Authors: Peggy Ann Craig
“Prescott, would you pour the three of us some strong coffee.” He led her to the table and indicated a chair for her to sit, then took the one opposite. “I believe we’re going to need it.”
“Sure, but would one of you please tell me what’s going on?”
Wade studied her face, but she refused to look at him. “I’m afraid I can’t. Only Anna knows what happened.”
“What happened where?” Prescott retrieved three mugs. “Up in the river? The current washed you and Joe downstream. If you hadn’t snatched on to that tree while dragging Joe, you would have surely gone over the falls with Sty.”
His gaze was intent on Anna and he saw her visibly grimace, then slowly a tear escaped the corner of her eye and slid down her cheek. Inside, he felt her pain, but not its origin. He was tempted to go to her, but kept himself firmly seated in his chair. “What happened Anna?”
First nothing, then she opened her mouth and he heard a small sharp intake of breath and he frowned even harder. “I wasn’t alone.”
Puzzled, he waited for more, but when she offered none, he urged, “Go on.”
“In the clearing. I wasn’t alone.” She was transfixed on the table surface where she placed her folded hands. “He saw me. His eyes were full of evil. I had to run.”
Prescott brought their mugs then took a seat next to his brother. “What man?”
Again, she hesitated, then said, “In the village. They were killing those people. They were screaming and I was so terrified.”
Wade reached out and covered her hands with his own in a comforting and reassuring manner. He hoped she received his silent message.
“Those women,” her voice cracked, and another tear slipped from her eye. “They were so brutal.”
When she offered no more, Wade quietly said, “It’s all right Anna if you don’t want to say any more.”
Her eyes lifted and he was pierced with the most tortured set of eyes he had ever seen. “I was so terrified. I had to run. But he was so heavy.”
“He?” Prescott asked, obviously just as confused with her story line as Wade.
“I had to carry him, but he was so heavy.” Tears flooded her cheeks and Wade felt his inside lurch in pain. “I could hear them, they were coming. I had to hide. He was so heavy. I couldn’t run.”
“Who was heavy Anna?” He asked, all the while stroking her hands.
“The baby.” The words rasped across her lips and Wade felt their affect all the way down his spine.
“What baby?” Prescott inquired, trying hard to piece the story together.
Anna could not reply right away as she was suddenly seized with the shakes and was trying hard to control them. Wade watched her with torture and wanted so much to take the burden of her pain. But first, he needed to know. “Your baby?”
She was trying to catch her breath and he waited a heart stopping moment before she finally shook her head. “No.”
“Whose baby?”
“Mother’s.” The tears continued to flow and she didn’t even attempt to wipe them away. Wade removed his handkerchief from his neck and got up from his chair to take the seat next to her. Gazing down into her face, he gently wiped her cheeks. She looked up at him and for the first time since the falls, trust reflected in those brown depths. “They were coming. I could hear them. I ran as fast as I could, but he was so heavy.”
Wade nodded, silently encouraging her.
“I had to hide,” she told him in despair. “They would find me and kill me. I was so frightened. But the baby wouldn’t stop crying.”
“The baby led them to you?” An understanding light lit his eyes.
“I was so scared. I hid behind Stellar Falls. But I couldn’t hear them.” She sobbed again and her eyes cried painfully up at him. “The water was so loud. And the baby wouldn’t stop crying. They were going to find me. I tried to hush him, but he kept crying. I put him beneath the water, just for a moment, to quiet him, but he only cried harder when I brought him up.”
Wade felt the first stirring of a horrific chill run up and down his spine, but he worked hard to keep it out of his expression as he continued to hold her gaze.
“They were going to kill me. He wouldn’t stop crying. I had to quiet him, so I put him under once more…” She stopped speaking and looked at Wade with big and terrified eyes. Anna did not need to go any further.
“He drowned?” He asked softly and when she nodded, he pulled her into his arms and allowed her to release a long and pent up sorrow.
“My God,” Prescott quietly said and both brothers exchanged glances over her head. He felt her body overcome with repressed sadness and guilt. Spasms rocked her small frame and Wade pulled her closer. He felt and understood her suffering. When she had nearly been killed at the river, he had felt fully to blame. It was far too powerful a responsibility when the life of another lay fully in your hands. When failed, is beyond any human comprehension or acceptance. No amount of time or understanding could ever heal the guilt.
They sat like that for a very long time. No one said anything until at last the convulsions began to ease and she slowly regained an ounce of control. Using the kerchief, he eased her gently away to wipe some of her tears.
“You’re not to blame, Anna,” he told her.
She looked up and her eyes reflected the torture she felt inside. “I killed an innocent child to spare my own life.”
“You did what you needed in order to survive.” He held her gaze with steady conviction. “None of us can determine how we would react under times of such horrific circumstances. That’s when our innate instinct kicks in and shows us the way.”
“My instinct is that of a murderer?” She gasped and tried to pull out of his embrace.
He held on tightly and refused to let her go. “Your instinct knew you were meant to go on living. You’ve escaped death three times, Anna. You aren’t meant to die just yet. There was a purpose for your life to have been spared. You aren’t done here on earth.”
Her brows wavered, obviously not entirely believing him, but somewhere deep inside her brown eyes he saw the first flicker of hope. Reaching up, he stroked the side of her head and said, “You were meant to come into my life.”
A spark flashed across her face, then just as swiftly was doused and replaced with anguish. Wade sighed and pulled her back into his arms. He knew it was going be a long time before she could ever forgive herself.
