Off Limits (20 page)

As he eased her down on the bed, on her back, Alex opened her eyes. The tension, the need in Jim's face was undeniable, and she smiled softly as she placed her arms around his shoulders. At that exquisite moment, as he lifted her hips to meet and join with his, Alex thought how silly she had been about her love, worrying about so many extraneous things. Love was the answer, she realized humbly as she leaned upward to capture his mouth.

“I need you,” Jim rasped thickly, holding her shimmering gray gaze. “I need you....”

With a quiver, Alex nodded. There was such a flow of love between them, a tangible feeling, that she instinctively raised her hips to meet his thrust. A little cry of surprise, the pressure of him entering her, gave way to relief as he plunged deeply within her. She felt him freeze and hold her as if she were some fragile object ready to break at an instant's notice. Somewhere in her hazy mind of spinning joy and euphoria, Alex realized that Jim was afraid he was going to hurt her.

“Love me,” she pleaded, her voice cracking with emotion. “Just love me, Jim.”

Jim nodded once, holding his body tensely, under steel control above her. The last thing he ever wanted to do was give Alex more pain. He knew he wasn't the most experienced of lovers. His bumbling attempts might create agony for her. He lay there, his body trembling with need, wanting to be scorched and transformed by her loving form. The softness of her smile and the teasing movement of her hips broke his fear barrier.

Sinking against her, Jim gripped the sheets on either side of her head. “I love you,” he rasped. “God, I love you with my life, Alex....”

Gently, she slid her arms across his back, feeling complete as never before. “I know you do,” she whispered against his ear, and proceeded to draw the tension from him, to draw him into rhythm with herself.

Each rocking motion tore at him. His grip on the sheets increased, and finally he plunged again and again into her, losing himself in her fiery, welcoming confines. With each rhythmic movement, he felt a little less trepidation, a little less suffering, as his grief melted away in her living, pulsing body. Drowning in the heat of her mouth, her questing lips, her tongue torturing him with new awareness of her as a woman, Jim surrendered much of the horror that had haunted him. He felt as if he were experiencing a miracle of rebirth as he tensed, groaned and then released his life deep within her. The moments melded and blended like lightning striking through every particle of his being, until his mind blanked out, and all that was left was a feeling of oneness with Alex. Somewhere in his overwhelmed senses, he heard her give a little cry, tense and grip him with all her strength.

As he lay on her afterward, their breathing ragged, their bodies blazing with incandescent heat, he opened his eyes slightly. Worried that he might hurt Alex with his weight, Jim eased away from her.

“No...” Alex reached for him. “I like you on me, don't leave,” she whispered.

It was easy to cover her, to protect her with his body. “You feel so good to me,” he said thickly, kissing her brow, her nose, her cheek and finally, those ripe lips. “I feel so weak.”

“Me, too.” Alex laughed, luxuriating beneath his weight, his strength against her. She reached up and gently caressed his glistening features. “All the tension in your face is gone,” she said with wonder. And his eyes, smoky blue coals banked with desire, no longer held that haunted animal look. Alex was in awe of what their love had done.

“I feel drained,” Jim offered as he removed strands of damp dark hair from her brow. “But a good kind of drained, if that makes any sense.”

Alex nodded. “Why did we wait so long?”

He smiled and leaned down to kiss her lips. “I don't know. Maybe I was afraid....”

“We both were,” Alex said softly. She framed his face. “I didn't know if you loved me or not, Jim.”

He shook his head. “I always did.”

“But you never said it—until now.”

Realizing Alex was right, Jim eased himself off her, then brought her alongside him. Retrieving the covers, he pulled them up and over them. Alex snuggled into his arms, and he felt like a man who had captured heaven and made it his. “I'm sorry,” he rasped against her hair. “At first, in Nam, I thought your love was born of the stress we were under, Alex. And after the rescue, when you were in Da Nang, I figured it was out of obligation.” He sighed. “I guess I was scared to wish, to hope that you might really love this Missouri country boy.”

Alex raised her head and held his dark gaze. She caressed his shoulder. “I love the man I saw from the beginning. It didn't matter what state he was from.”

