Authors: Patrick Abbruzzi
“Okay, Lou, whatever you say. Why don’t we get two cups and go back to th
e
house?” asked Charlie.
They got their morning coffee and took a slow ride back to the barn. Although Charlie had an opportunity to call Terry, he decided to take the lieutenant’s advice and not call. He prayed there wouldn’t be a message waiting for him at the switchboard when he returned from their tour.
When they arrived at the precinct, Charlie went in and purposely made his way by th
e
switchboard operator on his way to the mail slots. Thankfully there weren’t any messages waiting for him.
Feeling ecstatic as well as relieved, he made his way down to the lounge and dozed for his allotted hour. He knew he had to b
e
ready to go afterward but if he reasoned correctly, the lieutenant would probably stay at the desk and bullshit with the incoming lieutenant.
The end of the tour came quickly. Charlie got a jump start on changin
g
his clothes and was out the door at 8:00 A.M. He stopped to get his dail
y
newspaper then drove home. When he arrived he immediately noticed Annette’s car still in the driveway and he couldn’t help but wonder if she had just decided to stay hom
e
or if she was running late. He entered and found her sitting at the kitchen table. He could see she had been crying and felt his stomach reaching up into his throat.
“Annette, honey, what’s wrong?
”
he asked as he went to her.
“Charlie, sit down. I just don’t know what to do anymore. I’v
e
been trying so hard to make a go of it with you. You know I have. You could see that, right?”
“Why, of course I have. I thought we were doing okay. W
e
haven’t been intimate yet but I guessed that was because you wanted t
o
proceed slowly. Sweetheart, I ended my affair. I told you that. I wan
t
to save our marriage so I ended it, and I did so with no regrets.
“If you say you’ve been trying, does that mean you’ve ended your relationship with your friend at work? If you still see him there, doesn’t it make it more difficult for you? I’m sure the bastard doesn’t want you to save your marriage and leave him, but if you still se
e
him, Annette, how will you ever know what you really want?
”
Charlie asked.
“I don’t know, Charlie. I just don’t know,” she sobbed.
“Look, if you work with this guy, you’re going to have to make a decision to either leave your job or leave me. That’s the only way you’re going to get your mind straight,” said Charlie.
Annette started to cry even harder. She grabbed a Kleenex from her purs
e
and loudly blew her nose then threw the tissue into the kitche
n
garbage can which was already full to the brim with discarded tissues. She mus
t
have been crying for some time.
“Annette, are you willing to try a marriage counselor? Maybe just talking to someone will make you feel better,” he suggested.
“I don’t know, Charlie. I just feel so lost!”
“Look, honey, I just want you to feel better. I want you to be happy, even if it means you don’t love me anymore. Why don’t you go t
o
a psychologist or counselor by yourself,” he suggested quietly.
“Okay, Charlie, I’ll try,” she agreed.
“I’ll back you up on whatever it is you choose to do, Annette, and we will always be friends no matter what you decide. I love you an
d
always will be here for you.”
“Charlie, I want you to know something,” she said with slight hesitation. “
I
I chose not to go to work toda
y
because I didn’t want to see my friend. I have been trying to avoid hi
m
but it’s so hard because we work together. When I see him I feel that I should break it off but when I don’t see him, I miss him.”
“I understand how you feel. It’s as if you’re burning candles at both ends, right? You feel like you’re a rubber band that’s being stretched to it
s
limits.”
“That’s exactly how I feel,” she nodded, “but how did you know?”
“Because you’re human, honey, and we weren’t built to handle two relationship
s
at once. That’s why you must seek professional help and prioritize you
r
life,” he said.
“I feel a little better, thanks to you,” she said, straining to smile. “Do you want some breakfast?
”
“No thanks, I think I’ll have a cup of tea for a change, then just sit out on th
e
deck and read my paper before I go to bed for the day.”
“Okay. Then I’m going to keep busy doing some chores. If I go anywhere I will leave you a note,” she offered.
Charlie made his tea and read his paper, glad he hadn’t blown up in a jealous rage. He knew it would have served no legitimate purpose other than to drive Annette back into her lover’s arms. He was resolved to think positive and was ready to accept her decision no matter what it was. He did love her and wanted her to be happy.
After a while he went to bed and slept soundly. He was tired and slept most of the day, getting up at 6:00 P.M. when his alarm went off. Hungry, he made his way downstairs and found Annette finishin
g
up dinner. Even though she hadn’t made anything special other than a pot of stew, he wolfed it down then helped her clean up. They made small talk and didn’t speak about what ha
d
transpired between them earlier that morning.
He showered and shaved then kissed hi
s
wife goodnight. During his drive in to work the realization that he was losing he
r
struck him hard. There was an aching emptiness deep within the pit of his stomac
h
and he began to have cold sweats, feeling as though he was a failure an
d
totally responsible for the tears he had seen his wife shed only hours before.
