He smiled for the first time since I’d met him and pulled the map off the clipboard so I could see another sheet, this one with dozens of questions on it. “What is your current occupation?” he asked as he pulled the clipboard toward himself and took a bright purple pen from his pocket.
“Graphic designer. I work from home. I make plenty of money, which will not be detailed on your sheet, if that was one of the questions.”
He seemed undeterred by my sour reply. “And is your income consistent?”
Some months were better than others, but for the most part things were fine, and I had the settlement to fall back on if I needed to. So I said, “Yes.”
“How consistent?” he pestered me.
I rolled my eyes and sipped my beer instead of answering him. But he didn’t continue with his interrogation, so I turned to him and waited for him to ask his next question, hoping that I was making it perfectly clear that my finances were fine and also none of his business.
“Fine. I will write down that the applicant refuses to answer the question.”
“Damn straight,” I told him.
“How long have you been riding?” he continued on. “When you applied, you gave an answer about your experience riding and caring for horses, so I won’t be asking you that.”
It took me a few minutes to count back that far. “I started when I was six with our neighbor in Kentucky…. Then he moved when I was….” I frowned, not having a good answer. “It’s been ten years since I’ve been on a horse, either way. I’m competent but I’m not going to be training any young horses for your rescue if that’s what you think.”
Eli kept writing, and I wondered how much longer this was going to take. It was still midafternoon, so I had some time before Trent came over. But I could have probably used a shave. At least the beers would be cold for us to share while watching whatever horrible movie he thought I was going to enjoy. Not likely.
Trent
I PULLED
up to Caleb’s house a little earlier than I usually did and frowned a bit at the unexpected car in his driveway. He knew I was coming over, so I wasn’t sure why there was someone else with him, but I figured it was probably just a client. I was out of my uniform, in a pair of khaki shorts and an old, faded T-shirt, and ready to watch the movie I’d brought with me. He was going to love it, I was sure, which would mean I’d be getting my kiss.
I rang the doorbell and heard Caleb talking to someone before he came to answer it. I saw the surprise on his face when he opened the door and wondered what I’d been interrupting. But then I saw a guy at the island and knew for sure it was just a client meeting by how stiff and proper the other guy looked as he wrote on a clipboard, and I had no reason to be jealous.
“Hey,” I said as I came in past him.
“Hi. You’re early.”
I raised my eyebrows at him and tramped down hard on the bit of jealousy that flared up at his words because that was a sure sign I was interrupting something he didn’t want me to know about. But he looked to his big clock on the wall and sighed. “No, actually, you’re not really early. This is just taking a lot longer than I thought it would have. Eli, how much longer are you going to keep interrogating me?”
The guy at the island turned around, and I froze as I tried to quickly think of what I was supposed to do in this situation, which had never come up before. This Eli guy, as Caleb seemed to know him, to me was SpankMeHarder5280. He seemed to recognize me too because whatever he was going to say ended up just being a squeak.
“You never texted me back!” He hurled something at me, which ended up being a clipboard with a bunch of papers on it. I read quickly, saw that he was from the rescue I’d just helped, and wondered what the hell Caleb was doing with him.
Instead of answering Eli, because he wasn’t important to me, and yes, I had texted him back, once, but I’d stopped responding after his eighth text in a single night, I turned to Caleb. Who, unfortunately, was staring back and forth between us both.
“Caleb—”
“Did you have sex with him?” He cut right to what I was getting ready to explain. It was going to be good and believable and… completely useless now that Caleb had decided to be extremely blunt about things.
“Yes.” That was the truth. I’d had sex with him. Once. We met at a gas station, I followed him to a hotel, we had sex, and I left. I didn’t even know his name, or actually care about it. “What’s he doing here?” I asked, because that was the important piece. Well, one of them, but once I figured out what Eli was doing in Caleb’s house, I could find a way to get rid of him so I could actually talk to Caleb, if that’s what he needed from me. I wasn’t sure if he wanted to talk or if he just wanted to hit me. It could have very easily been both at that point.
