Authors: Denise Townsend
That she’d gone from nearly catatonic with grief and fear a half-hour ago to making a joke now was huge.
“So I did what I should have done from the beginning and just withdrew myself from that fight. I got out of the car and told him I’d see him tomorrow. Then I marched right back into the restaurant, and had a drink at the bar till I knew he’d left. Trevor was never one for public showdowns. He was better the next day, but once I saw what he was really like, I couldn't unsee it, and I kept noticing more things that were off. So, a few weeks later, I decided to end it. I told him he could come by the shop at six, after I was finished with my inventory. ”
“You did the right thing.”
“Yes, well, I should have ended it right then, right after the Paris tantrum. Made him come inside the restaurant with me, and then ended it. I shouldn't have waited, let alone tried to break up with him in private. Inviting him to my empty shop at night was exactly what he wanted.”
River’s fear shivered back up inside of her, but Fen wasn’t having it.
“Think through what you just said, lass. You’d have been at your shop at that time anyway. And let me guess, you’re often at the shop that late, at least a few days a week, aren’t you?”
“Well, yes, but…”
“So you broke up with him that night of the first fight, in the restaurant. Someone like that would still have come after you. Maybe not then, but he wasn’t going to wait. And besides, he had to know what you intended. It was pretty obvious. You warned him that his behavior was making you reassess your feelings, and he responded by totally flipping out. Instead of trying to make things better, you walk away, and tell him you want to talk to him after he cools down. I’d know that was a death knell for the relationship, myself.”
“But that just takes me back to the start, Fen. Why did I let him in at all?”
Fen thought through what River was really asking, even as he sorted through her emotional backlash. She wasn’t lying to him, but she wasn’t asking what she was really worried about. And then Fen realized what was happening. River was too smart to articulate her real fear, because she knew it wasn’t reasonable. But it didn’t change the fact she felt it, and deeply.
What she was feeling was perfectly normal, considering what she’d gone through.
But it was also dangerous, for other reasons. And Fen’s job was to make River see what she was really doing to herself.
Chapter Sixteen
“I don’t think you mean Trevor, when you ask why you let him in,” Fen said.
“Of course I mean Trevor,” was River’s sharp reply. “Who else would I be talking about?”
“No, lass. Think about it. We’ve already established you couldn’t know. We’ve already established you didn’t really let Trevor in. And you kicked him right out the second he showed signs he had a screw loose.”
Fen kept a hand on River’s soft stomach as he sat up, scooting around her body so that he sat between her legs; one of her thighs lay over his lap while the other lay behind him.
“So I think, when you ask me why you let in Trevor, you’re really asking why you let anyone in.”
Fen felt River’s temper rise, even as her eyes refused to meet his.
“That’s ridiculous. I let in all sorts of people.”
“Like whom? Besides Jason?”
“There are all sorts of people here I’m friends with. And my family.”
“Then where are they, River?”
River was mute, her emotions boiling. Not least because she couldn’t respond to that. For all intents and purposes, she and Jason were utterly alone here in Eastport. The only real exception was Leo, and half the time River was doing her best to push him away.
Fen had to make her understand that her brother wasn’t enough to make up her world, no matter how “safe” it felt to do so.
“I think that trust is something you’ve always had a problem with, River, because of how you were raised. You’re obviously capable of great love and great devotion. I see that in your relationship with Jason, of course, and I know you love the rest of your family, even if you recognize your parents’ weaknesses.
“But how many people do you really trust?”
River stayed quiet, unable to answer. The fact was she knew that Fen was right. She’d always kept a certain distance between her and everyone else, except for Jason. They’d had to rely on each other so much during their tumultuous childhood. So she’d learned to trust her brother, even as she’d absorbed the idea she couldn’t trust anyone else.
Even her parents, who she loved and she knew loved her and her brother, couldn’t really be trusted. They’d never tried to hurt her, and they would have been crushed at the idea that they’d made choices that had made her life difficult, and Jason’s even more so. But the fact is they tended to think first about their own happiness, and secondly about their children’s. From their earliest moments, the people they’d relied on most had let her and Jason down, over and over again.
Fen could feel her sorting out her feelings, so he continued.
“I think what Trevor did only served as proof for you of something you decided long ago anyway. That people aren’t to be trusted.”
“Are you saying I looked for a Trevor?” River asked, reproachfully.
“Not at all. In fact, I have no doubt you planned on keeping Trevor at arm’s length as well. He just had other plans. And when he turned out to be psycho–something you could never have foreseen–you threw trust into his coffin with him.”
River sat up, pulling her legs away from Fen.
“First of all, even if that’s true, can you blame me? And look at us right now. I’m half naked in front of you, telling you everything. Isn’t this trust?”
Fen smiled. “It is, and I’m both grateful and happy that you have the trust you have in me. But it’s limited, River. Admit it.”
“What, do I need to take my pants off too? Is that ‘unlimited’ enough for you?”
Fen laughed, despite himself, although River wasn’t being happy-funny, she was as pissed off as he’d seen her. But her anger was because he was right, and she knew it deep down.
“No. Your faith in me is perfect. But I’m the one who’s limited, aren’t I? After all, I’m not of your world. You know I’m only a guest. I’m not even human.”
“But I still trust you,” she whispered, and her care for him washed over Fen. The selkie couldn’t help but react.
“Oh, sweet girl,” he soothed, pulling her in so he could find her lips with his. Their kiss was gentle, deepening as Fen let River feel how much he cared for her too.
“You do trust me,” he told her, nuzzling her nose gently with his own. “And your trust is something I will always treasure. But I want you to trust me even more.”