“Wade’s right,” Prescott said. “What happened up on that mountain has brought nothing but tragedy. It stops here. No more suffering. This conversation does not go beyond the three of us. We shall bury it along with the victims of that village.”
She turned in Wade’s arms to look over at his brother and he saw Prescott give her an understanding and determined look. “You have been the greatest victim of all. You survived. You will have to live for the rest of your life with the memory of what happened that day. No form of punishment could torture you more.”
Tears fell once more, but silently this time and Wade began to feel that at last she was finding some form of conciliation with what she had done. Even if momentarily. Because, as Prescott stated, she would remember the horrific events on that mountain for the remainder of her days.
* * *
Anna stood on the back porch and looked up toward Mount Louis. She had woken that morning to a bright and sunny day. Inside she was slowly beginning to heal. Since the events of what happened in the village, she was finally able to look upon the mountain with a sense of tranquility and peace in her heart. With her memory fully restored, the tragedy of that day would haunt Anna for the rest of her life, but she was learning to live with the guilt and eternal sorrow she knew would never leave.
She heard movement behind her and saw Wade approach. He came and leaned against the rail next to her, his arm slightly brushing her own. Gazing up at the mountain, he said, “It’s most beautiful first thing in the morning.”
Anna nodded slowly and knew there was one more thing she had to do. “Wade, I want to go to the village.”
He frowned and she knew he didn’t like the idea, but nodded his head in what she was certain was an effort to understand. “I’ll go with you.”
She offered a small smile then turned back to the mountain. “I’d like that.”
“I’ll go and saddle two horses.”
“Wade.” She stopped him. “I want to take Lucy.”
He paused, and again she saw the look of disapproval cross his face, but once again nodded, then headed for the stables. He had been far too agreeable since the incident at the river over a week ago. She knew he was racked with his own tormented emotions, but wasn’t willing to share them with Anna. Admittedly, she was slightly glad. There was a small fear that he may harbor feelings of disappointment. After all, he had discovered the woman he married turned out to be a murderer. A child murderer.
When she saw him approach with Lucy and another horse from the stables, she felt a heavy sadness in her heart. “I’m sorry about Sty.”
He only gave her a grateful smile than mounted his horse. She followed suit on Lucy, and side by side they headed toward the river and the trail that led up the mountainside. When the path became too narrow for two horses, Wade took the lead until finally they reached the clearing that stood between the woods and the village. Anna drew Lucy to a halt.
Wade noticed and turned his horse around to look back at Anna. “You don’t have to do this.”
Her eyes remained in the area that marked the edge of the village, then swung her leg over Lucy and dismounted. Beneath their feet was a field of wildflowers. She bent down and gathered a handful, then stood back up and walked the remaining small distance.
Wade dismounted his horse and led him by the reins as he reached Anna’s side and walked next to her. On the outside, she looked calm and composed. However, inside Anna felt a wreck. Her nerves were unsteady and she wished that Wade would take her into his arms and protect her from what she was about to see.
They entered the forest’s edge where Anna had stood and watched the massacre of her village. She held her breath as she looked toward the small cluster of sod houses that made up most of the village. Fully expecting to see the scorched and ghostly remains of her former home, she instead looked upon a lush green forest taking over the abandoned little village. Two small squirrels chased each other through the grass and up through the tall trees. The sound of birds echoed down from the towering spruces which were now fully covered with new leaves. No traces of that awful day reflected in the deserted village. Nearly a year had gone by and with the arrival of spring, fresh growth had bloomed. The warm weather of early summer had nourished the dawn of new life.
She walked slowly through the village while Wade tied their horses securely to a tree. Her footsteps led her to a house that sat on the farthest end of the row of sod houses. Stopping outside the door, she swallowed a hard lump that suddenly formed in her throat. It had been a long time since she set foot in the house that had been home to her for twenty-four years. Hesitantly, she pulled the handle and opened the door.
It was dark inside and took a few seconds for her eyes to adjust. Other than new growth seeping in through the neglected walls, it looked remarkably the same. The main room had a fireplace at one side of the room and a small table in the center. It was where her family had shared all their meals. She laid the flowers she picked in the center of the table.
She heard Wade come into the house behind her and she turned to look at him. He looked concerned and she found herself smiling. “All eight of us sat at this table.”
Wade frowned. “Eight?”
Nodding, she walked around the table and allowed her hand to run across its surface. “Mother and Father, Edmund, my sisters and myself.”
“I didn’t realize you had sisters.”
She nodded. “There were five of us girls. I was the oldest. Edmund was the only boy. Until . . .”
He frowned harder and she knew he was watching her closely. “The baby.”
On the mantle was a small bowl which Anna retrieved and held in her hands. “His name was Nathan.”
She stroked the bowl and then put it back gently. Keeping her back to him she felt the onslaught of shame and guilt mixed into one. “He was not my father’s.”
There was only silence behind her.
“My mother shared her bed with another.” Anna frowned hard and tried not to allow her disgrace for her parent mar all her memories. “She never spoke of it, but we knew. Father knew.”
Wade moved and Anna heard him approach. Then she felt his hands tenderly rest on her shoulders. “Anna, your mother did nothing wrong other than not being aware of the criminal law.”
Confused, she turned to look up at him. “I don’t follow.”
He sighed heavily and she could tell he found it hard to tell her what he knew. “Did Edmund make a practice of stealing?”
She immediately became defensive. “He had to. We had no other choice.”
“I’m sure he did,” he told her. “I’m not criticizing your family’s method of survival. We, as your neighbors and your extended community, should have been more helpful. You should never have had to live the way you did. It was from our own ignorance and prejudice that your family and inner community suffered.”