Only a Mother Knows (9 page)

‘Hey, what’s the rush? You must be hungry.’ Sally gave a small, nervous laugh. George seemed preoccupied, his thoughts elsewhere and he certainly was not talkative.

‘Is something the matter, George?’ Sally looked up at him and, with his head bent and him being slightly ahead of her, she couldn’t read his expression beneath the rim of his hat. Being a quiet, thoughtful man by nature it wasn’t unusual for the two of them to walk in a companionable silence, each lost in their own idyllic thoughts of the future, content in the security of their love for each other.

But that was before she told George about Alice. He still wanted to stand by his promise to spend the rest of his life with her, he had assured her, but since then his whole manner had become so different from the way he had been before that Sally worried George was having second thoughts. With her arm outstretched in an effort to keep hold of his coat sleeve she wasn’t sure he wanted to be with her at all today.

‘Let’s go in here,’ George said, steering her into a nearby British Restaurant, almost causing her to trip. Then, steadying her without a word, his eyes seemed to say it all. Their usually warm glow was replaced with a sad reproach. She had never seen him like this, and momentarily it unnerved her as she could feel her heart sinking.

‘George?’ Sally wanted the truth, and she wanted it now. ‘Have I said something wrong?’

‘No, darling,’ George said quickly – too quickly, ‘of course you haven’t.’ He took her hand and wrapped his capable, talented fingers around hers as he edged her into the window seat they were lucky enough to bag even though the place was busy with lunchtime workers and shoppers.

After placing her umbrella in the stand near the door George went to find a waitress and Sally watched him. He looked tired, suddenly. She hadn’t noticed that before, and she wondered if he was getting enough sleep. There hadn’t been an air raid for a few weeks now, so his shift patterns were more stable than they had been during the worst of the Blitz. But Sally still worried that he did too much, knowing he thought nothing of jumping into another shift if the hospital was busy, or if another doctor needed help he would be the first to offer.

Feeling slightly uneasy sitting in full view of people passing the window, with its criss-cross tape adorning the large plate glass, Sally turned her engagement ring around her finger, mesmerised by the glint from the weak rays of sunshine now popping through the clouds as the rain eased, and was glad when George returned to the table.

‘They said the menu is on the wall,’ he informed Sally. ‘Anything you fancy?’

‘Just soup for me,’ she answered after quickly studying what was on offer today and not really wanting anything to eat for some reason. She had been so happy and full of hope this morning. For the first time in weeks she felt she could tell George anything. But now she wasn’t so sure.

‘I know it must have come as a shock when I told you about Alice,’ Sally ventured as they waited for their order, all the time watching him closely, worrying what impact her words were having. ‘I was concerned that, being such a kind and gentle man, you would feel duty bound to take the two of us on after saying you would and then regret it but be too kind to say so?’

‘It isn’t like that, Sally.’ George gave her hand a gentle squeeze. ‘That’s not the case at all. I think Alice is a lovely child and I would be proud to bring her up as my own. I am so glad you told me about her, because I want to get to know and love her as much as you do.’

‘Then what’s wrong George?’ Sally asked, knowing George had been acting strangely for a while now and she still didn’t have a clue why. He seemed even more reserved and distracted than usual. And given that he wouldn’t look her in the eye, as he usually did, she wondered if he really had gone off her and was trying to gently let her down. ‘Is it me, George?’ She had to know.

‘No, never!’ She saw the look of alarm flash across his face. ‘Never, never would I stop loving you, Sally, I couldn’t.’

‘Be that as it may,’ Sally answered, acknowledging he sounded sincere enough, and in his heart he probably meant every word. But what about his family? What would they think of their talented son taking up with a girl who had a child to bring up? George might have every intention in the world of bringing up Alice, but his mother could well have other ideas, and it was this thought that worried her now.

Sally didn’t have time to answer as the waitress brought them each a bowl of vegetable soup and some bread. There was an uneasy silence between them now broken only by the low buzz of conversation from fellow diners and the distant singing voices of Flanagan and Allen urging the rabbit to run, run, run.

And Sally knew exactly how it felt, as they completed the rest of their meal in a strained silence. If it hadn’t been for the fact that it would be a criminal waste of good food she would have left it, as her appetite had all but disappeared, and she was having a difficult job of swallowing the soup even though it really was delicious. Slowly they managed to clear their bowls, each lost in their thoughts.

