Nova 05 Ruin Me (17 page)

Jax

After my mom leaves, Clara and I go into the room and lie down on the bed. My eyes burn from crying and while I should feel like a pussy for being so emotional in front of Clara, I don’t.

“I’m so tired.” She yawns, stretching her arms above her head.

I roll over beside her, line my body with hers, and drape my arm over her side. Feeling her warmth erases some of the cold my mother put inside me. I forgot how cold I could feel when I am around her. So empty. So unloved.

“Jax Hensley.” Humor laces Clara’s tone. “Are you spooning me right now?”

“Yep, it makes me feel better.” I nuzzle my face into the crook of her neck and breathe in the scent of her perfume. “Does that bother you?”

She shakes her head, tipping her chin to look back at me. “If it makes you feel better, then spoon away.”

I press closer and place a kiss to her neck right on her pulse.

She shivers, her heart racing. “What do you want to do for the rest of the night?”

As much as I want to peel off her clothes and slip inside her, I don’t want to do it while I’m feeling this depressed.

“Can I just hold you while we fall asleep?” I ask, hoping she doesn’t run out the door from my request. “I know that seems stupid, but—”

“It’s not stupid at all,” she interrupts me. Her hands tremble as she places them on my arms and pulls me closer.

I smile against her neck. “I think you might like me a lot, Clara McKiney.”

“Maybe.”

“Maybe even what? Love me?”

“Shhh….” she whispers, but I can hear the grin through her voice. “Go to sleep.”

We spend the rest of the night curled up in bed, spooning each other. It’s probably one of the best and worst nights of my entire life. Best, because I have Clara and worst because I realize how much energy I’ve wasted worrying about my mother all these years.

The next morning I feel a tad bit better. . Not only am I going home, but in the midst of arguing with my mother, I somehow got a bit of closure. For the last couple of years, I’ve felt so guilty over bailing on my mom when it was clear she couldn’t take care of herself, but after that move she pulled to get money from me, my conscious feels clearer.

Now, if I can just convince my sister I'm okay, life will be fantastic.

“Are you sure you’re going to be okay driving all the way home?” Avery asks me over the phone. The speaker is on so I can easily chat with her while I pack. “After what happened, I’m a little worried you might be too stressed out.”

“I’m fine,” I assure her as I stuff a pair of jeans into my duffel bag. “Clara’s here with me and she can help me if the stress interferes with my driving skills.” I roll my eyes at the absurdity.

“You always say you’re fine, even when you’re not,” Avery argues.

“I’ll keep an eye on him,” Clara calls out as she walks out of the bathroom wearing shorts that hug her perfect ass, a clinging pink tank top, and towel drying her hair.

“Hey Clara,” Avery greets cheerily. “How are you?”

“Fine.” Clara drops the towel on the bed then scoops up a brush from the nightstand. “I’m glad to be heading home, though.”

“I bet you are,” Avery says. I can hear a guy talking in the background, telling Avery to relax. It’s probably Tristan, which is good. He’s great at getting Avery to chill out when she’s in mom mode. “That place can really get to you, huh?”

“The trip hasn’t been all that bad.” Clara’s cheeks flush as she glances at me with a flare of desire in her eyes.

Such a dirty mind,
I mouth as I fold a shirt up.

“Good, but just keep an eye on Jax, okay?” Avery says. “He hates admitting when he needs help.”

“I will,” Clara reassures her while running the brush through her damp hair.

Avery makes me promise her I’ll call if I need anything before I hang up.

“She cares about you a lot.” Clara stuffs the brush into her bag then winds around the bed toward me.

“She worries too much.” I zip up my duffel bag.

“Worrying about someone isn’t a bad thing.”

“Nope, not at all.”

“Are you sure you’re okay, though?” she checks, gently grabbing my hand that I bashed into the wall last night. She examines my scraped, swollen knuckles. “Does it hurt?”

I shake my head, watching in fascination as she fusses over me. “Not really.”

“What about here?” She lets go of my hand and presses her palm to my chest, right above my heart.

“You’re getting soft on me,” I joke lightly, even though my heart does ache.  “But that’s okay. I like this side of you.”

Her cheeks pink with embarrassment. “I just want to make sure you’re okay.”

“I’m fine, so stop worrying.” I sweep my finger across her cheek, then pick up my bag and sling it over my shoulder. “Now it’s time for me to fuss over you.”

She leans over to grab her bag from off the floor, flashing me a great view of her ass. “What do you mean?”

“I mean, it’s time to head up to the Tetons.”

“I’m going to be fine. It’s not like my father just passed away. It’s been a couple of years. I’ve already mourned. This is just for closure and so he can finally be laid to rest.”

“I know you’ve already mourned, but if you get a little bit emotional just know that I’ll be right there to hold your hand.”

She doesn’t say anything, only stands on her tiptoes and places a kiss on my stubbly cheek, which might speak more than words.

“Thank you,” she whispers then rushes off to make sure she hasn’t left anything in the bathroom.

