One Night with Hemsworth (One Night Series Book 1) (18 page)

They say admitting you have a problem is the first and hardest step. While I found that to be somewhat true, I found breaking old habits was harder.

The more I read about my addiction, the more I understood it. Even though it was easy for me to remain sober during times of normalcy, my addiction to alcohol stemmed from the need to feel numb during times of stress. Add that to the fact I also belonged to a second subtype of alcoholic—the type with an intermediate familial connection—and I was beginning to become more educated and knowledgeable about my disease. It was a compulsion. Whether it was genetic or situational, it didn’t matter. It was a problem.

While talking over my demons with my therapist, she came to the conclusion that there was one major issue I’d refused to deal with over the years that couldn’t wait anymore if I truly wanted to move on with my life.

So because of that, I was standing outside Mum’s house, willing myself to go in. My feet were refusing to take even the smallest step in the direction of my childhood home.

I never understood why Mum stayed in the house, even ten years after Dad was gone. I got the hell out of there as soon as I could. Even though I used to visit Mum often, and I’d been in the house countless times since moving out, it still made me anxious. It was too much of a reminder of what he did, what I had to endure.

“Cole?” my mother’s voice came from the open doorway.

I was too busy staring at the second-storey left window at my old room to notice she’d opened the front door. My room was my sanctuary growing up—where I used to hide when things got bad.

My hand itched to do something. Anything. It tightened into a fist, then loosened, and then repeated it.

“Hi, Mum,” I said, finally forcing my feet to move.

“That was a loaded hi,” she said as I reached her and kissed her on the cheek.

As much as I had resentment towards my mum, I couldn’t deny she was a great mother and grandmother. She was great with Cody, and she helped out a lot in the beginning when he was first born. Over the years, I tried to understand the cowardice behind her inability to remove me from a horrible situation growing up, but who was I to judge her now when I was the one who became the monster I wanted salvation from?

I shook my head free of the self-deprecation and repeated in my head what my psychologist told me to whenever I thought like that.
I am not my father, I am not my father.

“Is this a cup of tea kind of visit or a Jack Daniels kind of visit?”

I stiffened at her words.
Did she used to ask Dad the same thing when he was having a bad day?
“Just tea.”

She nodded, dropping her head to stare at her feet as she led me to the kitchen.

Walking past the stairs, I had to fight back the memories of trying to run up them before Dad could catch me. They surfaced every time I visited home which was also why I hardly ever came by anymore. When I was with Reece and we had Cody and everything was going well, it was easier to push the memories from my mind. But not now, while I had nothing.

I sat at the kitchen table while Mum made the tea in silence. No noise surrounded us but the boiling of the kettle, the ticking of the clock on the wall, and the slight humming of the refrigerator.

“So what happened this time?” she asked, taking a seat across from me and sliding my tea across the table.

“This time?”

“Last time you looked like that, you told me Reece left you because you … well, yeah.”

“So it wouldn’t surprise you to find out I was drinking again?”

She let out a sigh. “No.” Her voice was clipped, but disappointment radiated from her face.

“In the last few months, I’ve drank twice, both times it was because I didn’t want to play the cards life was dealing me. Nothing’s happened like the incident with Reece, but I’ve finally come to realise I have a problem. Just like Dad.”

Her shoulders slouched and if I thought she was disappointed before, it was nothing compared to now. “Oh, honey. You’re nothing like your father.”

I huffed a laugh and shook my head. “How can you say that?”

“Because what he used to do and what you have done are completely different. He was a coward, he—”

I scoffed. “That’s rich, coming from you.”

“What?”

“Why didn’t you ever leave him? Why couldn’t you protect me?”
There. I said it.

“I knew this conversation would happen one day.” Her eyes were bleary and her voice was cracking. “And even though I’ve had years to come up with something to say, all I’ve ever been able to convince myself of is that I did all I could. Well … that’s a lie. I did everything that I thought I was capable of doing. I realise it wasn’t enough, that I wasn’t strong enough. The beatings wore down my self-esteem to a point I believed I deserved them. I—”

“Did you believe I deserved them, too?”

“No. God, no.” The tears were flowing freely now.

I took a sip of my tea to prevent myself from reaching over and consoling her. I had the feeling she needed to have this conversation just as much as I did.

