One Summerhill Day (The Summerhill Series Book 1) (10 page)

Chapter Twelve

“I had guessed.” Snuggled up against him while he slept, she had felt the hard material beneath his jeans, a harsh contrast to the soft skin of his right leg. She wanted to cry for him, but knew better than to do that. He would take it as a sign of pity…and there was nothing she pitied about this man.

“Do you want me to leave?” He wouldn’t look at her.

She brushed her hand through his hair, then turned his head gently until their eyes met. “No, Ryan. I don’t want you to leave. The fact that you wear a prosthesis doesn’t change how I feel about you. I’m thankful you survived so I can have the pleasure of being held in your arms. But thank you for telling me. It helps me understand you a little better.” She paused for a moment before continuing. “Who’s Chad?”

He stared at her, a myriad of emotions crossing his face before he spoke. “Chad was my best friend. He died in the explosion.”

His phone rang. He reached over to the table and answered it on speaker. “Ramsay.”

“Ryan,” his sarge barked into the phone. “I need you. How fast can you get here?”

“If I can get out of the garage, I’ll be there in fifteen minutes.”

“The garage? Where the hell are you, at your folks?”

Rather than answer the question, he said, “I’ll let you know if there’s a problem. See you in fifteen.”

He set the phone back on the table and cupped Cait’s face. He kissed her deeply, with more feeling than he ever had before. “I have to leave. Probably a mess out there.” He sat up and ran a hand through his hair. “Promise me you won’t go anywhere?”

“I promise. Believe me, I have no desire to drive in this weather, and I’m not done with orientation, so I doubt the hospital will call me. What time is it?”

“Good. It’s a little after four.” He squeezed her hand, then got up to retrieve his belongings. “You have food?”

“Yes, do you want an energy bar or something to take with you?”

“No. I have some in my car.” He put on his coat. “I’ll come back and shovel for you tomorrow.”

“Ryan, that’s not necessary. I can shovel…that is, if I have a shovel.” She gave him a lopsided grin, but his offer filled her heart with warmth.

“I’ll check on my way out. I think I saw one hanging on the garage wall. Nice that the previous residents left a few things for you. If not, I’ll grab one on my way over here tomorrow.”

She stood up and walked him to the door. “Please be careful out there.”

He nodded. “And Cait?

“Yeah?”

“I can shovel, too.” He kissed her cheek. “I’m not an invalid.”

She smiled. “Don’t I know it…I think you’ve already shown me that in more ways than one.

He laughed as he walked out the door.

***

Still grinning, Ryan opened the garage door and backed out, then got out to close it behind him after checking to see that she had a shovel. This was unusual for him. It was the first time he’d left a girl’s house with a smile on his face since before the incident.

The roads were a mess, but traveling was easier once he got on the main road, which had been plowed. Cars sat in the ditch on both sides of the road. People never knew enough to stay home in bad weather. He checked each one to make sure no one was inside before continuing on to the station.

His brother was emerging from the front door just as he walked up to it.

“Holy shit,” Jake said, shaking his head.

“What?”

“You have a smile on your face, and it’s early morning. What, you get laid last night?”

Ryan didn’t answer him—he kept right on walking.

“No shit!” He slapped him on the shoulder. “Good for you.”

“Shut the hell up, Jake.”

His brother’s laughter followed him as Ryan walked into the precinct building, and it was hard not to keep smiling.

***

The storm kept Ryan and his partner busy; they cruised around town, making certain no drivers or passengers were in any of the stranded cars, forming a list of all the cars that needed towing. By the middle of the afternoon, Ryan finally had the opportunity to head home. He decided to go to Cait’s first to make sure she could get out for work tomorrow. Her driveway was short, so he thought he could handle it himself.

He pulled in and noticed Cait shoveling up near the garage. Hell, she shouldn’t be out in this cold shoveling. She stepped aside so he could pull in the garage, and as soon as his vehicle was in park, he hopped out of his car.