“
He
was doing an assessment for a foster volunteer position,” Eli snarked at me. I heard him get off the stool and start walking toward me, but all of my attention was focused on Caleb. “And
he
is leaving. Mr. Robinson, I regret to inform you that you did not pass Green Acres’ foster application process. Good-bye.”
This time I did turn my attention from Caleb to Eli. “On what grounds?” I demanded, because I knew Rocky Creek Stables was excellently kept and gorgeous, or at least it had been when I’d worked there. Any horse would be happy living there, and if Eli was going to be a jackass about it just because I hadn’t responded to him when he’d gone all obsessively crazy on me, that was his problem, and he needed to leave Caleb out of it.
Eli looked a little stunned that I’d actually bothered to talk to him. “Caleb hangs out with people I don’t want our horses around. Namely you.”
Snorting, I shook my head at his audacity. “It was sex. You didn’t bother to ask my name; I didn’t know yours either. You enjoyed it, so really, what is your problem?” I snapped. Out of the corner of my eye I saw Caleb move to the couch, and I needed Eli gone so I could deal with him, but I wasn’t going to let this little shit decide what Caleb could or could not do either.
Eli looked hurt by what I’d said, but I didn’t have the slightest idea why. “Mr. Robinson, your application has been approved. Please expect a call this week regarding potential horses that are available for foster care that meet your requirements.”
Eli didn’t say anything else to me as he walked out the front door. I locked it after him, then came to sit next to Caleb. I didn’t know what to say to him and for a while we just sat there in silence.
It was Caleb who broke us out of that uncomfortable moment, though, by saying, “Was he that obnoxious in bed?”
I laughed and took a chance at putting my arm around Caleb’s shoulders. He didn’t pull away. “Yeah, he kind of was. Caleb, I’m sorry you met one of the guys I’ve had sex with. I know the casual sex thing is an issue for you, and I never expected you to meet one of them. I drove down to Castle Rock for him, which is over an hour away in case you were wondering. I never thought I’d see him in Thornwood.”
Caleb sighed and laid his head back against my arm. “Was it recent?”
“Define recent,” I said.
He turned his head to look at me. “Since I’ve moved here? Since we kissed… since we…?” He swallowed heavily and looked away from me again.
I shook my head. “No. It’s been over six months since I saw him.”
“I guess that should make me feel a little better,” Caleb said, and I winced, knowing he was hurting but not knowing how to make him happy again.
Especially not when I needed to tell him something. “Not that you need any more to think about, but I do want to talk to you about something,” I said. I turned toward him on the couch, and he looked over at me again. “And it’s not going to be good. But I want you to know.”
His expression told me he didn’t think it could get any worse. But it could and I knew that. Part of me didn’t want to tell him anything at all and let Simon’s passing go by with only my dad knowing why I was going to be so upset. But I was trying to be honest with Caleb, and that meant telling him about the bad things that were happening in my life and not just that I was having sex with people he should have never been able to meet.
“Two days from now I need to go down to Denver. I’ll probably be out for a few days. I’ll have my phone, but I didn’t want you to worry in case I didn’t pick up right away or return your text or something,” I began.
He pursed his lips and closed his eyes for a few moments before opening them again. “Because you’ll be there having sex with someone?”
I was quick to shake my head. I reached for his hand, but he didn’t let me take it, instead pulling away from me before I could touch him. “No.” I took a deep breath and let it out on a sigh. “Five years ago I was in love with someone. His name was Simon, and I honestly thought I’d be spending the rest of my life with him.” That got Caleb’s attention in a hurry.
“About eight months into our relationship, we were skiing in the mountains here and he lost control. He fell and injured himself pretty badly. He was lucky to survive, but he never woke up again.” I found it hard to talk about Simon and very few people knew what had happened. Those people in town who did know we’d been together assumed we’d broken up. I hadn’t corrected them.
I licked my lips and kept going with Caleb watching me. “On Thursday his family will be taking him off life support. He’s at a hospital in Denver. I’ll be going down there to say good-bye. I just….” I didn’t know what to say since Caleb had barely moved while I’d been talking. “I just wanted you to know that if I’m not around, if I’m not answering calls, it’s because I’m there.”