“I always thought he was taking my punishment out on you so I’d have to watch and suffer. He knew I wanted to protect you, and that you were a weakness for me. When you got big enough to fight back, he laid off you a bit, and I could see it in his eyes—he started to become scared of you. He was getting weaker with his heart condition, and you were a growing teenager. He thought you might’ve started fighting back. But you never did.”

“I didn’t realise it was an option,” I mumbled.

“I didn’t realise there was an option to escape. I took the beatings to try and prevent him from doing it to you. I thought if he got all his anger out on me, he wouldn’t go after you. When he did, the thought of escape always flooded my mind. But I had nowhere to go, no one to help. My parents were long gone and his parents … well, they wouldn’t have helped. I honestly thought he’d kill me if I left him. You see stories on the news all the time about women who are killed by their partners because they try to leave. With no support network …”—she sucked in a loud breath—“I thought about doing it for him—just ending my life, but that would’ve meant leaving you with him. While I could continue to take what he was dishing out, you would’ve been okay. That was my logic anyway.”

“You know that logic is fucked up, right?”

“Cole Preston Turner!”

“Really, Mum? We’re talking about the man who ruined our lives, and you think I can do it without swearing?”

She hesitated. “Okay, yeah, fair point. But what I’m saying is, you’re nothing like your father. You may have inherited his desire to drown himself in a bottle, you may have his temper, and put those things together and you’re bound to be a disaster like him, but you recognised your problem in the very beginning and immediately wanted to change. With one incident, you turned your life around. You didn’t make empty promises to get help like he did. I know for a while after Reece first left you, you turned to the drink, but you never put anyone else in danger apart from yourself. You’re different to your father because he only cared about himself, you’ve only ever cared about others. And that’s why I know you can turn it around this time, too.”

Her words made my chest ache. As determined as I was to set things right and be the person she wanted me to be, doubt didn’t just disappear overnight. The pressure of doing the right thing was so much, it made me want to reach for a bottle just thinking of it.

“You’re not him,” Mum said, reaching for my hand. “You’re twice the man he was and that’s without even trying to be.” As if reading my mind, she consoled me. “You may have your doubts, but I don’t.”

I stood to give her a hug and she met me half-way.

“Thanks, Mum.”

“Now, don’t think you can get away without talking about the new girl.”

I pulled back. “How do you—”

She rolled her eyes. “Please. I haven’t seen you this cut up since Reece. So sit back down and tell me all about her.”

“I’m not here just because of her.” I needed my mother to know that I was here for me more than anyone else. Talking about Dad had already made me feel better, and while we still had a long way to go before I could forever bury all of my childhood issues, this first step was a monumental moment for us.

“I know that, but I still want to know about the girl who made you want to reach out.”

A smile crept over my face as I sat back down and started talking about Paige. Even though we weren’t together anymore, I talked about her until I had nothing left, dragging my ass home after three hours and two more cups of tea. Mum and I still had a shitload to work out, but I’d taken the first step and already felt lighter.

****

Three weeks sober. Three weeks of typing texts to Paige, only to delete them before hitting send. I couldn’t start that with her again. It’d just be like the last time where it would start off innocent and then snowball into something more. I’d thank her for all the information on how to keep Cody in my life, but it would evolve to cutesy messages and eventually lead to us falling into bed together again. As much as I wanted it, I had to keep telling myself I couldn’t have it. A relationship with Cody’s stepsister wouldn’t look good, and Paul and Reece could use that against me.

All the research Paige did came in handy when I went to pick Cody up last weekend. Reece did as expected and didn’t want to let me take him. Paul threatened a call to DOCS, but they had no evidence apart from a drunken phone call that I’d already taken pre-emptive strikes at fixing. The lawyer in him saw the pitfalls in his threat. The investigation would be long and tiresome without physical evidence and put a type of strain on Cody that none of us wanted. It seemed I’d backed them into a corner and won. For now.

Today would bring its own set of struggles for me, though.

As Hunter got ready, dressing in his suit and tie to head to Reece and Paul’s wedding, he eyed me warily. “Are you sure you don’t want me to stay home?”

I rolled my eyes. “I don’t need a babysitter. Thanks, though.”

“Cole …” The exasperation in his voice was warranted, but it still pissed me off.

“Seriously, I’m fine. I don’t want to be at Reece’s stupid wedding anyway because it would mean I’d have to see Paige, and I know I’m not ready to handle that yet.”

“I kinda don’t want to leave you.”

