Nowhere but Here (11 page)

“It is.”

“This is too much, Jamie.” I shook my head. “It’s gorgeous, really, but I can’t accept this.”

“Of course you can, and you will. I have a friend who owns a little antique store in town. It’s not a big deal, I promise.”

“I can’t even imagine how much this cost.”

“Please, don’t think about that.” He took it out of the box and twirled his other finger at me. “Turn around, beautiful.” He gently brushed the loose strands of my hair aside. I could feel his warm breath on the back of my head. When he clasped the necklace, he leaned down and pressed a lingering kiss on the side of my neck. “God, you smell good,” he said softly.

I giggled from his ticklish breath. When I turned around he was smiling serenely, but he had an obvious look of desire in his eyes. “We better go now or we’ll never get out of here,” I said.

“You are so right about that. Come on.”

We drove across the big, red bridge and into the city of San Francisco, with its steep hills, Victorian row houses, and the famous trolley cars coasting along the main streets downtown. The energy in the city was like none other I’d experienced. Rolling down my window, I took in the sights and smells. Every time a trolley bell rang, it transported me back to another time, a time when the black-and-white photos from the winery were taken, when life was simpler. The smell of saltwater, baking bread, and wet pavement overtook my senses. We drove deeper into the city through Nob Hill and past Union Square. Jamie didn’t say much, he just let me take in the sights. We found a parking garage and parked, then he reached behind his seat and pulled out a woman’s short trench coat.

“Susan thought you would need this, and I think she was right.” It was chillier in the city than in Napa, and I was grateful for Susan’s thoughtfulness. “It’s a shame to cover you up, but I think you’ll feel more comfortable where we’re going.” He held the jacket open for me. I slipped it on and tied the belt.

“Where
are
we going?”

“We’re going to serve dinner to some of my friends. I’m taking you to GLIDE. It’s a homeless shelter that I volunteer at.” I stopped dead in my tracks. He turned to me, and for the first time since I had met him he looked unsure of himself. “I hope that’s okay?”

I cupped his face and kissed him softly. “Of course it is. I volunteer in Chicago. I can’t tell you how many times I tried dragging Stephen with me, but he wouldn’t have it.”

Jamie laughed once and looked down at his feet. At first I thought he was being bashful, and then he looked up and said, “This is our first date, Katy.” He shook his finger at me. “No talking about exes.” I took ahold of his finger and pretended to bite it. “Ooh, feisty, I like it,” he said before pulling me out of the garage.

On the way into the shelter, we saw homeless people crowding the streets. Many of them shouted “Hi” to Jamie as we passed by. I even heard one woman say, “Ooh, Jamie’s got a girlfriend.” He squeezed my hand tightly after that comment.

Once inside the shelter kitchen, he handed me a white hat and apron to put on.

“I look silly.”

“Not possible. You are the sexiest volunteer I’ve ever seen.”

The kitchen was bustling with helpers. A very tall and extremely thin man with an intimidating stare came walking toward us. I looked at Jamie for reassurance and could tell everything was okay by the way the corner of his mouth quirked up. He was amused.

“You’re late, my man,” the tall guy said in a serious tone, which didn’t hold long.

“But I brought an extra pair of hands. Charles, meet the lovely Kate Corbin. Kate, this is Charles, the man who runs this wonderful place.”

He gave me an ear-splitting grin and then reached for my hand and kissed the back of it. “Lovely, indeed. Okay, let’s put you to work, and let those hands give life to these hungry folks.”

We jumped right into serving food to a long line of hungry men, women, and children. Every single person that I had the joy of serving food to said thank you with so much sincerity and gratitude, I felt a chemical change in my heart. I had volunteered in shelters many times before, but somehow there was a stronger connection. I realized it was because of Jamie’s presence there beside me. He laughed and told stories to everyone in line. He teased all the little kids about eating their vegetables, and he heckled some of the men about the Giants and how there was no way they were going to win the World Series again. Evidently, Jamie was a Red Sox fan, and he assured me that if the Sox ever played the Cubs at Fenway, he would be there and I would personally be responsible for showing him around Chicago. Even during the light banter, I couldn’t help but wonder if that’s what it would take to see Jamie again once I left Napa.

