One Voice 02 - Here Without You (10 page)

“Who’s gonna do what to who?” I was super glad Zander asked so I didn’t have to.

Casey didn’t answer. He just squirmed and moaned. That left me to do the answerin’. “How about we get Casey ready together, and then you make love to him. Y’know, you make love to his back door, and I’ll take care of his front door with my hand?”

I looked at Zander, who was starin’ across Casey’s chest at me, and he nodded. I couldn’t miss that he was pantin’ too. Guess that made three of us.

“Night table… drawer…,” Casey uttered. “Lubricant.”

I reached over and pulled open the drawer. Just like Casey said, I found a brand new bottle of lube. “No condoms?”

“We’re virgins.” That came from Zander. “And you been tested. You’re clean.”

Holy shit.

That was when Casey turned onto his belly in a clear invitation. Again I looked at Zander, but his eyes were locked onto Casey’s smooth white butt. So we took turns squirtin’ lube on each other’s fingers, and then we went to work.

Never touched nobody back there, and it was sure different, but it was also real good. What was fuckin’ great, though, was watchin’ Casey’s reaction to our finger invasion. Fuck, that dude was in what I’d call heaven on earth. Like he’d been waitin’ all his life to be loved like this. By us two, of course.

“Put some lube on your dick.” Somebody was bound to explode if we didn’t get this show on the road ASAP. Real quick, Zander did as I suggested. “Now I’ll hold him and kiss him and stroke him while you get inside him, ’kay?”

Zander made a squeakin’ sound and then nodded.

And that’s how it went down. We rolled Casey onto his side facin’ me, and Zander snuggled up behind him, closed his eyes, and pushed his way inside real careful. I held Casey right against my chest, rubbed on Zander’s arms, watched both of their faces for signs of pleasure and pain, reached one hand down, and stroked Casey’s dick.

I had meant to kiss Casey while Zander was lovin’ on him, but truth be told, I couldn’t stop starin’ at the beauty of my lovers. Zander’s eyes stayed closed tight for the longest time, until he finally cracked ’em open and gazed at me. His eyes were glassy with both pleasure and strong emotion, I’d say. And Casey whimpered a bit as Zander made his way inside. He stared up at me with so much trust and love in his eyes I wanted to friggin’ cry. And once Zander’d got goin’ in a regular pattern of thrusts, I matched up my strokes on Casey’s dick, as best I could. Soon both of my lovers were starin’ up at me, wearin’ the same glassy-eyed gazes of love and the most intense pleasure they ever knew.

And I was satisfied. Seein’ my guys like that was all I ever really wanted or needed in the world. As they got close to comin’, both of them clung onto me—Casey to my chest and Zander to my arms—like I was their port in a storm. I took that moment to tell them what they needed to hear and what I needed to say.

“I love you guys for always. Never gonna be apart. Love my strong Zander. Love my sweet Casey. Us three together. Us three are one now.”

And pretty much at the very same moment, those two started comin’. I knew cuz of the way they shuddered and groaned and their eyes rolled back. A friggin’ stellar sight to see is what it was.

Swear to God, it wasn’t a half a minute before them two were goin’ down on me—both of ’em at once. They just kinda pushed me onto my back and dove onto me. Soon they were lickin’ and suckin’ me like there wasn’t gonna be no tomorrow. Felt so good, I can’t start to explain it.

When I finally let go and shot, one of ’em was suckin’ me and one of ’em was murmurin’ words of how much they both loved me right against the inside of my thigh. Couldn’t say who was doin’ which thing to me. Didn’t know. Didn’t care. Cuz it didn’t much matter, did it?

When the storm was over, them two lay down on the sides of me, and I wrapped an arm around each of ’em. Couldn’t think of no words that were suitable for the moment, so I stayed quiet.

“Shit.” That was what Zander came up with to say, which is probably what I woulda said.

“Want some ginger ale? We can toast our love and drink it out of those fancy glasses. I got them downtown at the Crate and Barrel with this very moment in mind and….”

Yup. Looked like Casey was back to chatterin’ again.

I was just so fuckin’ happy. I felt complete for the first time in my life—as in, complete in every way. And I knew that nothin’ was ever gonna change this for us three.