“How?” she asked, even as she found his lips for another kiss. He reciprocated, before pulling away.
“I want us to do a little experiment. It’s an experiment about trust, and why trust is so important.”
“What is it?”
He smiled. “You’ll have to trust me.”
She gave him a dirty look, her anxiety rising. But she also knew she was being challenged, and River wasn’t one to back down without a fight.
“Fine. Let’s try your experiment. Because I do trust you, Fen.”
Her words threw down her own gauntlet in response to his.
“Good,” he said as he stood.
“Wait here,” he said. “I need something.”
River couldn’t help but shiver in anticipation. Knowing Fen, any lessons he had to impart would probably involve pleasure.
Fen walked upstairs, knowing exactly what he wanted and where to find it. He’d seen it peeking out of River’s toy drawer the night before–a black and purple silk scarf, perfect for his intentions.
When he’d fetched the scarf, he kept it behind his back as he returned to the woman waiting for him. She was watching him with a combination of desire and nervousness, but of a very particular variety. It’s not that she thought he’d hurt her. Rather River feared what the selkie might uncover within her. Fen also suspected she was nervous about what would happen if she did confront and overcome those fears. She’d lived one way for a very long time after all, and changing her ways would be difficult.
But the lesson Fen had to teach would hopefully impart the value of trust to River. She’d only ever seen trust as something to be violated and he needed her to understand what else trust could bring to her life.
When Fen was at her side, he dropped his glamour. Where there had been that dreamily handsome human surfer wearing jeans and a T-shirt, now there stood before her a lord of the sea. Golden hair and skin beckoned her touch, while his dark eyes roved over her body as he let her feel every ounce of his desire for her.
“Shut your eyes, lass,” he asked of her.
“Why?”
He smiled. “Trust me.”
She stared at him long and hard, but then she did as he asked. Her eyes closed, but her fists did as well. No matter what River claimed, even the smallest act of faith in another was difficult for her.
“Good girl,” Fen murmured, letting his affection for her bubble up over the surface of his desire.
The selkie knelt down, leaning over to kiss River gently. Her eyes fluttered open, then shut again as she sighed.
“Keep them closed,” Fen said, when he broke off the kiss. He then brushed the ends of the silk scarf gently up her body, from her feet to her neck, and then back down. River shivered, goose bumps rising on her flesh at the soft caress of the cool silk.
“I’m going to blindfold you now,” Fen told River. “I’m going to do it so that you really can’t see, okay?”
After a second, River nodded. Fen did as he’d told her he would, and raised the length of fabric to her eyes. He folded it over a few times, ensuring its opacity, before he laid it over her vision. Then he tied it firmly behind her head.
“Can you see?”
“No.” And Fen could sense she couldn’t–her emotions flaring at her lack of vision.
“Come with me then.”
Fen took River’s hand and stood, then helped pull her to her feet. Her nerves flared, but she followed as he led her into her kitchen and towards her table.
“Lean back,” he said, moving his big body against hers so that she took a step back. Her upper thighs hit the edge of her kitchen table and his hands moved behind her body to slow her descent as she toppled gently backward.
Their position also meant she felt the hot, hard length of Fen’s cock brushing against her belly, then she felt him even through her jeans, at the top of her thighs, as she continued her backwards momentum.
“The thing with trust,” Fen said, “is that it’s the kind of social contract we must enter into, in order to benefit from it.”
Fen’s large hand was behind her head as he pushed her gently the rest of the way, so she was laying full length on the table. The cool air of her kitchen beaded her nipples and then Fen’s hands were moving to find her belt buckle.
“For example, we trust people to take us places all the time–taxi drivers, bus drivers, train conductors. We trust they’re not maniacs, and therefore we get in their vehicles.”
The belt was undone, and Fen started in on River’s jeans.
“Our everyday lives consist of all sorts of small acts of trust. We trust waiters don’t spit in our food. We trust doctors actually send in and study our lab reports. We trust our postmen don’t read our mail, or that the person stamping our milk with an expiration date is honest.”
Her zipper being pulled down was loud in River’s ears. When she felt Fen tugging at her pants, she arched her back obligingly, helping him pull them off of her. He took her panties with her jeans.
Fen took a moment to admire River’s lush curves, the dark hollow between her legs and the shadows created by her breasts falling along her body.
“And from such small acts of trust, we get small pleasures: not having to drive ourselves, mail delivered, fresh milk.”
Fen’s hands found River’s hips and pulled her down the table slightly so her knees were just off the side. He let his hands run down her thighs, hooking his hands under those knees but not yet parting them.
“But bigger pleasures require bigger acts of trust. Like us, right now. You’re trusting me, by letting me strip you. By letting me blindfold you. By lying in front of me, naked as you are, and vulnerable.”
Now Fen did pull River’s knees up and open, so that her feet rested where her knees had been, and her sex hung in front of him like a plump fruit, ripe for plucking.
“Because you’ve trusted me, it means that I can do this…”
Fen’s lowered his mouth to River’s cunt, placing a chaste kiss just at the top of her slit.
River whimpered, either with desire or with disappointment he hadn’t done more.
“I can do this,” Fen continued, this time spreading her lips gently with his thumb so he could kiss her little clit directly.
“And this.” This time Fen used his tongue, a long lap up the length of River that made her back arch and her breath rush out in a gasp.
“And this.” Fen licked again, and again, and again, until River was shuddering beneath him.
Fen added a thick finger, than another, plunging in and out of River’s cunt until she writhed. He never stopped tonguing her all the while, his tongue savoring the wet splash of her sex even as her soft cries echoed in his ears.