He nodded. “I'm beginning to understand that now, Alex. I was confused, mixed up inside myself. I'd murdered a little girl so I could live. For what? From the moment I did it, I didn't want to live. And then you dropped into my life. I couldn't let you die. You were too courageous, too much a fighter, so it forced me to change my mind again. I knew, taking you back after that bombing raid, that I was going to prison.” He smiled a little and leaned over to kiss her lips. “But you were worth it. You showed me a rare kind of courage that I wanted to have. I know you probably didn't realize all that you did for me, Alex.”

She shook her head. “No...I had no idea.”

“I saw getting you to safety as a way to atone a little bit for taking Kim's life. And I knew that I had to pay for Kim's passing. Looking back on it all, Alex, I wouldn't change one thing that happened. I can never bring Kim back to her family. And I'll spend the rest of my life remembering her, and trying to atone. You helped me get on another track, too. I know with study, with hard work, I can do it. I made a promise to myself that if I survived Long Binh, that if I got the chance, I'd go on to help others who found themselves in their own kind of hell.”

“Psychology's a good place for you, then,” Alex agreed. “You can help a lot of people by becoming a therapist.”

“That's what I want to be, gal. I know I'm not book learned properly, but I've got the time and the desire. Both those things will get me where I want to go. Plus—” Jim smiled down at her “—I have you.”

“You've always had me, Jim McKenzie...from the very beginning.”

With a sigh, Jim lay down and pressed Alex against him. Just her arm across his chest, her head resting against his shoulder, brought an incredible sense of contentment. “Go to sleep,” he told her. “Tomorrow's a new day. It's our beginning.”

A
lex awoke slowly, sunlight streaming in the windows of the living room and across the bed. Wrapped in the euphoria of loving Jim, she lay savoring the feelings. But as she drew out of the folds of the twilight of sleep, Alex realized that Jim was gone. She sat up, the covers pooled around her hips. He was gone. On the pillow next to her was a handwritten note. Alex reached over, her heart thudding heavily in her breast. The note was from Jim.

Dear Alex,

I didn't have the heart to wake you up to tell you I was going to be gone for a little bit. I'll be back, gal.

Love, Jim

Relief swept through Alex. Why did she feel insecure? Frowning, she petted Thomasina, who lay nearby on the bed. Still, she couldn't shake the feeling of losing Jim. She got up, struggled into her granny gown and looked at her watch. It was nearly ten o'clock! This morning there was no hurry to get to work—it was the first day of her vacation. Again Alex tried to put aside the uneasy feeling stalking her.

Jim had made coffee and placed an empty cup out beside it for her. His thoughtfulness was a wonderful surprise. Sitting at the table struggling to wake up, still caught in the embrace of loving Jim the night before, Alex tried to tame her mussed hair into a semblance of order. Maybe a hot shower would help her get rid of the fear deep within her. She missed Jim acutely. The thought of waking up in his arms was like a dream come true. Jim loved her no matter how unsettled she felt this morning.

Alex took her shower and chose a pale yellow long-sleeved cotton blouse, a pair of jeans and comfortable low-heeled leather shoes. The glow she felt inwardly from loving Jim continued, and her happiness warred with the fear that refused to leave. Allowing her hair to swing loose and free about her shoulders, Alex put on a bit of perfume, then went to the kitchen to make herself a late breakfast.

Near eleven o'clock, Jim returned. Alex was washing up the dishes in the kitchen when he entered.

“You're up,” Jim teased. He smiled as Alex turned around. How could he tell her how beautiful she looked, so clean, with a glow to her eyes and cheeks? Holding up a bouquet of red roses, he walked over to where she stood smiling.

“These are for you,” he whispered, handing her the roses.

Touched, Alex took the bouquet and held it carefully. “Thank you....” She leaned up to kiss his cheek. Alex was surprised and pleased as he framed her face with his hands and leaned down to capture her mouth. His kiss was deep, molten and exploring. She felt herself tremble and moved into his arms, the bouquet caught between them. There was such strength coupled with control as he claimed her. As he tunneled his fingers through her hair, he gently broke the kiss and smiled down into her eyes.

