One to Keep (One to Hold) (13 page)

Her hand returned to the tip of my cock, and I could feel it slippery now. With my eyes closed, my were senses focused on the depth of her kiss, her hand on my dick, and the gradual loosening of that tie. Tightness burst in my stomach as my first arm slipped free.

She noticed it move, and with a shriek, she was off my lap, headed for the bed. But I caught her, pulling her back and slamming into her from behind as we fell together onto the mattress. I held her hips and fucked her hard, and somewhere in the cloud of my angry-frustrated-turned-on-as-hell brain, I heard her cries. It was sick and twisted, and damn. My brain had switched over to primal, and all I knew was her depth, her tightness and that urge to dominate driving me as I gripped her ass, hitting it harder.

“Oh, god, Patrick,” she moaned. Somehow she managed to get her knees under her, and she pushed back. We moved up with her on my lap, arching her back against my chest, deepening my penetration.

“Fuck!” I was going off deep inside her, holding her breasts as she rode me, lifting and dropping as I sat on my knees behind her.

Hot, wet, power, need, more—all the feelings twisted together as I finished. My mixture of emotions made it difficult to know where we were, if she’d made it or not. I was momentarily blinded. We fell forward again on the bed, still connected, and I held her as she finished rocking against me. I massaged her clit and kissed her shoulders, the space behind her neck, up to her ears. She continued moaning and moving against me until slowly, we came down, breathing heavily.

I was spent, rolling onto my back beside her. All the adrenaline that had been raging inside me was now satisfaction mixed with relief. “What the fuck was that about?” My voice was ragged.

Still lying on her stomach, she turned her head, sneaking a peek at me. “It seemed to be about you dominating.”

“I hope you’re on the pill.” I bent my elbows, pushing my fingers into the sides of my hair. Protection had not crossed my mind. I had only thought about one thing just then and we’d done it. She reached up and pulled my elbow nearest her down, watching my face.

“I am.” Her voice was soft, and I looked over at her.

“You probably ruined my best tie.”

“I’m sorry.”

I was calmer now, and the guilty smile on her face was bringing me around. “You’re taking a big risk tying a guy up like that. You’re lucky I don’t have any kind of PTSD.”

“I was just playing with you. Are you mad?”

Hell no, I thought. I wasn’t sure what I felt. “Where did you learn to make knots like that?”

That grin was still pulling on the corner of her mouth. “I told you, I have older brothers.”

I rose up on my elbow then, looking down at her. “If you pull a stunt like that again, I’ll wear you out. I do
not
like being tied up.”

Shyness gone, she laughed. “You don’t have to tell me, I was here. It was intense.”

Her finger touched my nose, running down to my lips. I kissed it and caught her waist, pulling her body to me. “Don’t do it again.”

“You liked it.”

“I’m stronger than you, and I could hurt you.”

“Sounds like we need a safe word.”

My head dropped to her shoulder, and I felt her laugh again, which made me laugh. She was wild, but in a way that surprised and amazed me. Raising my head, I caught her mouth, giving her a rough kiss. “I’ve got my eye on you.”

Her arms wrapped around my neck. “I want your eyes on me.” She kissed my lips lightly. “I want your thoughts on me. Only me. All the time.”

She had no idea. I kissed her again, and she kissed me back. Strong and good and full of feelings neither of us would say out loud yet. But we were getting there. I lowered my face to her chest and wrapped my arms around her waist. The sound of her breath swirling in and out filled my ear and holding her body next to mine, I couldn’t help but wonder, how in the hell would I let her go tomorrow? I had no fucking idea.

* * *

I’d completely forgotten to close the damn curtains when we finally fell asleep last night, and now I was regretting it as the desert sun poured in full-force. At some point, I’d woken up and she was still in my arms. I’d kissed her head and fallen asleep again with her warm body secure against mine, but this time, when I reached out, she was gone.

