Off The Clock: First Responders, Book 1 (4 page)

“Of course not.”

“Then why…” She swallowed against a lump in her throat. When she’d been hurt and afraid, he’d called her darlin’. His voice had been soft, intimate—like the Gabe she remembered. He’d always been laughing as a teenager and she’d fussed with her hair and put on makeup trying to get his attention. Even though parts of Friday night were kind of hazy, at times he’d seemed like the old Gabe again.

But since Brandon had moved, Gabe had distanced himself from the family. She understood Brandon’s anger, but she’d felt betrayed at Gabe’s sudden absence. It was her own stupid fault to hope that after Friday perhaps whatever barrier had gone up between him and her family was gone. It wasn’t, and she didn’t know how to fix it, or if it could even be fixed.

“Do you want to know his full name?” she asked quietly, letting him off the hook.

Gabe was studying her, and for an irrational moment she wished she could simply walk into the circle of his arms and feel safe and protected. And perhaps if he’d shown her any encouragement at all, she would have. But he crossed his arms and his lips formed a thin line. “What about his full name?”

“I named him after you,” she whispered. “Nathan Gabriel Douglas.”

“You shouldn’t have done that,” Gabe replied coldly, turning back to look through the window.

Carly felt as though she’d been slapped. It had been a way for her to say thanks. To pay tribute to a friend who’d made such a difference. And he was throwing it back at her. All the joy and pride she’d felt in giving her son a part of his name withered away.

“I thought you’d be pleased. Why are you so cold all of a sudden? That’s not the Gabe I remember.”

His jaw tightened. “I’m not sure the Gabe you think you remember ever existed, Carly.”

“Bull. He existed Friday night.” She met his gaze bravely. “When you called me darlin’. When you stayed with me. What I don’t understand is why he disappeared again. Why you are suddenly treating me like I did something wrong? Did I?”

“Don’t be ridiculous. It’s not you, it’s me.”

She was getting frustrated with the conversation and Gabe’s standoffish attitude. Now he was employing the oldest breakup line in the book to explain his behavior? “What’s that supposed to mean? What’s you? Because if this is about that…” she nearly stumbled over the next word but forged on, “…that kiss, then forget about it.”

“Have you?” He still didn’t look at her but stared at the babies lined up in their bassinets in the nursery. “Forgotten about it, I mean.”

She didn’t know what to say. She hadn’t. In the long hours in her hospital bed, it was all she had thought about. And to explain it was so complicated. It was tied up in how she’d cared for him when she was a girl, tangled together with her failed marriage, her current feelings and understanding she was in a vulnerable place emotionally. It all made her sound so
needy
, she realized with a shudder. She wasn’t needy. She was a strong, independent woman. She was a mother and a teacher.

And yet the kiss remained. Of course she hadn’t forgotten it. Next to holding her healthy baby, it had been the best thing to happen to her in months.

“That’s what I thought,” he said drily. “Look, we’re not teenagers with a crush any longer. You’re stuck at the prom and I’ve moved on.”

That stung. Of course he must have known she had feelings for him back then. She’d been seventeen and he’d been older, cuter and the university’s hot new star football player. But to say she was stuck at the prom—the one time she’d come close to having Gabe to herself—was a deliberate cut, and unlike the considerate boy she remembered.

Which was fine. She wasn’t a little lovesick girl any longer. She might have put Gabe Brenner on a pedestal for a lot of years, but she wasn’t the kind of woman who settled for crumbs anymore. She’d made that mistake and had paid for it. She deserved better. So did Nathan.

“Thank you for your assistance, Gabriel.” She knew she sounded curt, but what did he expect? She’d expressed her thanks and had gotten the cold shoulder as a result. “If you’ll excuse me, I’m going to spend some time with my son.”

She swept into the nursery, forcing a bright smile at the nurse. She refused to turn around to see if he was gone. A few minutes later when she wheeled Nathan out of the room, the window was empty.

It was just as well, she supposed. After tomorrow she’d be discharged and it would just be her and Nathan. A sliver of anxiety cramped her heart. As difficult as the last few days had been, she suddenly realized it was only the beginning. For as much as Nathan was her whole world, she was also his. Knowing it made Carly feel utterly and completely alone.

