Authors: Maddy Edwards
After our food came (with a huge bright smile and a “let me know if you need anything else at all” from Olivia) I thought it was about time I asked Holt some more questions. Personal questions.
“So how do you know Casey and Susan?” I was referring to the two girls I always saw him with, girls he clearly wasn’t related to, who stayed at his house. I expected him to look relieved that I wasn’t bringing up last night -- a subject which he had avoided all evening -- but instead he took my question at face value.
“Our parents are old friends, basically. I have two younger brothers and a younger sister who’s away at camp this summer, but she dates Casey’s younger brother so our families see a lot of each other.”
“How do you feel about your sister dating?” I asked, amused at the thought of him as an older brother. I didn’t have an older brother, but I heard they were usually overprotective and hated the guys their sisters dated.
“I told her she wasn’t allowed to hold hands until she was eighteen, but I’m pretty sure she ignores what I tell her,” he said, grinning.
“Yeah, telling people what to do is tricky,” I said, my second not so subtle reference to last night.
“He’s good to her, though,” said Holt. “I don’t think she would tolerate anything less.”
“What about your brothers?” I asked.
“They’re in Castleton for the summer. You’ll meet them when you come to the Solstice Party.” He mentioned my coming to the Solstice Party so casually that I almost missed it.
“But I’m not from Castleton and Carley said she wasn’t sure about just bringing people,” I stammered. He hadn’t officially invited me. Instead he had just assumed I was coming. I was completely excited and flattered, but also worried that he had made a mistake and had only said I was coming because he had assumed Carley was bringing me, not because he actually wanted me there.
He waved my comment off.
“I told my mom to send an invitation for you to Carley’s house. It should get there in a couple of days. Of course you’re invited,” he said, giving me a big smile. “It wouldn’t be any fun without you.”
I blushed. Against my leg I felt a vibration and realized that I’d never turned off my phone. I ignored it, but it vibrated again and Holt heard it.
“Aren’t you at least going to see who it is?” he asked, raising his eyebrows.
“I probably should,” I said reluctantly. I had more questions for Holt and I didn’t want to get sidetracked.
I checked the caller ID and felt my stomach twist. It was my mother. We hadn’t talked much since I’d gotten to Carley’s. I had wanted to give her and my dad some alone time and I realized now that I’d been really busy with everything going on in Castleton.
“It’s my mom,” I told Holt. “If I don’t answer she’ll probably be mad or think that something unspeakably awful has happened to me.” Rolling my eyes, I excused myself.
“Hi, Mom,” I said, having made my way to the entryway of the restaurant.
“Hi honey,” my mom bubbled out. I knew instantly that something was wrong. When she was too chipper she’d usually just had a fight with my dad.
“How is everything there? Did you find a job? Are you being helpful to Carley to thank her parents for having you?” my mom asked. Already she’d started.
“I’m working with Carley at the coffee shop and yes, I guess so,” I said, grudgingly. I avoided the question about Carley’s parents.
“That’s great,” she said. “Your father and I might come to visit at some point. We miss you here.”
“You might come?” I asked. “When?”
“Oh, not ‘til later in the summer,” she said. “But we miss you.”
“I miss you and Dad too,” I said. Talking to my mom always made me homesick. Even though home would have been boring this summer.
“I hope you’re staying out of trouble. Not taking up with any boys or anything. You’re a bit too young,” said my mom worriedly.
“Mom, I’m sixteen,” I groaned. She was never going to let me grow up. “But no, no boys.” Technically it was true.
“I know, but your dad and I think….” She didn’t get to finish that, because I cut her off with, “Mom, you and dad worry about your own problems. I’m fine here.”
There was silence on the other end of the line for so long that I thought she’d hung up, but she only said, “Alright, well, I should probably let you go. I’ll talk to you soon.”
I said the same. Mom was just too busy and too stressed about dad to understand what was going on with me. Sometimes I felt like she treated me as if I was still in elementary school or something.
