“What is this room?” Henry frowned.
“Come inside. We can be alone here.” Richard looked around and saw no one giving them any particular notice. Henry stepped in ahead of him with a wary look. Richard closed the door, turned the lock, and grabbed a nearby chair to prop under the handle.
“Is that necessary?” Henry choked out.
“Just to be safe,” Richard assured him. The room was dimly lit from a series of high, narrow windows obviously intended for ventilation purposes at best. It was perfect. No one would see them that way either.
“I’m not wearing the watch you sent me,” Henry said suddenly, his chin firmly in the air. “It was…entirely inappropriate.”
“Inappropriate? Are you describing the gift or what happened on the date I had inscribed inside? Both are quite inappropriate.” Richard was smiling now. There was something about being alone with Henry that brought out the devil in him.
“That’s not the same thing at all.” Henry insisted. “I…I shouldn’t have…”
“You shouldn’t have spent the night with me?” Richard felt his lungs shrink. “Do you regret being with me?”
“No!” Henry gasped, coming toward him. “No, I just can’t continue. Please, I’ve explained to you already. My cousin can’t be allowed to… ” He turned away and ran his fingers through his hair. He stopped in front of the tall bureau that usually housed some of the breeding books and leaned his hands on the desk top.
The misery and indecision in Henry’s face was too much for him to conceal. Richard could see it, and not just because it was what he wanted to see. He lost not a moment. He crossed the room and wrapped his arms around Henry’s waist from behind.
“No, don’t!” Henry objected, but his resistance did not go further than grabbing one of Richard’s hands. The contact seemed to send a shudder through Henry’s body, which Richard pulled against him greedily.
“You aren’t wearing the gift I sent you,” Richard whispered against Henry’s ear, his breath sending more shivers down Henry’s spine. “But you didn’t return it. I knew you wouldn’t.”
“I just haven’t bothered to do it yet. That’s all,” Henry replied. His voice shook so badly that even he must have cringed at how insincere he sounded. Richard rejoiced in it. He tightened his hold, pulling Henry against him until he could feel his every contour, then pressed his lips to the space just behind Henry’s ear.
“Stop,” Henry pleaded. “I can’t do this. I…I have to marry.”
Richard began mixing nibbling kisses with gentle sucks on Henry’s overheated skin. Richard would not respond to the talk of marriage anymore. He would not dignify it with a response. Henry’s grip on his wrist tightened, but Henry made no move to shove his hand away, nor pull away from his embrace. Henry’s breathing was growing ragged.
“Richard.” Henry sighed and leaned his head back onto Richard’s shoulder. “Damn it…”
Yes.
Whatever will Henry had to resist appeared to shatter. He rolled his head back and to the side, giving Richard free access to the flesh above his collar. Richard cursed the fashion for high cravats as he sucked Henry’s earlobe and teased it between his teeth. He ran his free hand under Henry’s waistcoat and caressed him through the thin linen of his shirt, marveling at how warm he was. Henry gripped his hand tighter.
“I want to,” Henry sighed. “I
do
. I’m sorry.”
“Shh…” Richard breathed in his ear. Talking was the reason he had wanted Henry alone, but now that he had him in his arms, talking was the last thing he wanted to do. In a way, holding him said more than words could. Richard could repeat everything he had already said at the Glennbury ball to no effect, but touching Henry spoke much more. As Richard moved his lips farther over Henry’s throat, inching his cravat down as far as he dared, he prayed for Henry to realize that he could not live without this, that he was fooling himself. If he married, it would only be a matter of time before his longings made him weak and he eventually submitted, and then he would hate himself for an adulterer. And Richard would hate himself too, for he knew without a doubt that
he
would be the other half of that affair.
Henry tried to turn around in Richard’s arms, but Richard held him tight and pushed him closer to the bureau. There was no way Henry couldn’t feel Richard’s hardness against him. Henry moaned and pushed back so subtly Richard wondered if he was aware of what he was doing.
“Watching you find release was one of the most beautiful things I’ve ever seen,” Richard whispered suddenly. “I want to see it again.” He slid his hand down from under Henry’s waistcoat until he covered the hard erection pressing against Henry’s trousers and fumbled with the buttons.
“No,” Henry said weakly. “We can’t do that. Not here.”