‘Have you had enough to eat?’ George asked and Sally nodded with an air of inevitability; the meal had been a disaster, and after George threw half a crown onto the little plate for the two threepenny soups, he helped her into her coat. They walked out of the restaurant without waiting for the two shillings change and Sally knew the smiling waitress was going to have a happy day today with such a good tip to spend.

‘Sally, I …’ He was finding it hard to say what needed to be said, so she helped him.

‘George, do you mind if we don’t go to the gallery? I am so tired, I didn’t sleep well last night, Alice was fractious and …’

‘No my dear, certainly not.’ His words came out in a relieved rush. ‘I have a mountain of paperwork, and reports coming up to my knees.’ He gave a small stab at humour but neither of them was in the mood for frivolity. ‘I will walk you back to Article Row and …’

‘I don’t mind walking alone if you have to take the train back to the hospital,’ Sally lied. She did mind. She minded terribly, but there was nothing she could do about it as the sinking sensation of disappointment threatened to overwhelm her. However, quietly, she refused to let George see her disappointment.

‘I wouldn’t dream of letting you walk home on your own. Anyway, I’m staying in Drew’s room just for a couple of nights, now that he’s gone back to America,’ George said kindly, taking her hand as if there was nothing wrong. ‘Makes me feel quite nostalgic for when everyone used to lodge there. You must have a rest, you look tired.’

‘Alice will soon put paid to that idea,’ Sally laughed with forced brightness, ‘but Olive will welcome the break from looking after her, I should imagine.’

‘I’m sure she won’t,’ George said, unconsciously tucking her hand into his pocket, something he had done since they spent their weekend away together. ‘From what I’ve seen, Alice is smothered with love from every direction; she’s a very lucky little girl to have such an adoring female family.’

Sally looked up at him and for the first time that day he smiled, really smiled, as if the thought actually brought him pleasure and for a fleeting moment Sally wanted to beg him to spend the rest of the day with her, but she didn’t. Her pride wouldn’t let her.

Back at number 13, Article Row, George politely refused Olive’s offer of a cup of tea, explaining he had a lot of work to finish before the next morning. And after walking with him down the long hallway, Sally was more than a little surprised when she received a chaste kiss on her cheek. Placing his trilby hat on his head at a jaunty angle, George turned without another word and walked out of the front door.

Olive recounted to Sally that she’d had to call the doctor for Dulcie who had received a terrible shock: a friend of Wilder’s, whom she had known too, had been shot down and killed the night before.

‘I’ll check on her later,’ Sally said a little distractedly, looking out of the window.

‘Is something the matter, Sally?’ Olive asked, her voice full of concern when she came into the kitchen after checking on Dulcie and putting baby Alice down for her afternoon nap. ‘You look a bit pale, I hope you’re not coming down with this bug as well.’ She didn’t like to see the young woman so down.

‘I think George has gone off me now he knows about Alice,’ Sally said abruptly.

‘No!’ Olive’s eyes widened: she’d worried this might happen after their weekend away together. And even though they were a very mature, responsible couple, George had savoured the fruit of Sally’s love, and now it looked like he was losing his appetite. Olive sighed; she didn’t have George down as a love-’em-and-leave-’em type of chap but who knew what was going on in a man’s mind these days?

‘Oh, don’t mind me,’ Sally countered. ‘I’m being silly, I’m sure everything will be fine,’ she added over-brightly, not sure at all.

‘Of course it will,’ Olive said. ‘George is very busy; his mind must be full of worries.’ ‘Worries’ being the war and the added casualties, she thought, pulling her chair from under the table, knowing everybody was under a huge amount of added pressure. However she couldn’t bear to see ‘her girls’ upset, and even if she was overstepping the mark she wouldn’t let any of them suffer alone and in silence; one never knew what the next few hours could bring.

‘I did think he looked a little preoccupied, if you don’t mind me saying …’

‘Oh, you’re right, Olive, he’s been ever so busy at the hospital,’ Sally said quickly, ‘and in his spare time he has to deal with writing up all those reports and …’ It was no use, her throat constricted and her chin trembled and she couldn’t continue. Without any more warning Sally suddenly burst into floods of tears. In a flash Olive was at her side, cooing and shushing her like her mother used to do, cocooning her convulsive shoulders.