After we hung up I went back to my seat and apologized to Holt.
“Is everything alright?” he asked, frowning.
“Just great,” I muttered. Realizing that I really didn’t want to talk about it, Holt changed the subject.
The rest of the dinner was a lot of fun. We chatted about movies and music, and it turned out that he knew a lot more about filmmaking than I did. I asked him how and he just shrugged, saying he’d picked it up here and there.
My apprehensions about everything odd that was happening evaporated as I got lost in the conversation. We were interrupted only by Olivia, who was the most attentive waitress ever. She was always within view and always smiling. The flowers never left her apron.
When we were both finished with our food, I was full and happy. “That was really good,” I said, rubbing my tummy.
We were just getting up to leave when a blast of cold air whooshed over my neck. It was a familiar kind of cold. I looked to the door. Coming in were Samuel and four other guys, none of whom I recognized, but they looked a lot like Samuel. Maybe more cousins, with dark hair and thin strong builds. I felt Holt tense next to me.
Ignoring Holt, I gave Samuel a wave. Idiot, I thought to myself. He’d rather pretend he doesn’t know me. I wish I could shake the feeling that I was attracted to him. He wasn’t even nice. As usual he didn’t smile back, but since there was no avoiding each other we met in the middle of the restaurant. I could see anger flashing in his eyes. I could tell that underneath the cool exterior, Samuel had a temper.
“Holt, how are you?” asked one of the guys. He had bright blue eyes and a lip ring.
“Good,” said Holt. He still stood casually, but I had the feeling he was bracing for an attack.
Samuel made no move to introduce us to his friends.
“Are you? Do you want to stay that way?” asked Lip Ring. It was an obvious threat and right now it was five against one.
“Hey,” said Samuel, putting a hand on Lip Ring’s shoulder. “Not now.” He looked meaningfully at me. Lip Ring seemed to notice me for the first time; he gave the tiniest of starts. The other three guys shifted uncomfortably, but they were waiting for Samuel to give them some direction on what to do next.
“Autumn, it’s nice to see you again today. How are you?” Was I crazy or had Samuel thrown the word “again” in Holt’s face?
“I’m good,” I said. I shifted from one foot to the other. Once again I could tell there was something going on here, some old feud, that I knew nothing about. Castleton was definitely more exciting than home.
“We should get to our dinner,” said Samuel. He had noticed that he was making me uncomfortable. His cousins were the ones, after all, that had chased after me the night before. And now here we were, surrounded by more of them.
“Yeah, sure,” I said. I knew I had to get Holt out of the situation, so I said, “Have a good night.” I almost had to push Holt away from the group.
“Let’s go,” I hissed. His face, which had been tight a second ago, relaxed a fraction. Without looking back, he led me out of the restaurant.
I wanted to ask him what had just happened, but he looked too angry. Instead I sat in the front seat and seethed. I was tired of not knowing what was going on. When we got back to Carley’s, Nick’s car wasn’t in the driveway as I had expected it to be, but there was an upstairs light on, which meant Carley was still awake. The rain had gone from a downpour to a light drizzle and I was able to get to the porch without getting drenched. Holt followed me, looking uneasy.
“I suppose you aren’t going to tell me what that was about either?” I asked reproachfully. I stood on the porch with my arms crossed against the cold.
“You don’t like it when guys fight over you?” Holt was trying for lightness.
“I like it when I know what’s going on,” I said. “Goodnight.” I started to turn around in a huff.
“Look, Autumn, I’m sorry, but it might be better if I didn’t see you for a little while. Just until things cool down.”
That stopped me in my tracks.
“I’m sorry,” he said. His head hung low and his shoulders hunched forward. I felt like I had been struck in the face. I stared mutely at him for a minute, then nodded and went inside. It was too much for one night, seeing Samuel, my mom calling, Holt giving flowers to the waitress and then another almost fight. I couldn’t control my parents, or know what was going on with them, but I wished I could at least control stuff in my own life. Something was wrong and now Holt didn’t want to see me. I went to bed feeling like I’d been punched in the stomach.
