Authors: Sara Petersen
“Jo…” Mac said, turning toward her, “I’m going to need your help with the cattle this morning. Saddle up a couple horses, and I’ll meet you in the barn.”
Jo did as she was asked, and they spent the morning cleaning the dead cows from the field. It was a sick and gruesome task that turned Jo’s stomach sour. She was thankful that out of all the gunshots she’d heard, only two of the cattle had actually been killed. Mac had driven the tractor out into the pasture and hooked a chain around the cows’ legs, dragging them to the back of the barn. After Kirby butchered them, Mac dumped the carcasses into the back of the wagon and packed the insides with cold jugs of water so they could deliver the meat to some of their neighbors before it spoiled. Once they were cleaned up from the grisly task, Mac and Sam went to town to visit Leif, and Kirby and Jo set off in the wagon to deliver the meat to the neighbors.
On the ride over, Jo asked Kirby if he would drive her to town tomorrow. “I don’t see why not,” Kirby answered with a non-committal shrug. “Do you need to get some things?”
Jo fidgeted on the hard wooden seat. “Well, I want to visit Leif…and I need to make some plans.”
Kirby was curious about Jo’s nondescript “plans,” but being the recluse he was, he didn’t bother her with a bunch of questions.
“We’ll go in early after breakfast and chores,” he offered, Jo accepting gratefully.
Chapter Twenty-Nine
The next morning they set off to town. Jo was grateful to Kirby. It was awkward for Jo to be in Mac’s presence now that she had told him she loved him, and he hadn’t returned the feelings. As much as she hated the idea of leaving, staying on at the ranch was detrimental to her heart and mind. Before, she’d felt like family, but now, whether it was all in her mind or not, she felt like an intruder. The leaves were already starting to turn on the trees, and the mornings were chillier. With Charlie gone and the summer harvest over, it felt strange for Jo to stay on at the ranch when she had no defined purpose.
“Where to first?” Kirby asked Jo, as the car pulled into town and headed down Main Street.
Jo gulped, but since there was no help for it, she answered, “The depot office.”
Kirby’s eyes rose speculatively toward Jo. “Are you making plans to leave us then?” he questioned.
Jo sighed. “I was hired for the summer, and the summer is over.”
“Pshaw!” Kirby grumbled hotly. “You know you are welcome at the ranch for as long as you want.”
Jo didn’t answer him but shifted uncomfortably to the side and stared out the window, thinking to herself that Kirby must have forgotten about Mac’s bonus and dismissal.
Kirby waited for her to answer, but she wouldn’t. “Jo, give him time.”
She briskly raised her hand. “Please, Kirby, I don’t want to talk about it. Can we just go to the depot…please?” Now that her mind was made up, Jo was feeling almost desperate to have her ticket in hand and plans arranged.
Even though he wasn’t happy about it, Kirby delivered Jo to the office and sat in the car while she made her arrangements. When they were done, they went to the doc’s to see Leif and were surprised to hear that Mac had driven to town this morning as well, and had taken Leif home with him not thirty minutes ago.
***
“Well, well,” Jo scolded, coming into the parlor and seeing Leif propped up on the sofa, with pillows tucked around him in every crook and cranny. “What are
you
doing here?”
Leif looked up at her, a bright smile filling his face. He was pale and had deep purple bags under his eyes, but he was still his charming self. “The doc kicked me out.”
Jo shook her finger at him as she walked to the sofa. “That’s not what he told me,” she reprimanded, moving a pillow and sitting on the edge of the couch. “He also told me that you were the most miserable patient he’d ever treated.”
Leif’s eyes twinkled mischievously. “Uh oh, it looks like I’m in trouble with the teacher?” he teased.
“If you weren’t shot in the shoulder, I’d pop you for that,” Jo threatened lightheartedly.
Leif grimaced and dropped his head back on the sofa. “Hell, Jo, don’t even joke about that; my shoulder is on fire as it is.”
She wrapped her hand around his. “I’m so grateful it was your shoulder…and not all of you…”she said tenderly.
Leif smiled back at her. “See this is why I demanded to come home. I’ll heal faster with a pretty woman tending me.”
Mac scoffed, as he stepped around the corner and into the parlor. “I was worried you’d do this if I brought you home.”
“Do what?” Leif asked innocently.
Mac pointed his finger at him. “Milk that tiny gunshot wound for all its worth.”
“
Tiny!” Leif exclaimed.