The shower was going, and I was about to join her when the water shut off, and I heard her moving quickly. I hated the thought of what was coming—this separation was going to hurt like hell. I wasn’t even sure how far Wilmington was from Princeton, but I was pretty confident it was more than a few hours. Still, we could figure it out. I was willing to try, anyway.

The door opened and she paused a moment when she saw me awake. Her blonde hair was damp and had the slightest wave, and a towel was tied under her arms. God, she was so fucking gorgeous. A small smile, a swift kiss to my cheek, and she scooped up the dress she’d been wearing last night. She was back in the bathroom before I could catch her.

“I’ve got to go,” she said as she returned fully clothed. “I haven’t packed or anything.”

“Hang on.” I stepped into the bathroom to take care of both my issues. One of which, I’d much rather have taken care of with her. “Give me a second to change, and I’ll walk you back.”

My shoulders were tight, my whole body was tight as I walked back and sat on the bed, picking up my shorts. This moment had felt far away last night, and now it was playing out way too fast.

“No time!” She kissed my cheek. Her long blonde hair slipped forward into my face, but I caught her as she tried to pull away.

“Elaine. Slow down,” I said with more force. “It won’t take me two seconds to pull on my jeans and a shirt.”

“Patrick.” Her tone stopped me. “I want to say goodbye here.”

Studying her expression, I wasn’t sure how to respond. “That sounds very final.”

She exhaled and sat beside me on the bed not meeting my eyes. “I was awake most of the night thinking, and… I just can’t take another long goodbye.”

“So we won’t say it. Let’s make a plan.”

Her head shook out a no. “You’ve got your job, I’ve got my job. The school year’s just starting… We’re almost a day apart in distance. It’s only a matter of time before—”

“Before nothing. We can make it work.”

Her green eyes met mine then. “How?”

My eyebrows rose. “Do we have to know right this second?”

Taking my hand, she pulled it onto her lap. Then she ran her fingertip along the tattoo that no longer said
Stacy
. “These last few days have been amazing. You’re gorgeous and funny and sexy…” She took a deep breath and met my eyes then. “And I can’t do long-distance, Patrick. I just can’t. It’s too hard, and it always ends badly.”

The ache in my stomach was growing stronger. I hadn’t expected her to be like this. Not after last night. “You’re so certain.”

“Can’t we just keep what we shared these last few days as a beautiful memory? Instead of trying to hold on and ruining it all?”

I was feeling pretty ruined already. “Why are you doing this?”

“Please, Patrick,” her voice was a whisper now. “Don’t make this harder than it is.”

Fuck that. “Is this hard for you? Because you’re making it look pretty damn easy.”

She stood fast and grabbed her bag, but I was right with her, catching her arm.

“Wait.” Yes, I was pissed. I couldn’t believe she was doing this. I didn’t understand why she was doing it after all we’d shared. But I didn’t want those to be my last words. I didn’t want to have any last words, but fuck if we left it that way.

She wouldn’t look at me as I took her phone from her hand, typing in my number. It was a shot in the dark, and I was taking it. Quickly, I hit save and handed it back to her, my voice gentler.

“That’s my number. For when you change your mind. Call me, and I’ll be there.”

For a moment she only held the device. Then without a word or even a look back she turned and pushed through the door. Everything in me wanted to catch her, to hold her, to bring her back and make her say she didn’t want this, but she was gone. The room was dead quiet in her absence. The only reminder she’d been here was the fresh smell of the spa-issued shampoo she used.

Slowly, like a drop of dye in a glass of water, the pain hit my chest. It threaded its way down my shredded insides to my aching stomach, spreading out in my abdomen. I sat again briefly then I lay back on the bed, staring at the ceiling.

With five words, she’d walked out the door. She didn’t do long distance. I didn’t know what the hell to do with that. Or even what to say. And fuck all of it, I’d been down that road, holding onto a woman who had other plans. I’d be damned if I did it again.

