*Oh, no, no. I must go in for it—and I must win the first prize,' she replied almost passionately. 'I can't continue to work and live on the generosity of—of my kind patron. It would be—dishonest to keep it up too long.'
'It wouldn't be anything of the sort, provided the patron wanted to go on helping,' growled Kennedy Marshall unexpectedly.
'I imderstand there's no difficulty there, Caroline,' said Warrender smoothly. 'It's just between you and her, surely.'
'It's between me and my self-respect,' replied Caroline, as she had to Miss Curtis. 'I'm going in for that contest. Why are you so much against it?'
'For one thing, it's seldom that the right person wins,' said Warrender cynically. 'And, for another, these contests are not the healthiest thing for aspiring artists—whether they win or lose. The winners inevitably see themselves as halfway to world success when they're only at the beginning, and the losers are disappointed and disillusioned out of all proportion to their relative failure.'
'But with a panel of competent judges '
'One forceful member of the jury can sometimes sway the others,' declared Warrender carelessly.
'Oh, no!"
'Oh, yes.' Then he smiled across at his wife and added, 'I'm ashamed to say I've even done it
myself. But that's years ago—^and in a very good cause.'
Caroline looked shocked and disbelieving, until Anthea laughed and said, *He first heard me as a raw beginner in a not very important contest. The other judges wanted me to win, but Oscar knew that a quick, cheap success, including exposure on quite the wrong scale, would spoil my whole development. He talked them out of it.'
'Weren't you furious?' Caroline opened her eyes wide.
*Livid,' said Anthea cheerfully. *But I forgave him later,' she added, lightly touching her husband's arm, *when he'd make a real artist of me.'
'But as I have my hand on you from the beginning, and intend to see that you are guided in the way you should go,' Warrender told Caroline, *I'll indulge you over this contest. I hope, however, that whether you win or lose you will continue to accept my advice.'
'Oh, Sir Oscar, of course! What better guidance could I have?'
'None,' he said, without false modesty, and they all laughed.
This time Ken did not offer to drive her home. Instead, he called a taxi and before handing her into it he said, 'I'm totally impressed, Caroline. All joking apart, I want you for one of my artists when you're ready for public work. Is it a bargain, or do you want to think it over?'
'I don't need to think it over. And—and thank you. You don't know how happy I am.'
'I could say the same to you.' He held her hand and smiled down at her. 'As you know, I'm off to
Paris in the morning, and am not quite sure when I shall be back. I have a lot of people to see.'
'Lucille Duparc?' she enquired cheekily because she felt in riotous good spirits.
'Among others.' His reply was a little curt. 'But when I get back we'll draw up that contract. Agreed?'
'Agreed,' she said, and impulsively held her face to him.
She thought he was a trifle surprised—though why he should be when he had been only too ready to kiss her, back there in the studio, she really didn't know. In any case, he immediately bent his head, lightly kissed her cheek and then turned to pay the taxi driver, who had been looking on with obvious approval.
'Nice-looking chap, your boy-friend,' he observed chattily as they drove away.
'He's not my boy-friend,' Caroline countered quickly. 'He's my boss; quite a difficult boss at times. But this evening is special.' Somehow she had to tell someone! 'I'm hoping to be a singer, and he's just heard me for the first time and thinks I'm good. I feel terrific'
'And so you should, a pretty girl like you,' the driver said heartily. 'Don't let any of the other girls in the chorus get their hands on him. He's the kind they all run after.'
She laughed, but she thought, 'I suppose he is! With those good looks and that vitality—^and everything.'
And she was smiling so radiantly when she came into the house that Aunt Hilda said, 'Have you found another diamond ring? You look just as though you have.'
*Not quite. Aunt Hilda. But I sang for Ken— for my boss—this evening, at Sir Oscar's studio, and they were both very pleased and complimentary. It made me feel good.'
'I expect it did,' was the quite kind reply. *But don't get a swelled head, dear. It's hard coming down to earth with a bang.'
Caroline agreed that it was, and then caught up a telegram from the mantelpiece, exclaiming, 'Is this from Jeremy?'
