Of Loss & Betrayal (Madison & Logan Book 2) (20 page)

Despite my conviction to stay silent, the never-ending knocking was hard to ignore. I was sure my neighbors were getting annoyed with all the noise, but I didn’t know what else to do but ignore it.

Finally, I had enough and I stalked over to the door. “Leave before I call the cops,” I yelled.

“Madison, please open the door. I just want to talk to you.”

Out of the two, Mack was the one I was least angry with. Yes, he had gotten in a fight with Logan, but that was his only offense. And he had done it trying to defend me.

I sighed and opened the door, swallowing a gasp at the sight of him. Bruises were already forming on his face and he had a busted lip.

“Oh, my God, are you all right?” I exclaimed, forgetting about my anger. I stepped back to let him in.

“You should see the other guy,” he joked, wincing as he smiled. His smile disappeared when he saw my expression. “Sorry, bad joke.”

“I can’t believe you got into a fist fight,” I said, shaking my head. He followed me into the living room. “I’m not one of those women who likes that sort of Neanderthal behavior.”

Mack sat down on the couch and I sat on the armchair next to him. He gave me a rueful look.

“The last time I was in a fist fight was in high school when some asshole pushed his girlfriend.” He grinned at me. “What can I say? I’m just a noble kind of guy.”

I frowned. “I didn’t need you to be my knight in shining armor.” He looked a little hurt so I gave him a gentle smile. “I just don’t need more drama in my life. But I guess I should say thank you for trying to protect me.”

“You know, I had a crush on the girl who got pushed around by her boyfriend. That’s why I got so angry.” Mack’s tone was conversational, but his expression was anything but casual. My pulse quickened at his words, but I was unsure how to take his statement.

“Are you saying that I let Logan push me around?”

Mack shook his head. “That wasn’t the part I was referencing.”

I swallowed audibly, but didn’t say anything. What could I say? Either Mack was admitting he had feelings for me, or I was completely misunderstanding his point.

“It happened before I realized it,” Mack said quietly. “It first hit me on Thanksgiving. I realized I was jealous seeing the two of you together.” He shook his head. “I would never be admitting any of this to you if you were still with Logan. But now…” He trailed off and looked at me. “Am I making a fool of myself?”

“No, of course not,” I said quickly. I took a deep breath before continuing. “I’m grateful for everything you’ve done for me. You were there for me when I needed someone to lean on the most, even though I was a virtual stranger to you. I can’t tell you how much I’ve appreciated your help. You’ve made me laugh in moments where I wanted to cry.” I bit my lip. “But I don’t feel anything but friendship for you. Honestly, after the whole debacle with Logan, I think I need to take time off from dating, and just be by myself for a while.” I clenched my hands together on my lap, feeling guilty by my rejection. “I’m sorry.”

Mack gave me a sad smile. “There’s nothing to be sorry about. You can’t make yourself have feelings for someone if they’re not there. I’m not sorry I told you, though. I just needed to be honest with you, because Logan wasn’t entirely wrong when he said I was angling for a chance with you.” He frowned. “I just would have never acted on it if that jackass hadn’t screwed you over.”

I ignored his comment about Logan, not wanting to think about him. Mack frowned as he studied my face. “And I’m a jackass for hitting you. I’m so sorry.”

“It wasn’t on purpose,” I said. “I shouldn’t have tried to stop you. I don’t know why I thought I could.”

He grimaced. “Does it hurt? You’re going to have one hell of a shiner tomorrow.”

“I’m fine,” I reassured him. I smiled. “It’s my first black eye. Maybe it’ll give me some street cred.”

Mack laughed, and I was relieved that despite his confession, things didn’t seem awkward between us. He left soon after, since there wasn’t really anything else to say. I fell into bed after he left, exhausted by the tumultuous events of the day. I told myself that at least things couldn’t get worse.

Chapter Seventeen

I felt more refreshed than I expected the next morning, despite having drank multiple screwdrivers. It was probably a good thing that Mack had stopped by last night, since that had stopped me from drinking more.

I made a pot of coffee and then finally checked my phone, which I had kept on silent since last night. As expected, I had multiple phone calls and texts from Logan, interspersed with a few from Mack. What I didn’t expect to see was the numerous missed calls from Cassie’s mother.

It had been such a long time since I had spoken to her. My stomach was in knots as I listened to the one voicemail she had left despite the multiple missed calls. I was surprised when I heard Mr. Brooks’ voice instead of his wife’s.

“Madison, please call me as soon as you get this message. It’s urgent that I speak to you as soon as possible. It’s a matter of life and death.”

My stomach dropped. I wasted no time in dialing back the number. No matter what had happened between me and Cassie’s parents, I still felt a loyalty and obligation to them.

Mr. Brooks answered on the second ring. He had always been the grounded and calm one, but his voice sounded anguished when he spoke.

“Madison, thank God you called back. I was afraid you were going to ignore me.”

“I’m sorry, Mr. Brooks. I had my phone on silent and didn’t hear your message until this morning. What’s going on?”

