‘Oh god, yeah. Sorry.’ She looked embarrassed. ‘My head … all over the place at the moment. So, where have you been?’
‘I was in Indonesia for a while …’
‘Of course, the bombing thing. Okay. How was that?’
‘It was … difficult. After that, I went to Vietnam …’
‘Oh, how lovely.’
She looked distracted, scattered. I took her hand.
‘Alex, are you all right?’ I asked, and she started to cry.
Julian found us a few minutes later, me sitting on the bed, Alex lying with her head in my lap. He came into the room and shut the door behind him. He had a bottle of champagne in one hand and three glasses in the other.
‘I thought we could have our own party,’ he said. ‘I don’t seem to be getting the greatest vibe down there.’
‘Oh Jesus,’ Alex said, sitting up and wiping her eyes, smearing mascara everywhere. ‘Mike’s friends are bloody awful. There are more homophobes per square inch down there than at a Texan church fete. Sorry, Jules.’
He grinned at her, put down the champagne and plucked a Kleenex from the box on the dressing table. He wiped the black smudges from her face. ‘Don’t worry about it. Karl’s quite enjoying himself, baiting them. He’s turned the camp up to ten, you’ve never seen anything like it.’ He poured us all a glass of champagne, we clinked glasses and he said: ‘So, come on, Alex, are you going to tell us what the fuck is going on?’
Things had been good, Alex told us, for about three months after the wedding. Then Mike wrecked his cruciate ligament when he twisted his knee in the scrum. The doctors told him to retire, he wouldn’t play professionally again.
‘He was in a pretty bad way,’ Alex said. ‘He just sat around the house, drinking all the time, picking fights with me.’
Things got better for a while, she explained, after one of his old school friends fixed him up with a job as a financial adviser. ‘He sells insurance, really,’ she explained. ‘But he calls himself a financial adviser.’ Relations deteriorated once again, however, when Mike decided that it was time for them to start having children. ‘Harry, his best man, do you remember him? Well, his wife had a son and so did Stephen’s wife, and so Mike, not wanting to be left out, thought we should start trying.’
‘And how do you feel about this?’ I asked her.
She shrugged. ‘I don’t know. I do want to have children, of course I do. You know I do. But I’m twenty-seven … I don’t know. I hadn’t really planned on having them until I was in my thirties.’
‘You should tell him that then,’ Julian said, topping up our glasses.
‘I did, and we just argued about it, so in the end I just gave in …’
‘Alex, you shouldn’t let yourself get bullied into doing something you don’t want to,’ I said.
‘But I
do
want to,’ she said, a little crossly. ‘I’m not like you, I’m not obsessed by my career. I do want kids. It’s just a timing issue.’
‘Okay,’ I said, chastened.
‘Anyway,’ she went on, her eyes welling up again, ‘it doesn’t bloody matter because we’ve been trying for bloody ages and I just can’t seem to get pregnant. I don’t know what’s wrong with me.’
‘There’s nothing wrong with you!’ I said. ‘For some people it just takes time.’
She sniffed. ‘Mike says it’s because I drink too much.’
‘That’s bullshit,’ Julian and I said in unison.
‘No!’ she wailed ‘It’s true. It is true. I have been drinking too much, especially since I stopped working …’
‘Hang on, what?’ I asked, disbelieving. ‘You stopped working? When? Why?’
For the past two years Alex had been running the marketing department at up-and-coming publishers, Scribe. She
loved
her job.
‘I quit a couple of months ago,’ she said, draining her glass and holding it out for Julian to refill. ‘We decided … I decided that if I was serious about getting knocked up, I should have as little stress as possible.’
Julian and I exchanged the briefest of looks. Alex noticed. ‘It was my decision!’ she snapped, getting to her feet. ‘Don’t look like that. I chose this. I want this.’ She slipped her feet back into her stilettos and wobbled towards the door. Then she turned to us and said, ‘I know what you’re thinking, but you don’t understand. You’re not married. Marriage is different.’ Julian opened his mouth to say something but thought better of it. ‘Come on,’ Alex said, smiling now, her moods changing as quick as clouds scudding across a summer sky, ‘Let’s go back to the party. Oh! I should warn you, Nic, that I invited Aidan. I bumped into him in London last week and, well, you know how Mike can’t
bear
him. I just couldn’t help myself.’ She teetered off down the corridor, straightening the seams of her stockings as she went.