When the line started dwindling, I spent a little more time observing each person. There was a young woman about my age who was alone, wearing tattered clothing. I wondered what her story was. When she reached me in line, I scooped a lump of mashed potatoes onto her plate. She gave me a satisfied smile and then said, “My favorite, thank you.”

I was willing to spend the last moments of my life doing what I was doing with Jamie because it made me feel like I had a purpose. I felt more aware of the humanity in others, something I had lost sight of since Rose’s death. Serving food to the homeless truly made me feel like I was connecting more deeply with others. It was one of the most authentic and satisfying feelings I’d had in a long time. I thought about Jamie comparing love to food, and now I was comparing charity to life through food. I looked at the blessings in my life, my ability to give my time, to have a stable job and support myself. I started to wonder if R.J. was so terrible after all. The fact that he spent so much of his own money to provide life-improving and lifesaving resources to the needy deserved some measure of my respect. He didn’t need his accomplishments to be advertised—most people had no idea what he was doing. Maybe the goodness in R.J. had rubbed off on Jamie and Susan. I was seeing everything the other way around now. Writing the article weighed heavily on me, but being out with Jamie alleviated that.

“Katy, our replacements are here. Are you ready to go?” Jamie asked, snapping me back into reality.

“Yes, this was wonderful. Thank you for bringing me here.” We walked hand in hand back to his truck, and I watched as Jamie metered and then gave himself a shot of insulin. We left the truck parked where it was and headed to Belden Place, a row of romantic restaurants tucked in an alley between two buildings. The area was crowded, but strangely it was one of the most romantic and intimate settings I had ever been in. Strings of twinkle lights hung across the entire width of the alley. We decided on a French restaurant, where the very young hostess greeted Jamie by name. She looked to be in her early twenties. Her short blond hair was pulled back in a slick, tiny ponytail. The collar of her black dress shirt was just low enough to reveal the cluster of pink cherries tattooed on her neck. She blinked several times in quick succession.

“Hi . . .” Jamie said. We both waited uncomfortably for her to answer. I was definitely picking up on a weird vibe.

“Izzy,” the hostess said flatly.

“Right, Izzy. This is Kate.” He rested his hand on the small of my back.

She smiled superficially at me and then shifted her attention right back to Jamie. “I’ll get you two a nice romantic table in hell. How’s that?”

He grabbed my hand and said, “Time to go.”

We walked to an Italian restaurant in the same alley and were seated far enough away that we were sure to be out of Izzy’s line of fire.

“What was that?”

“I dated . . . er . . . uh, I mean, I went on a date with her.”

“So you had a one-night stand with her?”

“No, I didn’t have sex with her.”

“It’s none of my business, and we aren’t even supposed to talk about exes.” I crossed my arms over my chest, failing to play it cool.

“It’s nothing like that. This guy, Benny, from GLIDE set me up with her. She’s too young for me. I tried to let her down easy. We had dinner once. I took her home right after, but she kept hassling Benny about me.” He took a breath and paused and then shook his head slowly. “What a horrible way for us to start dinner. I’m so sorry. That was totally weird. Can we pretend that didn’t happen?” His eyes were soft and pleading.

I believed him. His answers were genuine, and I couldn’t see him being the type to have random one-night stands with women. Frankly, after Izzy’s death threat, she seemed like she could be a bit of a loose cannon anyway.

Before I could answer, Jamie immediately ordered a bottle of wine and raw oysters on the half shell for our appetizer. Our table was so small that, if I wanted to, I could literally rest my head on his chest without being inhibited. Underneath the table, our legs carelessly tangled with each other’s, even though I was still a little hesitant after our encounter with Izzy’s wrath.

I smiled sincerely. “Yes, let’s start over, but I’m ditching your earlier rule. It’s time to come clean. Now I want to know everything.”

His brow furrowed but he laughed. “Uh-oh. What have I gotten myself into? I’m on a date with the most curious woman in the world.”

I looked down at my hands and fidgeted nervously. I felt a blush creeping across my face. “I promise, you’ll only face this line of questioning once.”

Just then, our oysters and wine came to the table. He had a self-congratulatory smile on his face while he poured me a very large glass.