“It’s Cassie’s mother. She’s been getting progressively worse, and then a couple of days ago she refused to get out of bed. Now she’s almost in a catatonic state except for brief spurts of lucidity.” His voice broke. “If you can even call it lucidity. She keeps asking for Cassie, and now she keeps asking for you. She says that both her children have abandoned her so she might as well just die.” He sobbed, his voice panicked. “Last night she said Cassie was calling her to join her. I don’t know what to do.”

I was shaking. Mrs. Brooks had done so much for me. This was the woman who had taken me to my first mother and daughter dance in middle school, asking Cassie if it was okay to miss just this one. Of course, Cassie had pushed us out the door, saying she had gone to so many that she was glad not to have to go to this one. Mrs. Brooks had been the one to take me aside when she saw me tripling up on shirts, gently asking me if I would go bra shopping with her and Cassie because it would make Cassie less embarrassed to have a friend buying one with her. Cassie, who had never been embarrassed about anything in her life. It was just Mrs. Brooks’ diplomatic way of trying to make me feel at ease. These were just a couple of examples of the countless ways she had been there for me growing up. And I had abandoned her because I couldn’t take her sickness anymore. More accurately, I couldn’t take the fact that her sickness wasn’t being treated. Instead, Mr. Brooks was helping her sink herself deeper into madness.

“She needs medical help,” I insisted. “Of course I’ll come as soon as possible, but she needs a doctor, not me.”

“Please, just hurry,” he said, ignoring my comment about a doctor. I didn’t waste any more time arguing with him. Although I hadn’t agreed with his decision, I used to believe that Mr. Brooks should be the one deciding what the appropriate treatment for his wife was. Now, I wasn’t so sure. All I knew was that I was going to make sure she saw a doctor when I got there, one way or another.

I showered quickly and rushed around my apartment, packing an overnight bag because I had a feeling I would be there for a while. I rushed down the stairs of my building and out the door, intending to go to the rental car center. My hair was still wet and it instantly froze in the cold air, but I barely noticed as I stared at Logan sitting on my front stoop, his head buried in his hands.

He looked up when he heard the door open. I stifled a gasp when I saw his face. It was badly bruised and had multiple cuts. My gaze dropped down to his hands and I saw that his knuckles were scraped raw. My eyes traveled back up to his face. As bad as his face looked, what struck me the most was the bleak expression in his eyes.

He stood up slowly and I walked down the last couple of steps so I was standing in front of him.

“What are you doing here?” I asked quietly, my breath visible in the cold air. I was too worried about Mrs. Brooks to be angry.

“Waiting for you.” Logan reached up to touch my face, but his hand fell away when I flinched. “Does your eye hurt?”

I had a nice-sized shiner today and I hadn’t bothered to try to hide it with makeup since I had been in a rush to get ready.

“I’m fine.”

Logan glanced at my overnight bag. “Where are you going?” His voice was calm, but I saw his hands clenching into fists. In his misguided jealousy, he probably thought I was going over to Mack’s. Although, on second thought, maybe his jealousy wasn’t so misguided, since Mack had admitted to having feelings for me.

“I can’t have this conversation now,” I said firmly. “I don’t have time.”

Logan lips thinned, but his voice was still calm. “Wherever you’re going, I’ll drive you.”

“I’m not going down the block. I’m going to Michigan.”

“I’ll still drive you.”

I shook my head. There was no way I was going to spend two hours with Logan in the confines of a car. “I don’t think that’s a good idea. I’m going to rent a car.”

I could see by his expression that he wanted to argue, but he thought better of it. “At least let me drive you to the rental car place.”

I wanted to turn down his offer, but the rental car center wasn’t in walking distance, and it would save me time to be driven there instead of taking the L or trying to hail a cab. I decided time was more important than keeping my boundaries with Logan, so I acquiesced.

“Okay, thanks.”

Logan was double parked in front of my building and we both got in, neither of us saying anything. I didn’t comment on the new car he must have bought when I had spent the day with Emily. The day I had found him in bed with Kristina. I pushed the thought from my head. I didn’t have time for that now. I couldn’t help wondering how long he had been waiting in front of my building in the freezing cold, but there was no way I was going to ask him.

We drove in silence and when we got to the rental car center, Logan started to parallel park.

“You don’t need to come in with me,” I said quickly. “You can just drop me off.”

“What if there aren’t any rental cars left?” he asked.

“Of course there’ll be rental cars left,” I scoffed, but I wasn’t so sure. I decided it wasn’t worth the fight about Logan coming in. He could do whatever he wanted. I would just ignore him.

I wanted to kick myself when I went in and found out the only available rentals were premium SUVs at an exorbitant price. I waffled a bit, wondering if I should just bite the bullet and rent it, and worry about the cost later. The fact that I didn’t know when I would be returning just compounded the problem.

“Maddie, just let me drive you. Please.”

I sighed. “Logan, I can’t do this. I can’t pretend that things are okay with us. I can’t even begin to express to you how much I don’t want to be in a car with you for two hours.”

“I’ll keep my mouth shut,” Logan promised. “I won’t speak unless you want me to.”

The rental agent who had been helping us watched us with avid interest. I saw the way she had been eyeing Logan earlier, and now she practically drooled with anticipation as she drank in every salacious detail of our conversation. I abruptly got up.

