She stared at him, her stomach beginning to churn. "That's a coincidence."
"I don't believe in coincidence."
"Do you think Kyle was sick?"
"He never showed a sign of being ill. But he did take a few days off about six weeks ago. He told me he was helping Vicky move into their new place in San Francisco, but Jeanne said that she found credit card charges in the Los Angeles area for that same weekend. Kyle spent time at a place called The Healing Sun. The facility specializes in holistic medicine, acupuncture, massage and stress therapy, as well as osteopathy. No one at the center would provide information as to whether or not Kyle was there or what he was there for."
Silence followed his words as they both pondered the possibilities.
"Aiden, you need to talk to Vicky again," she said. "If Kyle was sick, she had to know."
"Maybe not. He could have kept it a secret from her, too. There were certainly no outward signs of an illness." He let out a frustrated breath. "Damn. Every time I get an answer, I end up with more questions. I doubt I can even get Vicky to talk to me again."
"What about Becky? She might speak to you. Now that you have more information, you'll be able to ask better questions."
He nodded. "You're right. I'll start with Becky. Jeanne gave me her phone number."
As he reached for his phone, she said, "Can you put on the speaker? I'd like to hear what she has to say, too."
"Sure." He punched in a number.
A woman answered. "Hello?"
"Becky?" he asked. "It's Aiden Callaway."
"Aiden," she said, a resigned note in your voice. "I had a feeling you were going to call me."
"You started to say something the other night, something about Kyle. I need to know what he was talking to you about."
"I'm sorry, Aiden, but my conversations with Kyle were private."
"Was he sick, Becky?" Aiden's blunt words brought a long silence. "Becky?"
"Kyle asked me not to tell anyone," she said finally.
"Tell anyone what? Becky, please. I need to know what was going on with Kyle. He was my best friend. You know that better than anyone."
Sara could hear the anguished plea in Aiden's voice. She thought Becky might cave, but a second later, she apologized again.
"I'm sorry, Aiden. I made a promise to Kyle. I didn't always keep my promises to him, but I'm going to keep this one. Please don't call me again."
Aiden uttered a protest, but the dial tone made it clear that Becky was not going to help them.
"I shouldn't have done this over the phone," he said. "If I saw her in person, I could probably make her talk."
"I don't think so, Aiden. Becky seems determined to keep Kyle's confidence."
"A great time for her to develop a conscience," he said sarcastically. "Becky was breaking promises right and left in high school."
"This isn't high school. You're going to have to talk to Vicky."
"She'll more than likely slam the door in my face."
"Only one way to find out." She got to her feet, aware that they both needed to have difficult conversations. "San Francisco here we come—ready or not."
* * *
On the four-hour drive back to San Francisco, Sara used her phone to search the Internet. Before she spoke to her father, she wanted to see if she could find any more information on her brother or her parents during the time period that they'd been together.
As she typed in her brother's name, it hit her again that he had been named for their father. When little Stephen died, her dad must have felt like he was losing himself.
Was that what had happened? Had her father simply given up, gone through the motions of life with no warmth, no love, no happiness? It made sense. But she couldn't help wondering why her own birth hadn't changed things for him, hadn't brought him out of that depression and made him want to be a father again.
Her mother had found joy in having another child. At least, it had felt that way. Doubts crept into her mind that anything she'd believed in was actually true.
Tired of her own problems, she started searching for more information on Kyle. She put in his name, wondering what would show up. To her surprise, she found a training video for smokejumpers.
"Look at this," she said, holding up the phone for Aiden. "It's you and your team suiting up for a jump. You're famous."
"That was taken at the beginning of last fire season. I was trying to be professional in front of the rookies and half the team was heckling me. Kyle was the worst. He never seemed to be paying attention. I'd have to ask him three times to do something. He really pissed me off that day. When I told him how annoying he was, he just laughed and told me to chill out. He said I used to be a lot more fun before I became the boss."
"Was Kyle jealous of your position?"
