Authors: Derek Haines
‘Exactly Bonnie. She really did make me feel very uncomfortable.’
‘Me too. She must’ve smelled bloody awful!’ he laughed.
‘Oh dear. That must’ve been the problem and we didn’t understand what our little noses were telling us.’
‘Well, they were both a bit on the nose weren’t they?’ he laughed again and had to hold his chest as his laughter brought on a little pain.
‘Oh Bonnie, you do make me laugh, she said as she joined in the laughter and put her other hand on Bonnie’s. Their laughter slowly diminishing and being replaced by simple smiles that told more than words ever could. Their silence, their smiles and their eyes communicating what they felt.
‘Oh hello you two,’ Odele said cheerfully as she almost bounded into the room. ‘Just wanted to make sure your tummy hasn’t reacted badly to the tablets Bonnie.’
‘No problem as far as I know.’
‘Good. I’ll check again later, ok?’
‘Thanks.’
‘Oh, by the way, probably best you wait ‘til tomorrow for a smoke. Let your tummy settle and get used to the medication.’
‘Alright boss.’
‘Ok, see you after dinner,’ Odele said and seemed to skip out of the room.
‘Happy little soul,’ Madeleine said after Odele had left.
‘Maybe she’s had her hand in the medical cabinet and found the happy pills.’
‘You never know Bonnie.’
‘Look, I’ve been told to have dinner in my room tonight, so I won’t be able to make it…….’
‘Oh don’t worry about that Bonnie.’
‘Well, it was just that I would’ve like to have caught up with Nancy and maybe Danny, you know.’
‘Nancy? Oh yes. Angeline. Well, I’m sure she won’t mind.’
‘Any word on Danny?’
‘Sorry Bonnie, I haven’t heard anything. Do you want me to….’
‘No, don’t worry about it. I’ll go and see him in the morning.’
‘Look, I didn’t order my dinner for my room tonight, but would you like me to come by after dinner and we can watch some TV together perhaps.’
‘Yes, I’d like that. I think there’s a rugby match on.’
‘Oh dear Bonnie, how romantic?’ she smiled.
‘Well, I’d swap it for a Clark Gable movie anytime.’
Madeleine smiled knowing exactly what Bonnie was saying, but then wondered how he could remember what she’d said about Clark Gable. He was asleep when she’d told him. She stood up and readied to leave, but hesitated. Without saying a word, she leant over and kissed Bonnie on his forehead.
*****
Madeleine passed through the dining room doors to find only one other person seated for dinner.
‘Oh, good evening Madeleine,’ Charlie said as he stood from his chair. ‘Would you care to join me?’
‘Thank you Charlie,’ she said wishing there was a choice as she headed to his table. ‘But I don’t want to intrude if you are waiting for your daughter.’
‘Unfortunately Beatrice had to rush back to work this afternoon. Some kind of diplomatic emergency I believe.’
‘Oh I am sorry,’ Madeleine said, but really wanted to say more.
‘Well it was nice of her to come all this way to see me, what with her job and all.’
‘Yes, I recall her telling me how busy she is with her job. Deputy Prime Minister’s office, wasn’t it?’
‘That’s right. She started her career as an intern with a parliamentarian. Can’t remember his name, but anyway, from there she worked her way up the ladder so to speak.’
‘So is she heading to the Prime Minister’s office?’
‘Without a doubt, I’m sure. Beatrice is a very determined woman and she was the same as a child. Would never let anything beat her.’
‘Is she married?’
‘No, she’s never really had time I suppose. When she was a teenager she had a boy or two that seemed quite keen, but she always had something more important on her mind I suppose and tended to shoo them away.’
‘Well, she’s still young so she has time.’
‘She turned thirty-six last March, so she’ll need to hurry up,’ Charlie said.
‘Oh she’s got plenty of time.’
‘I suppose so. But she’s so focused on her job, I don’t think she has time to look.’
‘But she has friends down south I’m sure, so she still might meet someone.’
‘Oh yes, a quite few I believe. In fact she came up with a friend for a few days last Christmas. Isabelle. Charming girl. They’ve been very good friends for a long time now and share a house somewhere near where Beatrice works. I think they met through work or something Beatrice said.’
‘Must help pay the rent. I know it’s very expensive down there,’ Madeleine said while she wondered if Charlie had any notion that his daughter may be lesbian.