Back downstairs I looked in vain for Dom, but found myself trapped in conversation with some of the Gucci wives (‘Meribel this year? Or Vail?’). Eventually I managed to extricate myself and fought my way through the braying mob to the terrace, where I was horrified to see Dom standing under one of the heaters, talking to Aidan. Could this party get any worse?
I made my way over to where they were standing but, instead of just going up and interrupting, I let my curiosity get the better of me and hid behind another group of people while eavesdropping on their conversation.
‘I owe you an apology,’ Aidan was saying, ‘for the last time I saw you. I can’t really remember, but I think I behaved like an arsehole.’
‘You did,’ Dom replied, ‘but only briefly. I wouldn’t worry too much about it. And I understand, I do. I’d definitely go off the rails if I messed things up with Nicole.’ Aidan shifted uneasily from one foot to another. Ignoring his discomfort – or perhaps enjoying it – Dom went on: ‘It would kill me to see her with someone else,’ he said. ‘I’d hate it.’ Aidan nodded, he looked at his feet and then glanced around, searching desperately for someone to rescue him from this conversation. I obliged.
‘Hello!’ I said, a little too loudly, a little too brightly. ‘Enjoying the party?’
Dom slipped his hand around my waist and kissed me on the mouth for longer than was strictly necessary. Marking his territory. I pulled away. Aidan just stood there, smiling awkwardly.
‘Yeah, it’s all right,’ he said.
‘Liar,’ I replied, and he laughed.
‘Is Alex okay?’ he asked me.
‘I don’t know.’
‘Why?’ Dom asked, seemingly miffed at being left out of the loop. ‘What’s going on?’
‘Things are a bit difficult with her and Mike,’ I said. ‘She was upset earlier …’ I got the feeling that he wasn’t really listening, he was watching Aidan, who was looking at me.
‘I saw the Pakistan programme,’ Aidan said to me. ‘They had it on BBC World over in the States. It was great, Nic. Amazing work.’
‘Thanks,’ I said, and I could feel myself colour. Praise from him meant a lot, and not just because of our history. Aidan was the one who first made me want to get into TV, his opinion meant the world to me. For a second, we just stood there, looking at each other, until I started to feel a little dizzy and I turned to Dom and said, ‘We should go inside. It’s freezing out here.’
I realised that I had barely eaten anything all day, so I went in search of canapés while Dom chatted to one of Mike’s less objectionable friends. At the far end of the room was a table covered with a linen cloth and on it were trays laden with various goodies: I joined Julian and Karl at one end of the table and began making my way along. By the time we reached the other end of the table I was clutching a plate laden with quails’ eggs and cherry tomatoes, smoked salmon with caviar on toast, duck parfait with daubs of caramelised orange on top. Karl gave me an amused look.
‘Did they not feed you in Vietnam?’ he asked. ‘Because when we went there last the food was fabulous. Just fabulous. Do you remember the beef noodle soup in Hué, Jules? God, to die for.’
I was trying to listen to what Karl was saying, but I was finding it difficult to concentrate, because standing behind him were a group of chinless idiots, exaggeratedly imitating his speech and actions, sniggering like schoolboys. Julian had noticed them too. He shot me a look.
‘Let’s move outside,’ I said to him, quietly.
‘No, fuck ‘em,’ he mumbled through a mouthful of foie gras. ‘It’s freezing out there. I’m not moving on their account.’
Karl carried on chatting, oblivious. I gave the City boys my iciest glare, but they didn’t let up.
‘So,’ one of them piped up, addressing Julian. ‘You’ve been to Vietnam, have you?’ he asked. The man had a shiny pink head and no chin. ‘Meet any lady boys?’
‘That’s Thailand, you ignorant fuck,’ I replied.
