He slowed and lowered his hips to the ground. “Shh, the whole neighborhood will hear you.”
“Then stop fucking me so hard. You know what it does to me.”
He pulled her head toward his face and kissed her. “Stop being so damned sexy.”
Josie rested her hands on his shoulders and gazed at him lovingly. “What am I going to do when you’re not around?”
“Buy a vibrator,” he said.
“You don’t vibrate,” she said, touching his cheek. “What are you going to do without me?”
“Shrivel up and die,” he said.
“Seriously.”
He looked up at her and tucked a loose strand behind her ear. “Go limp?”
“Don’t do that; don’t ever do that!” she scolded.
Nick sat upright. “We should probably go in and get washed up. Folks will be home soon.” Josie sighed and looked for her panties. She wished she had chosen Penn State so she and Nick could be together.
Nick didn’t bother turning on the lights inside the house as he preferred to walk around in the darkness. He opened the refrigerator and the light filled the room. “Iced tea, lemonade, shot of vodka?”
“What’s your mother’s latest concoction?” asked Josie.
Nick retrieved the bottle from the refrigerator and held it into the light. “I think apricot.” He sniffed it. “Yeah, apricot. You want a shot?”
“Sure. I think I need one.”
He poured two small shots, raised his glass and shouted, “Budmo!”
“Hey!” she responded. They repeated it three times and downed their shots. “Can we do it again?” she asked.
“Nope. Mom monitors the bottles. I can offer iced tea,” he said.
“Iced tea is fine.” Josie stared at the empty shot glass and thought about their future. She wanted to ask if they were going to see other people or stay committed. She certainly couldn’t imagine being with anyone else and she feared he would want to see others girls.
He handed her a glass of iced tea. “What are you thinking about?”
“The future.”
“Why?” He asked and took a big gulp.
“Because the present haunts me,” she said and looked at the dark amber tea in her glass. “And the past taunts me.”
Nick walked around the counter and took her hand. He guided her through the family living room and out to the front porch. They sat on the top step, sipping their tea, watching as families returned from the firework spectacle. Everyone looked happy and slightly dazzled.
I hope our fireworks don’t fizzle
.
Nick’s parents pulled up in the driveway. His father got out of the car and said, “Shouldn’t you kids be off making out somewhere?”
“We don’t do that dad, not until we’re married,” Nick joked.
His father walked up the steps, messing Nick’s hair as he passed. “Girl’s gonna lose interest if you don’t.”
“Don’t listen to either one of them,” said Mrs. Markovich to Josie. “A girl needs to keep her wits about her.” She rolled her eyes and looked off in the direction of Mr. Markovich. “I wish I took that advice years ago.” She shook her head and looked down at Nick and Josie. “Do you two want to come inside? I made a pineapple upside down cake.”
Nick and Josie shook their heads and stared into the distance. Josie rested her head on his shoulder and listened to the balalaika music playing from inside Nick’s house. “I wish my folks weren’t so boring. I don’t want to go home. I want to stay with you. I want wild dancing, vodka and pineapple upside down cake.”
Nick checked his watch. “We have an hour before you need to be home. We can do some wild dancing right here.”
“I think you should take me home now,” she said.
“Why?”
Josie stood and shook of her head. “What’s the point? It’s just an hour; it’ll be over soon.”
Nick walked her to his car, but instead of taking her straight home, he drove the roads that wound around the Conemaugh River. “When I was eight, my brother and I were playing in the river when we saw a mountain lion on the other side. That thing scared the shit out of me. If it attacked, I wouldn’t be here now.” He turned to Josie. “We wouldn’t be here now. Things that are meant to be will be.”
When they arrived at Josie’s home, Nick walked her to the door. He hugged her tightly and whispered in her ear. “See you tomorrow?”
“Of course,” she said and kissed him.
Josie’s house was dark and silent which is exactly how she wanted it. She curled up on her bed and cried until her pillow was soaked. She tried to calm herself down but nothing helped. Soon she was going to lose her best friend and lover. Her mourning had already begun.
The Blizzard
Josie’s mother begged her not to go; the weather was calling for a snow storm. The roads were sure to be sleek on the mountain passes, but nothing would deter Josie from seeing Nick. He had been reclusive and distant from the day they both returned from college on their sophomore winter break.
She and Nick decided to remain close and stay in contact, but the longer they spent apart, the worse Josie felt. She missed him intensely—his voice, his touch, the smell of his skin and the feeling of him inside her. Although she was passionate about college, she found it hard to focus. Her thoughts always wandered off to what Nick was doing and who he was with.
Friends encouraged her to go to parties and meet other boys. There were tons of prospects—affluent, intelligent young men like her first boyfriend, David. Young men who could offer her a bright future, but she wasn’t interested. None of them, no matter how attractive or funny, could ignite a fire in Josie.
Occasionally, during weak moments, she found herself in a drunken embrace with a classmate, but as soon as he inserted his tongue into her mouth or pressed his erection against her body, she would wiggle away. Because of this, she had a reputation as a tease, but she didn’t care. She simply couldn’t do it; she couldn’t be with anyone but Nick. Not yet, anyway.
At night she’d lie awake staring at the photos she took of him with her cellphone. She never got tired of looking at his erect penis, or any other position they found themselves in. Sometimes, she let her imagination get the better of her as images of his face smothered by some girls’ big breasts or even a girl’s pussy flashed through her mind. She winced at the thought of him being with anyone else.
