One-Man Band (2 page)

“MY TOE IS WRONG! MY TOE IS WRONG! 911! 911!” I yelled.

Mother hurried outside and took off my shoe and sock. She looked at my toe.

“OW OW OW!” I yelled again.

Mother hugged me. “What in the world did you
do
to hurt it so badly?” she asked.
“Did you trip over a rock or something?”

I did a gulp.

’Cause maybe I shouldn't mention that I kicked her can, possibly.

Mother waited for me to answer.

Then, very slow, her eyes glanced over to her cow.

He had a giant dent in his head.

Also, his nose did not look normal.

Mother did a frown. “Junie B.?” she said very suspicious. “What's the story here?”

I looked back at her real impressed.

That woman is sharp as a tack, I tell you.

Finally, I did a sigh. And I told her the story here.

“Yeah, only this wasn't even my fault, Mother,” I said. “It really, really wasn't. On
account of at first I was practicing my kicking. And then my ball went over the fence. And so what was I supposed to do? Kick air?”

I did a thumbs-up.

“But good news!” I said. “’Cause just then I saw your cow can! And so I ran at him with all my might! And then I kicked him as hard as I could!

“Only too bad for me. ’Cause that stupid thing was filled with water! And now I have a smashed piggy toe.”

I thought for a minute.

Then I folded my hands in my lap very quiet.

“The end,” I said.

Mother did not look happy with me. “Gee, imagine that. A
watering
can actually had
water
in it. How unusual,” she said.

That is called sarcastic, I believe.

After that, Mother carried me inside. And she called the doctor. And he told her to raise it up on a pillow and use ice.

And so guess what?

At first, it felt a little better.

Only this morning when I got dressed, it hurt to put on my shoe. And so—even though it was chilly outside—Mother said I could wear sandals to school.

And so that's how come I keep checking on it this morning. To see if it's feeling any better.

I closed my journal real quiet. Then I bent over in my chair. And I patted my toe very gentle.

Next to me, May made a face.

“You shouldn't play with your feet, Junie Jones,” she whispered. “Playing with feet is what stinky people do.”

I stuck out my tongue at that girl.

I still get a kick out of that behavior.

After that, I sat back up again. And I stacked my first-grade dictionary on top of my journal.

Then I laid my head on my desk. And I daydreamed about the kickball tournament some more.

In my dream, I was the only person in Room One who could kick the ball.

That's because all of the other children in Room One had broken legs. On account of accidents happen sometimes.

And so I played in the tournament all by myself.

And I won the whole darned thing without any help!

I was the star of Room One!

All of my friends shouted and cheered.

Then they hugged me very happy. And they threw confetti on my head.

Only not May. May threw a small potato.

That was uncalled for, I believe.

I stayed in my daydream a real long time. Also, I think I snored a little bit.

Then—all of a sudden—
SMACK
!

Mr. Scary clapped his loud hands together!

And that noise scared the daylights out of me, I tell you!

I jumped straight up in my seat. And my arms flinged out very crazy!

Then my hand knocked into my dictionary!

And oh no! Oh no!

That heavy book went over the edge of my desk! And it landed on my sore toe!

“OW!” I shouted real loud. “OW OW OW OW OW!!”

I reached for my foot. And I started to cry.

Mr. Scary came running back to me.

Then he quick sent Herbert to the school nurse to get some ice.

And hurray for Herbert! ’Cause he brought that woman back with him!

Her name is Mrs. Weller.

I know her from previous accidents.

Mrs. Weller gave me some tissues. And she put an ice bag on my piggy toe.

It felt heavy and soggy on that sore guy.

I pulled my foot away. But she put it right back again.

“Please, Junie B.,” said Mrs. Weller. “If
you just keep this ice on your toe, it will start to feel better. I promise.”

I shook my head real fast.

“No, it won't, Mrs. Weller,” I said. “I
know
it won't. ’Cause Mother already put ice on that same toe yesterday. But today it still hurt. And that's how come I had to wear sandals to school.”