‘Yes, it’s frightfully expensive. But I believe they’ve actually bought the house together, which I think might turn into a financial problem when one of them decides to get married and move.’
‘I’m sure they’ve agreed on something,’ she said, and was now convinced about his daughter and that Charlie had no idea.
‘Chicken?’
‘Yes, for me thank you,’ Madeleine said as their dinner was served.
‘Looks delicious,’ Charlie said.’
‘Well, bon appétit.’
They ate their meals in silence for some minutes before Madeleine could hold her thoughts no longer.
‘If you don’t mind me saying Charlie, I think Beatrice uses her work as an excuse to hide her fears.’
‘Her fears? Of what?’
‘Well, to start with, of losing her father,’ she said and held his stare.
‘Oh I don’t think…….’
‘She loves you Charlie.’
‘Well, I’ve never been one to, I don’t know, well, discuss things like that.’
‘But you’re all she has left.’
‘I don’t think Beatrice thinks along those lines at all.’
‘Are you so blind Charlie. Really?’
‘She’s a strong woman and very independent. That’s something my wife and I instilled in her from a young age and right through her education, so I don’t believe she has any fears at all.’
‘I’m not sure she shares your stiff upper lip Charlie. I mean, I only met her once, but while her words sounded strong, I really felt, ….. well, I suppose it’s none of my business.’
‘I must admit, the food is very good here, what,’ he said. Clearly closing the door.
*****
‘Who’s winning?’
‘Don’t know, I’m watching a Clark Gable movie,’ Bonnie said as Madeleine appeared at his door.
‘Oh goodie,’ she smiled and moved to sit next to Bonnie, then looked up at the TV. ‘Oh Bonnie,’ she laughed as she saw he was watching a rugby match.
‘Well, I tried every other channel and couldn’t find a Clark Gable movie so I settled for second best. At least I don’t need to stick the headphones in my ears for a rugby match. Anyway, how was your dinner?’
‘Dear me Bonnie, it was, well, illuminating.’
‘What, the chicken or the pork?’
‘No silly, it was the company I had. Guess.’
‘Charlie and Beatrice?’
‘Half right. Just Charlie.’
‘So what happened to Beatrice then?’
‘Little Miss Busy Busy had to rush back to work for some emergency.’
‘Yeah, I bet.’
‘We shouldn’t be too harsh Bonnie. She might’ve just found the situation difficult to handle or maybe it was just her way of saying goodbye to her father. You know what I mean. She could give him a big hug and they could both say goodbye.’
‘Your probably right. Why hang around to the bitter end?’
‘Everyone is different Bonnie.’
‘Yep. So how’s Charlie?’
‘Oh he seems happy enough and so proud of his daughter.’
‘Well, it’s a father’s prerogative.’
‘Yes, I suppose it is but he is so distant from her and seems to see her as some kind of achievement. I really think she hides a lot of sadness and fear with her bravado.’
‘She sounded pretty cocky to me.’
‘Yes, but deep down I think she’s missed affection from her father. Especially as she’s has lost her mother too. I mean, every kid needs to know they’re loved by their parents.’
‘Do you have children?’
‘No Bonnie.’
‘By choice?’
‘No. It was just my luck of the draw I suppose.’
‘I’m sorry.’
‘Oh don’t be Bonnie. Life’s just like that. I’ve always been one to accept what you’re given.’
‘But you must’ve gone through a tough patch at the time.’
‘Yes. Especially after Yves died. I lost hope I guess and went through a long period or wishing and regret. Then when I remarried, well I was in my mid-thirties and well……’
‘I remember the time after Colin died, I wished, in a silly way I suppose, that we could’ve had another child but like you, it was a little late and it didn’t work out.’
‘As you get older, you accept I think. But it’s difficult at the time. Anyway, too late for regrets Bonnie,’ Madeleine said as if she suddenly changed gears. ‘What’s the score?’
‘Nine-three at half time. The second half’ll be starting in a minute.’
‘Well, let’s get comfortable then,’ she said as she moved a little closer and wrapped her hands around Bonnie’s. ‘By the way, who’s playing?’
‘Um, Norths and Easts.’
‘I’m going for Easts,’ she said.
‘Well, I’ll just have to go for Norths then,’ he replied with a smile. ‘And Madeleine?’
‘Yes?’
‘You smell good.’
