Once and Always (Women of Character) (9 page)

She almost choked, then began
breathing deeply. Anna berated herself for going there. What quality was there
about him that exuded strength? What did she find so attractive about him, even
after all this time? Suddenly, the kitchen seemed crowded as she stepped
inside. The round kitchen table had papers scattered across it, and a paper
plate with the remnants of toast also sat there. She caught a hint of cinnamon
in the air.

"Still wolfing down
cinnamon-sugared toast?"

He smiled slightly. "Some
things you never get over."

He'd obviously been working, even
this early in the morning. She turned to him and they almost bumped into each
other so she retreated to the counter. "I don't want to interrupt your
paperwork, I just need a little coffee to get me by."

He shrugged, opening the cabinet
overhead and lifting out two cups. "The work will keep. Take a seat."

"Who'd have thought life would
come back in a circle like this?" she muttered, feeling edgy as Tyler
fixed her coffee. Six years ago he'd left, and her life had felt like it ended
when she'd lost both him and Martin, but now he was here again in this kitchen,
and for a moment it was like he'd never left.

Tyler seemed to go still, then he
turned and placed a cup of steaming coffee before her. "No, not a circle,
more a linear path we just keep moving along."

She gripped her mug. "So
you're saying we never come back to the place where we were previously?"

His look was level. "There
may be a resemblance on the surface, but nothing is ever the same."

"Right. We're not two
hot-headed kids thinking we're in love. It isn't the same." Nervously,
Anna took a sip of her coffee, one teaspoon of sugar, black. He'd remembered.
Jerkily, she came to her feet. "I'm expecting a friend. If you don't mind,
I'll take a small container back with me to the house and leave you in
peace." She raised her cup. "Thanks for the coffee." She poured
a small amount of coffee crystals into a plastic container, covered it and then
turned to find Tyler blocking her way. Her heart pounded as she stared into his
eyes, surprised by the yearning that gripped her. She wanted to stop
remembering the way his arms used to hold her so tightly or the feel of his
mouth on hers. She swallowed, her glance darting to the door behind him.

"Annie," he said.
"You're welcome to anything in the house. You have to know that, so don't
ask."

"Anna," she corrected
huskily. Her fingers clenched on the plastic container and she placed her cup
of coffee on the counter. Impulsively, she reached out and gripped his hand.
"Thank you." Suddenly discomfited by her own impetuous action, she
moved back, but Tyler lightly gripped her hand.

His head dipped toward her, the
caring in his gaze stirring an emotional need she'd kept banked and hidden even
from herself. The tang of cinnamon seemed all around her, making desire curl as
tight as a fist in her stomach. His mouth touched her cheek and then the corner
of her mouth. Confused, she pulled back and blurted, "I thought―"
and she stopped.

"You thought what?"

"The other day in the car,
you backed off," she said tensely, feeling the heat move up her neck.
Suddenly it was incredibly important that she understand why he hadn't kissed
her.

His expression became guarded.
"Calling a halt was best for both of us. You were under stress and I was
disgusted with myself for taking advantage."

Some of that earlier hurt calmed,
slid away. "I thought it was this." Diffidently, she indicated her
cheek.

His expression showed surprise,
then a hint of anger. "Annie, whether you believe it or not, I don't see
that when I look at you. And neither will any man who cares about you."

Anna felt her jaw go slack, and a
trickle of hope touched her. What did she want, she wondered desperately? Did
she want to pick up where they left off, or just to feel whole again? Maybe it
was all wrapped up together.

As she stared into his eyes, she
had so many memories from their time together. Perhaps, she thought, a real
kiss would be anticlimactic, a disappointment. Surely the memories had grown
out of proportion with time.

Perhaps Tyler had the same
thoughts, because he bent his head and she lifted her face toward his. Their
lips met for the first time in six years. Heat struck deeply in her stomach, a
sharp sensation of pleasure mingled with pain. Anna lost herself, feeling as if
she were pulled back in time as she tasted his mouth. When he straightened, she
followed him, murmuring a soft protest.