“Cait, I’ll do that.” He headed straight for her and grabbed the shovel out of her hands.

“I can, too.” She settled her hands on her hips and glared at him.

“Well, you did a nice job starting, but you should let me finish.” He had to admit, Cait looked damn cute in her sweats and ski jacket. Her nose was pink, which made him grin.

“What?” She gave him a suspicious look.

He grinned. “I can tell you’ve been out here a while. Your nose is pink.”

She scowled and tried to hide her nose with her gloves. “Well, this is heavy snow.”

She let her hands fall to her sides. “Ryan, you look tired. Have you been working since four this morning?”

“Yeah, a couple of the guys live way out and couldn’t get in. I stayed a few extra hours.”

He shoveled the packed snow as he talked. It had taken him some practice to learn to balance with his prosthesis, but he managed pretty well now.

“Would you like some coffee or cocoa when you’re done?”

He stopped and rested his hands on the shovel. “Sure, cocoa sounds good if you have it. I don’t want any caffeine. I’m going to head straight home to sleep.” He didn’t want her getting any ideas of a repeat of last night, not in the daylight. Though she knew the truth, he wasn’t ready for her to
see
everything yet.

Cait went inside and he kept going. He’d made his way to the end when his foot slid on ice and he fell face first in the snow. One thing he’d learned about his prosthesis was that once he started to fall, there was no stopping it.

Cait rushed to his side as he started to get himself back up. “Here, let me help.” Her hands grabbed under his arms and she tried to lift him.

“Cait,” he yelled. “I can do it myself.”

Cait’s hands dropped away and she stood back. “Sorry, I was just trying to help.”

“I know, and I appreciate it, but I need to learn how to do everything myself.” He pushed himself upright and finished shoveling, then walked back into the garage. Cait followed him without a word, and he felt a pang of guilt. He shouldn’t have yelled at her, but it was important to him to be able to do everything the same way he’d done it before his injury.

Her smile was gone, but as polite as ever, she said, “Thanks for shoveling. Why don’t you come in for your cocoa?”

Since he had asked for it, he couldn’t very well decline, so he followed her inside. Rather than sit at the kitchen table, he stood just inside the door and removed his gloves. She handed him the mug in silence.

“Sorry, Cait. I shouldn’t have yelled. I’m still adjusting to my injury, I guess.”

“How long have you had the prosthesis?”

“A couple of years.”

Silence again. It stretched on for a few uncomfortable moments before she spoke up again.

“Don’t you think it would help if you talked about that day? Talking about incidents is the only thing that helps you get past them.”

“I know. I talk to my counselor.”

“Oh. Well, I’m glad you see one.”

“It was a condition of my employment in the PD, but I like going to her, so I continued. Now I go whenever I feel the need.”

She nodded. “Still, maybe it would help our relationship if you talked about it with me. I might understand better.”

He handed the cup back to her and put his gloves back on. “Thanks for the cocoa. I’m tired, so I’m going to go home to bed.” He thought about exactly what he wanted to say. “I don’t want to talk to you about it.” He turned to leave, but before he stepped out, he said, “You can’t fix me, Cait.”

***

On Wednesday morning, Cait strode into the emergency room at seven a.m., happy to finally be on her unit and done with the hospital orientation. She would still be paired with Mallory for three weeks, which would be fun and helpful, and she was anxious to return to patient care. She left her jacket, purse, and lunch in her locker, then headed to the nurse’s station to find her new friend.

“Pull up a chair,” Mallory said. “Not much happening right now. You know how the morning lull is. But it gives us an hour or so to go over all our paperwork and make sure everything is ready for the patients.”

A couple of hours later, Mallory had finished with all her busy work, but things were still quiet. Sheri and Linda both had patients, so she and Mallory were up for the next admission. Caitlyn knew what emergency rooms were like. One moment no one was there; the next, it was overflowing. She had learned to enjoy the quiet moments. They were a chance for the nurses to chat and spend quality time together.

