Odd Socks (12 page)

So instead I walk slowly back towards the kitchen and make a resolution to start acting like a normal, relatively mature human being from now on. I can hear the ebb and flow of the conversation from the dining-room as I walk down the passage and realise they must already be helping themselves to lunch. As soon as I enter the kitchen, Cam jumps up from the dining-room table and comes out to join me. I peer around her but can only see Joanne's green back from my vantage point, so Richard must be around the other side of the table.

‘What's up?' Cam whispers loudly as she reaches my side. ‘You're acting really strangely. Are you okay?'

‘Sure I am,' I reply heartily. ‘I just had a big day yesterday and it's all catching up with me. I'm fine.'

‘You sure?'

‘Absolutely. Now let's get back to your guests.'

‘Okay – if you're sure.' She looks only half convinced but ready to be persuaded. ‘I'll pour you a champagne and that'll perk you up.'

‘Sounds great.' We walk out to the dining-room, where Joanne appears to be discussing the value of the Australian dollar at considerably more length than it really deserves. My stomach rumbles and I notice the only empty chair is, naturally, right between CJ and the object of my unexpected attraction. He stands up and pulls the chair out for me to sit down.

‘Thanks,' I say politely, and relatively maturely.

‘No problem.'

‘Mummy, can I hab a glass of that?' asks CJ, pushing her plate away and pointing to the champagne. ‘I'm
so
thirsty.'

‘No.' Cam leans over and pushes her daughter's plate back in front of her. ‘Now, eat up and not another word till you're finished.'

‘Not fair,' CJ grumbles as she begins methodically to massacre several lettuce leaves. ‘I neber get to drink anything good.'

‘You've got juice,' says her mother, ‘be happy with that.'

‘Bet it's not as nice as that.' CJ nods towards the champagne bottle. ‘Not nearly.'

‘And you'd be right.' I smile at her as I take a sip of my champagne and decide to drink this glass and settle my nerves before I attack the ham and salad. ‘Mmm,
hmm
.'

‘Not fair!'

‘So, where were we?' Cam ignores her daughter and looks brightly at her guests. ‘Joanne – you were going to tell us how you met Richard, weren't you?'

‘That's right.' Joanne waves her sandwich in the air enthusiastically. ‘Well, there I was, sitting in the departure lounge in Singapore and –'

‘Hang on,' interrupts Cam, ‘do you mean to say that you've only
just
met?'

‘Correct,' says Richard, looking rather amused.

‘Oh, I see.' Cam looks at him slightly askance, no doubt calculating the chances of him being an axe murderer. ‘Interesting.'

‘Well, anyway, I was dog-tired and looking forward to getting some actual sleep. And I was really worried about who I'd be sitting near – you know how you can get stuck next to some really gross people, but for once I got someone decent – Richard! He's a Capricorn, so that explains it. All the way from Singapore to Melbourne and we talked and talked. We must have covered just about everything and anything important that's ever happened to us. I don't think we got a wink of sleep, did we?'

‘No,' Richard agrees dryly, taking a sip of champagne.

‘We just sat up discussing stuff.' Joanne sends another fleeting glance in Richard's direction. ‘And when I found out he was from Tasmania but was going to be stuck in Melbourne for a few days – well, obviously it was the hand of fate. So I insisted I show him around. Isn't that right, Richard?'

‘Yep. Right.'

‘And it's amazing how quickly you get to know people on trips like that.' Joanne pauses while she finishes off the rest of her sandwich. ‘I reckon everybody who plans to get married should go on a long-distance trip together to really work out whether they're compatible. It's the same as knowing someone for about six months in normal time, wouldn't you say, Richard?'

‘At least,' agrees Richard as he crumples his serviette on top of his plate and leans back. ‘Camilla – delicious. Thank you.'

‘My pleasure.'

‘For having me too. Thanks.'

‘No problem. And it's been lovely meeting you,' Cam replies politely. ‘I'm only sorry I burnt lunch and you ended up with this instead.'

‘No. Really.'

‘But it would have been better with quiche.'

‘Don't see how.'

‘Well, the bread
was
a bit chewy.'