“I won’t be needing your help,” I said to the rental agent. “Thanks anyway.”

I turned on my heel and walked outside. Logan followed me, his expression hopeful. It killed me that he thought he could act like he hadn’t done anything wrong, but the truth was I needed to get to Laurenston as soon as possible, and currently he was my only option. I briefly considered calling other rental car locations to see what they had available, but I didn’t have the time to waste.

I sighed in resignation. “Okay, I accept your offer. But I won’t hesitate to get out of your car, even if it’s on the side of the highway, if you push me to talk about things I don’t want to discuss.”

Logan looked relieved. “I understand.”

We got back in his car and we drove in silence for a while. I was the first one to break the silence.

“I’m going to Laurenston in Michigan. I guess I should ask you if you remember how to get there.”

Logan nodded, smiling grimly. “That I can remember. I can’t seem to remember the important things in my life, but I seem to have retained all the meaningless shit.”

I didn’t comment and we lapsed back into silence. I could feel Logan glancing at me every now and then, but I ignored him, trying to concentrate on what I would do once I got to the Brooks’ home.

An hour had passed before either of us spoke again. I could see out of my peripheral that Logan was looking at me, and I finally looked back at him.

“Can you keep your eyes on the road?” I asked, trying not to sound annoyed. “I’d like to get to Laurenston in one piece.”

“Why are you going there?” he asked, turning his gaze back to the road. “I thought your father was vacationing in Florida.”

“I’m not going there to visit my father.”

I knew Logan was waiting for me to elaborate, but I wasn’t about to tell him what was going on with Mrs. Brooks. He had no place in my life anymore, and I didn’t want to share any of it with him. I was desperate for the old Logan who would have been my rock throughout all of this, but he no longer existed.

Logan sighed but he didn’t push any further. As we got closer to Laurenston, I realized that I would have to tell Logan exactly where I was going since he was the one driving me.

“Do you remember where the Brooks’ live?” I asked.

“You mean Cassie’s parents?” Logan shook his head. “No. I remember how to get to Laurenston, but in my mind it’s just a faceless town. The only reason I know it’s your hometown is because you told me before, in the hospital. I have no idea where Cassie’s parents live.”

How could he look like Logan, sound like Logan, even act like Logan, but not be Logan? I gave myself a mental shake. For all I knew, the man in the car with me now was the real Logan. He could have been cheating on me with Kristina before the accident and just hid it from me. I forced myself to stop thinking about it. All I was doing was torturing myself.

I cleared my mind and directed Logan to the Brooks’ house. He parked in front of the house and turned off the engine.

“Thanks for the ride,” I said, my stomach churning as I stared at their house. It was a beautiful Colonial home that hid a multitude of dysfunction, and I was dreading going inside. I always felt like I was falling into a rabbit hole when I entered their house, where logic and linear time no longer existed.

“Do you want me to go inside with you?” Logan asked.

I shook my head. “No, it’s okay. You can go ahead and leave since I don’t know how long I’ll be here. I’ll probably be spending the night.”

Despite my words, I made no motion to leave the car. I just sat in the passenger seat, staring at the house that suddenly looked foreboding. I had rushed here with such a sense of urgency, but now fear of what I was about to walk into made me drag my feet.

“Are you sure?” Logan asked gently. I turned my head to look at him and my heart ached at the way he was looking at me. There was such care and affection in his gaze. It was the way he used to look at me before he lost his memory, when he knew who the hell I was.

I opened my mouth to refuse again, but I found myself saying yes.

“Can you come in for a little bit?” I paused, before continuing. “I’m just a little nervous about what state I’m going to find Mrs. Brooks in.”

“Of course. I’ll stay as long as you like.”

Logan got out of the car and walked over to my side, opening the passenger door. I looked up at him, and in that moment, I was grateful for his presence, regardless of what had happened the past few days.

I rang the doorbell and we waited awhile for someone to answer. When Mr. Brooks finally opened the door, I was shocked by his appearance.

He seemed to have aged ten years since the last time I had seen him. His face was sallow and there were dark circles under his eyes. Every line on his face spoke to the fatigue and anxiety he must be living with.

“Thank God, you’re here,” he said. “She’s desperate to see you.”

He glanced at Logan, not hiding the hostility in his expression. “What are you doing here? And why do you look like you’ve been in a brawl.” He glanced back at me and his expression darkened even more. “Did he hit you?”

“He was my ride,” I explained, ignoring his comment about Logan’s appearance, but I couldn’t let his question about Logan hitting me go unanswered. “And of course he didn’t hit me.” I was going to leave it at that, but with the way Mr. Brooks was glowering at Logan, I didn’t think he was going to let him pass through the door. “I want Logan here with me.”

“But, Madison,” Mr. Brooks protested. “I don’t know how Judith will react to seeing him. I don’t think it’s a good idea.”

“She doesn’t have to see him, but I’m not coming in without him.” Although, initially, I had wanted him to leave, having Logan beside me made all of this seem bearable. If only for today, I wanted to pretend that he was my support system and I could depend on him. I would deal with reality tomorrow.