“So,” Mallory said, “you lost both your parents at an awfully young age. That must have been really difficult. It was terrible for us to lose our mother, but thank goodness we still have my dad. I couldn’t imagine what it would be like if they were both gone.”

Caitlyn sighed. “Yeah, it was hard, especially because I was an only child. When my dad died, my mother was a wreck. Before long she started drinking and our roles reversed. I used to get her into her nightgown every night, then put her to bed. I cooked dinner usually. But I didn’t do a very good job.”

“But you were thirteen when your dad passed! I couldn’t imagine having to take care of my mother at such a young age. It’s not surprising that you weren’t a stellar cook at that age.”

“No, I mean I didn’t do such a great job taking care of her. She had developed problems with her pancreas, then she caught a super infection that killed her. She had given up a long time ago. I think it really hurt her when I left.”

“Why did you leave?”

“One day when I was fifteen, Aunt Margie came over to see us. She lived on the other side of town. She flipped when she saw the way we were living. My mother was in bed, but she’d vomited on herself and could barely converse. My aunt helped me clean her up and insisted I move in with her. She said no child should have to do that. She arranged for a home care agency to take care of my mother. So the following school year, I moved in with my aunt. Every time I visited my mom after that, she seemed weaker and weaker.”

“You shouldn’t feel responsible.”

“I know. It was her choice. I tried to convince her to quit, but she couldn’t. Drinking was an addiction for her. I know in her heart she wanted to stop.”

“Is that why you became a nurse?”

Caitlyn crossed her arms and stared off into space. “In a way. This is going to sound strange, but I might as well tell you… I had to bring my mother to the emergency room a few times. I learned to relax whenever I stepped into the ER because I knew the nurses and doctors would take care of her for me. My greatest fear was that she’d die alone at home. The sounds and smells of the ER actually became a comfort to me. I think that’s why I became an ER nurse.”

The monitor barked nearby, and Mallory leaned over to answer. Caitlyn listened to the ambulance driver. “MVA, one patient with a possible leg fracture, stable vitals, ETA five minutes.”

“Finally,” Mallory quirked a smile at her. “I mean, I feel bad for the patient, but we’ll have something to do.”

As soon as they stood up, the automatic doors opened and Ryan Ramsay came striding into the ER. Caitlyn froze behind the counter. She could feel the heat pool in her core just from staring at him. Sex the other night had been fantastic, but she hadn’t heard from him since. And something about the look on his face when he left the other afternoon, not to mention his parting words, had told her she needed to wait for him to come to her.

The look on his face wasn’t promising.

Chapter Thirteen

“Morning, Ryan.”

He nodded, “Cait. I just thought I would stop in to let you both know there’s an MVA with multiple injuries. Two ambulances on their way. Things will get busy soon.”

“Thanks, Ry, but usually you text, not call, and we just got the message from one ambulance driver. What’s up?” Mallory had a grim expression. She clearly sensed something was up, just like Caitlyn did.

“If you don’t mind, may I talk to Cait for a few minutes? This won’t take long, she’ll be free before the ambulance arrives.”

Mallory scowled and said, “Sure.”

A strange, dark certainty clung to Caitlyn as she led the way into the break room, Ryan right behind her. Wrong, this was all wrong. As soon as they stepped inside, she turned to face him, her arms crossed in front of her. She knew what was coming; she could read it in his eyes. “What is it?”

Ryan cleared his throat. “Listen, the other night was wonderful, but I don’t think this is working for me. I didn’t want to lead you on, so I thought I would be up front. You might not believe this right now, but I have a lot of respect for you.”

Caitlyn nodded.
So you screw me, then leave me.
Somehow she hadn’t expected it from Ryan, which made it hurt all the more. He had made her
trust
him. She decided not to let him off so easily. “You have a lot of respect for me, so you’re breaking up with me right after we had sex? There wasn’t much there to begin with maybe, but after the other night, I expected there might be something. Didn’t realize it was so bad for you.”