‘Lord, enough already!' Joanne interjects, echoing my thoughts exactly. ‘It's nice, you liked it, he's glad to be here – now let's move on!'

‘Well, good to see you haven't changed.' Cam glares at Joanne and stands up to start clearing the table.

‘Excuse me?' I look up at Cam with my fork still poised over the plate of ham she is about to remove. ‘Um, excuse me?'

‘Oh, I'm
sorry
, Cam. I didn't mean anything.' Joanne stands
as well and picks up the salad platter. ‘Sometimes I just say things without thinking.'

‘Excuse me?' I say again politely, pointing my fork towards the plates of food in their arms. ‘Yoo hoo! Remember me?'

‘No, it's okay, Joanne. It's me. I suppose I'm just a bit touchy because I stuffed up the quiche. And the bread
was
chewy.'

‘No – my fault totally. Here, let me help you.' Joanne gathers some cutlery with her spare hand. Then they both proceed to remove the lunch remains to the kitchen, where they can be heard continuing to apologise to each other.

‘Excuse me?' I say once more, this time to nobody in particular. ‘I hate to mention this but
I
haven't had lunch yet.'

‘You c'n hab mine.' CJ pushes a plate full of what looks like well-masticated salad in front of me. ‘I'll swap for your drink.'

‘Hmm. Think I'll pass, thanks.'

‘Don't blame you.' Richard slides CJ's plate across and places it on top of his, then unfolds himself from his chair and walks around to collect up the scattering of lettuce from the table near her placemat. He puts these carefully on top of the plates and then takes them out to the kitchen. I'm left with CJ, who is staring at me balefully. I drain my glass and smile at her. After a couple of minutes, Cam comes back into the room with a damp cloth and gives the table a searching glance before turning to me.

‘Would you believe they're doing the dishes?' She picks up the empty bottle and looks at me with concern. ‘Now, sure you're okay? How's it going?'

‘I'm fine,' I reply heartily. ‘Who needs food? That champagne worked wonders – got any more?'

‘Of course.' Cam drops the cloth on the table. ‘In fact, I'll grab it now and you can do the honours.'

I take the cloth, lean forwards and wipe the table down
thoroughly before straightening the placemats. CJ scrambles off her chair and disappears in the direction of her bedroom and, a few minutes later, Cam comes back in loaded with a bottle of champagne and my cheesecake on top of a stack of dessert plates and forks.

‘Here's the champers. And could you cut this up too, Terry?' She deposits the lot right in front of me, then plops into a chair and leans forwards conspiringly. ‘What do you think – not exactly the chatty type, is he? Can you
believe
they're together?'

‘
No!
' I reply, a little more forcefully than I meant to.

‘Hey, calm down!'

‘Well, how do you know they're together?' I ask in a more normal tone.

‘I'm only guessing,' replies Cam, looking at me, puzzled. ‘Out in the kitchen she asked me twice what I thought of him. Usually that means they're together.'

‘No it doesn't,' I reply shortly.

‘Hey, don't take it personally!' Cam looks at me with a frown. ‘What
is
it with you today? First you act all weird out in the driveway, then you hardly say a word through lunch –'

‘
What
lunch?' I interrupt rudely, hoping to put her off her current train of thought.

‘– then you just about bite my head off when all I asked was whether you thought they might be . . . hang on.' She raises her eyebrows as the light begins to dawn. ‘I get it! God, Terry!'

‘Shut up,' I say through clenched teeth as I pick up the cheesecake knife and hold it in front of me. ‘I'm not afraid to use this.'

‘I don't believe it!'

‘Neither do I.'

‘You're jealous!'

‘Could you keep your voice down a tad –' I cast a nervous
glance in the direction of the kitchen ‘– otherwise I'll start singing “Jingle Bells”.'

‘Really, really jealous!'

‘
And
I'll tell everyone about your clever reindeer impersonation. Fooled me.'

‘You know, though, what I don't get is that if you're so damn jealous, why don't
you
just do it too?'

‘Pardon?'

‘Well, why don't you just cut loose and take the plunge? I mean, if you want it so much – do it! Right now!'

‘
Right
now?'