Mac dropped his lean body into the chair and gestured to Leif’s shoulder. “It’s just a bitty old hole, not nearly as serious as my scratch,” he said with sarcasm, lifting up his arm to reveal his jagged stitches.
Leif chuckled loudly and then groaned. “Oh, it aches when I laugh. Quick, put your arm down.”
Mac smiled and did as requested. He was happy to have Leif back at home. The doctor had pulled him aside in town and asked him to appeal to Leif, to see if he couldn’t convince his brother to stay in town a few days longer. Mac had flatly and rudely refused, walking out of the hospital five minutes later with Leif beside him.
Mac reclined back in his chair, taking the pressure off of his bruised ribs and letting the tenseness leave his body. He was grateful to have that mess with the ranch hands behind him. While he was in town, he’d stopped by the sheriff’s office and been informed that the surviving ranch hand had been charged with attempted murder and that after the sheriff had leaned on him a little, literally leaned on his broken arm, he’d confessed fully to his crimes. The sentencing was scheduled for next week. With the heavy burden lifted from his shoulders, Mac was able to breathe again.
He shifted his attention to Jo as she chatted on the sofa with Leif. His relationship with her was the only matter left that was keeping him from being at ease. It didn’t surprise him that Jo had asked Kirby instead of him to drive her into town this morning. He and Jo were in a stalemate, neither of them knowing how to move forward after the bitter things they’d said.
***
Jo entered her room and sat down on the edge of the bed. Opening her purse, she pulled out the yellow envelope that held her train ticket. Two departing passenger trains would be leaving this week en route to Salt Lake City, Utah before heading east to Illinois. One was scheduled to leave in two days and the other at the end of the week. When Jo was standing at the ticket office trying to decide which ticket to purchase, Kirby’s voice had seeped into her mind.
Give him time
. Jo hated herself for it, but she believed him, and a pitiful fleck of hope still dangled onto her heart. Deep down, Jo believed Mac cared for her and that if she stayed long enough, he would eventually give up the fight, but Jo didn’t want a surrender from him. She wanted a choice. She wanted him to willingly choose her. A love that wasn’t freely given held no interest for her. For that reason, Jo knew she had to leave, but at the same time, Kirby was right too; maybe Mac did just need a little more time. After wrestling with the choice, Jo finally decided to purchase the ticket to leave later in the week.
She stared down at the ticket in her hand. It felt odd to be on the other end of her journey, on the returning trip. It was only a few short months ago that she’d held another train itinerary in her hand. She had been so anxious then, so excited to head west and find a new life, new opportunities. She’d never imagined that the first step onto that locomotive would lead her here, to this obscure section of the country, with its heavenly mountains and immense azure sky, and to people she would love as dearly as her own family. Jo tucked the ticket back into her purse and hung it on the hook inside her closet door, then went downstairs to help Mattie with the last bit of canning.
She flitted down the stairs and past Mac’s office. His head was bent down, looking over some papers on his desk. At the sound of her footfall, he glanced up from the papers. Offering him a reserved smile, Jo continued past his office and down the hall to the kitchen.
The chair scraped across the floor, as Mac jumped up. Stepping around the corner, he called, “Jo…”
Instant dread filled her. She had no idea what he would want to say to her. With trepidation she turned around and forced a friendlier smile to her lips.
“Can
you come in here a minute?” he asked, his icy blue eyes unreadable. Jo walked the few steps back to the room, and Mac stepped to the side, letting her enter the room first. He surprised Jo by pulling the glass doors shut behind him before turning to her. Their eyes met uncomfortably for a brief moment, and then bluntly Mac said, “If I’d known you needed to go to town today, I would’ve taken you.”
Jo said nothing in return because there was nothing to say. This was a stupid game they were playing, trying to ignore or forget all that had passed between them. With complete accuracy, Jo could summon the memory of Mac’s hands gripping her waist and the heavy weight of his body as he picked her up and pressed her against the barn wall. He could ignore it all if he wanted to, but Jo wasn’t going to do it with him.
Noting her reluctance for small talk, Mac got right to the point. “What did you need to do in town?”
Jo hadn’t expected him to ask her reasons for going to town, and she wasn’t particularly apt to share them with him. Remaining evasive, she answered, “I just needed to do a few things.”
“Like what?” he pried, disliking Jo’s new reserved manner.
