One Special Christmas & Home for the Holidays (8 page)

“You know why.”

“Because of Jack.”

“I still love him, Amy. I still feel married. It just
doesn't seem right, somehow, to go out with another man. Even one who's not interested in romance.”

There was silence for a brief moment before Amy spoke. “Can I tell you something, Kate?”

“Why do I have the feeling you will anyway, even if I say no?”

“Because you know me too well,” Amy replied pertly. Then her voice grew more serious. “Look, I'll just say this straight out, okay? I know you loved Jack. And I know why. He was a great guy. We
all
loved him. And we all still miss him. We always will. As his wife, I know you feel the loss more intensely than any of us can even imagine. When I think of life without Cal… Well, it makes me understand in a very small way the pain you've had to deal with. But Jack wouldn't want you to go through the rest of your life without ever really living again, Kate. And part of living is loving. I know you have Sarah. But I'm not talking about that kind of love. You're the kind of woman who blossoms when she's loved by the right man. That's not to say you're not strong or capable or independent. You're all of those things, and you've proved it over and over again these past five years. But don't close yourself off to life—and love—because of a misplaced sense of obligation or guilt. Jack wouldn't want that, and deep in your heart you know that. Nothing can ever take away the memory of the special love you two shared. That's yours forever. But maybe it's time to start making some new memories.”

For a long moment there was silence. Sometimes Kate felt that Amy, though two years younger, was really the older of the two. She was so solid, so grounded, so blessed with common sense and the ability to quickly analyze a situation and offer valuable insight. People
didn't always like what Amy said. But they could rarely deny the truth of her words.

“Kate?” Amy said worriedly. “Are you still there? Look, I'm sorry if I overstepped, but—”

“It's okay,” Kate interrupted. “Actually, I think you're right in a lot of ways. It's just that… Well, it's not easy to let go.”

“I know, hon,” Amy murmured sympathetically. “But you're going to have to let go before you can really get on with your life.”

Kate played with the phone cord. “Jack's kind of slipping away anyway, you know?” Her voice broke on the last word.

“Oh, Kate, I wish I was there right now to give you a hug!”

“Yeah, so do I.”

“You know, maybe this slipping away is Jack's—and the Lord's—way of telling you it's time to move on.”

“Maybe. But… I don't know. I guess I'm just scared, Amy.”

“That's okay. That's normal. But don't let fear stop you. It's like that old saying about ships. They may be safe in the harbor, but that's not what they're built for. I think it's time for you to set sail, Kate.”

“How come you always know the right thing to say?” Kate asked, smiling mistily as she swiped at her eyes.

Amy chuckled. “My kids wouldn't agree with that.”

“They will when they get older. Listen, thanks, okay? I feel a lot better.”

“So are you going with Eric?”

“I guess so. But don't start getting any romantic ideas. I told you, he's not in the market.”

“That's okay. At least he'll get you back into
circulation, introduce you to some new people. That's a start. And I'll want a full report next Sunday. Except
I'll
call
you.
Agreed?”

“Agreed.”

 

“So, you've been holding out on your old pal all this time.”

Eric glanced up from the chart he was reading. Frank was lounging against the door of his office, arms folded, one ankle crossed over the other, his accusatory tone tempered by the twinkle in his eyes.

“What's that supposed to mean?” As if he didn't know. He'd been waiting all afternoon for Frank to pounce and demand details about Eric's date.

“You know very well what I mean. Here I think you're a miserable, lonely, driven man desperately in need of female companionship and then you show up with a babe like Kate. Boy, you had me fooled! Where have you been hiding her all this time?”

“I haven't been ‘hiding' her anywhere. And I'm not sure she'd appreciate the term ‘babe,' even though I know you mean it in an entirely flattering way. How about if we just refer to her as the Queen of Lawn Darts?”

Frank grimaced. “Ouch! You would have to bring that up. I just had an off night. So…” He ambled over and perched on the edge of Eric's desk, not about to be distracted. “Tell me everything. Where did you meet this goddess? And how serious are you two?”

“We're just friends, Frank. That's it.”