“What? Cait, no. I meant what I said. The other night was amazing, but…”

“But what?” She wrapped her arms tighter in front of her body and fought to hold back the tears. How could she have been this wrong about his feelings for her?

“Look, I’m just not ready for a commitment yet. It’s not a good time. You don’t understand…”

“I never asked you for a commitment, Ryan, but it’s fine.
I’m
fine.” She waved her hand toward the door. “Go. Just go.”

He stared at her for a moment, but he avoided her eyes. “I’m sorry.” Just as he turned to leave, Mallory opened the door. “C’mon, Caitlyn. We’ve got plenty of folks waiting for us now.” She scowled at her brother, then turned around and left without sparing a word for him.

A few hours later, after the chaos had finally calmed, Caitlyn and Mallory had the chance to grab lunch in the break room.

Once they’d settled around a table with their food, Mallory said, “What’d my brother want? He didn’t break up with you, did he?”

“Well, truthfully, there wasn’t much to break up. We had only gone out a couple of times.”

“He brought you to the family picnic. That’s dating to me. Ryan never brings a woman to meet the family.”

“Well, it doesn’t matter. You won’t be seeing me at the inn again.”

Mallory’s head jerked up and she stared at her. “What the hell. That man is a fool if he can’t tell when he has it good.”

Caitlyn didn’t say another word. She wasn’t going to share any of her feelings with Mallory. It wasn’t like she could tell his sister about what had happened the other night…or about how crushed she felt.

The afternoon grew wild and Caitlyn ran the ER like a woman possessed. One nurse had called in sick, so they were short, and she tried to pick up the entire load herself.

At the end of the shift, Mallory said, “You’re running around her like a mad woman. Are you like this all the time?”

“What do you mean?” Caitlyn was in no mood to hear criticism from anyone. She had run herself ragged, sure, but it was the only way she’d been able to keep herself from crying. Everything had been so beautiful a couple of nights ago, and now…

“You’ve been helping everyone’s patients, including ours. It’s a good thing Lucille isn’t here. She’d be in your face because you are everywhere.”

“Sorry, Mallory. I was just trying to help.”

“Well, you did a great job, but don’t burn yourself out. We need you around here.”

And just like that, it felt like all of the emotion of the day finally caught up to her. She’d always pushed herself hard when she was upset, as if doing so would prove to everyone around her that she was worthy of their attention and love and respect. Well, it had never worked with her mother. She had just kept drinking and punishing herself no matter what Caitlyn did. There was no point in driving herself crazy over Ryan Ramsay or trying to win his favor. She would only suffer disappointment again, just like she had with her mother.

Perhaps Ryan had done her a favor.

***

Ryan turned his car off after he pulled into the family inn. He hadn’t wanted to go to the picnic, but he knew he’d have to face everyone eventually. He had felt like shit all week after talking to Cait in the ER, but there’d been no choice.

There were two big problems with Cait. One was she wanted to fix him and he couldn’t tolerate that. Yes, he still had issues. He had been in Iraq, for God’s sake. Who wouldn’t have issues after having his leg blown off by a bomb
and
watching his best friend die? He saw a therapist for that reason. It wasn’t something he wanted from his girlfriend. He knew he would have issues the rest of his life, but he couldn’t spend his time with someone who was desperate to solve his problems for him.

The second problem had to do with intimacy. He had gotten lucky that night. It had been fast and furious and fabulous, but it had also taken place in the dark. He couldn’t take the risk of her seeing him. There was no way he could tolerate the disgust he’d no doubt see in her eyes. It disgusted him to look at himself, so there was no way someone as beautiful and perfect as her could feel different.

He wasn’t happy with what he’d done, but he had his reasons…and his family was just going to have to accept that. He walked into the back room, and dead silence greeted him.

