One Night with Sole Regret 03 Take Me (17 page)

Damn, she looked good in that shirt.

More pounding.
Shade
stomped off
to see who dared interrupt his attempts to earn extra credit with Amanda against the kitchen table.

Shade opened the door to Adam. Should have known he’d be responsible for Shade’s discomfort.

“This better be an emergency,” Shade said.

“I need to talk to you.”

Shade took a moment to look Adam over more carefully. He was wearing the same clothes he’d had on the day before
,
and he looked as if he’d slept in them. Or
as
if he hadn’t slept at all.

“You look like shit,” Shade said. He stepped aside and allowed Adam to enter the house.

“Yeah, that sometimes happens when you’re up all night.”

“Let me guess
:
y
ou drove back to Dallas to hook up with your counselor again.”

“Actually I was in the emergency room, but that’s not why I’m here.” Adam’s gaze moved to a point behind Shade
,
and his eyes widened. “Amanda?”

“Hey, Adam,” she said. “Did I overhear that you were in the ER? What happened? Are you hurt?”

“No, my dad’s in the hospital.”

“Oh,” Amanda said. “Is he okay?”

“Sort of.”

“Shit, man. Why didn’t you call last night? Do you need a few days off?” Shade asked.

“No, that’s not why I’m here. They assure me he’ll be fine. I came over here to talk to you. We need to clear the air, Shade. I can’t take this anger between us anymore.”

“Clear the air?”

“I need to know what you think I did that was so wrong.”

Shade’s spine straightened. He
had no idea
why Adam would
choose
now of all times to
pick
a fight. “What I
think
you did wrong?”

Adam closed his eyes and took a deep breath. “
Apparently
, you think I’ve done something truly horrible, but I don’t even know what it is. So you can tell me and we can hash this out here
.
O
r
,
if you’d rather
,
we can keep pissing each other off for reasons I don’t understand.”

Shade was flabbergasted. All this time he
’d
thought Adam was
an
inconsiderate
prick
,
selfish and callous about stealing
on
e
of the most
significant
events of Shade’s life from him
, and now Adam was saying he didn’t know why Shade had been infuriated with him for years?

“You really don’t know what you did?”

“I’m pretty sure it has something to do with my drug abuse. I was wasted all the time when it all went down, but no, I don’t remember.”

“You don’t remember me shoving my finger down your throat in Nashville so you’d
purge
whatever cocktail of pills you’d ingested that night?”

Adam gave a barely perceptible shake of his head.

“You don’t remember throwing up all over me and me drag
ging
you out of the tour bus because the EMTs couldn’t fit the gurney up through the door?”

“No, I don’t.”

“You don’t remember calling me a meddling asshole and telling me to mind my own business and that you could get high if you wanted to?”

Adam smirked. “I do remember that.”

Shade scowled at him. “You don’t remember dying in the ambulance? You don’t remember them defibrillating you back to life?”

Adam’s jaw dropped.
His breath caught.
H
e went white.

“I
died
?”

“Yes, Adam, you fucking died and while I was watching your own selfish stupidity kill you, my baby was taking her first breath in another hospital. I missed Julie’s birth because you were so insistent on destroying yourself.”

Adam ran a shaking hand through his thick black hair.
“Shade, I don’t remember much of anything from those days. I was in a bad place then.”

“Now is different?”

Adam’s hands clenched into fists.
“Yes, now is totally different! I’m not doing drugs anymore. You’re too busy to notice. Or care.”

Shade closed his eyes and shook his head. He wished he was too busy to care. He was just so tired of this.
So tired of Adam’s denial.
His lies.
“You
’
re still doing drugs, Adam. I caught you smoking pot two nights ago. So soon you forget.”

Adam rubbed his haggard face with both hands and then crossed his arms over his chest. “It was just a little. And it was only pot. I mean…” He scowled, obviously still in denial. “You smoke it.”

“I haven’t smoked pot in years, Adam. Not since Julie was born. I grew up while you were stoned out of your mind. You just didn’t notice.”

Adam released a heavy sigh. “I’m not going to do drugs anymore, Shade.”

Shade lifted an eyebrow at him.

Adam stood there with his hands clenching and unclenching. His entire body was tense. Shade had seen this behavior before. Adam got this way right before he started swinging his fists. Shade waited for him to snap. He’d knock him on his ass if he had
t
o.
Wouldn’t be the first time.
Adam’s intense, gray-eyed gaze bored into Shade’s, but instead of lashing out at him, he said, “Fuck, Shade. Why can’t you give me a second chance?”

Adam was still blaming his difficulties on everyone but himself. Was the guy incapable of seeing reality?

“A second chance?”
Shade yelled, unable to keep his temper in check any longer. “I’ve already given you a second chance, Adam.
And a third chance.
And a hundredth chance.”
Shade shoved him in the shoulder, forcing Adam to take a step back. “Just how many fucking chances do you think you deserve?”

Adam’s features hardened. “You don’t believe I’ve changed. You don’t believe I’m taking control of my life. The only one who sees the real me is Madison.”