‘Yes, before you get any older! If Joanne can do it – so can you!'

‘So can I?'

‘Will you stop repeating the last bit of everything I say?' Cam leans closer, pushes the cheesecake to one side, and grabs my left hand. ‘You're just trying to put me off and it's not going to work this time. I mean, if it affects you so much that you're going to start acting all screwy, then you
have
to do something. Otherwise all you'll have are regrets.'

‘Are you totally sober?'

‘Of
course
I'm totally sober. Well, just about, anyway.'

‘So let me get this straight.' I look Cam in the eye. ‘You think that the answer is for me to march in there and just
do
it? In your kitchen? With him? Otherwise I'll regret it? Is that what you're saying?'

‘
What
? What on earth are you talking about? How can you do it in my kitchen?'

‘Well, that's what you said!'

‘No, I didn't!'

‘Then what
were
you talking about?'

‘I'm talking about you going overseas, of course,' says Cam with a frown. ‘You've been talking for ages about how
miserable you are at the library and how you want a change, or to go overseas, or anything, but you never actually
do
it. And how jealous you were when Joanne up and left, and how peeved you were when we got postcards and – but, if you weren't talking about that, what
were
you talking about?'

‘Nothing.'

‘Balls,' Cam says rudely. ‘Spill it – what were you talking about and what were you going to do in my kitchen?'

‘Nothing!'

‘Nothing, be damned! Now what was it you thought I was talking about? Let me see . . .'

‘Let's not.'

‘Hell's bells!' Cam's eyes suddenly grow huge and she flings my hand away. ‘You
weren't
! Teresa Diamond! And – with Richard! Haven't you
seen
his knees? Why, you –you . . . and what about Fergus, may I ask?'

I'm saved from answering by Joanne calling out from the kitchen for Cam to come show them where the plates go. She lingers but I studiously avoid her gaze while I grab somebody's half-empty glass of champagne and drain it. My stomach rumbles in protest.

‘Don't think I'm letting
this
go!' Cam warns as she gets to her feet. ‘I'll be back – never you fear! On my clean lino – well, I never.'

‘Perhaps you should,' I mumble to her back as she heads into the kitchen. I open the champagne, fill up my own glass and take a huge gulp. Then I pull the cheesecake back over and carefully cut it into quarters and then into eighths. I examine the sliced cake carefully for the biggest piece and then flip it deftly onto a plate for myself. The first bite tastes like heaven on earth and I groan with pleasure.

‘Peckish?' Richard walks back into the dining-room and
looks first at his empty wineglass and then at my largish slice thoughtfully. ‘Ah, any spare?'

‘Of course,' I mumble around my cheesecake as I feel my face go red with embarrassment.

‘Excellent,' he replies as he takes the cheesecake platter and starts to dole slices onto the plates, ‘taste good?'

‘Yes,' I answer although, in fact, it does not taste quite as good as it had a minute ago. ‘Yes, delicious.'

He finishes with the cheesecake and then, taking the champagne bottle from in front of me, fills up the flutes around the table. Cam and Joanne come back in talking animatedly about the idiosyncrasies of out-of-body experiences. Cam sends me a look fraught with meaning that makes me wish I were having an out-of-body experience right now.

‘So I swear to you I was floating on the ceiling looking down at my body while it slept. I could see every breath I took,' continues Joanne earnestly as she takes her seat at the table. ‘I just stared and stared. It was the weirdest experience I've ever had.'

‘But if you actually managed to leave your body, why didn't you do something useful? What was the point of just staring at yourself – I mean, you can do that in the mirror any time,' Cam replies with a certain amount of logic as she too settles down at the table. ‘So what's the point?'

‘I don't know. I suppose it didn't occur to me.' Joanne pauses to take a mouthful of cake. ‘Mmm-
mmm
! This is scrumptious! Did you make it, Cam?'

‘No, I believe Terry did, didn't you?'

‘Not quite,' I reply shortly as I concentrate on devouring my slice. If I'm going to be thought of as greedy, I might as well make the most of it.

‘Mummy! We're habing dessert?' CJ arrives back at the table and looks at our plates accusingly. ‘You didn't tell me we're habing dessert!'