Often she would test him. She texted him in the middle of the night to see how quickly he would respond. Sometimes he would text back immediately, or call the next day. There were times it took him a week to get back to her. Her obsession swallowed her up and controlled her life. Food made her retch, she neglected her studies and sleep never came. Her parents and friends urged her to let him go and find someone new, but she couldn’t. It wasn’t that easy. At times she believed she would spend the rest of her years without ever being touched again.
Josie wiped the tears from her eyes as the windshield wipers slapped snowflakes from her windscreen. She held the steering wheel tightly and tried to avoid the wet and icy patches.
As she neared State College, she paused at a red light to text Nick; she would be there shortly. He didn’t respond. She wasn’t sure if he really wanted to see her but she was going anyway. He had returned to college early before the semester started without any reason. Josie could only assume it was because he had a co-ed lover.
When Josie walked into his dorm room, she noticed the empty beer cans lying at his feet. He was in an extremely foul mood; she had never seen him so grumpy. Without saying anything, he pulled her toward him and kissed her hard. She tried to push away, but he buried his fingers in her arms.
“Nick,” she protested. It wasn’t that she didn’t want to have sex with him, but she wanted to talk to him first.
He ignored her protest and flung her onto his dorm bed, pressed down on her and kissed her roughly on the face and neck. Reaching down between her legs, he rubbed with increasing pressure. Josie tried to resist but he kept going until her body responded.
“Slow down. At least let me take off my coat and boots.” Josie sat up and removed her coat while he watched. She looked up at his stern face and dropped the last of her clothing on the floor.
Nick stepped out of his sweatpants and pushed her down on the bed. He lay on top of her and shoved himself inside her. He looked at the wall as he pounded his body against her. Josie stroked his cheek and rubbed her hands down his back, but he shifted away from her touch.
When he was through, he rose from the bed and pulled his pants up. “There, are you satisfied now?”
Josie wrapped herself in the sheets and stared at him in disbelief. “Hardly. I didn’t drive up here in a blizzard to be treated like a fucking whore.”
He collapsed in a chair and sipped his beer. “It was your choice, not mine.”
She sat upright, hugging the sheet around her breasts. “What is the matter? Are you afraid your new girlfriend will walk in? Am I infringing upon your bachelor sex parties?”
Nick laughed. “Man, you have a vivid imagination. Is that what you think I’m doing up here, entertaining women like a gallivanting playboy?”
“Well what are you doing up here? Classes haven’t started yet. There is hardly anyone on campus. What are you doing up here alone?” she asked. Nick sipped his beer and looked at his desk. “If you can’t talk to me, who can you talk to you?”
“All right, if you must know—polar bears,” he said, slamming his beer on the table.
“Polar bears?” Josie felt more confused.
“Yes. Polar bears. I see pictures of them floating off to sea on tiny icebergs to a certain death. It upsets me.”
“So all this moping and grumpiness is about polar bears floating away!” Josie could feel her face reddening.
Nick sighed. “No! It’s life, or lack thereof. The world is falling to pieces. The artic is melting, corporations are polluting the air and the water, our government is corrupt and taking away all our civil rights, the economy is shit and I am fucking sitting here already twenty thousand dollars in debt and I still do not have a major. By the time I get out of this fucking place, I will be around eighty thousand dollars in debt with nothing…nothing. I will only end up back in Johnstown working in a fucking coal mine or, like my brother, employed as a security guard at a closed down steel mill.” He stared harshly at Josie. “Do you want to know what happened the night of our prom?”
“Yes,” she said.
“My sister came home with a black eye and busted lip. Her husband had just beaten her and she was leaving him for good, but no. He showed up at our front door with a fucking gun in his hand threatening to kill himself and my sister if she didn’t come back home with him. My entire family was hostage to him and his madness. Finally, my father was able to calm him down enough to hand over the gun. That mother fucker dropped to his knees and cried like a baby. It was only then that I could leave to pick you up.”
“I’m so sorry. I wish you told me!” said Josie.
“Why? What could you have done? Its better you don’t know such things.” he leaned back in his chair and kicked his feet onto the edge of his desk. “Love is so fucked up you know. People go so fucking crazy over it. The passion in my brother’s marriage is dead. His wife won’t have him anymore after the children, so he found a little cookie at bar he goes to every night. My brother-in-law and sister believe slapping each other around is passion.” He looked at Josie. “And you, you’ll find some stand-up guy with a solid career to make you a happy wife with a good life. It will also be so peachy-swell and where does that leave me?”
Josie repositioned the sheet around her chest. It was a lot for her to take in all at once.
Where should I start
—
global politics, financial debt, or love and relationships…polar bears?
She understood his problem; it was none of those things. It was about the uncertainty of life. How do you plan for the future, when you have no grip on the present? She certainly could relate. “Do you remember what you said to me the first night we met?”
“No,” he responded dully.
“You told me you were from the future and you were here to observe humanity.” She laughed. “I didn’t know if you were crazy, but something in your eyes and the tone of your voice made me believe it could be real. Nick, if you’re from the future, you should know everything will turn out fine.”
“Maybe that’s it. I know it won’t,” he replied.
“Well you are wrong about one thing. I’m not going to find some stand-up guy to give me a good life, because I want the cranky asshole sitting right here. I didn’t drive up in a blizzard simply because I wanted to get laid.” She leaned forward. “I did so because there was nothing I wouldn’t do to see you.”
“That’s crazy.”
“Well, I’m crazy in love with you. I always have been,” she said.
It was the first time love had been mentioned in their relationship. As close as they were through high school, neither one of them dared bringing up the topic. Perhaps it was uncertainty, perhaps it was fear but neither of them wanted to test it.
Josie raised her head and looked at Nick. “I love you Nick. I can’t imagine loving anyone else.”