“I love you, Alex Vance. You're a woman any man would be proud to keep company with.”

All she could do was drown in the brilliant blue of his eyes, now clear of all haunted looks. Touching his recently shaved cheek, she smiled at him. “And I love you, with all my heart, my soul....”

Looking down at the roses, Jim grinned. “We're going to turn these flowers to mush if we keep this up.”

With a startled laugh, Alex took a step away from him. “I think you're right. They're lovely, Jim.” She leaned over and inhaled their delicate fragrance. “And they smell so good!”

Pleased that she liked his gift, Jim felt on top of the world. “You're like them, you know? Purty as a spring morning, fresh smelling and reminding me of happier times, better days.”

Alex held his dancing gaze, feeling privileged at seeing a side of him she'd never witnessed. “We have so much to catch up on, Jim.”

He thrust his hands in his pockets. “I know we do, gal.”

“You want to know something silly?” She walked over to the cabinet beneath the sink and pulled out a cut glass vase for the roses.

Jim followed her and leaned against the kitchen counter, just enjoying watching Alex. The kiss he'd given her had made him want her all over again. “Nothing you'd say was silly,” he chided.

Alex laughed nervously as she filled the vase with water. “This is, believe me. I woke up this morning, and I was afraid. Can you imagine that?” She took a pair of scissors from another drawer and began to cut each rose stem at an angle before placing it in the vase.

Jim could see something lurking in Alex's gray eyes. “What are you afraid of?”

“That's what doesn't make sense, Jim. It's just a vague feeling. Maybe I'm afraid I'll lose you....”

Jim crossed his arms in the gathering silence. “You aren't gonna lose me,” he soothed huskily. “When I woke up this morning with you beside me, I felt like the luckiest man in the world.” He glanced over at her. “And then, I got real scared,” he admitted. “I lay there thinking of all the ways I could lose
you,
gal—every possible combination that could split us apart.” He shook his head. “I thought maybe you'd wake up this morning and ask me to leave because I'd made love to you. Or that you were somehow disappointed with me, or—” he laughed “—so many other crazy things.”

Alex fixed the last rose in place and put the vase on the table. Then she walked over to Jim, and his arms opened to welcome her. Leaning her head against his chest, her arms about his waist, she whispered, “Sounds like we had the same fears.”

With a sigh, Jim nodded and kissed her hair. “I think,” he said, “we're both in shock from finally seeing each other, finally fulfilling something we've always wanted. We've both been through hell, gal, and we're so used to getting kicked down to our knees that what we share this moment seems like an impossible dream come true.”

“I know,” Alex said, her voice muffled against his shirt, “I'm afraid it will all end.” Her voice broke. “And I don't want it to.”

“Shh, it's all right, sweet woman of mine.” Jim kissed her hair, her cheek, then placed his fingers beneath her chin. As Alex raised her head and he met her tear-filled gaze, he smiled gently. “Only an act of God will split us apart, Alex. Believe that. Know it. I do.”

Just then, the doorbell rang. Alex frowned. She quickly wiped the tears from her eyes as Jim released her to answer it. “Who could that be?” she muttered.

“I don't know. Expecting any friends?”

“No.” Alex's heartbeat accelerated with dread. She had no explanation for the apprehension she felt as she crossed the living room to answer the door. Belatedly, she realized she hadn't made up the couch yet, and the bed, with its tangle of blankets and sheets, was in full view.

Jim stood in the living-room doorway, his arms crossed over his chest. The look of worry on Alex's face concerned him. Whatever fear she felt was real.

Alex opened the door. Her jaw dropped. “Father!”

Hiram Vance stood on the doorstep in his dark pin-striped suit, his black overcoat on his arm and an expensive leather briefcase in his left hand. His face was grim.

“Alex.”

Alex's heart seemed to shatter at the anger on her father's pugnacious face. “Wh-what are you doing here?”

His jaw set. “Why shouldn't I be here? You're my daughter. I just happened to be in the area and thought I'd drop by. May I come in?”

Starting to tremble, Alex opened the door wide. She didn't have time to say anything to Jim, who came forward to stand at her side, settling a hand on her shoulder.