“Aww, how sweet,” I said dryly. “I’m not going to drink, I promise. I get why you’re being all overbearing and motherly again …”—I smirked, because I knew how much Hunter hated it when I said he was like a mother to me—“but seriously, I’m okay with this. After today, Cody and Paige will be related. It’s game over. If I can make it through today, I can finally start moving on properly and stop pining like some pussy-whipped little bitch.”

“Well, you said it, not me. I’m just worried that you won’t make it without wanting a drink. And leaving you alone …”

“I know it’s only been a few weeks, but I’m okay. I don’t want to drink.”

He was hesitant but relented. “Okay.”

But he was right. As soon as he left and I was completely alone, the doubt, the temptation, and the urge to drink almost became too much.

Determination wasn’t a strong suit of mine, but I had to make it. I just had to. If I was able to do this, I would’ve been able to do anything. That, I was sure of.

My keys mocked me. They stared at me from the coffee table, daring me to pick them up. I think my eyes were locked on them for hours. It felt like hours.

I leaned forward on the couch, my elbows resting on my knees, as the sound of the TV was completely drowned out.

After two movies and a large cup of coffee that had absolutely no effect other than hyping me up on caffeine, my hand reached for the keys, but I jumped out of my skin at an unexpected knock at the door.

I wasn’t sure who it could be. Everyone I knew was going to the wedding. So when Spence—one of my high school buddies from our Friday night gatherings—was behind the door, I was confused why he was here and not at Reece’s wedding. He was in jeans and a printed tee, not exactly wedding attire.

“Can I come in?” His voice was rough, and it matched his red eyes and tired features.

“What’s up? Hunter didn’t send you on babysitting duty, did he?” Even as I asked the question, I knew that wasn’t the case. Whatever Spence was here for, I knew it was bigger than I was. The guy never showed emotion, and he was practically crying on my doorstep.

Spencer shook his head and took steps into the apartment. “Definitely not babysitting. We need to talk.”

24

- PAIGE -

“I can’t believe she’s making you do this,” Sara said as she pulled on the ribbons of my built-in corset on my bridesmaid’s dress. I think my exact words when Dad and Reece asked were “No way in hell,” but then Dad threw me a pleading expression, and somehow my mouth said “Fine.” Stupid traitorous mouth.

“You and me both,” I mumbled. “I don’t know if it’s a ‘keep your enemies closer’ kind of thing, or if it’s a ‘suck it, I win,’ kind of thing.”

“Have you heard from Cole?”

“Nope,” I said, putting emphasis on the “P” sound. I reached forward to the champagne glass on the table in front of me, chugging half the glass in one go. “It’s better that way, though.”

“Is he coming today?”

I shook my head. “Not invited.”

“Damn.”

My eyes met hers in the mirror in front of us.

“I probably wouldn’t have accepted Danny’s invitation to be his date had I realised there was no drama to witness.” She grinned at me.

“And here I thought you accepted it to make Hunter jealous.”

She tugged on the corset harder, squashing all the air out of my lungs.

“That’s a bit tight,” I ground out.

I wanted to wipe the smug look off her face.

There was a knock at the door, and then it opened without either of our responses. Reece’s friend Pip stuck her head in. “Ready yet? The bride is asking for us.”

“Of course she is,” I mumbled, downing the rest of my champagne.

“I’ll see you out there,” Sara said, finishing tying my dress and then exiting.

I went to follow her out, but Pip stopped me by blocking the doorway. “Trust me when I say this, Reece did you a favour by forcing you apart from Cole.”

I gritted my teeth. “Trust me when I say this, it’s none of your damn business. You only know Reece’s side of things. You may’ve known Cole since school, but you know nothing about him now.”

“You’ve known the guy a few months, you can’t possibly know what he’s capable of.”

I grunted, “For fuck’s sake, Pip.”

“Are you two still involved?” she asked flat out.

“No,” I said firmly.

She narrowed her eyes at me, probably trying to work out if I was lying or not.

“Was that all you wanted to say to me?”

“Yes … no …” she sighed. “You know my friend Gage?”

How could I forget? He was built like my brother—like a friggin’ linebacker. “Uh-huh.”

“He’s originally from America. Do you know how strict their laws are over there in regards to statutory rape?”

This conversation just took a weird turn.
“Uh-huh,” I said again, but dragged it out this time.