His partner gave a skeptical snort. “Yeah. Like Ma Barker was just a sweet old lady.”

“I'm serious.”

“You expect me to buy that after the way you were looking at her all night?”

Eric sent him a startled look. “What do you mean?”

“Oh, come on, man. You hung on her every word.
You made it a point to keep tabs on her whenever you were apart—which wasn't often. And you have that look in your eye.”

“What look?”

“Smitten. Enamored. Head over heels. Is that descriptive enough?”

Eric frowned. “You're crazy.”

“Uh-uh. I know that look. Had it once myself. Still do sometimes, in fact.”

“Well, with all due respect to your powers of perception, you're way off base this time, pal.”

Frank tilted his head and considered his friend thoughtfully for a moment. Then he grinned and stood. “Good try. But no sale. However, I get the message—butt out. Okay, that's fine, don't bare your soul to me, even though I'm your best friend in the world. I can read a No Trespassing sign when I see one.” He ambled to the door and disappeared into the hall, but a moment later he stuck his head back inside and grinned. “But I don't pay any attention to signs. I'll wear you down eventually, you know. In the meantime, don't worry, buddy. Your secret's safe with me.”

Eric stared at the doorway, then frowned and leaned back in his chair, absently playing with his pen. Frank might be a bit outspoken and on the boisterous side, but his powers of perception were keen. Usually he nailed a person's personality within five minutes of meeting him or her. He was even more intuitive about friends and associates. Sometimes it was almost scary.

Like right now.

Eric's frown deepened. Was Frank overreacting? Or had he seen something Eric had overlooked? There was no question that he liked Kate. And he
had
carried a memory of her in his mind for more than five years—but
only because he'd been struck by her beauty and obvious love for her husband. Her transparent devotion had made a tremendous impact on him in light of his own disintegrating marriage. But he hardly knew her. They'd only gone out once, had spent barely four hours in each other's company socially. And it hadn't even been a real date.

And yet… Eric couldn't deny that there was at least a kernel of truth in Frank's assessment. He
was
attracted to Kate. To her beauty, certainly, but even more to her person, to who she was, to her essence. Attracted enough to want to get to know her better. And that wasn't good. Because Eric truly believed that in the sight of God he was still married. Through the years he'd never had any trouble remembering that, though countless women had made it clear they were available if he was interested. But he hadn't been. Until now.

Eric reached up with one hand and wearily massaged his temples. He wasn't going to compromise his values by allowing himself to get involved with Kate romantically, even if the lady was willing. Which she wasn't. It was obvious that her late husband had never relinquished his claim on her heart. And even if
he
was free—which he wasn't—getting involved with someone whose heart belonged to another was a recipe for disaster.

Besides, medicine and marriage didn't mix. He'd learned that the hard way. And he'd better not forget it.

Asking Kate to the dinner had probably been a mistake, Eric conceded with a sigh as he pulled the next chart toward him and flipped it open. But he couldn't retract the invitation now. All he could do was make sure it was the last one. Keeping their contact to a minimum was clearly the right thing to do—for everyone's sake.

But if that was true, why did it feel so wrong?

 

Kate was nervous. She'd spent the entire week second-guessing her decision to go with Eric tonight, less sure with each day that passed about the wisdom of her decision. She'd almost called Amy for another pep talk. But she already knew what her sister would say: “You need to do this, Kate. It's time. It's a first step. Just think of it that way and you'll be fine.”

And of course, Amy would be right. After all, it was just a dinner with a nice man who, for whatever reason, had found her engaging enough to want to spend a second evening with her. A man who had no interest in her beyond friendship. So why was she nervous?

“You look pretty, Mommy. Is that a new dress?”

Kate turned back to the mirror. A new dress? Hardly, she thought wryly. The limited money available for new clothes was generally spent on Sarah. Kate had foraged deep in the recesses of her closet for this dress. She'd given away most of her dressier clothes when she sold the house, having neither the room nor the need for them, but she'd kept a couple of things that were classic in style and would be serviceable for any number of functions. This sleeveless linen-like black sheath with a square neckline could be paired with a jacket for a “business” look or worn alone, accented with costume jewelry, for a dressier effect. It had made the “keeper” cut because it was practical. Tonight, a clunky hammered-gold necklace and matching earrings added some glamour to its simple lines, and she'd arranged her hair in a more sophisticated style. The outfit still might not be dressy enough for a black-tie event, Kate acknowledged, but it was the best she could do.