Jo turned her back on him, pretending to browse the collection of books lining the office walls. “Just pick up some personal items and mail a letter,” she answered nondescriptly. It wasn’t a lie; she had done those things in town today, as well as purchase her train passage
. I should just tell him I have my ticket and that I’m leaving,
Jo ruminated to herself, but swiftly she rejected the idea, convincing herself that there was no point in talking about it now, when she wouldn’t be leaving until the end of the week.
Besides
, she reminded herself,
there’s really nothing left to say anyway.
Mac watched her pick aimlessly along the wall of books. She was frustrating him, refusing to meet his eyes, answering him in noncommittal shrugs. He was certain she’d had other motives for going into town. A sick panic swept over him as an errant idea skipped into his mind. He dismissed it though, telling himself that Jo would never leave without saying goodbye.
“Do you want anything else?” Jo asked Mac, swiveling back around to face him. “If not, I promised Mattie I’d help her.”
Mac studied Jo shrewdly, starting with her eyes that were clearly hiding something and then traveling down her face to her lips. His eyes flicked back up to hers, and Jo squirmed uncomfortably.
There it is
, Mac thought to himself,
there’s the flush I know
. Jo’s neck and cheeks were turning pink under his careful scrutiny.
She’s not as indifferent as she’s pretending to be
. The realization gave him hope. He knew he’d hurt her and that he had a lot of mending to do, so many things he needed to say, but for now he decided to start with the most basic.
Staring at her intensely, Mac said with feeling, “Before you go…I…”—he exhaled—“well, I want to say thank you.” Jo stared back at him, surprise and skepticism apparent on her face. “The other night…in the barn…”
Immediately Jo was wary, glancing toward the door as if she would bolt.
Noting her reaction, Mac quickly continued. “I’ve thought a lot about what you said,”—he shifted uncomfortably—“about Tom…about…
letting it go
.” Even though he meant the words, they were still distasteful to him and passed thickly through his throat. “I’m going to work on it,” he pledged, his eyes piercing Jo’s with their candor. Being open and honest was Jo’s domain, not his, and Mac felt uncomfortable in this unfamiliar territory.
The door Jo had firmly shut cracked open, and she could not remain unaffected at his concession. A genuine smile, the first Mac had seen in days, broke over her face.
“The things I said, the way I said them…I’m…” Briefly, Mac glanced at the floor and then raised his eyes, crystal clear as water, back up to Jo. “I’m truly sorry for them,” he murmured.
The resonance of his apology filled the space around them, soaking into the leather-bound books lining the walls and saturating the rich mahogany furniture. His earnest tone testified to the depth of his sincerity. He waited patiently for Jo to say anything, if she would.
Minutes ticked by.
“A friend loveth at all times, and a brother is born in adversity,” she whispered in a breath of forgiveness, candidly meeting Mac’s eyes. She accepted his apology without reservation, compassion drifting from her like particles of dust in the glare of quiet sunlight. “That was one of my father’s favorite verses. He would recite it to us children when we quarreled. I suppose it was to remind us to be more accepting of one another.” Jo paused a moment trying to gather her thoughts. “You’ve had more adversity than most. If anything I said, helped you…then I’m so pleased.” With genuine feeling she added, “friend.”
Offering Mac another warm smile, she quickly left the room.
Friend
, the lone word, though sweet and beautiful, could not adequately describe the depth of her feelings for Mac, but if it was all they could be, Jo would leave the ranch remembering the happiness in it.
Mac leaned against his desk for a long time after Jo left. Her compassion, her offering, never ceased to amaze him. Even hurt and bruised, she would try to build him up.
How does someone acquire that kind of strength?
he wondered.
***
Later that evening, Mac couldn’t get the nagging feeling that Jo was hiding something from him to leave his mind, so instead of stew over it all night, he sought Kirby out. He found him in the tack room, patiently weaving rope with his thick arthritic hands. Making his own cattle rope had always been a passion of Kirby’s.
“Kirby,” Mac said, nodding a hello as he entered the tack room with its rich leathery smell. Picking up a bottle of oil, Mac dropped a few beads onto his saddle and began working it into the brown leather. Although Jo had told him she’d merely mailed a letter and picked up a few things at the store, Mac felt there was more. Continuing to rub the oil into the saddle, he casually asked Kirby, “What did you and Jo do in town today?”
Kirby flipped the strands of rope deftly over each other and without looking up, he replied, “The usual…post office, store…”