"Possibly," Aiden admitted. "But once Kyle got married and had a baby, his priorities were split. Mine weren't. I could give the job a hundred and fifty percent all the time. It made sense for me to get the promotion instead of him. It wasn't that I was better than him. I was just more present, more committed."
"That makes sense. I'm always afraid to take time off work, because there are people just waiting to take my place if I slip even a little bit."
"I didn't feel that kind of pressure from Kyle. I was just doing the job the only way I knew how, and that's by putting everything I have into it. I've always been that way. It wasn't about titles."
"No, it was about being good, being the best. You were always more of a high achiever than Kyle. I'm not saying anything bad against him. He was great, but he didn't have your intensity. You shouldn't feel guilty for being promoted. You should be proud of yourself. You were good and you were rewarded for it."
"I doubt too many people think I'm good now."
"Because they don't the whole story. We're still trying to figure that out."
She turned her attention on the video, interested to see Aiden in action, and she was impressed. He spoke clearly and decisively and he had the attention of everyone on the plane. As she watched the men jump, she felt as if she were right there with them.
Aiden was the last one to step into the open doorway. She caught her breath as he jumped into the sky. Seeing him actually take that leap was incredibly exciting. "Wow," she said. "I can't believe I just watched you jump out of a plane." She set down her phone and looked at him. "What are you going to do, Aiden? It's clear you love your job. You can't quit."
"I love parts of it, Sara. But it's a grueling job, and it's seasonal. To be honest, I've been thinking about making a change for a while now. I thought I'd figure out my next step during the off-season. I didn't foresee that the decision of whether or not to go or stay would be taken out of my hands."
"It hasn't come to that."
"It might. Who knows what the future holds?"
She settled back in her seat, watching the landscape fly by and foolishly wondering if he'd consider firefighting in New York City. But she couldn't picture him there. She wasn't sure she even pictured herself there anymore. All too soon, they ran into the Monday afternoon commute through Berkeley and over the Bay Bridge. When they hit the city, it was five o'clock and already starting to get dark.
Aiden gave her a questioning glance. "Where to? The hospital?"
"Not yet," she said.
He raised an eyebrow. "Second thoughts?"
"No. But I want to stop by my house and get the photographs first. I doubt my father will confess without being confronted with proof."
"So, we'll go home then."
"I have a better idea. Let's go to Vicky's. It's almost dinnertime, and you have a good chance of catching her at home."
He sighed. "I need to talk to her, but I don't want to hurt her. She's in a lot of pain right now. I'm not sure this is the best time to press her for information."
"Waiting won't change anything. This pain isn't going away for a long time. But your career is in jeopardy now, and Vicky might be able to answer your questions. Maybe she'll remember that you used to be good friends."
"I'm not going to hold my breath on that."
"If you're worried about me tagging along, don't be. I'm happy to wait in the car."
"You can come with me," he said. "I have no idea how Vicky will react to my presence, and it's quite possible I might need a lawyer."
Chapter Twenty-One
Aiden was happy to have Sara's company when he rang Vicky's buzzer. His last visit had not gone well. He hoped this one would go better.
When Vicky answered the intercom, he said, "It's Aiden, I need to speak to you."
"I asked you not to come back, Aiden."
"It's important. Really important."
Silence followed and then finally the sound of a buzzer. They were over the first hurdle.
Vicky stood in the doorway, just as she had done the last time, but today Robbie was in her arms. The little boy was crying, and Vicky looked like she'd been crying as well. Her eyes and nose were red, her skin was pale and she didn't look like she'd brushed her hair in a few days.
"I told you this was a bad time," she said, trying to bounce Robbie into a good mood, but the little boy kept crying. "Who's this?" She tipped her head toward Sara.
"This is Sara," he said. "She's a friend. She went to school with Kyle and me."
Vicky barely glanced at Sara. "I need to feed Robbie. Make it fast."
"It's not going to be fast. Why don't I hold Robbie while you get his bottle?"
She hesitated, but as Robbie screamed louder, she must have decided the offer of help was too good to resist. She handed her son into his arms and then left the room.
Sara closed the door behind them as they moved further into the living room.