After we’ve gathered all our bags and belongings, we head out the door. Then we load up our bags, and check out at the front desk. As we’re returning to the Jeep to leave, a sleek, black car pulls up beside us. The tinted windows obscure the view on the interior, but I have a feeling I might know whose inside.

Moments later, the back window rolls down, and my suspicions are confirmed.

I inch to the side, blocking Clara from Marcus’s view.

A slow grins curls at his lips. “So, funny thing, your mom showed up last night saying she’d have my money by morning. I woke up thinking I’d be seeing my thousand dollars. Come to find out, she stole a lot of very valuable stuff from me and took off.”

There’s absolutely no shock factor to what he said. Part of me suspected that my mother more than likely run off with the money she made from the ring instead of paying her debt.

“Okay… What do you want me to do about it?” I ask, glancing around at the parking lot. There’s no one around, which isn’t an ideal situation. I can see the front desk clerk watching us through the window which eases my worry just a little.

“Well, I was hoping you could point me in the direction of your mother.” He pops a cigarette between his lips and strikes a match, lighting up old school.

“Sorry, but I haven’t seen her,” I reply coolly as Clara presses her rigid body against my back.

He takes a long drag from the cigarette, the smell of the smoke awakening my nicotine addiction. “That’s strange since your mother mentioned she saw you last night.”

“My mother’s a liar.” My voice is firm, despite my nerves being rattled. “You should know that.”

He sticks his hand out the window and grazes his thumb across the bottom of the cigarette, scattering ash to the ground. “That I do.” He pauses, and I hold my breath, praying he’ll leave. “Well, Jax,” he sits back in his seat, “it’s been a pleasure meeting you. I’m sure one day we’ll cross path’s again.” He starts to roll the window up, but pauses. “And if you do by chance hear from your mother, please let her know I’m looking for her. And remind her how determined of a man I am.” He grins one final time. Then the car drives off, kicking up a cloud of dirt behind it.

“Are you okay?” Clara asks, rushing in front of me.

I watch the car pull out onto the street. “You know what, I think I am. Whatever my mother’s done, it’s no longer my problem. I’m not going to worry about her anymore. I’m sick of getting involved and letting her try to ruin my life.”

“Good.” She grazes her finger across the inside of my wrist. “She may be your mother, but she’s a terrible person and you don’t owe her anything.

“I know.” I meet her caring gaze and my anger evaporates. “Are you ready to go home?”

She eagerly nods. “More than ready.”

Minutes later, we’re driving past the final gas station in town. I glance one last time in the rear view mirror, watching my past slip out of sight, knowing it’ll be the last time I ever see it.

I’m never coming back
, I silently promise myself.
No matter what.

As difficult as it is to say goodbye, I know it’s for the better. I allowed my guilt over leaving my mother gnaw at me for too long.

For the first time in forever, I’m able to breathe freer as I let my past go and head into the future.

The best part is, Clara’s at my side.

Clara

“I think this is about as high as I can go up,” I tell Jax, hugging the black vase that carries my father’s ashes.

“Are you sure?” He stands on a shallow ledge just above me, staring out at the sparse fields below us with his hands on his hips. He peers up at the pointed, sloped incline of the mountain behind us. “We could go higher if we need to.”

I shake my head and remove the lid from the vase. “I can’t go higher. I’m already experiencing vertigo.”

“Are you afraid of heights?” Jax asks, bounding down onto the small rock I’m standing on.

I nod with a shallow breath. “I actually am.”

The wind dances up from behind me and through my hair as I inch toward the ledge. It’s cold this high up on the mountains, even in May. I zip my jacket up to my chin while Jax steps back a ways to give me some privacy, which I appreciate.

“Hey, Dad,” I whisper as the breeze encompasses me and tears sting at my eyes. “It’s me, Clara, your Little Spitfire. I know I’ve been pretty absent, at last being the spitfire girl you knew, but I’m slowly getting there again, getting happy again. Mom’s doing… well, as okay as she can in the condition she’s in. I wish I could tell you she’s doing great, but I don’t think she’ll ever be in a place where she’s herself again. She does seem pretty happy, though, and Nelli’s helping me take care of her.” I shrug as I stare at the grassy field below.

“I’m sorry it took me so long to get you up here.” I stretch my arms out with the vase grasped in my hand. “I hope you can finally have some peace now.” I slowly tip the vase and the ashes float forward with the wind and snow down to the land below. Tears drip from my eyes. “Goodbye, Daddy.”

I’m not sure how long I remain standing still, but eventually, Jax moves up beside me.

“Are you going to be all right?” he asks.

I utter one last goodbye then look up at Jax. His hair is sticking up and flattened on one side, and his cheeks are kissed pink from the wind.

“I will be. It’s good I did this, good he finally got to be where he wanted to be.”

Jax offers me a smile, and then we hike back down the hill to where the Jeep is parked. An hour later we’re on the main road again, heading east, heading home.

“Goodbye, Wyoming,” I singsong, cranking up “Creep” by Stone Temple Pilots. “I’m not going to miss you at all.” I slip my shoes off and relax back in the seat while Jax laughs at my made up song.