T
HE
TRUTH
?
Well, if I can’t tell it here, there ain’t no place I can tell it.

I didn’t really want to go anywhere for dinner. Woulda been happy just orderin’ in—pizza or Chinese or somethin’—so we could’ve stayed right there, naked in those shiny red sheets. But Casey and Zander had somethin’ else on their mind for dinner, and along with dinner, a serious conversation about “your situation with Uncle Rich.” Yup, there it was again.

They took me to a local Italian place, which wasn’t too fancy or nothin’ but was busy—the kinda place that if somebody was lecturin’ you about somethin’ or other, you’d have to just sit there and listen to him unless you were willin’ to make a scene. Which is pretty much exactly what happened to me.

“How is your ravioli, Nate?” Casey asked.

“The sauce is a little spicy, huh, dude?” Zander said.

That was how them two got it started—with questions about my pasta.

Real quick, though, they moved on to tougher-to-talk-about shit.

“Your face is really a mess, dude. That asshole pummeled you.” Zander went first this time.

But Casey jumped on the bandwagon real fast. “And your chest, Nate. Your chest—well your stomach, more. He kicked you there, didn’t he?”

I sighed real loud. “Why’re you guys askin’ me this? It won’t change nothin’.”

Zander pushed his half-eaten plate of lasagna to the middle of the table. “It won’t change things? Shit, Nate, the fact that he beat your face ’til he busted your nose and blackened your eyes and that he kicked you in the belly hard enough to break your ribs won’t change where you’re living and who you’re living with?”

For a minute I thought Zander might get up and leave. He seemed real disgusted with me. He couldn’t even bring himself to look at me for a good long while after he asked me that. I fought the feelin’ of regret that I’d let Casey and him down. Cuz Casey looked every bit as messed up about this subject as Zander.

“We’re afraid that he…. Listen, Nate, your uncle loses control—completely. Someday he could hurt you or Cindy very badly.” Casey was tryin’ so hard to get me to see it his way.

“I don’t never leave Cindy alone with him.”

My boyfriends glanced at each other, and then Zander said, “Well,
you
matter too, Nate. Cindy pisses Rich off, and then you take the beating for it. Can’t you see that, dude? You gotta get out of there, man.”

Casey actually got up outta his seat and came over to my chair. Then he knelt down on the carpeted floor right beside me and took my hand. And yeah, the other people eatin’ there were watchin’ us like we were some kinda dinner show, but I didn’t give a shit. “I know how hard it is to make changes in your life, Nate. You watched me struggle with making a change junior year in high school, and you still see me struggling, to this very day, not to be scared of the world. Please listen to us and make some changes before you have to pay a heavy price like I did.” He brought my hand to his lips and kissed my skin softly and slowly, almost like he worshipped me. “Think about this, Nate, for Zander and me, but mostly for Cindy and you. Think about reporting this abuse to the police and getting out of there.” He reached up and ran his fingers over the scabs on my cheek, a supersad look on his face, and I knew he wasn’t playin’. He
really
believed we were in danger. He was probably right.

“And just saying, Nate, Cindy is getting into a bad pattern of behavior. She’s doing whatever she can to piss off your uncle and set you up to get your ass kicked. You know we love your sister, but there’s some serious anger going on in her to treat you like that. She needs help, as in, to talk to a psychologist or something.” Zander seemed to be offerin’ the guidance counselor’s viewpoint.

I could see what they were sayin’ but I just needed some more time to think it all through.

“I’ll think on it, ’kay?” I stood up and lifted Casey onto his feet. He shouldn’t be kneelin’ at nobody’s feet, especially not mine. “I’ll think on it real hard.”

Zander took that moment to stand up too. So us three were standin’ in the middle of the Italian restaurant, gapin’ at each other.

And Zander told me, “You aren’t replaceable to us, man. We love you and we need you. We don’t have anything without you. So promise us you’ll think about this situation soon.”

I swear to Christ that his brown eyes got all filled with tears—over me. Over the big, dumb oaf, burnout loser, Nate DeMarco.

And then Casey, tears actually spillin’ over onto his cheeks, spoke in this choked-up voice, “Promise us.”

What else could I do, huh? I nodded.

But Casey spoke up again. “That’s not enough. Promise it in words.”