As he navigated his way through the familiar streets he became filled with dread about going to work. H
e
desperately wanted to speak to his wife but what else could he say? They wer
e
beyond the talking stage. He had told her he loved her and would b
e
there for her. What more could he do? The ball was in her court now an
d
he just had to try to be patient and maintain control. He hoped tha
t
going to work was the right thing to do.
He parked his car and entered the station house through the rear door. When he checked his mail slot, he was relieved to find it empty. He scanned the roll cal
l
and saw that he was the lieutenant’s driver, as usual.
There were three sergeants working, which was a luxury for the boss because one would be assigned to the desk while th
e
other two went out on patrol. They would handle their own meal reliefs so the lieutenan
t
acting as Platoon Commander could do whatever it was that he wanted or needed to do. He could stay in the house and do administrative work or go out and ge
t
some activity.
Charlie hoped the boss would go out. He didn’t wan
t
to stay in the house on this particular night. He went up to his locke
r
and changed for the street. Opening it wasn’t easy; the picture
s
of Annette and his kids inside made his eyes fill up, but he didn’t want to star
t
crying with all the other guys around. He had to make it to the street.
He took a tissue from a box in his locker, grabbed his gear
,
and headed out of the locker room. When he made it down stairs he saw that Lt. A. was already in uniform behind the desk, conversing with the three sergeants. The lieutenant saw him and gave him a wave and Charlie wave
d
back.
Roll call, either conducted by the desk officer or the sergeant wh
o
was assigned as sergeant #1, started right on the dot by the sergeant. Lt. A. could speak after the roll call bu
t
usually didn’t unless he had desk duty. He chose not to speak on this night and Charlie was grateful. He wanted to hi
t
the street as quickly as possible.
He approached the desk and scanned the keys that had been deposited by the incoming shift. He found the ones to the Platoon Commander’s auto and grabbed the
m
so fast that you would think they were made out of gold. He drove the car to the side lot and gassed it up, making all th
e
required entries in the gasoline log book. When he was finished he passed the log book t
o
the sector next in line at the pump then drove to the front of the station house and waited for the lieutenant to come out. Although he knew the lieutenant could choose to sta
y
and bullshit for a while since there were so many sergeants working, he still hoped the boss would remain consistent and choose to go out early as usual. Just when he thought they would have a routine for their shift, he saw Lt. A. walking out to the awaiting car with his gear.
As he got in the car, the boss placed his attaché case into the back seat, jammed his nightstick between the seat and the door,
then said, “How about some coffee, Charlie?”
“Sure, Lou.”
**
The radio began crackling with jobs that were picked up by th
e
answering units. Most nights the 120
th
was the busiest house, but sometimes the 122
nd
could get crazy, too.
Charlie drove along Bay Street, deliberately passing the Dunkin Donuts shop on Victory Boulevard wher
e
Terry worked. The lieutenant noticed but let it go without remarking about it. At the next coffee shop Charlie went in and got their usual then he drove the RMP down along Front Street to the pier
s
where they could share their ritual in peace, away from traffic and nosy night pedestrians.
Charlie removed his lid and placed it on the das
h
board, then lit his cigarette.
“I’ve been working with you now for almost two years, Charlie, and I thin
k
I can safely say that I know you and your moods,” the lieutenant began. “Am I right?
”
“Yeah, you’ve got me pegged, Lou. I found Annette crying yesterday morning and it was over the fucking mess that we’re in.
She doesn’t know what t
o
do. It sounds as if she just might be in love with this guy and yet
,
I think she still feels something towards me. She says she’s torn.”
“It sounds as if she is trying to be honest with you, Charlie.”
“Yeah, it does. Too bad honesty sucks when it comes to feelings. I think I’
m
going to lose her, Lou,” admitted Charlie.
“Well, she might make that choice. What happens if she wants to move out? Will you be able to handle it? Have you asked yourself any of thes
e
questions yet? Will you sell your house if she wants a divorce?” asked the boss.
“I don’t know, Lou. I haven’t really had a chance to ask myself any questions. I’m still feeling miserable about the whole fucking mess. I hate to say it, but I’v
e
failed at my marriage.”
“Whoa, step back a bit before you go saying something like that. It takes two people to make a marriage and tw
o
people to make it fail. People react to other people, and you know as well as I do that none of us are perfect.
“Annette is probably feeling the same thing as you are right now. Neither of you wanted this scenario but you got stuck with it. Now you both have to make an important decision,” said the lieutenant.
“What’s that Lou?
”
“You both have to decide whether the marriage is worth saving, Charlie. If you decide that it is then you both need to work at it, whatever the cost. If you can’t agree to do that then it’s time to call it quits an
d
spare both of you any further anguish,” explained the lieutenant.
Charlie knew Lt. A. was right but he couldn’t face th
e
possibility that he could and, probably would, lose his wife. He had som
e
important decisions to make and he had to make them soon. He began to accep
t
his situation and knew he had to have another talk with Annette about their marriage to see if it was worth the effort to be saved. He knew he wanted to save it and would do anything needed to achieve that goal, but, even after all these years, he wasn’t sure how she felt.