The next week passed in a blur. I went to work, I hung out with Carley and Nick, and I tried to sleep. The only problem was that sleep was harder and harder to come by. I would lie awake in bed for hours thinking about what Holt had said to me. His face saying over and over that he could no longer see me loomed large in my mind.
I wondered if he hated me. I’d go to work hoping that he’d come in and get another coffee, but he never did. When I saw Samuel, he always gave me an assessing glance, like he was trying to figure out how I was doing. Normally it would have annoyed me, but I was too sad about Holt.
At one point my mom called and told me that she and my dad still hadn’t figured out if they were going to divorce, and we got into an argument. It only made everything worse. Carley would ask me what was wrong and why I wasn’t seeing Holt, but I didn’t want to tell her, so I’d just blow off her questions.
I ended up going to work and spending the rest of my time at home watching TV. After the fourth night of doing that I decided that I had to get out of the house. It was almost dark, but I really wanted to take a walk. Part of the reason I hadn’t wanted to go outside was because of Lydia and Leslie, but if Holt didn’t want to have anything to do with me any more then there was no way they were going to come around and threaten me. They’d already gotten what they wanted.
I unstuck myself from the couch, grabbed my black jacket against the night chill, and banged out the front door. I’d thought as the days went on that I’d start to feel better, that the pain I felt whenever my mind had a free moment would start to subside. But it hadn’t happened. Instead, I’d been upset and miserable for days now. It was starting to strain my relationship with Carley, because she was so sick of me moping around the house. I was sure getting some fresh air would help.
Outside, I made a game of kicking every rock I passed, watching it skid along the dirt and disappear into the warm green grass. I wanted to call Holt, or just go over to the Roths’. It was torture seeing their house so close. Every time I passed I worried that I would see him. I fantasized that he would be coming out of the house just as I was going to work and he’d see me and realize his mistake.
Fat chance. Instead, every time I passed I made every effort to stay hidden. I looked like crap anyway, and seriously, if he saw me he’d probably just smile, nod, and give me a sympathetic look.
I wanted to talk to him, but since he had asked for his space I didn’t know what to say. My calling him wasn’t exactly giving him space. I knew he said that it was for my own good, but I couldn’t help but think I’d felt better before he’d told me he didn’t want to see me, not after, so how it was for my own good was beyond me.
I was so absorbed in kicking rocks and feeling sorry for myself that I didn’t really pay attention to where I was going. By the time I looked up and looked around I was still on a dirt road, but I was now surrounded by woods. I looked over my shoulder, back the way I had come, and couldn’t remember what turns I had taken. Looking ahead I saw just more woods and dirt and the darkness was thickening.
Without thinking about it I decided to keep going forward. I had to reach signs of Castleton eventually, and I wasn’t tired yet. Besides, no one was at home to miss me.
Carley had told me about the roads around Castleton, but I guess I hadn’t really been listening, because at that moment I couldn’t remember anything she had said. I looked around for any road signs or landmarks I might recognize, but the further I got down the road the more I had to admit to myself that I had no idea where I was.
I was also getting tired, and now it was just plain dark out here. I hadn’t even brought a flashlight. I realized now that I didn’t have my phone either. I hadn’t wanted to be tempted to text Holt, and I knew that if I had it with me I’d be looking at it every two seconds to see if he had texted me. Tears formed in the corners of my eyes. This was yet another thing I had to deal with, and I didn’t feel like I had the energy. Worse, I had brought it on myself. I could have just stayed at home, comfortable and warm on the couch.
The one thing I did know was that the smell of salt water was getting stronger, which meant that I was walking towards, or along, the ocean. Maybe if I got to the water I would be able to tell where I was. This was a state of lighthouses and I knew there was one in Castleton. If I walked towards it, maybe I could get to a bigger road, perhaps even one that was paved.