I look down at Connor who yawns and wraps his arms around my leg. “Mommy?” Connor says in a muffled voice.
“Yes baby?”
“Can I play hockey instead of soccer?” he asks and I burst out laughing as Shane’s jaw drops.
“You can play anything you like,” I assure him and he smiles at me before running into the house. I listen to the sound of his studs as they scrape along the tile floor on the way to the kitchen.
“Are you sure he’s mine?” Shane teases and I punch him in the arm with my free hand. Mason giggles as Shane makes a face at him and I am reminded that he’s not wearing a coat either.
“I should get this little guy inside too,” I say as I tighten my hold on him.
“Please, we Mitchell men can handle a little cold,” Shane scoffs, puffing out his chest. “We can handle anything.”
“There’s no doubt in my mind,” I say. “But I’m cold so I’m going in.”
Shane steps closer and pulls us both against his chest. “You want me to warm you up, babe?” his voice teases as his breath tickles my neck. I wish I could say that I’m surprised that the heat between us is still going strong after five years but I’m not - what Shane and I have between us was chemical from the very start and I still burn for him. And while our love has strengthened and matured in so many ways our lust hasn’t fizzled out at all. His soft lips kiss a trail down my neck and along my collarbone and when I step away he releases a low moan. “Is it bedtime yet?” he asks jokingly and I roll my eyes.
“We haven’t even had dinner yet. The lasagna is in the oven and I still have to make the salad,” I answer and he scoops Mason into his arms and plants a kiss on the top of his head.
“I’ll take little man into the den and show him one of the euro cup games I have recorded. Maybe I can stage an early intervention with this one,” he says while toeing off his cleats at the front door.
He throws Mason up on to his shoulders making him squeal and clap his hands together. “Can I play hockey he says…” Shane grumbles as he disappears into the den.
I pause on the porch to stare out at the yard. The sun has dipped low behind the tree that has managed to survive and thrive in its new home. As I look at my tree I think of how easy it would be to dwell on all the nights I spent huddled in its branches wishing on the stars for a different life. But I don’t. Now what that tree represents to me how is how far I’ve come and how lucky I am to have the life I’m living now.
The first little while after Connor was born I battled with constant anxiety thinking that things were too perfect and carrying around the notion that having everything I wanted meant having everything to lose. But nothing is perfect and I realize that now. Shane and I fight, especially when he accuses me of working too hard or when I have to go out of town for research. We sometimes disagree about parenting; when to toilet train, how to discipline, and whose turn it is to get up at 5:30 in the morning to watch Dora the Explorer with the first riser. He still thinks I’m stubborn and at times I find him overwhelming. He hates the cinnamon scented candles I buy and it drives me nuts the way he leaves his dirty sport socks all over the house. It’s not perfect but it’s real, which in a way kind of makes it perfect.
We also argue about how much his parents spoil the boys. It’s hard for me because while I appreciate how doting and loving they are from someone like me who grew up with next to nothing it often seems over-indulgent. And Shane is trying to come to terms with my mother knowing what my childhood was like. He’s polite enough to her but I can feel him hovering when she comes around to see the boys - not that I can blame him. But she just got her five year sobriety chip and she’s living independently now and dating a nice accountant so I’m optimistic for the future.
Matty or ‘unkie Matt’ as the boys call him married Kyle last year at a beautiful ceremony up in Canada. They relocated to Houston for Kyle’s work so I don’t seem him nearly as much as I’d like to but the boys adore them both. And while we are still close our relationship changed when Shane and I started out life together. I think it’s because there’s really only room for one best-friend in my heart and my husband is my best friend. But that said my network of friends has grown larger since setting down roots and allowing myself to open up. In addition to Leigh I have a few close friends from the neighborhood and I’ve made connections with some of the wives from the team. Add to that Shane’s family and we have a strong network of love and support surrounding us.
When Mason came along after Connor Shane couldn’t have been happier. In fact, he told me he’d love it if we had enough kids to fill a soccer team but that’s not happening in this lifetime. But what Shane doesn’t know yet is that our roster is about to get a little bigger. I rest a hand on my stomach and close my eyes - I’m nine weeks along today and I heard the heartbeat at my doctor’s appointment this morning so I’m telling him over dinner tonight. I secretly hope that it’s another boy because there’s something so incredible about knowing that you’re raising good men. They run me ragged with their constant energy but I love their spirit and their honesty. Becoming a mother has showed me a love that’s so instinctively fierce that it quite literally takes my breath away and I love them like nothing else in this world.
The wind picks up and I close my eyes and listen to the peaceful breeze as it rustles through the trees. When I turn back to the house I see the warm light glowing from within, I hear the play-by-play blaring from the TV in the den and Mason’s sweet little voice as he blabs to his daddy. I smell the rich mingled scents of tomato and garlic from the homemade lasagna that’s bubbling in the oven and I send up a silent thank you to the universe for giving me my family, my home and for leading me down the right path, albeit kicking and screaming, to Shane.
THE END
Thank you to my mom, Diane Johnston, who reminds me often that ‘life is not a dress rehearsal’ and that we should endeavor to spend our time doing the things we love. Like reading and writing e-books, playing soccer, participating in mud runs, catching sun on sandy beaches and talking rainy dog walks with the family and most importantly spending time with my husband and my beautiful little boys.
Thank you to everyone in my family including my generous and loving granddad, Alan Dow. And a special thank you to my husband Thorsten for not taking it personally when I get into the zone and start frantically scribbling down scenes. Writing a book is a lot harder than it looks so a shout out to all of the authors out there who toil and sweat to make it happen.
I also want to recognize my soccer team the CCB Outlaws for keeping me in the game and my dad, Ken Johnston, who despite staring down the age of sixty five still plays soccer at least three times a week. And thank you to the Vancouver Whitecaps FC for the inspiration; I believe it was a game a few years back against the Chivas USA that got the creative wheels turning. And last but not least thank you to the fans and readers out there. Your ongoing support makes e-publishing possible and encourages me every day to never give up on my passion.
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