh aching to have him inside her.
“Oh, Griffin. Do it, please. I can’t wait any longer. I’m going to burn up.”
“Whatever you want, honey.” He pulled away from her only long enough to sheathe himself. Then he covered her body with his, settling into the cradle of her thighs, letting her get used to his weight.
He probed her entrance with his erection and she took a deep breath. It had been such a long time. She was a virgin all over again, at least that’s what it felt like.
He pushed inside. “You’re tight.”
“It’s good.” She didn’t want him worrying about hurting her. He pushed deeper, stretching her just to the bounds of comfort. But there was no pain, just a delicious fullness, and she lifted her hips and thrust upward to meet him. She wanted all of him, all that he would give her, and he obliged, thrusting himself to the hilt.
She gasped just as he did—with pleasure, with the surprise of how incredibly good it actually felt. It went beyond mere physical satisfaction. He completed her, filled her from head to toe with a deep sense of satisfaction.
She basked in the warmth of their union as he pushed in and pulled out, slowly at first, building to a delicious cadence like a well-crafted symphony. He filled her physically, but on some other level, too. She surrendered to him until she couldn’t bear one more moment. Yet she held back, wanting it to last forever.
Finally she toppled over the edge, putting a fist in her mouth to stifle the scream she longed for. They were somewhat isolated in the guest wing of Daniel’s house, but if she let it out, she was pretty sure everyone within several blocks would hear her.
“Good, Raleigh, so good. You’re so beautiful, incredible, I’ve never…” She let his praises settle around her like flower petals. Yes, it was good, and it was even better when she watched his facial muscles tighten as he struggled for control, then lost the battle and unleashed himself inside her, burying his face in the pillow beside her head to muffle his own cries of ecstasy.
Griffin collapsed, panting as if he’d just sprinted across a football field.
“Raleigh.”
“Mmm.” She was less articulate than him, even.
She reveled in the tingly afterglow for as long as she dared. They barely moved, except when Griffin shifted his weight off her. She never wanted it to end, as all good things inevitably did.
“Honey?”
“Yes?”
“I’ll probably kick myself for asking, but I’m naturally curious. What changed your mind?”
“I didn’t really change my mind,” she admitted. “It’s just that my body went off and did its own thing and my mind took a vacation.”
“Ah.”
“No regrets, though.” He didn’t deserve that. He’d given of himself from his very depths, and she had to be grateful—no, awed—by the generous nature of his lovemaking. “Thank you.”
He laughed. “You gotta be kidding.”
“I’m not. You were there for me, when I needed you.”
“I’ll always—” He stopped, cleared his throat.
He’d been about to say he’d always be there for her. An automatic rejoinder, and he’d thought better of it, she was sure. At least he was honest. “I’m glad I helped you through what could have been a tough night.”
Her thanks extended way past last night. But she supposed a postmortem of everyone’s motivations wasn’t necessary. This wasn’t a case to take to court.
She glanced at her watch. “It’s late. I have to meet with Garrett this morning.” She sighed. “I’d like to stay here awhile longer. But the real world is knocking.”
“The real world can be a bitch sometimes.” He kissed her on the nose, then released her from his embrace so she could slip out of bed. She was suddenly cold as she walked naked to the bathroom.