Shade released a derisive snort.
“Your counselor?
The one you’re screwing?” Shade shook his head at him. “She’s going to see what she wants to see. She’s become your biggest enabler. There are some women you should
never
fuck.”

Adam tilted his head toward the doorway that Amanda had graced only moments before.
“Such as your ex-wife’s sister?”

Touché.
“Fuck off, Adam. You don’t know anything about my life.”

“And you don’t know anything about mine.”

Shade narrowed his eyes. He really wished he could give the guy the benefit of the doubt, but he could only try to put a broken train back on its track so many times before he had to believe the engine’s only course was derailment. And as much as Adam liked to think his life was
proceeding
smoothly now, Shade could see disaster coming from a mile away. He wasn’t going to be the one who tried to save
Adam
anymore. Been there, done that, bought the T-shirt. It didn’t fit anymore.

“Why is your dad in the hospital?” Shade really didn’t need to ask. He knew the answer.

Adam lowered his eyes, going from pissed to
defeated
in the span of one breath. “He got his hands on some bad drugs and had an adverse reaction.
Blames me for not hooking him up with my dealer.”

“Wonderful.” Shade snorted. “Why hold out on him?”

Adam scowled. “I don’t have a fucking dealer, Shade. When did you turn into such an asshole?”

“When you took one too many things from me that I can never get back.”
Shade squeezed the bridge of his nose. He was not going to punch
Adam
today, no matter how much he wanted to. “Have you said your piece?”

Adam nodded.
“Yeah.
I’m sorry I died and made you
miss
Julie’s birth. I would have waited until the next day to end it all had I known Tina was going to pop out your baby three weeks early. At least I understand why you hate me now. I’d hate me too.”

That was the most mature observation Adam had made in years.
And an actual apology instead of defensive avoidance?
Maybe Adam was making progress. Maybe he
was
getting his life together. Maybe Shade could let himself care about the guy again
. He had to be sure Adam was on the road to recovery before he trusted his progress,
b
ecause
Adam had
had ripped out Shade’s heart a million fucking times in the past, and
he couldn’t let him do it again
.

“I don’t hate you,
”
Shade said. He never had.

Adam closed his eyes and drew a deep breath into his chest. “I don’t hate you either.”

Uncomfortable over exchanging feelings with a dude, Shade stared at the floor and stood in silence for several minutes.

“I’ll, um, see you on the bus,” Adam said
. He
also seemed to find the hardwood at their feet utterly fascinating.

“Yeah, good.
Hope your
d
ad
gets better soon.”

“Thanks. I should dump him off somewhere and hope he doesn’t find his way back, but I just can’t do it. Not even after all the shit he
’s
put me through.”

Shade knew more about the shit Adam’s father had put him through than anyone. When they’d been back in high school, Shade had no idea how many times Adam had hid out at his house just to feel a bit of security. Shade’s family had welcomed Adam. Shade’s mother was some sort of stray magnet, be the
strays
broken people or lost animals. Shade had been disappointed and yeah,
hurt
, when Adam had chosen to follow in his father’s footsteps. Shade hadn’t wanted that
for
Adam
and hadn’t known what to do.
How to help.
He’d tried to force Adam to see the light, but it hadn’t worked.
Adam had always
said
he wanted to build a better life for himself
,
that he didn’t want to be anything like his father, and yet he’d followed the failed life of the man he resented almost to the letter. The only thing that had kept Adam from sending himself to a
n early grave was that his band
mates happened to give a shit about him,
whether
he saw it that way or not.

“You really should get the man out of your life,” Shade said. “He’s never going to change.”

“I don’t need him to be perfect,” Adam said quietly. “I just want him to be my dad. After all this time, I still want that.”

Shade leaned forward and squeezed Adam’s shoulder. He wished he could say he understood what Adam was going through, but he didn’t. He could support him though. Or try to. “If you need something, you can call me.”

Adam’s head lifted and he met
Shade’s
eyes. He chuckled half-heartedly. “You don’t mean that.”

“Yeah, I do. I know how hard it is to deal with an addict who doesn’t see he’s destroying himself.”

Adam grinned crookedly. “They’re a total pain in the ass.”

“But they can get better.” Shade hoped.
Please
,
let him be better.

“Yeah.”
Adam took a deep breath and glanced at the front door. “I’m going to go now. And it’s none of my business who you mess around with, but
Amanda
?” Adam shook his head. “Didn’t you learn your lesson with the younger Lange sister?”

“I think I
chose
the wrong one.” Shade sighed.
H
e knew he couldn’t be with Amanda in any serious capacity, but the woman brought him joy, which was a good enough reason to keep his hands off her. He knew he’d fuck things up with her spectacularly
,
and she’d take that good feeling with her when she left.

“Just don’t do anything stupid.”

Too late.
“I’ll see you later,” Shade said. He was ready to continue being stupid with the lovely woman in question. At least until he had to leave to meet the tour bus.

Shade and Adam exchanged an awkward bro-hug, slapping each other’s backs with enough force to knock the wind out of an elephant
,
and then Adam let
himself
out of the house.

Smiling, Shade went in search of trouble. He found her in his shower.