Lorraine finally yelled out, “Hello, hero.”

Ryan grunted a response, then followed her into the kitchen as he usually did. His youngest stepsister, Paige, almost walked into him because she was busy texting.

“Oh, sorry. Hi Ryan! I missed you. Glad you’re here. Where’s Caitlyn?” She glanced over his shoulder as if he might have left her in the other room.

“Cait’s not coming.”

“Oh.” She moved past him. “Later.”

Ryan grabbed some platters of salad and rolls from the kitchen and carried them into the other room. He could smell the pulled pork in the crockpot that was already set out on the center table.

No one spoke until Jake finally said, “Where’s Cait?”

“I don’t know.” No need to explain. They’d all get on his ass anyway.

His father said, “Did you invite her?”

He stopped fussing with the platters and looked up at his dad. “No, I didn’t. We’re done. It just didn’t work out.”

Later that afternoon, Ryan sat down in front of the TV to watch the basketball game. Blake sat down beside him. “I thought there was something great between you. I really liked her and I thought you did, too. What happened?”

Ryan swiveled to stare at his brother. “What difference does it make?”

“Did she break it off?”

Jake and his father sauntered over to join them, but they stood behind the couch rather than sitting down. Matthew and Daniel were on the other couch, but they knew enough to stay out.

“No, I did,” Ryan answered.

Blake paused for a moment, absorbing the information. “Why?”

“Since when do I need my family’s permission to break up with a girl,” he snapped. “It just wasn’t working. Enough said. Leave it.”

Jake circled the couch and sat on the arm of a nearby chair. “Oh, good. ‘Cause if you’re sure you don’t want her, I think I’ll ask her out.”

Ryan bellowed, “Like hell! Stay away from her, Jake.”

“Why would you care if you’ve decided you’re not interested? She’s hot and rich and nice. Give me her number.”

Ryan shot out of his chair and pulled Jake off the arm of the chair by the collar of his shirt. “Stay away from her, and don’t you dare disrespect her either.”

Jake stood up and got in his face. “What are you going to do about it? I’ll ask her if I want.”

“I know what you’re doing, and it won’t work.”

“Yeah, and what am I doing?”

“Trying to piss me off.”

“Is it working?” Jake laughed and stepped back. “You know you want her, so what’s your problem? You don’t think you can handle her?”

Ryan lunged for Jake and shoved him over the coffee table and to the floor. Jake jumped back up and swung his fist back, aimed at Ryan, but he froze in midair.

“Good, hit me, Jake. I’ve been waiting for this. Take me on.”

Their dad came over, his eyes wide with alarm. “Boys, not in the house.”

He shoved Jake again, but Jake held his ground, his fist still pulled back.

“C’mon, hit me. You know you want to. You’ve wanted to for a long time.”

Jake got in his face. “Damn right I have. You’ve got it coming.”

“Then hit me, Jake.” He pushed at his chest again. “Go on, do it. Hit me!”

Jake backed away and dropped his fist. “No.”

“Why not?” He shoved his brother again. He could feel his dad and his brothers around them, but in this moment there was only him and Jake.

“Because, Dad…”

“That’s not why. You punched me plenty of times as a teenager. Stop lying.”

“Yeah, it is why, we can’t damage the house, and I don’t want to upset anyone.”

“No, you won’t hit me because of what I am.”

“What the hell are you talking about?”

“I’m a cripple, and you won’t hit a cripple.”

Jake stared at him. “I can’t believe you just said that. You’re an ass.” He turned away and stalked over to the chair and sat. “Deal with it, Ryan.”

“You need to deal with it. Treat me like you always did before. I’m sick of being treated like I’m gonna break. I’m your brother, the same brother you had before Iraq.”

“Then start acting like him,” Jake shouted. “My brother wouldn’t have run from a girl.”

Ryan grabbed his coat and left, slamming the door behind him.

Fuck, he hated to admit it, but his brother was right.