Only Her (A K2 Team Novel) (14 page)

Taking him at his word that he might try to hurt her if he didn’t realize who she was, she was at a loss as to what to do. If she went up to him, would he grab her or fight her? If he did anything to her, he would hate himself. That much she knew about him already. He fisted a hand and aimed it for Sally. The dog dropped his belly to the floor before he was knocked across the room, and Riley let out a relieved breath, wondering if Sally expected Cody would come at him and was prepared for it.

That was so sad that tears pooled in her eyes for both of them, and for Pretty Girl as she cowered in fear. When Cody yelled again, Sally sat up and licked his face. He kicked off the afghan, giving Riley a view of his magnificent body. The man was all muscle from head to feet, and if she weren’t watching him in the middle of a nightmare, she’d take the time to admire the hottest male physique she’d ever seen.

He grumbled something and pushed Sally’s face away, and then turned onto his side with his back to the room. Since he seemed to be over his nightmare, and since he’d presented such a perfect view, she let her gaze roam over him, up his long legs, pausing at his butt, which unfortunately was hidden by his briefs, then over a broad back that she couldn’t wait to get her hands on.

“You going to stand there and stare at me all night?”

“Oh, you’re awake.” She started toward him.

“Go to bed, Riley. Turn off the lamp on your way.” He kept his back to her.

If she had to guess, she’d say he was embarrassed that she’d seen him having a nightmare. She hesitated, wanting to comfort him. He pulled up the afghan, covering his beautiful body, and buried his head under the pillow. Fine, she could take a hint. She switched off the light, and stomped back to bed, making as much noise on her wood floors as possible. Pissy, she knew, but he’d been there for her when she needed him, so why couldn’t she return the favor? She left the door open so she could hear if he called out again.

Although her head still hurt, the pain had eased significantly, and she didn’t feel as out of it as she had the day before. Even so, no matter how hard she tried, she couldn’t go back to sleep, and finally gave up, letting her mind do what it wanted, which was to think about Cody.

Was she making a mistake wanting to be with him? Maybe his problems were too deep for her. Her biggest worry was that she didn’t know how to help him. She could clip an animal’s toenails, set a broken leg, treat pretty much any ailment, but delving into the mindset of a man having nightmares from his past was out of her league.

And who was
her
? He’d called out, begging someone not to hurt “her.” Was it a woman he’d had a relationship with, someone he’d loved? Still loved? All questions she had no answers for, and if he had them, she doubted he’d share. More than anything, she wanted to know about the “her” that was haunting his dreams.

It was impossible to fall back asleep, and as light from the rising sun crept through the sides of the blinds, she gave up trying. Two of her cats had returned to the bed, Merlin in his usual place at her feet, and Pelli curled up next to her neck. Arthur was missing. When she sat up, the kitten opened one eye, blinked at her, then stuck his head under his tail and went back to sleep. Merlin’s attention was on the open doorway, where Cody was visible. Riley peered out and found her missing cat. Arthur was snuggled between the two dogs, all three fast asleep.

“Silly boy,” she murmured.

She went into the bathroom, flipped on the light, eyed herself in the mirror, and gasped at the rat’s nest that was her hair. She’d washed the bottom half when she’d showered after returning home, but hadn’t wanted to get shampoo in her wound. Along with the mess that was her hair, there were purple bags under her eyes.

“You look like crap, my friend,” she told her reflection. She turned on the water to let it warm up, then returned to her bedroom to get clean clothes.

Feeling much better after cleaning the rest of the blood out of her hair, she came out of the bathroom, and as she smelled coffee and bacon, her stomach rumbled. When she followed the aroma to the kitchen, the first thing she saw was her cats eating their breakfast while Sally and Pretty Girl sat to the side, avidly watching. The second thing to catch her eye was Cody, wearing only his jeans, standing at her stove with his back to her, and she paused, captivated by the way the muscles in his back and shoulders flexed as he worked.

“Your coffee’s on the table and breakfast is almost ready. Sit.”

She saluted him.

“I saw that.”

He had eyes in the back of his head? Then she noticed he was looking at her kitchen window where a fuzzy image of her was reflected back. “Sneaky,” she said, heading for the cup of coffee. “I didn’t know I had bacon and eggs.”

“You didn’t, but I did.”

“Well, thank you.” He still hadn’t looked at her directly, and his tone was brusque. She stirred cream and sugar into the coffee while trying to think of how to bring up his nightmare. It was driving her crazy wondering who his mysterious
her
was.

“Eat,” he said, shoving a plate in front of her.

If he wanted her to forget his existence—which she thought was exactly what he was aiming for—then he needed to put on a shirt. “Aren’t you going to eat?” He stood with his back to the counter, leaning against it, his hands stuck into the front pocket of his jeans, his gaze fixed on her as if waiting for her to obey his every command. And wasn’t he just the sexiest thing ever in his shirtless, bad boy bossy mode?