Chapter Four

Being a mother was easily the hardest job Carly had ever done.

For the first week she was home, Carly’s mother took time off work and spent most of the day helping with chores around the house, watching Nathan while Carly grabbed a quick nap between feedings. When Carly would have grabbed a peanut butter sandwich, her mother made simple but balanced meals. Carly was still moving slowly thanks to her bruising and her mother’s presence was a godsend.

But after the first week Grandma Cindy was back to work and daily visits became daily check-ins. Two things became crystal clear to Carly. One, she was happy to be home with Nathan, but the lack of adult conversation was driving her crazy. And two, a house and yard added to springtime and a new baby meant she couldn’t possibly keep up. She was exhausted.

Her front lawn was sprouting a bumper crop of dandelions, her perennial bed was half-choked with weeds, and her attempts to rectify the situation during the following week were a disaster. If Nathan was napping, the lawn mower woke him. If he was awake, the noise frightened him and Carly didn’t like leaving him alone, even if it was buckled in his seat on the porch where she could see him every minute. She gave up on the grass and thought weeding might be a better option.

She tried putting Nathan in his stroller to enjoy the fresh air while she worked, talking along silly nonsense to him, thinking the sound of her voice would help keep him content. She’d only cleared around the hostas and golden forsythia when it had begun to rain, putting an end to her efforts.

She’d always taken such pride in her yard at the house she’d shared with Jason. Even though this was her first spring back in Wolfville, she wanted this place to be even more beautiful, full of colorful flowers and neatly trimmed grass. She’d spent time this past winter envisioning butterflies drawn to the blooms and songbirds to the feeders. Seeing the ragged-around-the-edges look to it each day simply reminded her of how she wasn’t really coping so well with single parenthood.

What she needed was to get out of her funk. When the next morning dawned fresh and clear, she decided to get out and replenish the pantry. The sun was shining and the scent of spring blooms clung to the air as she loaded her full bags in the trunk of her newly repaired car. Driving for the first time since the accident had been harrowing, and she’d had to force herself to do it. Now she was relaxing a little more each time she went out. Nathan had gotten lots of attention at the grocery store and Carly had stopped on the way home, treating herself to lunch at a local café.

The ebullient feeling fled when she arrived at her house, however. Gabe’s truck was in the driveway, a utility trailer attached to the hitch and a set of ramps leading to the pavement. And there he was, riding around her lawn, a swath of neat grass trimmings following in his wake. She felt an initial relief and gratitude that he was here followed by annoyance that he’d taken it upon himself to trim up her yard without so much as a call first. Maybe she was having trouble managing it all, but after their last encounter she didn’t want Gabe picking up the slack. She wasn’t anyone’s charity case. If that was pride, so be it.

She tried to ignore the mower going round and round as she took Nathan, still in his car seat, into the house. She dashed back out to get the grocery bags, but by the time she returned inside Nathan was tuning up, vocally complaining as the noise of the tractor filtered in. Carly sighed and put the bags on the kitchen counter. Nathan had stayed awake through most of the outing and now he was hungry and tired.

The groceries would have to wait, she realized, as the thin cries grew more demanding and her nerves began to fray. And so would confronting Gabe. She settled into her rocker with a sigh and began to feed the baby, closing her eyes and willing herself to relax. All the while the drone of the mower provided background noise and Carly was torn between feeling grateful for Gabe’s efforts and wishing he would go away. She thought of him too often as it was and wished she didn’t. Their last encounter had made everything clear. He’d helped her and that was that.

Which did nothing to explain why on earth he was here now.

Nathan wasn’t done feeding when the mower stopped and Carly’s head snapped up. Surely Gabe wouldn’t come in. He’d load the mower onto the trailer first. She looked down at Nathan’s downy head. His eyes were closed but he was definitely not finished, one hand pressed against the skin of her breast as if holding it in place, making sure it wouldn’t disappear. A soft smile touched her lips as a knock sounded at the screen door. Nathan’s eyes flew open and his hand flinched in a startle reflex. But he was determined, and never moved when the knock sounded again.

“Carly?”