Madeleine blushed a little and squeezed Bonnie’s hand just a little more. Silence followed as they both absorbed what the last two days had brought and although the TV showed the crowd cheering as the two teams came back on the field for the second half, neither of them noticed – or cared.
Just up the hall from Bonnie’s room there was also a silence. Danny’s mother sat alone at his bedside holding her son’s hand.
Day Four
Clouds greeted Bonnie as we woke. Rushing past his window driven angrily by the wind. He’d had a dreamless night courtesy of the injection he’s received after Madeleine had kissed him goodnight and he now lay waiting for enough energy to rise from his pillow. Thinking about Madeleine and trying to make sense of his feelings. What she had said about Beatrice and her bravado and cocky nature reminded him of his own attitude, as it was what he had used for most of his life to cover up his fears and lack of love. Something he had never felt from his own parents and then, only for a very brief time from Carol. He wondered if he had loved Colin enough for him to have known.
The rattling sound of the breakfast trolley and whispered voices in the hall signalled that a new day was beginning. He was happy to know he had made it to another day. ‘Days or a couple of weeks,’ echoed in his head.
‘Good morning Bonnie,’ Paul said cheerfully as he entered carrying a breakfast tray for Bonnie.
‘Yes, it is a good morning Paul.’
‘Would you like me to prop your pillows up?’ he asked after placing the tray on the bed table.
‘Yes, thanks.’
Paul lifted Bonnie and rearranged the pillows so Bonnie was almost sitting upright then wheeled the table into position.
‘Ok?’
‘Yes, that’s fine.’
‘Enjoy your breakfast then,’ Paul said as he left.
Bonnie lifted the lid from his breakfast tray and surveyed his choices. Deciding on a little toast with jam and coffee. He’d never been a big breakfast eater, so had no appetite for the yoghurt, fruit or cereal that was on offer. After he’d finished half a slice of toast, he held his coffee to his mouth, blew a little to cool it, took a sip and savoured the taste. As he did, he saw a bed trolley pass slowly in front of his door. A white sheet covering its full length and then the blue of the orderly’s tunic as he pushed the trolley past the door and then from Bonnie’s view.
He blew again on his coffee and took another slow sip. And another as he stared at his doorway and the empty hall outside and then waited as he erased what he had just seen from his mind. Another sip. Slowly, he turned his attention from the door to his window on his right. The clouds still rushing past and allowing a glint of sunlight to bounce from his wet terrace from time to time. Another sip. Two birds flashed past as the trees in the distance danced on the wind. Another sip. The two birds flashing by again but from the opposite direction. Bonnie took the last mouthful of his coffee, set the cup on his tray, then pushed his table away to his left. Turning his body slowly, he forced his legs from his bed and with the help of the hand grip hanging from above his bed, he finally sat on the side of his bed. He grabbed for his gown and slid his arms into the sleeves. He ran a hand over his head and pushed back his wisps of white hair. Steadying himself by holding onto his bedside cabinet, he made the two steps he needed to pull his wheelchair closer, then plopped down into it. He tied the cord of his gown around his waist then wheeled over towards his bathroom.
He took a pee, ignoring the colour, then wheeled himself out, stopping at the chest of drawers to pocket his cigarettes then towards the door to his terrace. As he slid open the glass door, he felt the wind that had been driving the clouds. Once out, he took a cigarette then cupped the lighter in his hands to shelter it from the wind. On his fourth attempt his cigarette glowed red, and the first puffs of smoke entered his lungs, with the normal welcoming cough. He waited for it to pass and then enjoyed his second quieter puff. The wind was rushing past his face but he enjoyed the freshness that it brought. He wheeled out towards the path and stopped when the road and the gates came into view. He was not surprised to see the long grey shadow of Jacobs & Sons making its way along the driveway towards the building. He took another puff as it slowly approached. He watched it until it disappeared from his view behind the side of the building on its way to the entrance. Another puff of his cigarette and the burning taste told him it was the last puff. Having forgotten to take his little ashtray, he flicked the butt onto the grass and in clear view for the cleaners to find. ‘Bugger ‘em,’ he muttered as it landed.
He turned back towards the shelter of his terrace and even though the wind was strong, he decided to stay. Looking up, he saw the spider at work, repairing the damage to its web the wind had done. He lit another cigarette and moved his thoughts to meeting Madeleine for coffee later in the morning, once the nurses had attended to their bathing, showering and medicating of their patients. Well, at least the ones who were still breathing.