He stared down at the little boy who looked so much like Kyle that his heart actually ached. "Hey, buddy," he said in a soothing voice. "Dinner is coming."
Robbie's cries diminished as he stared at Aiden in fascination. His chubby little hands cupped Aiden's face. It was the sweetest touch he'd ever felt. He loved this kid, loved him as much as he'd ever loved Kyle, because Robbie was Kyle's son.
"You have the magic touch," Sara said, watching him with a warm smile.
"I did a lot of babysitting when I was younger." He shifted Robbie in his arms. "He's so big now. He's grown a lot in the last month. I really want to help Vicky take care of him." He paused. "I don't want to get in the way. I just want to be there for her and for Robbie. I owe Kyle that. He was my brother in every sense of the word. I was there when Kyle first fell in love with Vicky. I stood up for him at his wedding. I was the first one he called when he found out Vicky was pregnant. He was so happy, Sara. It was the most amazing joy I'd ever seen on his face. And when Robbie was born, Kyle was in complete and utter awe. I watched my best friend go from being a single guy to a man deeply in love, committed to his family. I feel like Robbie and Vicky are part of my family, too. We spent so much time together. I hate that the friendship we have is over. I can't stand the thought of not being able to watch this little guy grow up."
When he finished speaking, he realized Vicky had returned to the room. She was staring at him, tears streaming down her face. He'd hurt her again.
"I'm sorry," he said, knowing that no number of apologies would probably make a difference, but it was all he had to offer. "I wish I could bring Kyle back to you. I wish he could be here to hold his son, to hold you. I can see how much pain you're in, and I just want to help you."
"I'm sorry, too," she said shakily. "You just reminded me of everything I'd forgotten. I didn't want see you, because I knew it would make the pain worse, because we were like a family, and you and Kyle were so damn close. When I see you, I see him. But you're not him, and you're in pain, too. And up until this minute, I just refused to acknowledge that fact. It was easier to blame you, to hate you, but it was wrong." She brought the bottle over and slipped it into Robbie's mouth, but she made no attempt to take her son out of his arms. "Kyle would hate the way I've been treating you. He would be so angry with me if he knew that I'd kept you away from his funeral."
Her eyes pleaded with him for understanding. "I'm angry, too. I lost my best friend. And it's frustrating as hell not to have someone to blame for it."
"When Ray Hawkins said his brother told him you were responsible for Kyle's death, I just snapped. I remembered all the times you promised to bring Kyle home safe. Ray said everyone knew you were pushing too hard, taking too many chances, and it wasn't that difficult to believe, because that's the kind of man you are." She took a breath. "But I shouldn't have listened to Ray, because I know Kyle was a big fan of Ray's brother, Dave." Her gaze filled with guilt and regret. "Your leadership wasn't a negative for Kyle. He told me many times that you inspired him to be better than he ever thought he could be. When people would criticize you in his presence, he would jump to your defense. He would tell them that nobody was better, and they were lucky to work with you."
His heart ripped apart at her words. The past few months he'd felt a break in his friendship with Kyle, and he'd thought it might have had something to do with Kyle having to work under his command.
"I know that you wouldn't have let Kyle die if you could have prevented it," Vicky continued. "I know how much you loved him. I never should have blamed you. I wish I could take it back. It wasn't fair to you."
Hearing Vicky say the words meant more to him than anything. "Nothing about this situation is fair. Kyle should be alive right now." He gazed down at Robbie, who was drifting asleep. He didn’t want just answers for himself but also for Robbie, because some day this little boy would grow up and want to know what happened to his father.
"So you said you had something important to tell me," Vicky said.
"Not to tell you, but to ask you. I have some questions, and I feel like you're the only one who might be able to answer them."
"I'll try."
"I need to know what was going on in Kyle's head the day of the fire," he said, hoping she was more in a mood to help now. "I told you before that he was distracted, that he had been for weeks. I thought it was the fact that you were gone, that he was missing you, but I think there may have been something else going on." He paused, wondering how to ask the question, but this was no time to be vague. He looked her straight in the eye, wanting to see her reaction when he said, "Was Kyle sick?"