“First, this.” He put the oyster shell to my mouth. I opened for him as he tilted it up. The salty, slippery oyster went sliding down my throat. I watched him do the same for himself. We both took sips of wine and then he leaned in and kissed me like the whole world was crumbling away around us. His hand gripped the back of my neck and kissed me hard. We were all tongues and lips and light moans that only we could hear. Everyone in the alley disappeared except for us. He slowed and nuzzled my cheek and then left one last lingering kiss on my mouth. Stephen would rarely hold my hand in public, and although I wasn’t a huge proponent of PDA, I didn’t mind with Jamie. When he kissed me, no one existed but us.

“Did you have something you wanted to ask me?” he said with a sly smile.

“You did that on purpose, just to distract me.”

“No.”

“No?”

His lips flattened. “Katy, I want to kiss you like that every second of the day, even in my sleep.” Had the waiter not shown up at the moment, there was a high possibility I would have stripped down naked and begged Jamie to take me right there on top of our tiny table.

We ordered mussels and pasta, and after we ate our dinner I excused myself to check my phone. It had been buzzing in my purse since we sat down. I headed to the bathroom and saw that it was Jerry. I dialed his number.

“This is Jerry.”

“It’s late there, Jer, what’s up?”

“Beth told me you met a man.”

I laughed. “I told her not to tell you.”

“Why? I’m happy for you.”

“Are you?” Sometimes I had to remind myself that Jerry was one of the most happily married men. He doted on his wife. He would often leave the office early and say, “I’m going home. I miss my buddy.” His wife was truly
his
person, his partner, but Jerry never gave me advice on love. I knew he didn’t like Stephen, so he minded his own business about it.

“Beth told me a little about the guy.”

“It’s nothing yet, I just met him.”

“Well, all I wanted to say is give it a chance . . . I’ve watched you crawl inside yourself over the last few months.” He paused again. I took in a deep breath and held it. “I heard a spark in your voice yesterday, and I think you’re coming back to us. Maybe it has something to do with that guy.”

“Uh-huh,” I said, my throat closing up.

“Listen to me. Don’t be scared. All of the skeletons and the blood and the guts and the emotions—that’s the stuff that makes you human and alive. When I said you’ve lost your spark, I meant that you were shutting everyone out. That spark is the beauty in you, Kate. But sometimes when it gets too hot, when people get too close, and that spark gets too bright, you stifle it because you’re scared.”

In the cloudy bathroom mirror, my own reflection startled me. One beaming light showed down on my face, casting dark shadows under my eyes, hiding the tears pooling in them until, drip, drip like a faucet, the heartrending process began. I was crying. It wasn’t an ugly cry; it was a bleak, emotionless cry where you feel your body surrender. Jerry was right, and I knew it. I was so scared of letting anyone in. I didn’t make a sound, so he continued. “I’ve been so happy in my marriage and lucky to have found my person in life, but it’s only because I realized a long time ago that if you keep all that stuff inside, the stuff that makes you most uniquely you, then you will never find
your
person. You’ll just wither from within and forget who you are, and if you can’t see you, then
he
can’t see you. Don’t be scared. I’ve seen you, Kate, who you really are, and you’re worth it. You’re worth all of it.”

“My gosh, Jerry, thank you, but where is all of this coming from? Why are you telling me this now?” I sobbed.

“Because you’re my friend, dammit. But now I’m pissed at myself for making you cry.”

“I’m not crying,” I lied.

“Are you with him now?”

“Yes, but I’m in the bathroom.”

“Trust me on this.” His voice got low. “Go back out there and just be yourself.”

“I don’t know what I’ll do if I fall in love with him.”

“If you fall, let him catch you.” And then he hung up.

When I got back to the table, Jamie stood and pulled my chair out for me. “Are you okay?” he asked.

“Yes, I’m fine.” I propped my elbows on the table and rested my chin on my hands. “It’s time for questions.” I laughed and a little lagging tear fell from my eye.

“Were you crying?” He looked pained.

“No, I’m laughing, silly and you’re not getting out of this.”

He smiled sullenly. “Okay, ask away.”

“Do you date many women?”

“No.”

“That’s it? You’re not going to elaborate?”