“Oh, dear,” she said. “You mean this poor toe was already injured before you came to school today?”

I did a sniffle.

“Yes,” I said. “It was injured a real lot, Mrs. Weller. On account of yesterday I kicked a cow. And that thing was solid as a rock, I tell you.”

Mrs. Weller's face went funny.

“You … you kicked a
cow
?” she said real soft.

“Yes,” I said. “And the cow was full of water. And a cow full of water doesn't even budge.”

After that, Mrs. Weller got very speechless. And she didn't ask any more questions. She just kept holding the ice bag on my foot. Plus also, she mumbled to herself.

Room One stretched their necks to see my foot.

Then Shirley stood up. And she said that she knows just how I feel. ’Cause one time she accidentally kicked a brick. And that did not feel good, either.

And then Roger said he hurt
his
toe before, too. ’Cause last year he accidentally kicked a refrigerator-repair truck.

Plus a boy named Sheldon said that last summer, he accidentally kicked a giant tree stump. On account of his cousin told him it was made out of rubber.

“Only it wasn't,” said Sheldon very upset. “It was made out of
tree.
And so
all of my toes got their heads bashed in.”

After that, Sheldon put his foot up on his desk. And he started taking off his shoe to show us.

Mr. Scary held up his hand. “No, Sheldon. Please. That's
really
not necessary,” he said.

But Sheldon quick yanked off his shoe and sock. And he raised his piggies way high in the air.

“See, everybody? See the baby one? The baby one still has a little red knob on the side of it,” he said. “See?”

Just then, Sheldon tipped his chair back on two legs so he could raise his foot even higher.

Only too bad for him. Because, quick as a blink, his chair legs slided out from underneath him.

And
BOOM
!

He went crashing into the aisle! And his forehead got a knob on it! Just like his baby toe!

Mrs. Weller quick grabbed the ice bag from my foot. And she put it on Sheldon's head.

She said he needed to come to the office with her right away.

Only wait till you hear this!

Sheldon didn't even
cry
!

Instead, he left the ice bag on his head. And he put his shoe and sock back on very calm. And he walked to the door with Mrs. Weller.

All of us clapped and clapped for that brave boy.

Sheldon smiled when he heard that.

Then he turned around.

And he did a bow.

And the ice bag fell off his head.

Mother came to get me from school that day. She said she would drive me and Sheldon home so we wouldn't have to take the bus.

I walked to the parking lot very limping.

Sheldon was still wearing the ice bag on top of his head.

“My. It must have been
quite
a day in Room One,” said Mother.

Sheldon did a sigh. “I've had better,” he said.

After that, both of us got in the back-seat.
And we buckled our seat belts.

Sheldon quick put his window down.

Mother turned around. “Gee, I don't know, Sheldon,” she said. “That's going to be a lot of wind on you, don't you think?”

“I like wind,” said Sheldon. “Wind makes my cheeks flap.”

Mother stared at him a second. “Okey-doke,” she said kind of quiet.

Then she turned back around. And she started the car. And we drove out of the parking lot.

Sheldon leaned his head close to the window. And he tilted his head into the rushy air.

He opened his mouth so the wind flapped his cheeks.

Both of us started to laugh.

Only just then, a little bit of trouble
happened. ’Cause Mother went around a corner kind of whizzy.

And Sheldon's head got tilted even further.

And
WHOOSH
!

The ice bag blew right out the window!

Sheldon sat very still after that.

Finally, he closed the window. And he drummed his fingers on the seat.

“Today isn't really going that good for me,” he said.

I nodded.

Then I patted his arm.

’Cause sometimes I understand that boy perfectly well.

That night, I tossed and turned in my bed. ’Cause my toe did not like things touching it, that's why. Not even the sheet.

Only here is the worstest part of all.

Because the next morning—when I took off my covers—MY WHOLE ENTIRE TOENAIL WAS BLACK!