“Yes, here,” Richard growled, holding him tight. “But not
that
, you’re right. I’m willing to accept a half measure.”
Henry groaned in defeat, a sound that was almost painful, but Richard felt no remorse. He worked the buttons away and released his own anguished groan when Henry’s hot, hard flesh fell into his hand. Richard raised the hand that Henry still held and wrapped it tight around Henry’s chest, pulling him more firmly against him as he made slow, testing strokes.
“Ah!” Henry squeezed his hand like a vise. “Dear God, stop, Richard. Please. We shouldn’t be doing this here. This is insane!”
“Shh,” Richard crooned in his ear. He ran his thumb over the bead of moisture escaping Henry’s tip. “We don’t want anyone to hear us. It’s a pity too, because I love hearing it.”
“I loved hearing you,” Henry admitted. The unintentional burst of honesty, for that was what it was, made Henry cringe and try to pull away, but Richard refused. He held Henry fast, holding him closer to the bureau until he was caged there between the table pressing into his thighs and Richard cradling his body from behind. Henry’s resistance faded as quickly as it came, melting under the persistent attention of Richard’s lips and skilled fingers.
It did not take long before Richard could see that Henry was lost. He was leaning full against Richard now, his head rolling against Richard’s shoulder in tense ecstasy as his strokes grew firmer and faster. Minutes passed to the sound of Henry’s labored breathing and Richard’s deep, soft whispers. The sense of impending triumph only made Richard’s unattended desire more painful, but he ignored it to focus everything on Henry.
“That’s it. Let it happen,” Richard growled. “I want you so badly, Henry.” The trembles running up and down Henry’s body told that he was close, so painfully close. Richard knew those trembles, for he had relived them over and over again for more than a week. He had thought of nothing else!
“Richard!” Henry cried. “Ah, yes, please. Please, love!”
Love…
Richard groaned deep in his throat and released Henry just enough to turn his head. Richard smashed his lips against Henry’s. Henry opened instantly to his exploring tongue. Richard felt the final tremble as Henry’s whole body stiffened and he cried out, the moan lost against Richard’s mouth. Warm seed spilled into Richard’s hand and ran down over his fingers.
“So beautiful.” Richard breathed against Henry’s lips. They were both perfectly still, holding on to each other with grips so hard they were bound to leave bruises. Henry’s eyes were closed, and his head still rested against Richard’s shoulder.
“Don’t fall asleep on me,” Richard said with a laugh.
Henry made a weak smile and nodded. After a few more seconds of haze, as Richard waited for his unquenched excitement to come down, he released Henry’s hand and fished in his coat pocket for his handkerchief. He cleaned the evidence of their deed from his hand and Henry’s still-sensitive member.
Henry sucked in a breath, then laughed.
“Sorry.” Richard smiled.
“At least it isn’t cold water,” Henry offered sheepishly.
“Don’t worry.” Richard kissed Henry’s cheek, then both his drooping eyelids. “Next time I will make certain to have plenty of hot water available.”
Henry said nothing, which Richard took as further proof of his triumph. No protests, no declarations that there would be no
next time
. Richard had known he would succeed, for such was the tendency of his self-confidence, yet he had not thought it could feel this good. His chest ached as he breathed, and he could feel a mounting pressure behind his eyes, threatening to burst forth and humiliate him. He kissed Henry once more, tenderly on the lips, before he forced himself to finally draw back so they could right their clothes.
Henry put himself back together quickly, his eyes shifting to and from Richard in a way that Richard found endearingly bashful. He grinned and brushed the backs of his fingers under Henry’s jaw.
“We will have to be sure to make love during the day,” Richard said with a grin. “That look shouldn’t be wasted in the dark.”
Henry’s eyes widened. Richard had not meant to say “making love,” but now that he had, he felt no desire to retract it. It was true. In a way, it had been true even that first night, even before they knew a thing about each other. They still knew little about each other, it could be argued, but Richard could feel that growing strain in his chest and somehow instinctively knew what it was. He loved Henry. He was in love with him.
And Henry had called him
love.
“Sir William will be looking for me,” Henry whispered, his eyes shifting to the door.