‘What did you say?’ the chinless wonder responded, shocked.
‘Watch out for that one,’ his friend chortled. ‘She’s a feminazi.’
‘I called you an ignorant fuck,’ I repeated in a loud, clear voice. I could feel Julian’s hand on my arm, an attempt at restraint; I ignored him. ‘Is there a word there you’d like me to spell for you?’
‘You watch your mouth, bitch,’ the chinless man growled.
I was about to reply to this, but I didn’t get a chance because all of a sudden my opponent was on the floor, a trickle of blood oozing from the side of his fish-like mouth. Aidan was standing at my side, clenching and unclenching his right fist.
‘Don’t speak to her like that,’ he said quietly, then he turned on his heel and started to walk away, only to be confronted by an irate Mike, who grabbed him by the lapels of his jacket.
‘Get out of my house, you fucking oik,’ he snarled at him.
Aidan calmly removed Mike’s hands and replied, ‘With pleasure.’
Across the room I could see Alex watching the scene unfold, her face without expression. I glanced around to find Dom, but he was nowhere to be seen.
I followed Aidan to the front door and out onto the porch.
‘And there I was thinking you’d been acting all grown-up tonight,’ I said with a smile.
‘Hey, I was defending your honour.’
‘Thank you.’
‘Did he seriously just call me an oik?’
When we’d both finished laughing there was a long awkward silence, and then we both started speaking at once.
‘Well I suppose …’ he said
‘I was in New York …’ I said.
We laughed. ‘You first,’ he said.
‘I was just saying that I was in New York a couple of months ago. I thought about looking you up, but … you know. I wasn’t sure.’
‘You should have done.’
‘Things are going well there?’
‘Great, really great.’ We walked down the steps into the driveway, where Aidan’s motorcycle was parked. He lit a cigarette and offered me one, which I took.
‘Julian said that you’d been promoted?’
‘Yeah, I’m a commissioning editor now. I’ve gone all respectable.’
‘I’m glad it’s going well.’
He was leaning against his bike, just looking at me, those impossible green eyes locked on mine. ‘God,’ he said, reaching out to brush my hair from my face, ‘I’ve missed you.’ I pulled away from him.
‘Aidan …’
‘Sorry,’ he said. ‘I’m sorry. I didn’t mean …’
‘I know.’
We stood there, awkward and uncomfortable again, then started to laugh.
‘I should go back inside,’ I said, crushing my half-smoked cigarette under my heel.
‘Yeah. And I should probably get out of here before I get my head kicked in.’
‘Good plan.’
Another awkward moment, and then he leaned forward and gave me a peck on the cheek.
‘It’s good to see you, Nic.’
‘You too.’ I wanted to say something else to him, but I wasn’t quite sure what, so I just turned and started to walk away. I was almost at the front door when he called out to me
‘Nicole!’
I turned around. ‘What is it?’
‘It’s … nothing.’ He swung his leg over his bike, then he shook his head and said: ‘It’s just … It was the most stupid thing I ever did, you know that?’
‘What was?’ I asked him. ‘You’re going to have to narrow it down for me, Aidan, the list of stupid things you’ve done is a long one …’
‘Letting you go. It was the most stupid thing I ever did.’ He gave me a sad smile. ‘I hope you’re happy. I mean it. You deserve to be very happy,’ he said. He put on his helmet, kicked the bike into life, and he was gone.
* * *
I found Alex and Dom in the kitchen. She was perched on the kitchen counter, her shoes off. Dom was leaning against the fridge, drinking a beer.
‘Is he all right?’ Alex asked me.
‘Is he gone?’ Dom said.
‘Yes and yes,’ I replied, avoiding Dom’s eye.
Alex was red-eyed, she looked exhausted. ‘Happy New Year,’ she said.
‘You missed the countdown,’ Dom added. I looked at my watch, it was six minutes past twelve. I’d spent midnight on New Year’s with Aidan again.
‘Sorry,’ I said, and gave him a kiss.
Alex hopped off the counter and put her arms around me, hugging me tightly.