“No, honey. I've had this in my closet for a long time.”

“From when Daddy was here?”

The innocent question made Kate's stomach clench, and she gripped the edge of the vanity. She'd bought it shortly after Sarah was born as an incentive to return to her pre-pregnancy measurements, but she'd never worn it.

“Yes, honey. It's as old as you are,” she replied, struggling to maintain an even tone.

“Well, I like it. I bet Dr. Eric will, too.”

The doorbell rang, and with an, “I'll get it,” Sarah scampered off.

Determinedly, Kate put thoughts of the past aside and forced herself to focus on the conversation in the living room as she added a final touch of lipstick.

“Hi, Dr. Eric. Hi, Aunt Anna.”

“Hello there, Sarah.” Eric's deep voice had a mellow, comforting quality, Kate reflected, her lips curving up slightly.

“Hello, Sarah,” Anna greeted the youngster.

On hearing the older woman's voice, Kate felt a pang of guilt. Anna had offered to keep Sarah overnight at her place so Kate and Eric wouldn't have to worry about staying out too late. But Kate had balked. Sarah wasn't even five yet, she had rationalized. It was too soon for her to be gone all night, even though it would have been more convenient for everyone.

“Mommy is almost ready. She looks really pretty. Do you think Mommy is pretty, Dr. Eric?”

There was a momentary pause, and Kate felt hot color surge to her face. But it grew even redder at Eric's husky response. “I think your mommy is beautiful, Sarah.”

She had to get out there now, before Sarah asked any other embarrassing questions, Kate thought desperately.
Willing the flush on her cheeks to subside, she flipped off the light and hurried down the hall.

“Well, here's Kate now,” Anna said brightly. “My dear, you look lovely.”

“Thanks, Anna.” Her gaze flickered to her escort. “Hello, Eric.” She intended to say more, but her voice deserted her as their gazes met. He looked fabulous tonight, she thought in awe. The black tux was a perfect complement to his blond hair, and it sat well on his tall, muscular frame, emphasizing his broad shoulders and dignified bearing. Her heart stopped, then raced on. Good heavens, what was she getting herself into? she thought in panic.

Eric took in Kate's attire in one swift, comprehensive glance that missed nothing. Fashionably high heels that accentuated the pleasing line of her legs. A figure-hugging sheath that showed off her slender curves to perfection. A neckline that revealed an expanse of creamy, flawless skin. She looked different tonight, he thought, swallowing with difficulty. Gorgeous. Glamorous. And very desirable. His mouth went dry and his pulse lurched into overdrive.

As his stunned gaze locked with hers, he realized that she seemed equally dazed. Her eyes were slightly glazed and the hand she ran distractedly through her hair was trembling. But no less so than his, he realized, jamming it into his pocket. Electricity fairly sizzled in the air between them.

“Mommy, how come your face is red?” Sarah asked innocently.

Anna stepped in smoothly. “Because she put on extra blush to go with her fancy dress,” the older woman replied matter-of-factly. “Now, you two better be on your way or you'll miss dinner.”

With an effort Kate dragged her gaze from Eric's. “Yes, y-you're right. I'll just get my purse.”

Eric watched her flee down the hall and then drew a shaky breath. He wasn't sure exactly what had happened just now. All he knew was that the smoldering look he'd just exchanged with Kate had left him reeling.

In the sanctuary of her bedroom, Kate forced herself to take several long, slow breaths. What on earth had gone on just now? She felt as if a lightning bolt had zapped her. Eric hadn't even spoken to her, yet they'd connected on some basic level that needed no words. Or had they? Maybe it was all one-sided. Could she have imagined the spark that had flashed between them? It didn't seem possible. And how could she walk back out there and pretend that nothing had happened? But she had no choice. She couldn't acknowledge a thing. The ramifications of doing so were way too scary.