Tyler's fingers lightly touched
her cheek and stiffly, Anna pulled back, looking anywhere but at Tyler, wishing
the sizzle his nearness produced would just go away. How could she have done
that. . . so completely lost herself―even for only a moment or so? She
felt as if she was struggling to breathe. She didn't want him to know that he
still had this power over her. Dammit, it wasn't fair. After all this time they
should have been through with each other.

"Hello? Anna?" Sara's
voice came from the hallway. She had forgotten Sara was on her way over, and
she'd neglected to tell her to come to the guesthouse.

"In the kitchen!" she
called, knowing her voice sounded strained, but there was no easy way to
describe her state of mind as she stepped back, still watching Tyler. She
smoothed her hands down over her shirt, running her tongue over her lips,
tasting the cinnamon again. A flash of emotion teased at her, and she wanted to
reach for him again, even knowing Sara was about to step into the kitchen.
Confused, Anna wondered what Tyler thought, but his face was blank.  Had this
been an experiment for him?

Sara breezed into the kitchen,
carrying two white paper bags. She stopped dead in her tracks, her long skirt
swirling around her slim legs, then she placed the bags on the closest counter
and hugged Anna, laughing as she pushed her wispy blond hair out of her eyes
and looked around at Tyler, one brow raised.

"Hello and good
morning." She looked back at Anna. "Aren't you going to introduce
us?"

Feeling as if her face was stiff,
Anna said, "Sara Whitehall, Tyler Stanton. Tyler's leasing the ranch for a
year. Sara is a good friend."

"Hello Sara," Tyler
said, looking up from the table to give Sara a smile as he gathered his papers.
Seeing the bemused look on her friend's face, Anna could imagine her reaction
to that smile. She'd felt it herself.

"Nice to meet you
Tyler," Sara said. "Anna mentioned she was thinking of leasing the
ranch but I've been away and missed everything. This happened quickly. You two
must have really clicked," she added, looking at Anna.

"You're right, everything
just fell into place," Anna said, her smile feeling stiff. "I forgot
to tell you I'm in the guest house now. I just stopped over to get some coffee,
so we can head back over there."

"Don't leave on my
account," Tyler protested, already heading out the door. He paused in the
open doorway. "Annie, will you have time later to meet me down at the
barns? I'd like to go over the plans I have."

She nodded, gratified that he
wanted to share his plans with her. "I think that's a good idea." She
looked at her watch. "I can get some unpacking done and meet you in the
barns by noon."

"It's a date, then." The
words seemed to fall naturally from his lips, but Anna knew better than to take
them literally. She couldn't seem to stop watching him.

Tyler lifted a hand. "See you
later. Nice meeting you Sara."

"Likewise," Sara murmured,
watching him leave.

The door closed behind Tyler and
Anna saw him pass the window on his way to the barn.

Sara hooked her arm with Anna's,
effectively drawing her attention away from the window. "He's seems a nice
guy," Sara remarked casually. "He does look like a cowboy from the
movies and he calls you Annie. Of course, the way you're watching him, like
he's your last drink of water in a desert makes me curious. I won't pursue that
if you don't want to talk―but I hope you will."

Anna wasn't surprised to see an
assessing look in her friend's eye. Sara had a knack for sizing people up,
though she'd once admitted to Anna that it was unfortunate that knack didn't
extend to her own relationships.

"First, tell me about the
promotion!" Anna sat down at the table.  "It's been a long time
coming, and you've certainly worked hard enough."

Sara reached for the bag she'd
brought.  "Let's dig into these mini bagels."  Sara quickly and
efficiently emptied the bag onto plates as Anna gathered silverware. "My
boss put in my name for the promotion, but there were a couple others up for
consideration."

"But you've been there the
longest, and you're the most devoted person to that women's shelter I've seen
there. My gosh, the hours alone should show your dedication."

Sara smiled. "You're such a
good friend. Actually, we each had some preliminary interviews for the
position, and I honestly didn't know I was going to get it until the very
end."

"So I bet they saw your warm
hearted, real concern for the women and that was the deciding factor." 
Anna spread cream cheese onto a blueberry bagel.