It was just… Elaine was different from anything I’d had before. We had something worth holding onto, worth trying to keep.

But I couldn’t force her to see it. All I could do was let her go and wait. See if she realized it and called me.
Dammit
. Blinking, I cleared my throat, and stood, shaking it off and quickly going to the bathroom to hit the shower.

Cleaned and dressed, I roughly threw all my shit in my suitcase. Derek and I had different flights back to Princeton. His departed later than mine, so I didn’t have to see him before I left the resort. I called to let him know I was heading out, but I got voicemail.

“It’s me.” The change in my voice was apparent, defeated. “Heading out. See you back at the office.”

Back to reality.

I tried to stoke that confidence—she would come around. But how could I know that? We’d only been together a few days. Picking up my suitcase, I walked out of the room, and the dry, twisting ache of what I was leaving behind went with me.

Chapter 11 – Whatever it Takes

Instead of going in, I left a message that I was sick. Partly because the last thing I felt like doing was dealing with Star, but mostly because I couldn’t get out of bed. Lying on my side, I couldn’t stop thinking about Elaine.

I tried to reason with myself. It didn’t make sense for me to be so torn up inside. I’d had other women. Hell, I’d loved one woman enough to ask her to marry me. But I’d never felt consumed by the mere thought of touching someone before. Everything in me was drawn to Elaine. She said she wanted to be the only one I thought about, and she’d gotten her wish. And it fucking hurt like hell.

Rolling onto my side, I kicked my ass out of bed. I wasn’t doing this. Yes, she was gorgeous and sexy and amazing. And she ended it. She didn’t want a long-distance relationship, and whatever had happened between us wasn’t enough to change that. It didn’t make sense, but I had to deal with it. If she never came back, I would work through the pain twisting a hole in the center of my gut and get over it.

Food tasted like cardboard. I tried unpacking, but the second shirt I pulled out that smelled like Cactus Flower perfume almost had me throwing things. If I tried to sleep, all I saw were her eyes, her body, her smile. Walking around my apartment, I knew I couldn’t spend the day here like this. Sick or not, I got dressed and went to work. Anything was better than being here alone thinking about her.

* * *

I walked through the glass doors that read Alexander-Knight, LLC, and for a moment surprise pushed out all my other emotions. Nikki was there behind the front desk.

“You’re back?” I said. “But what about…”

A big smile covered her face, and she hopped up, circling the desk to hug me. As always, she wore a tight wrap-dress showing off her sex-kitten figure. I think the dress was peach-colored, but her appearance didn’t interest me as much today. She pressed her body against mine in a hug, and I bent my elbows to return her embrace. Still I was confused.
Where was Star?

“How are you, handsome?” She stepped back, evaluating my expression. “Hmm… not so good either. Derek’s acting like his favorite pet got run over. He’s been in his office with the door closed all morning.”

“I don’t think he has any pets,” I said absently.

Nikki breathed a short laugh. “What happened to my guys in the two weeks I was gone? Did you miss me that much?”

My hand automatically went to my stomach, covering the spot where the pain was most intense. “Jet-lag. You know how it is traveling across country.”

“Actually, I don’t, but I do know what jet-lag looks like, and it ain’t this.”

Discussing my heartache with Nikki or anyone else was not about to happen. “Well, I’m glad you’re back.” I forced a smile and headed to my office.

Flipping through my case, I pulled out the cards and information from the clients I’d met and tried to care about them. Derek gave me a portfolio describing the different levels of service we offered, from Level One, which was strictly enforcement—an online network got hacked, we tracked down the hackers—all the way up to designing the network and integrating it into our system for round the clock monitoring and troubleshooting.

He’d also returned from Dallas with that huge corporate-phishing ring we were supposed to track down. All of it combined to being more than enough work to bury myself in for as long as it took to stop feeling it. To stop needing her.

I went to the server and pulled up our standard business letter for new clients and started typing up the first proposal.