“I’m glad to see my hometown made a great impression on you,” he remarks, glancing down at the gauges. “I’m with you, though. I’m more than ready to get the hell out of here.”

“Are we going to stop anywhere on the way back?” I ask, taking my phone out to text Nelli and tell her my father’s ashes have finally been laid to rest.

“Oh, yeah. I have big plans.”

“Do I even want to know what those big plans are?”

He slants his head, and hunger gleams in his eyes. “That all depends.”

My pulse is throbbing in so many places I can barely sit still. “On what?”

“On how adventurous you feel.”

“I’m feeling pretty adventurous.”

A sly grin carves his lips. “Okay, then.”

His response is so open-ended, so full of possibilities. Surprisingly, I can’t wait.

With a lot of effort, I look away from him and focus on texting.

Me: Hey! Just wanted to let you know I’m headed back. I scattered Dad’s ashes at the Tetons about an hour ago.

Nelli: How are you doing with that? Are you holding up?

Me: I’m fine. I mean I cried a little, but I don’t know... It felt kind of nice to be going through with his final wish, like he can finally be at peace. That probably sounded weird.

Nelli: Not at all. And I’m sure he’s at peace.

Me: Can you tell my mom?

She doesn’t respond and I figure she’s distracted, but then my phone rings, and her name flashes across the screen.

“Hey,” I answer. “Thought you’d call me huh?”

“Hey, sweetie.” It’s my mother’s voice that flows through the line, not Nelli’s. “I just wanted to call you and say how proud of you I am. I’m sure your father’s happy, wherever he is.”

She sounds so much like herself I start to cry again.

“I’m sure he is, too,” I whisper through my tears.

“I can’t wait for you to be home,” she says. “We’ve missed you.”

“I’ve missed you guys, too.” I dry the tears with the back of my hand. “A lot.”

“Take care, honey.” She hangs up.

The conversation is short and sweet, but I’m okay with that. If it had gone on longer, I’m sure she would have faded.

When I set the phone down, Jax slides his arm across the console and threads his fingers through mine. “You good?”

“You know what?” I smile through my tears. “I really am.”

We spend the next eight hours holding hands and playing road games. Around midnight, we decide to get a room, even though Jax is still okay with driving. But the stop isn’t really about the break.

The moment we step into the room, I stand on my tiptoes and press my lips to his. He reciprocates my kiss, backing me toward the bed until my legs brush against the mattress.

“Are you sure you want to do this?” he asks breathlessly through each swipe of his tongue. “Because we can wait.”

Shaking my head, I move back and pull his shirt off.  He does the same thing to me, tugging my shirt over my head.

My chest heaves as he deliberately reaches around behind me to unfasten my bra. His eyes remain fastened on me, making sure I don’t protest. When my lips stay fused, he unhooks the clasps, and the straps fall from my shoulders.

“You okay?” He sounds a bit hoarse as his gaze consumes every inch of me.

I nod then weld our lips together before I can panic.  But it’s been so long since anyone has seen me this exposed that I do feel a little jittery. My nerves begin to settle, though, when he presses our bodies together and lays me down on the bed. The warmth of his body drowns out my worry and I fall blindly into kissing him.

We only break apart to finish getting undressed. Once he has a condom on, he situates above me.

“What? No Standing Wheel Barrow this time?” I joke, my jitters revealing through my voice.

Jax shakes his head as he stares down at me. “I’m saving that for another time. Right now, I just want to enjoy this.”

He shuts his eyes and sucks in a deep breath before easing into me. He moves torturously slow and I fight back the urge not to lift my hips. By the time he’s all the way in me, my skin is already damp.

He starts to rock in and out, our bodies conforming together. He gradually starts to pick up the pace, hitching my leg over his hip, sinking deeper into me. I clutch onto his shoulder blades, my nails splitting his flesh. My skin hums as he drops a kiss on my mouth, parting my lips with his tongue. I bite on his lip and he groans, pounding me hard until I’m so breathless my vision starts to spot. My muscles wind tight, and I start to lose focus as I drift off, grasping onto him.

Seconds later, Jax joins me, burying his face into the crook of my neck. His teeth nick my neck and his body gives one final jerk before he stills, his cock pulsating inside of me.

I swear, in the midst of our heavy breathing, I hear him whisper, “I love you.” But he utters it so softly I can’t be positive what I heard. What I do notice is that the idea of him saying it doesn’t seem too terrifying.

We lie that way for what feels like forever, yet at the same time when he pulls away, I feel as though I could have lain there for so much longer.

He sweeps my damp hair out of my eyes and drops a featherlike kiss on my lips.

“Thank you.” He’s dead serious and looks very un-Jax like at the moment.

“For what?”

“For letting me in.”

My heart misses a beat. “Thank you,” I reply back.

“For what?” he wonders.

“For not ruining me when I let you in.”

“Never,” he promises then leans down to kiss me again. After a minute or two, he pulls away with a crooked smile on his face. “Ready for round two?’

I shake my head, but laugh, feeling more happy and content than I have in a long time.

“Always,” I reply and wholeheartedly mean it.