'Yes. I was just going to tell you. He's coming home on Wednesday, and—you'll see—he's got that contract he was hoping for.'
'Oh, Aunt Hilda! You must be proud of him. I know I am.'
Aunt Hilda said modestly that she was not counting on too much yet but that yes, she was proud of him.
Between then and Jeremy's arrival Caroline alternated between happiness on his behalf and her own, and the realisation that now she must at last admit to her proposed entry for the Carruthers Contest. Perhaps he would not feel so badly about it now that he had his foot on the ladder. But nothing, she supposed, nothing could sweeten the fact that she would be challenging him directly in the contest on which he and Lucille were counting so much.
'I'll just have to trust to the inspiration of the moment,' Caroline told herself, knowing perfectly well that moments of that kind provided few inspirations.
But when Jeremy finally arrived, the sheer pleasure of seeing him so happy, so sure of himself at last after all the disappointments and
setbacks, swept away every other consideration. It was like old times when he hugged and kissed her as well as his mother, and said how much he had missed them both in spite of having had such a thrilling time in Germany.
'You must tell us all about your triumphs,' Aunt Hilda said.
To which he replied, very truly, that one did not exactly have triumphs in smallish roles, but that the opera director had been emphatic about wanting him back. In addition, he had received tentative offers from other small opera houses, which had resulted in the offer from his original house being substantially increased.
*The only snag is that I have to go back almost inmiediately, and I hate leaving you again so soon. But it's the best of all possible causes, so I can't complain.'
*But what about ' Caroline could hardly get
out the words'—^what about the Carruthers Contest, Jerry? It's coming up soon.'
'Yes, I know. But I'll just have to pass it up this year. Maybe next year. We'll see what I'm doing then.'
'You mean ' Caroline was suddenly radiant
and her voice shook'— that you're not going in for it, after all?'
'That's what I mean.'
'Oh, Jerry, the relief! I've been feeling so awful, because I'm going in for it myself, and the thought of pitting myself against you, of all people, made me feel so mean, so disloyal. And now—you really mean it?—I can go in with a clear conscience?'
'You certainly can, you bold, bad girl.' He
ruffled her hair affectionately. *But aren't you pitching your hopes a bit high? It's a very stiff contest, you know. Not really for amateurs at all.'
'I know,' said Caroline humbly. 'But Sir Oscar thinks I should try. At least, not quite that,' she amended, feeling she was certainly taking Sir Oscar's name in vain. 'He said I could if I really wanted to.'
'Silly girl, isn't she?' commented Aimt Hilda almost indulgently, and she actually went into the kitchen to make a personal inspection of the supper which was cooking.
'Jeremy,' Caroline said, recalling something vital, 'what does Lucille think about your cancelling? She was so keen for you to go in, wasn't she? You and she were counting such a lot on——'
'That's over.' Jeremy's expression was suddenly grim.
'What's over?' She stared at him.
'Any joint plans between me and Lucille.'
'Oh, Jerry, I'm so sorry! That is—has it spoiled things for you? You seemed so happy, so '
'No,' Jeremy replied deliberately. 'I'm simply not going to let it spoil things, as you say. I'm on the up and up, Caroline, and no one is going to spoil that for me. Certainly not a little go-getter lie Lucille. The truth is that she wanted much bigger fish than I was. I was just a bit of fun while she went after something bigger. She got him, incidentally,' he added reflectively.
'What do you mean?'
'I came through Paris on my way home and made it my business to see her and fiiid out what she was really up to. She couldn't have been more off-brushing '
'Oh, Jerry, I'm truly sorry.'
*Don't pity me. Pity the other chap,' Jeremy said heartily, *I'm sorry for him. He deserved better than that. I know, for I've got to appreciate him after all he's done for me.'
*What are you talking about?' Caroline suddenly got to her feet, her mouth and throat so dry that she thought she would choke. *Who— who is the man who supplanted you?'
'Well, I'm just telling you. Kennedy Marshall. She told me about it in our revealing interview and showed me the ring he'd just given her, poor dupe. Why, Carrie, what's the matter? Are you feeling faint or something?'
