On Thin Ice 1 (3 page)

Why do you care so
much about this? You don’t even know the guy Kylie.
I argued
with myself for a while, trying to figure why I was so into this
guy. Was it just his rugged good looks, and the fact that I hadn’t
been with the guy in so long? Was my body trying to make up for it?
I went back to my bed and collapsed onto it. This dreaming about
Daniel was taking away from my usual habit of guilt and
self-loathing, and it scared me.

* * *

I didn’t see Daniel
again for the next couple of days. After all, I normally hid in my
room most of the time, except for when we did sports, or had group
or single therapy, or did arts and crafts.

Doctor Emma ended up
congratulating me on talking when I saw her for our weekly
one-on-one therapy session the next day.

“I’m glad you decided
to tell us your story, Kylie. I hope it was the first of many, I
hope that you have finally decided to embrace your ability to
heal.”

I gave her a few
non-committal answers. I knew I wasn’t going to do that again. I
wasn’t going to be speaking every week.

But three days after
Daniel arrived I decided to go to dinner at a reasonable hour,
rather than eating either before or after anyone else, as was my
usual habit. I sat at my table in the back, alone. Normally when I
was here with others Fiona came and sat with me, but she was absent
tonight. I wondered to myself if she’d gotten a day pass, a chance
to go out with her husband in the real world. She had been looking
good enough that I wouldn’t have been surprised if Doctor Emma gave
her that chance.

I picked at my food,
not really into the lasagna they were serving, when I felt someone
in front of me. I looked and saw Daniel, holding a tray so full of
food I was surprised the cheap plastic tray holding his plate
didn’t crack in half. Instantly my breath caught in my throat. My
senses were completely out of control as adrenaline rushed through
my body. Fire coursed through me and my heart began to pound so
loudly in my chest I was sure Daniel could hear it as he smiled and
asked me if anyone was sitting at the table with me.

“No... no, it’s empty,”
I replied, trying to smile back. I could feel my panties getting
wet at just the
sight
of him. Oh God, what was happening to
me?

“Thanks. It was Kylie,
right?” he asked, digging into his enormous plate of lasagna,
topped with what looked like an extra chicken breast, a dry salad
on the side and a bottle of chocolate milk to wash it all down. Of
course, I knew athletes expended an incredible amount of energy and
needed a lot of food to make up for it, but to see that plate in
front of me was just different. The man looked like he ate in a
meal what I ate in a week!

“Yup, I’m Kylie,” I
replied, hoping I sounded like a normal person. “I heard you’re a
hockey player, I would have guessed athlete without that info if I
saw you eating that,” I continued, motioning at his plate. I don’t
know why I was so fixated on it. Maybe I thought that if I looked
at his food, those confusing feelings of desire that ran through me
every time I looked at his beautiful face would disappear.

“So the gossip has
started already has it? This is actually a pretty small meal for
me, now that I can’t work out the way I used to I have to reduce my
calorie intake. This feels like a diet.”

“I wish my diets
involved eating that much food,” I joked, and Daniel laughed.

“Come to the gym in the
basement with me tomorrow, I’ll put you through a workout that lets
you eat this much.”

“Are you asking me
out?” I asked before I realized what I was saying, then instantly
covered my mouth in surprise at my own reaction.

“Maybe,” he replied
with a grin, and my eyes widened as my body tightened. There was no
way to get out of it now.

“Fine. I’ll show up
tomorrow and you can make me earn some extra ice cream for
dessert.”

“I can’t wait. I never
thought I’d find a pretty girl like you here in rehab. I guess I
had a few pre-conceived notions about this place.” As it seemed so
prone to do lately, a blush crawled up my face and I looked down at
my food. A tingle of embarrassment and happiness crawled through
me. I hadn’t felt happiness like this in a long, long time.

“Even us beautiful
people can be broken,” I replied with a small smile, then changed
the subject. “Do you ever get burnt out, playing hockey? That is,
if I can ask you something like that.”