“He made a simple mistake by having sex with his sixteen-year-old girlfriend when he was eighteen. Her parents were strict and really religious. They found out about it, and he was arrested. That one mistake has shaped the rest of his life. Because when her parents confronted her about it, she got scared and said it wasn’t consensual. He moved here to get away from it all. He doesn’t have relationships anymore because he’s scared of something like that happening again.”

“Why are you telling me this?” I asked, swallowing hard.

“Because guys like Gage deserve happiness, yet he won’t allow himself to have it. And then there’s Cole and the fact he got away with a simple domestic violence charge when he—”

“He also made a mistake, Pip. Don’t you get that? That guy, the one who attacked Reece? He’s doing everything he can to make sure that guy doesn’t come back. I’m sorry for what Gage has endured, but he’s more similar to Cole than you’d think.”

Her brows furrowed. “How?”

“Our laws may say the age of consent is sixteen, but their laws state it’s eighteen, so Gage still did the wrong thing, even if we think it’s a stupid law. He made a mistake, and he has spent the rest of his life trying to rectify that and not make the same mistakes. Cole’s just trying to do the same.”

“But—”

I held up my hand. “I don’t really want to get into this with you. I’m just saying that you’re mighty judgemental of Cole, saying he doesn’t even deserve a second chance. You said Gage moved here to get away from people like you. Maybe you should think about that the next time you want to make Cole feel shittier than he already does about what he did.”

I’d finally silenced her.

“Now, if you don’t mind, my father is about to make a horrible mistake, but unlike you, when he realises his mistake, I won’t judge him for it.”
Okay, I might a little, but I’m trying to make a point.

She relented, stepping to the side so I could pass her.

I wanted to hate her. Clearly, there was a reason she was Reece’s best friend—they were obviously a lot alike. But strangely, I knew where she was coming from. She’d only heard Reece’s side of the story, she was biased and pissed off at the justice system because of the issues surrounding her boyfriend, friend—whatever the hell he was to her.

Arriving to the room Reece was getting ready in, I knocked before entering, making sure to plaster a fake smile on my face. I tried to make it feel sincere but totally failed.

A makeup artist was finishing Reece’s face. She smiled as she saw me, but I was convinced it was another “Ha, ha, I win,” kind of sneer.

Her dress was plain but elegant. Long flowing chiffon gathered at a diamante-clad waist under a sweetheart neckline.

I looked like a marshmallow next to her in my tight baby pink corset and poufy tea-length skirt. My dress looked like something out of the fifties that a housewife would wear. It was stylish, just not my thing.

“Ready?” Reece asked as Pip entered the room behind me.

“Shouldn’t we be asking you that?” Pip beamed.

“Oh, I’m ready.”

Yeah, and I’m ready to bail.

****

Being the bullshit maid of honour, I was walking down the aisle of the small church with the handsome best man, my brother Danny.

Pip and my uncle were ahead of us, taking their place at the altar.

“You could at least try to look like you’re happy,” Danny whispered out the corner of his mouth.

“I’m smiling, aren’t I?”

“It looks more like you’re gritting your teeth.” He knew me so well.

I forced myself to smile wider. “Better?”

We reached the end of the aisle before he could answer.

Cody was following us with the rings, walking just a few feet ahead of Reece and her father.

She took forever to walk down the aisle, staring at my dad lovingly, only throwing one smug look my way.

As I stood there, watching Dad and Reece exchange vows, I found it hard to tame my anger.

Suck it up. This is happening.

I sighed as the minister droned on and on about true love. Whatever that was. The closest thing I’d ever come to that was ripped away from me by small-world circumstances.

Sure, there was a small part of me keeping an eye on the doors for something to happen. I was waiting for my miracle, my happily-ever-after, to bust down the door and somehow stop the wedding. That, of course, didn’t happen. In real life, shit like that just didn’t happen.

When the minister pronounced Dad and Reece husband and wife, a loud breath of finality left me. It was done.

Now I just had to get through an hour or two of photos, and then I could hit the open bar.

Bring it.

****

“Are you sure you should have another drink?” a deep voice said in my ear. I didn’t even notice him approach.

Beside me, Danny and Sara stiffened.

I turned to the owner of the smooth voice with a smile. “Been counting my drinks, Hunter? That’s a bad habit you have. Even when Cole’s not around, you can’t help yourself?”

Hunter nodded. “Yup. Just as I thought.” He grabbed my drink off me, downed it, and then offered me his hand. “You’re drunk, and I want to dance. Therefore, you’re my perfect lady.” He glared at Sara as he led me to the dancefloor.