CHAPTER SEVEN
*Is something the matter?' asked Jeremy again. But Caroline just shook her head and then managed after a moment to force out a few words.
'No, nothing's the matter/ she said tonelessly. For not even to herself could she find any reason for the sense of utter desolation which had suddenly overwhelmed her.
'You don't like Lucille, do you?' He glanced at her curiously.
*I hardly know her.' Caroline was beginning to recover her self-possession. 'But what I know I don't like. Candidly, I'm glad to hear that you and she are no longer friendly.'
Aimt Hilda came back into the room at that moment and asked, *Who is no longer friendly with Jeremy?'
'Lucille Duparc. She's—friendly with Kennedy Marshall instead.' Caroline hardly knew why she added that, but she managed to laugh as though she found the quick-change situation rather amusing.
'Well, he ought to be able to manage her,' said Aunt Hilda philosophically. 'He's literally been her manager for some time, hasn't he?'
'Professionally, yes.' Caroline wondered desperately how they could get off this subject. But Aimt Hilda soon came unknowingly to the rescue. Jeremy and his affairs were the only
topics which could hold her interest that evening, and if Caroline contributed little to the conversation no one seemed to notice.
By a supreme effort she contrived to keep the thought of Ken and Lucille in the background of her mind. *ril think about it later,' she told herself. *ril think about it later.'
And much later, in the blessed privacy of her own room, she did exactly that, bringing from the recesses of her consciousness the stunning fact that Ken was now engaged to Lucille Duparc. That Jeremy had in the process escaped seemed oddly imimportant.
Two months ago that would in itself have been enough to make her happy beyond expression, she thought, and she wondered bewilderedly what had come over her. She loved Jeremy still and could only rejoice that he had escaped from the Lucille entanglement almost unhurt. But—Ken!
She told herself that she was disappointed in him—that she would have expected him to show more sense and judgment. But that seemed a poor reason for the sense of shock and near despair which she was experiencing. She knew now of course that he was a man of generosity and sensibility, and how could such a man be happy with Lucille?
*I should hate him to be imhappy,' she thought. 'He's been so good to me in many ways. I like him and '
Then she stared across at her reflection in the mirror, as she had done on another occasion when she faced the truth about herself.
'Don't be a fool,' she said aloud. 'You love him.' And burying her face in her hands, she
allowed the overwhelming truth to wash over her like a tidal wave.
That was not the end of her self-communing. Painstakingly she went back over the last few months, trying to find the moment when her relationship with him had undergone this drastic change. But, of course, like all big changes in relationships, it had been a gradual process, culminating in the shock of discovering that he was the generous patron providing the wherewithal for her to follow her heart's desire and strive to become a singer.
Was that before or after the first time he kissed her? she asked herself irrelevantly. Or perhaps, she decided, it was not exactly irrelevant. For that moment was etched on her memory now with a poignancy which hurt—and it had been before she knew of his extraordinary generosity.
When she reached even farther back into her recollections she could not remember any time when she had found him without interest. Not when she feuded with him over Jeremy, nor when she had staggered him with the accusation that he was a mean bully to threaten her with dismissal. She remembered those scenes, not in the monotone of idle recollection, but in the brilliant colours of flashing and exciting conflict.
*I think that was the first time he really took my measure as an individual,' she reflected with a faint smile. 'That was the moment when we broke the mould of secretary and boss. And ever after that '
She broke off suddenly in imbearable distress, for he was engaged to Lucille now and she herself was nothing in his life.
Nothing? She got up and walked softly up and down the room. Nothing?
*But Fm the girl he thinks might develop into a successful singer—a fine artist. He's backed me to do so, and I'll do it! I will, I will! I'll challenge Lucille on her own ground. She shall not have him.'
Caroline did not glance at herself in the mirror again. Had she done so she would have seen someone who in every line and feature commanded the stage. That the stage was no more than her own bedroom in Aunt Hilda's house was immaterial. The centre of that stage was hers by right of an iron determination and a total belief in herself.
Inevitably this mood of high courage and determination wavered in the light of day, but some of it remained, to inform Caroline's thoughts and actions—and development.