Daniel nodded as he
shoved a big forkful of salad into his mouth. “Yup. When I think
about it, I started playing hockey
seriously,
considering it
to be a career, when I was about twelve years old. Before then it
was just a fun thing to do with my friends, but when I was twelve I
think I began to realize that if I really took it seriously I could
maybe hit the big leagues, and that was when I began to treat it
like a job. I’m 29 now, so it’s been seventeen years. For most
people, who really start their careers when they’re in their early
20s, seventeen years is almost forty. Prime age for a mid life
crisis, and I guess that’s what I’ve hit now, I’ve just done it ten
years before most,” he replied with a small, sad smile. As I looked
into his eyes, I could see the pain there. I wondered about what
had happened to him.

“Do you know what
happened to me?” he asked, curious. “I know it’s all over the
internet, I just don’t know if you’ve read about it at all or
looked it up, or follow hockey.”

I shook my head. I
figured I’d tell the truth. “I looked you up, I read up until the
part that involved your injury, and stopped reading. I figured it’s
only fair to you.”

“Really? I really
appreciate that, Kylie. I’m pretty sure you’re the only person here
who hasn’t looked it up, four people have come and asked me about
it in the last few days.”

“Well, those four
people should have respected your need to heal here just as they
have. I don’t like to talk about my past, I figure I have no right
to look up other people’s without their permission.”

“Thanks, Kylie. I find
it difficult to talk about as well, so I know exactly what you
mean. But hey, it’s dinner time, no need to harp on about our
problems. I’m going to bed early tonight, but I’ll meet you in the
basement gym at 10 tomorrow morning.”

“Deal,” I smiled,
watching as he got up from his chair, his plate now completely
empty. I looked down at my still barely touched meal. What was it
about this guy? Why was it that I could feel my nipples, hard and
erect, pressing against the fabric of my bra, so hard they were
almost painful? Why could I feel that my panties were soaking wet
when we’d done no more than talk, and maybe flirt just a tiny
bit?

I asked myself these
questions and more as I forced the rest of my food into my mouth
and went back to my room. Were they withdrawal symptoms? Was this
normal? Why did I feel like I’d been hit by lightning every time I
saw Daniel?

* * *

The next day I woke up
at the crack of dawn as usual, had a shower, and got ready for my
“date”. I was sure it wasn’t a real date, just a way to spend the
day with someone. It was a weird feeling, I was actually looking
forward to it. I couldn’t remember the last time I’d looked forward
to anything. It had been so long, I had almost forgotten what it
felt like, and I instantly felt guilty. I didn’t deserve to go to
the gym and have fun. I regretted that I had agreed to it, but I
was still looking forward to it. Not to mention bailing now would
have looked rude. Conflicting feelings seemed to be ruling my life
these last few days.

I threw on my shorts
and a workout shirt and looked at myself in the mirror in my
bathroom. I hadn’t actually checked out my appearance in a long
time. I didn’t look too bad, I guess. I still had a pretty good
body, my hair was silky smooth, and all of the terrible results
alcoholism had ravaged on my body were a thing of the past. No, my
outward appearance was fine, it was just my brain that was broken
now. In fact, I’d even venture so far as to say I looked
good
.

I made my way down to
the basement gym. This being one of those expensive rehab centers,
it’s kind of like expensive hotels: there’s always a gym, even
though you never see anyone in them. The only times I had ever been
here was when I first arrived and been shown around, and one day
when the trainer for our sports group that met once a week decided
we should learn how to use weights and showed us all how to do some
exercises one afternoon.

Sure enough, as usual,
there was no one down there except for me. Daniel was nowhere in
sight. I was alone in this enormous room. Fluorescent lights shone
down upon me, seeing as the room got no natural light. Mirrors
lined all four walls of the gym. To my left was a row of dumbbells,
going from one pound all the way to 100. The far wall was lined
with machines that looked like torture instruments. To my right was
the cardio section. There were at least a dozen treadmills,
elliptical machines and spin cycles, which I imagined had never,
ever all been used at once. Against the other wall to my right was
a section for yoga and other mat-based exercises, with stability
balls and agility equipment. Even for me, someone who had rarely
ever spent any time in a gym, I could tell this place was very well
equipped.