‘Never mind, my dear,’ Olive cooed, ‘you just let it all out.’ After a few moments Sally’s tears receded and Olive offered her hot tea after putting in an extra half spoon of sugar and put down the cup, which thanks to the shortages was resting on a mismatched saucer. ‘Drink this whilst it’s hot, it’ll do you the world of good.’

‘Tea solves all ills.’ Sally didn’t intend her voice to sound so abrupt. ‘I didn’t mean to sound ungrateful …’

‘Don’t you give it another thought, my dear,’ Olive said, stalling Sally’s apologies. ‘You don’t have to say anything if you don’t want to, but I’m here if you need me.’ She resumed her seat on the other side of the table and her warm, caring eyes viewed Sally’s sadness with maternal compassion. ‘You know where I am if you ever need a shoulder to cry on, or an ear to listen.’

‘Thank you, Olive, I’ll remember that.’ Sally gave the other woman a watery smile before blowing her nose and shrugging a little. She couldn’t possibly tell Olive that there was also the question of what would happen to Alice if she and George didn’t marry now; someone had to look after the child – and she had to work. How else would they be able to afford to live in Article Row if she wasn’t earning? Olive was a wonderful woman, everybody knew that, but she couldn’t conjure up food and heating out of thin air.

‘Why don’t you go over to him?’ Olive asked Sally after draining her cup. ‘You will feel much better if you know one way or the other.’

‘Know what?’ Sally asked weakly, not feeling strong enough for this.

‘Know how much work he has to do, maybe you could help.’ Sally looked at Olive and wondered if she should? She knew she wouldn’t rest until she and George had cleared the air and she found out what his problem was, because it was obvious there was one, no matter how much he tried to persuade her everything was fine. Also, Sally knew she couldn’t risk another night without sleep.

‘Go on,’ Olive said, ‘take as much time as you like, Alice is fine here with us.’

Sally jumped up before her courage could fail her again and she gave Olive a huge hug. ‘Thank you, thank you so much.’

‘Get away with you.’ Olive smiled and rolled her eyes. ‘And don’t come back here until you’ve got everything sorted out once and for all.’ She knew her girls seemed wrapped up in their own personal conflicts now. She had to be strong for all of them.

In Hyde Park on their last day together, Tilly thought, Drew had let her waffle on, talking about the war and how it must feel to lose somebody they loved, and all the time he was aware that he, too, could lose the woman who had brought him into the world and gave him life. Drew, kind, loving Drew, who had let her talk of how things could be, when all along his heart was breaking.

A dry sob shook her body as Tilly realised yet again how special he really was, how considerate of the feelings of others who were suffering even when his own emotions were being put to the test.

Unable to hold it all together any longer, the dam of Tilly’s sorrow burst forth and scalding tears coursed down her cheeks. Alone in her room she dared not let her mother see her until her tears had subsided and she didn’t think that would be for a good while yet.

However, she realised when she could think more clearly, lying still and calmer now, it wasn’t Drew’s mother she had cried for – she didn’t know the woman – but she did know that Drew would be deeply shocked and saddened. And it was he who was deserving of her commiserations now. Tilly knew he felt things more keenly than most people. He cared deeply for those he didn’t even know, so she could only imagine how his mother’s passing would devastate him. He would be suffering so much and she was heartbroken that she could not be by his side to comfort and console him. And this grieved her more than words could say.

Feeling a little reckless and with Olive’s encouragement still ringing in her ears Sally knew she wasn’t going to let George go as easily as she first imagined she would. Slipping the key he had given her earlier into the Yale lock, Sally vowed she would coax him with her own method of loving, which would persuade him that she and Alice were the only family he would ever need. And as Drew had gone back to America she knew they wouldn’t be interrupted.

Silently opening the sitting-room door Sally wasn’t surprised that the only sound in the house was the heartbeat tick of the clock on the mantelpiece, and knowing George would be concentrating on his files in the study she crept in so as not to disturb him. However, as she stepped into the room another unexpected sound could be heard.