Sara laughed with amusement.
"Well, they tend to go more by the statistics, work reports, that kind of
thing." She held out her coffee cup as Anna filled it. "Actually, the
deciding factor was several of the women from the shelter, the regulars, got
together and put in a good word for me." She hesitated.  "They
actually kind of interrupted the last interview I was on."

"I knew it. They just love
you down there."

"Well, I have to tell you, it
really brought tears to my eyes, they were so sincere."

Anna grabbed her friend's hand.
"Well, I'm glad you got it. You're the right person to be in charge."

"What about you, Anna,"
Sara asked quietly, "how do you feel about not being in charge?"

Anna stared at her friend, her
uncertainty in her face.

"Come on, now," Sara
said gently, "it's your turn for updates. And I mean update me on
everything," she added meaningfully.

Anna told her what had occurred in
the last week. "As you might've guessed," she added hesitantly,
"Tyler and I knew each other years ago. He used to work for Martin."

"Boyfriend and
girlfriend?" Sara asked, eyes wide.

Restlessly, Anna moved over to the
sink and poured herself a glass of cold water. With her back to the counter, she
admitted, "It was a bit more intense than that. I thought he was the only
one for me. Of course, I was only nineteen, and that's how you tend to think at
nineteen. Tyler was twenty-one."

"Well, I did notice you could
have sliced the air it was so thick when I bopped in. I seem to have a knack
for making an entrance at the wrong time." Sara sighed, putting her chin
on her hand as she stared at her.

"Tyler left."

"And he broke your
heart," Sara said softly.

Anna didn't bother to deny Sara's
statement. How could she? It was the truth. "We hurt each other."

"Anna, how can you stand to
be around the man you once loved? To remember what you meant to each other? You
must be pretty desperate to even consider this."

Anna looked away. "Desperate
is the right word, but the lease will bide me some time, maybe even save the
ranch, but I'll admit I'm scared. What if this is a waste of time and I lose
the ranch anyway? I know Tyler wants this place. I'm not sure how far he'll go
to get it."

"Then you might be taking an awful
risk," Sara said, concerned. "Do you think he'll do something
underhanded?"

"No. He wouldn't do
that." There was no question in Anna's mind, but then she backpedaled.
"He couldn't have changed that much."

Sara leaned forward and said
urgently, "Then why are you worried? You've signed the lease and you're
locked in for a year. You're being given the chance to do the work you love.
Maybe it's on a bigger scale than you've been doing, but don't let fear
paralyze you. Take small steps and see how it goes."

"You don't understand,"
Anna said stubbornly.

 "I understand fear allows us
to go only so far. If you want your life back that might mean battling the
fear. If you want it bad enough, you work at it every day." Sara's face
broke into a smile. "If I had the chance to fix or go back to whatever you
and Tyler had before, I'd sure as heck reach for that opportunity with both
hands."

"It's not such a simple fix.
We can't just go back."

"Whatever you choose to do,
your life is changing, kiddo, and it's about time. Break out of that vacuum
you're in." She shook her head. "I've seen this so many times working
at the shelter. Women are hurt and they don't want to take that chance to
rebuild their lives, but you can't remain stagnant. You move beyond this and
get stronger, whether it's alone or with someone else by your side."

Anna gave her a skeptical glance.
"If I don't fall on my face."

Sara shook her arm in
exasperation. "How many times have you been thrown from a horse?" she
demanded.

"This year?" Anna asked,
puzzled.

"My point exactly. This year.
. . your entire life. . .too many times to count. It hasn't stopped you from
riding, has it?"

"Of course not."

"Don't let the fear of a fall
cripple you. Get back on and ride to win."

Anna had to smile over the
analogy. "Are we likening Tyler to a horse?"

Sara laughed and rolled her eyes.
"I'm not touching that one."

Long after Sara had left, Anna mulled over her friend's
words. She longed for some kind of normalcy, and perhaps a healing. She knew
that only by healing could she make her life her own again, but surely Sara was
oversimplifying things. It couldn't be as easy as picking up her life where
she'd left it before the fire. She doubted that even with the passage of time all
the hurts could be overcome.