Suddenly Daniel emerged
from the dressing rooms behind a door to my right. He was drenched
in sweat, rubbing his wet hair with a towel, and it only made him
hotter. I felt my knees going weak, a tug in my nether regions, and
I scolded myself to get it together.

“Hey” he greeted me
with a grin. He wore shorts and a tank top that showed off his
incredibly muscular body. Daniel was even more ripped than I had
originally thought. His biceps bulged as he continued to wipe
himself down, his pecs moved slightly, and under the tightness of
his shirt I confirmed my original suspicions: there was indeed a
six pack underneath.

“Ready for a big day of
training?” he asked enthusiastically, throwing the towel to the
side.

“I guess so...” I
stammered, looking around apprehensively. I was only too aware of
the fact that despite knowing a fair bit about the human body, I
had never really trained mine that well.

“Don’t worry, the gym’s
always intimidating the first few times. That’s totally normal.
Luckily for you, there’s no one else here except me, so you don’t
need to feel self conscious or anything. In like a week you’ll be
strutting around here like you own the place.” I looked up at
Daniel. In a week? Did he expect me to do this again? With him?
Regardless of what he thought, I appreciated his desire to put me
at ease.

“Thanks. I’ve never
really been here before. Just once, the trainer showed us how to do
some exercises.”

“Cool. Did you like any
of the stuff you did?”

“Not really. I mean, I
can go on the treadmill and run for half an hour, or hop on the
bike and do something, but I kind of hated it. It was boring.”

“Did you try lifting
any weights?”

“No, I don’t want to
get big and bulky. I’d prefer it if your biceps stay bigger than
mine.”

Daniel laughed, a good
natured laugh. Every time I heard that sound I wanted to say
whatever I had to in order to get him to repeat it.

“Don’t worry, Kylie.
There isn’t a chance in hell you’ll get bulky like me by accident.
Plus lifting weights rules. Let me take you through a routine. If
you hate it, we’ll find something else.”

“Ok,” I smiled. I was
apprehensive, but something about Daniel’s confidence and
enthusiasm here in the gym was infectious. He led me over to what
he called a squat rack.

“I’m going to start by
showing you how to do a squat,” he told me, putting a bar on the
rack at about his shoulder height. “Squats give you a great butt,
on top of strong legs. And I like a girl with a great butt,” he
added with a wink, as my face went crimson. He showed me how to use
the safeties to make sure that if I couldn’t get back up I wouldn’t
hurt myself, then did a few repetitions of a squat, explaining the
importance of form.

“Now try it here,
without the bar, and I’ll make sure you’ve got your form
right.”

At first I was self
conscious as I bent down, making sure my hips were past being
parallel with my knees, but Daniel was encouraging and positive,
and I quickly found myself actually enjoying the burn that came
with the workout. I managed to do sets with the 45 pound bar.

“Hey, congratulations!
You’re naturally pretty strong, it’s pretty rare for someone as
small as you to be able to do the bar on their first day. I don’t
have champagne to celebrate, but you can have some of my protein
drink if you’d like,” he told me, offering me the bottle. As I took
it from him, my fingers grazed his, and I inhaled sharply. It was
like a spark ran between us, a zap that coursed through every vein
of my body. My heart began to pound even harder than it had been
from the exercise. I raised the bottle to my mouth and took a sip,
then immediately scrunched up my face.

“That’s pretty gross,
how the hell do you drink that?”

“Sorry. I guess you get
used to it, I forget that some people aren’t used to the taste of
whey protein.”

“It certainly isn’t
champagne, let me tell you.”

“No, but it helps your
muscles recover better than champagne does.”

“Ugh, surely there’s
another way.”

“Well, if you join me
again I’ll make sure to have some chocolate milk for you. It’s not
as good for you, but it’s a good post-workout drink since it’s high
in both protein and carbs.”

“Is that you asking me
out on a second date?” I teased.

“Maybe,” he replied, a
twinkle in his eye.

“Well I dunno, this is
getting pretty serious for a bunch of maybe-dates.”