So I looked from Casey to Zander, and then I closed my eyes and promised. “I promise I’ll think real hard when I go home this week, ’kay?” My partners had been holdin’ on to the air in their lungs ’til I promised out loud, and they’d finally let all of that air inside ’em go. “Now, sit on back down and finish eatin’. You two’re gonna need your energy for what I got in mind for us three tonight.”

We all turned red. But we sat down and ate real quick.

C
ASEY
’
S
REAL
LIFE

W
HEN
I
lost my innocence—my virginity—last weekend, I didn’t “lose” anything at all. I gained two more parts of me—two more hearts to bond with, two more bodies to share, and two more minds to learn and explore.

Friday night was actually the night when we all made love for the first time, but the act wasn’t complete until Saturday night. By Sunday morning, we had all become each other’s, in every sense.

Saturday night was amazing. Like three eager puppies on our way to the food bowl, we rushed back to our dorm room after our Italian dinner. We couldn’t wait to bond with our bodies, enhancing the love we shared in our hearts. Once we were through the door, I was pulling off my clothes and at the same time trying to help Nate yank off his boots and jeans. I’m sure I looked comical as I tore open my button-down shirt, then bent to tug at Nate’s work boots, then squirmed around to lower my pants without the extra effort of unbuttoning and unzipping, and finally fell over in an effort to get my hands on Nate’s fly.

Meanwhile, Zander had sauntered over, as if he were really casual about
Making Love Part Two
, and was playing music on his iPod.

“Cool, Bob Marley,” Nate said. “One Love.” Nate was always really tuned in to music.

There was definitely a musical theme of “one” going on in this room for those few nights, and I approved wholeheartedly. “Come on over here, Zander,” I squeaked, needing my other man so badly.

When Zander finally got close to the bed, Nate and I were already naked, so both of us focused on him. I reached over, grabbed the hem of his T-shirt, and pulled it over his head in a single rather adept motion, like I’d been practicing. And then Nate massaged Zander’s crotch, crooning softly. He was bent over slightly, so his lips were at Zander’s ears. I couldn’t make out exactly what Nate was saying, but I could tell from Zander’s expression that he liked it.

Then Nate began to work on the button and fly of Zander’s jeans with his big hands. He proclaimed in a stronger voice, “I wanna make you both mine tonight.”

After he said that, Zander shuddered—about a second before I shuddered. I knew tonight was going to complete our physical connection.

The make-out session that followed was the most intense we’d ever known. We flung our bodies on the bed and went crazy. While Nate and I kissed, Zander put his face close to ours and whispered, “Let him in, Casey. Open your mouth wide for Nate.”

When Zander kissed me, Nate watched and said, “So fuckin’ beautiful. So fuckin’ perfect, you two are.”

When I saw Nate taking Zander’s lips like they were the last bit of nourishment on the face of the earth, I said, “We love each other. We will forever. The three of us will be together always.”

We even did a three-way kiss, which featured our tongues poking out as far as we could manage so they could all tangle together. It was nothing less than exhilarating. But we all ended up with very wet chins.

By the time we started touching each other, we were about as excited as three guys could get. But we still didn’t rush things. They put me between them, like they usually do, and started by running their hands all over my body. I felt like a spoiled cat getting petted by two loving humans. I reciprocated as much as I could, reaching out to touch their chests and faces—just light brushes with my fingertips, between gasps I couldn’t hold back.

“Let’s get him ready.” Zander spoke first. Then just like the night before, Nate grabbed the lubricant out of the drawer, and they squirted each other’s fingers.

Nate said very seriously, “It’s time to flip over onto your belly.”

I heard an echo in my head of female voices saying close to those same words four years before. In fact, just about
exactly
four years ago. But this was so different. The loving tenderness, reverence even, they showed me washed away the fear, the humiliation, and the suffering of that assault. These two men loved me, and I would willingly turn over, expose my backside to them, so they could further demonstrate their love.

Once I was on my stomach, several warm fingers invaded me, while others rubbed my thighs and the flesh of my rear end. I wasn’t sure who was doing what back there.

“Get up on your knees, Casey,” Zander encouraged me.

Although I was trembling from excitement, I did as he said.

Nate got right behind me, and he spoke. “Open up your legs just a bit, babe.”