“Subtle,” I scoffed.

He took me into his arms, one hand on the small of my back and the other clutching mine to his chest. We started swaying to the slow beat, and he had his trademark smirk on his face.

“Why are you smiling?”

“Because I just got a text from someone and it made me smile.”

I looked back towards our assigned table where Danny and Sara were talking.

“Not from her, dumbass. From Cole.”

“Ugh. I don’t want to talk about him.”

“Fair enough. But I think you’ll want to hear what he had to say. I just thought you should be sober to do it. So I’m going to be on you until you sober a little, okay?”

I threw my head on his shoulder and continued to sway to the beat. “Okay.” I gave in super easy. Mainly because I was buzzed and easily manipulated but also because I desperately wanted to know what he had to say. I hated that.

“Good girl.”

Hunter and I danced for a while, we joked around, and we laughed and had fun. He dragged me to the bar but pumped me full of water instead of alcohol. I didn’t know what it was he was going to tell me, but no matter what he had to say to me, it wasn’t going to change the fact Cole and I couldn’t be together. But maybe …

“Ugh. Can you just tell me now? I think I’m sober enough, and I kind of can’t take it anymore. I’m getting too hopeful, and I need to squash that down. So just tell me.”

He chuckled and looked at his watch. “One more dance, sweetness.”

I narrowed my eyes, but followed him back out onto the dancefloor. One good thing about hanging out with Hunter at this crappy reception was that I’d barely seen my dad and Reece.

“Why do I feel like you’re stalling for time?”

He laughed again but avoided answering me by spinning me on the dancefloor.

“Hunter, just tell me.”

“It’s not my thing to tell.” As another song finished, Justin Bieber’s “Baby” started to play. Hunter rubbed his jaw. “That’s my exit.” He started walking off, and I went to follow him, but strong arms pulled me back into a warm body.

“I requested this song for you because I know how much of a belieber you are.” With the warm breath on my neck and the sexy-as-fuck voice in my ear, I thought I must’ve passed out and gone to heaven—or died and was dreaming.
Wait … reverse that.
Maybe Hunter was right—I
was
drunk.

I turned in Cole’s arms. “I said I liked his new song. Not this …”—I waved my hand in the air—“crap.”

His blinding smile was asking to be wiped off with my lips. I shook my head. That couldn’t happen. Not at
their
wedding.

“What are you doing here, Cole?”

“This.” He took my mouth with his, and it reminded me so much of the very first kiss we shared, next to a pool table, in a random bar. His tongue was demanding as it danced with mine, and his hand was soft as it cradled the back of my head. Tingles shot all over my body, which was quaking with need. The kiss was perfect, even with the rounds of gasps echoing throughout the room.

The shock finally registered and I broke my mouth away from his. Even though I had the willpower to break the kiss, I didn’t have the willpower to take a step away. My arms were around his neck, and I had no intention of removing them.

“You probably shouldn’t have done that,” I whispered.

“Oh, trust me, it’s fine.”

“How can you say that?”

“That miracle we’d both been hoping for? He’s here.”

“Huh?”

“Please keep in mind that I didn’t want to hurt your dad, but Spence was adamant he had to get here … and, well, he’s a little drunk.”

“Wait … Spence is our miracle? A drunk miracle?”

He lifted his chin in a nod and tried not to smile. “We tried to get here before the thing started, but we didn’t know where it was considering neither of us were invited, so I texted Hunter and—” He turned me in his arms to face the bride and groom who were sitting at their two-person table with Spence standing in front of them—wearing jeans and a tee, no less. Then again, looking back at Cole, I noticed he was dressed similarly.

“What’s going on?” I asked just as Dad stood with his face red and irate.

Dad reached for the microphone that sat on his table, and the surrounding crowd of guests assumed it was speech time. They clinked their glasses with their cutlery, anticipatory gleams in all of their eyes.

“It has come to my attention,” my dad started saying, but his voice was all off. This wasn’t a happy speech. “That my daughter may have been right when she told me not to marry the woman sitting next to me.”

Gasps louder than those from when Cole kissed me hissed around the room.

It was then that I noticed Reece. She was bawling her eyes out, still sitting at the bridal table with her head down. Spence stood beside her with his arms folded.

My mouth was agape. Everything was going so slow, even though it all happened so fast.