Of course. Yes
. Richard cursed himself and quickly smoothed his coat and waistcoat, which had been wrinkled against Henry’s back. Now that the urgency had fallen away, Richard was rather shocked with himself. He was always very careful, very circumspect. Tattersalls, of all places! He was more experienced and thus better able to handle risk. He could only imagine how on edge Henry must be.
“I’m sorry, but you…” Richard grinned devilishly. “You tempt me enough to make me unwise.”
Henry bit his lip, his cheeks flaming. His expression was hard to read, and he had not moved from the center of the room. Richard joined him once more and placed a hand under his jaw. He kissed Henry slowly, marveling at how Henry let his jaw and lips go soft under the attention.
Richard drew back, keeping Henry’s jaw cupped in his hands. “I’ll go out first and close the door. If Sir William is looking for you, I’ll tell him you had to use the necessary to stall him for a minute or two before you come out.”
Henry nodded.
Richard released a long, joyous sigh and smiled again. He could not keep from smiling. He felt like a man who had just inherited his fortune, won straight hands at cards, and watched his horse win the triple races all at once.
Mine.
“I’ll send a note around later,” Richard continued as he neared the door. “We can go to White’s and then leave together. I have a smaller house near Kensington that is empty except for a day maid who comes a few times a week to keep the place up.”
Henry swallowed visibly, his face falling. “No. I… Damn it, I promised to play escort to a dinner and concert this evening.”
Richard frowned too, but it was already past four. Far too late to cry off without being unbearably rude and putting the young ladies out. “The day after, then. Ah, dash it all! I have agreed to sit at the head of my aunt’s table for her annual dinner and card party that night. Friday, then. Yes. I’ll send a note over.”
Henry nodded mutely, his gaze shifting to the door again. Richard could see he was growing anxious, which was understandable. Sir William might very well be getting huffy at being abandoned.
Richard touched the door handle but turned back on a sudden thought. “And don’t worry about Anne. She’s very dutiful, but there aren’t any tender feelings involved, so she won’t really be hurt. Perhaps disappointed, but I think that will wear off when Mr. Cayson comes up to scratch. I think the boy loves her.”
Henry nodded again, a strained smile marring his worried features.
“We’ll talk about it when we see each other.” Richard smiled once more, resisting the urge to take one last kiss, and finally slipped out into the corridor. He stopped just outside the door and consulted his watch, a practiced tactic for looking guileless in any situation. He walked into the subscription room, and sure enough, Sir William spotted him and came over with a frown on his face.
“I say, Lord Richard, have you seen Brenleigh about? Wouldn’t want him to miss the auction. It’s about to start.”
“He should appear any minute. Nature’s demands and all.”
“Ah.” Sir William nodded and began thumbing through the auction program in his hand.
“Well, I would love to stay for the auction myself, but I’m afraid I have other engagements,” Richard said, shrugging his shoulder. He made a quick farewell of Sir William, bidding him to make his farewells to Henry when he saw him, and less than ten minutes later was already mounted on his gelding, Phoenix, and riding lazily into the more picturesque areas of the park.
It was a bright, glorious day that made one want to breathe deep and feel the sheer joy of being alive. And it had not a damn thing to do with the weather.
* * * *
It was just after midnight later that evening when Henry descended the limestone steps of Avery House. The evening had passed by in a fuzzy, boring blur, his words and motions feeling like the automatic actions of one of those Swiss mechanical dolls. It was not that he had been distracted or worried or…anything. He had just felt numb, and it was the way he felt now too. Numb. Somewhere in the back of his mind, a conscious, logical voice told him that this was good. Feeling nothing was better than feeling pain, and if the numbness went away eventually and the pain came…well…it would be too late then to do anything about it, and pain was always easier to take when its cause couldn’t be changed.
Isn’t that so?
Had he not read that somewhere once? It did not matter now. He had done it.
He snorted dismissively, for he had had more than his usual complement of port and champagne that evening. All the better to help the numbness along. As he had been preparing to leave Avery House, Culfrey had laughed and patted him on the back, saying that any man in his position would have needed some distilled assistance with the evening. Keeping that in mind, and the fact that the numbness was beginning to wear off, Henry climbed into his waiting carriage and went straight for the little cupboard under the forward seat to grab the glass and brandy decanter that the late Earl of Brenleigh had always kept there. He was going to need all the help he could get now, after what he had just done.