I waited for him to say something, anything, to me. I needed comforting, but I could see he was having a hard time too right now. I tried to touch him again, but he didn’t let me. I probably should have waited until after the movie to talk to him about it, but seeing Eli there had made me realize how much Caleb needed to know my biggest secret, since the little ones had hurt him so much already. And I didn’t want him hearing it from my dad in case he tried to ask him where I was or something.
“Caleb….” I tried to say something, but I didn’t even know where to begin. I just wanted him to speak, to say anything to me. I needed that from him, needed to know that he was okay, that I hadn’t lost my only real friend so soon after meeting him.
“I’d like you to go now.”
I frowned at him. “What?”
He didn’t turn to look at me. “Please get out of my house.”
“Don’t be like this,” I told him as I shook my head. “C’mon, let’s talk.”
This time he did look at me, and I saw that there were tears in his eyes. “You’re in love with someone else. There’s nothing for us to talk about. Now please leave. Don’t make me call the cops.”
“I am the cops,” I reminded him. But I did get up and walk toward the front door. “Bye…,” I said as I opened the door. He didn’t say anything back to me.
I was upset as I left his house, and I did consider going onto the app and finding someone to fix me. But in the end it was easier just to go home, crash out on my bed, and stare up at my ceiling.
I DIDN’T
hear from Caleb again until the next afternoon. “Hello?” I answered my phone when I saw it was him calling. I’d been avoiding all other calls but my dad’s.
“Do you still love him?” he asked without saying hi.
I was in my apartment even though it was only two in the afternoon. My dad had sent me home early since I was snapping at people over e-mail, even the nice older ladies who wanted to have a handsome police officer at their book club meeting while they talked about some murder mystery. I was off work until the following Monday, which would have been nice except I didn’t want to spend my time off with anyone other than the one person who had kicked me out of his house.
“No,” I answered honestly. I sat down on my bed and looked out the window at the grocery store. “I did, when he was my Simon. But the man I loved, the one I wanted to be with forever, he’s been gone a long time.”
“Is he the reason you don’t have relationships?” Caleb continued.
“He’s the reason I don’t want to fall in love again and get hurt,” I clarified. I’d loved Simon with everything I had. There was no going back from that kind of love, and I knew sex with strangers wasn’t something that was necessarily healthy or good for me. But I was an adult, and I had needs they helped fulfill. There was nothing wrong with what I did, though I was pretty sure Caleb didn’t agree with me.
After a few moments of silence during which I let him think, and I stared at a woman trying to juggle a shopping basket and three kids, not a single one of which was behaving as the shopping cart started to roll away from her, he asked, “Do you want a friend to go with you tomorrow?”
“I’d like that. Know of anyone who’s available?” I tried to joke with him.
I heard him chuckle, and it made me smile. “What time should I be ready to go?”
“Four probably. It’ll take a little while to get down there and find parking. And, Caleb, I got a hotel room for the night since I didn’t know if I could handle driving back. I’ll reserve one for you too.”
I didn’t expect him to stay with me in the same room, and I hadn’t even considered that as a possibility.
“Reserve it and I’ll pay for it myself.”
It wasn’t right of him for pay for a hotel room because I wouldn’t be able to come back up to Thornwood immediately after saying good-bye to Simon, and I was ready to argue with him, but he was apparently done talking to me before I could even begin to say what I wanted to.
“I’ll see you tomorrow.”
He hung up on me and I sighed as I let the phone fall back onto the bed. I was bored in my townhouse that evening, but I didn’t want to go out and see people either. I wanted to go spend time with Caleb, but I knew I probably wouldn’t be welcome there, so I watched TV until I started to get drowsy. Eventually I fell asleep on my couch and woke up the next morning feeling exhausted and cranky. To add to it my whole arm was asleep and my fingers hurt to move.
“Fucking perfect,” I grumbled as I got started with my day.