On 4/19 (On 4/19 and Beyond 4/20) (47 page)

Circling his arm around her, he drew her into him. Brushing his lips along her cheek, he assured her, “No. Never.” Feeling the weight of her question settle upon him, John sighed. Having spent his entire life taking, he never gave of himself the way he had to Chelsea this night. “There’s been no one but you, never this kind of love, never love at all.”

Ashamed, John could hardly admit to Chelsea how such blurred encounters were approached from the sterile perspective of his own gratification, never that of the other. Even in all his years with Tracy, he was a separate being from her, never once feeling the oneness he felt with Chelsea in those first moments of making love to her. His only need for gratification this night would be met by expressing his love for her; his only motivation was that she somehow feel the inexpressible love that was pent up inside his heart. Words to articulate his absolute devotion to her could never be found. He’d tried in vain to utter them over the course of months they were back together, so it was his hope that he might speak the unspeakable as he made love to her in those quiet moments together, their first night in each other’s arms.

By her tearful response to his outpouring of love, she obviously felt something so deep and so meaningful that she could only wonder if this was what was usual for him. Nothing about this night was ordinary; it was the very beginning point of living, in his estimation. For as long as
God would allow him, John would make every moment with Chelsea just as extraordinary.

Lightly kissing her neck, he demanded, “Say you believe me when I tell you there has never been love before you.” She whispered that she did. From that moment forward, he spoke her name often, telling her how deeply and how completely he loved her, and over and over he whispered, “You are my only one.”

Each time, she echoed his words, “
You
are my only one.”

Early in the morning hours, John was resting but not asleep. Chelsea had been asleep for only a little while. It was still dark out, but slowly light began to creep in through the shutters, so he could more clearly make out her form. Smiling, he reached over and pulled the quilt up over her. Once, when they were in Italy, he was on his way to bed long after she was asleep. Peeking into her room, he found her lying there similarly to how she was now, sprawled out and sleeping on her stomach. The covers were a mess, and she’d knocked a pillow off onto the floor. That night, she looked like a sleeping child. This morning, however, she didn’t appear that way to him at all. Based on the hours they’d just shared, he would never again see her in the same light. There was a subtle intensity as she loved him out of that place of innocence and inexperience, one that he never anticipated.

When Chelsea began to stir, he leaned down and kissed her bare shoulder. “Good morning. I’m surprised to see you awake so early.”

Peeking one eye open, she sleepily drawled, “I can hardly sleep I’m so happy.”

Her eyes were droopy, and once again she reminded him of a little girl, his woman/child. “You are so beautiful in the morning light.” Wrapping his arm around her, he scooped her nearer to him and moved his lips to her ear. “If you count up fifty times three hundred and sixty five, I’ve had a whole lot of nights, and last night, was by far, the best one of them all.”

She circled her arms around him and snuggled into his chest. Breathing in deeply, she drew in the fading scent of his aftershave. “You smell just like my wedding,” and giggling, she added, “and my wedding
night.” Sighing in sheer contentment, Chelsea closed her eyes again and conjured up images of the way he touched her and loved her in the quiet hours of the night. It was beyond what she expected. For obvious reasons, she anticipated him to be tender and undemanding, but instead, he was crazed with passion for her, unrelenting in his determination to have all of her. She was reminded of when they were sitting on the beach together in Santa Monica and how she encountered that side of him then. When he held her, there was this urgency she felt, something indescribable, yet clearly visible. His eyes were ablaze with longing. That was the man who loved her the past night; until finally, at four in the morning, he rolled over in sheer exhaustion, warning her he was far too old for a wife in her twenties. From that point forward, they simply held each other and whispered plans for their future.

Again the word
future
danced around in her head until she could think of little else anymore. What the future held mattered little as long as John was in it.
Future
meant falling asleep in the arms of her
only one
and waking to see his face first thing. It meant giving him the child he so desperately wanted. Future things could be as uncertain as they needed to be because she was certain that her future was set and established in John.

He sensed her contentment as he traced his fingers along the smooth skin of her belly, moving in slow circles. With each stroke, he watched her eyes grow only heavier. Sleepy himself, he found his mind still too full of future things to drift off to sleep. First on their agenda was to fly out to L.A. and then drive to Malibu. Chelsea wanted to go back and undo the terrible ending they shared there. John could’ve picked no better place for a honeymoon. While apart, he spent a vast amount of time at the beach reliving how happy they were there together and even more time reliving the end. To go and create new memories would make up for all the hours he grieved there alone. Dozens of nightmares in those early months of their separation were of falling asleep with her in his arms and waking to emptiness. So what mattered most to him was that he fall asleep with her in his arms and wake with her still there. After that, they had no plans and neither one cared.

As John listened to Chelsea’s steady breathing, he realized she’d drifted back off to sleep. Finally, after being up two nights in a row, he
was feeling as if he may drift off too. She was close to him, so close in fact, he could feel sweat beginning to form between their bodies. A slow grin formed on his lips. In all the days to come, every day they were given beyond 4/20, he wanted to feel her that close, snuggled in and clinging to him. Closing his eyes, he settled in for a morning of sleep. Married, semi-retired, completely in love, living outside of Tulsa, and with nothing on his agenda but a trip to Malibu later in the day, John could only marvel at what God could do in the life of a man who once walked far from Him. He’d gone to great lengths to bring him back and give him that “enough” that always eluded him. On 4/19, God began a work in him that would ultimately lead him home. John grinned again, finding it rather amusing that He would use a sweet, little co-ed in His pursuit of him. That was what he was quickly learning about God; there was certainly no figuring Him out.

Book Two,
Beyond 4/20
, is available for purchase at Amazon.com, Kindle, and at LisaHeatonBooks.com.

Also by Lisa,
Unmending the Veil
, and watch for
Deceiver
, coming soon.