She felt heat rise to her cheeks at the sound of Gabe’s voice. She didn’t want him to see her nursing. It was too…personal. Too awkward. She didn’t know how to answer him and he said her name again. This time she heard the hinges on the door creak and she reached for the flannel receiving blanket, clumsily draping it over Nathan’s head and her partially naked breast.

The tiny foyer was just off the living room and as soon as Gabe entered he realized where Carly was and what she was doing—it was written in the blank, awkward expression on his face. She felt heat flare again as she met his gaze. She shouldn’t be embarrassed. It was her house, her baby…and Gabe had walked into it.

But it was more than that. It was because despite all arguments to the contrary, there was something between them. Whether it was past feelings or recent words, there was something tethering them together and they’d be stupid to deny it.

“I’m sorry,” Gabe murmured, and turned to go back out the way he’d come.

Nathan picked that moment to completely fall asleep. “It’s okay, Gabe. We’re done. Just give me a moment to…”

Why was she so flustered? She struggled to keep the blanket in place as she tried to re-clip her nursing bra. People fed their babies every day. It was the most natural thing in the world. But it was different because it was Gabe, not some stranger. It was different because she cared what he thought. And even though he’d walked in at an inopportune moment, she did want to talk to him. To find out what he was doing here. “Just let me put things back into place, okay?”

Gabe’s face flushed and he looked like he didn’t know whether to go out or stay in. In the midst of his indecision the square of fabric covering Nathan drooped, revealing the full curve of Carly’s breast as she tried to fasten her bra.

Heat rushed into her face as she grabbed at the receiving blanket. She saw Gabe swallow and avert his eyes. She was absolutely mortified and she bowed her head, struggling to regain her composure as she buttoned the top three buttons on her blouse. This afternoon she’d been feeling somewhat human again, going shopping and picking up lunch like she would have before Nathan was born. Like she was getting back into the swing of things. And then Gabe had arrived, making her jittery and self-conscious with his chocolate eyes and, well, by just being
Gabe
.

“There,” she whispered, flashing him an uncertain smile. She got up from the chair, moving gingerly in deference to both the lingering stiffness she felt and to keep Nathan from waking. “Let me put him down in his crib and I’ll be right back.”

As Carly made her way back to the living room, she passed the hall mirror and noticed the dark circles beneath her eyes. There was a small spot on her blouse where she’d dropped a tiny piece of chicken salad, and her “deliberately messy” ponytail now just looked messy. She bit her lip, wishing she had time to change, freshen up. But Gabe had seen her in worse shape, hadn’t he?

So she settled for straightening her blouse and tucking a few stray strands of hair behind her ears as she went back to find him.

Gabe had taken off his grassy sneakers and left them on the mat. He hadn’t come in any farther than the entry; Nathan’s car seat sat on the floor in the way, flanked by the diaper bag. Carly paused, unsure of what to do or say. What did Gabe want? The grocery bags were still piled on the kitchen counter. A laundry basket waited at the base of the stairs, filled with unfolded towels. There were still things to do and Carly couldn’t help thinking that if she could get them done quickly, she might be able to catch a few minutes sleep while Nathan napped.

Sleep was a precious commodity, but knowing Gabe waited for her made her heart beat a little bit faster. So much for being over him then. And even though she was grateful that her grass was neatly cut, she was a little bit angry that he’d presumed to do her yard work without even asking. If she wanted help she’d darn well ask for it. Or she could hire a teenager to help her out. Yes, she should have thought of it before. There were always kids on her road looking for extra summer cash. The last thing she wanted was Gabe thinking she expected him to pick up the slack.

“You look tired.”

Her hand paused beside her ear and she wished now that she’d taken the time to splash some cold water on her face or something.

“Gee, thanks.”

He had the grace to look chagrined. “Aw hell, Carly, I’m an idiot. That wasn’t smooth, was it?” He smiled, looking so contrite it was difficult to stay irritated though she tried very hard to be. “I’ve clearly lost my mojo. Maybe I should have said, you look great, but a little tired?”

She felt herself softening. “No, you’re right,” she confessed. “I’m quickly discovering that with a newborn you don’t stay neat and tidy for long.” She smiled back at him. “But he’s worth it. Funny how a tiny baby can change your life so much.”