“Ate already.”

Okay. That conversation was effectively shut down. Fine. She’d just go right to exactly what she wanted to know. “Last night, you said, ‘Please don’t hurt her.’ Who’s her?”

Caramel-colored eyes flared, then his gaze flicked from her to her cats, then to his dogs. “Apparently someone I can’t remember,” he said so quietly that she had to run his words through her head a second time to decipher them.

“You’re having nightmares about someone you can’t remember? Were you hurt or something?”

He lifted from the counter, his body expanding in a way that had her blinking her eyes in awe—and not just a little lust—and said, “I don’t know, all right! Eat your breakfast. I’ll be across the street if you need me.” With a hand signal to his dogs, he walked out with the two canines on his heels.

“What just happened?” she asked her cats, but none of them seemed to have an answer as all three were busy with their after-breakfast baths.

And the strange thing was, she wanted Cody more than ever. He was a wounded warrior, and whether he knew it or not, he needed her. So, how to make him see that? Unless there was a woman he loved so much that he still dreamed about her out there somewhere. Had he lost her somehow? If so, that would change everything.

CHAPTER FOURTEEN

A
t his front door, Cody stopped and hung his head. Just because he was embarrassed that Riley had seen him lose it because of a nightmare didn’t make it okay for him to talk to her the way he had. The coffee and food he’d downed sat like a fat clump of dirt in his stomach.

He was an idiot. He let Sally and Pretty Girl into the house, told them to stay, then headed back to Riley’s. Not only was an apology in order, but he’d left Riley alone. As he stepped up to her front door, he heard a sound coming from the side of the house. When he went around the corner of her carport and saw her heading for her car, keys in hand, he blocked her with his body.

“Going somewhere?” he said.

Her nose smashed into his chest. “You need to put on a shirt.”

“Ah, but I don’t think you mean that.” He put his thumbs under her chin and lifted her face. “Look. I shouldn’t have stormed out like that, and I’m sorry. It’s just that—”

“That you’re having nightmares you don’t know what to do with, and it’s getting to you.”

It was exactly that and more. He tapped her nose. “Inside with you, sneaky girl.”

“Can I ask you a question, a personal one?”

He took her keys and opened the side door, following her into the house. “Might not answer, but fire away, darlin’.”

“Okay, here it is.” She huffed a breath as she stopped in the middle of the kitchen and faced him. “Is there someone in your life you love? If so, you need to tell me now.”

That was one he could truthfully answer. “There’s not.”

“Good. I was a little worried about that.”

He tucked a loose strand of hair behind her ear. “Only a little?” The gold in her hazel eyes flared, and he gave in to the need to kiss her. When she sagged against him, he slipped an arm under her knees and picked her up.

“I guess I’m not going to work after all.”

“Guess not.”

“I was only going to spend an hour or two catching up on paperwork. Nothing physical.”

The woman couldn’t be trusted, and it was a good thing he’d been given a few days off so he could keep an eye on her. “You obviously need a keeper. Didn’t you listen to a word the doctor said? You rest until you see him again on Wednesday.”

He got her settled on the couch, swallowing a smile at her grumbling about not being an invalid. To keep her entertained, he played poker with her, which wasn’t easy when three cats thought the cards were things to play with. She didn’t ask again about his nightmare, but her question had him thinking. Had he seen something he shouldn’t have? It was maddening that he couldn’t remember, but he supposed that was why he was seeing a head doc, which reminded him that he hadn’t told Riley.

“I have an appointment this afternoon, and Maria Buchanan’s going to stay with you while I’m gone. I’ll stop by the store on the way back and pick up something for dinner.”

She scowled. “I can stay by myself for a while.”

“No, you can’t. You can’t be trusted. Have you forgotten already I caught you trying to sneak out? Besides, I understand you and Maria are friends. How’d that come about?”

“Maria’s cool. I met her when she brought in her cat, and we hit it off. If I have to be babysat, I’d choose her.”

“What am I? Chopped liver?”

“Oh, no! I didn’t mean . . .” She tilted her head and eyed him when he cracked a grin. “You were teasing me.”

“I was.” And wasn’t that interesting? He wasn’t the teasing sort, but Riley brought out a side of him he hadn’t known existed. He stacked the cards and set them on the coffee table.

“I’ve waited for you to feel better to talk about this. Have you given any thought to who might want to hurt you?”

“Maybe someone planned to mug me but something scared them off before they could grab my purse.”

“Would that be the same person who tried to run you over?” Why was she being so stubborn about accepting someone was targeting her?

“I lived most of my life in fear, Cody. I thought once I was on my own, I would be safe. If what you believe is true, then I need time to process it all because it means I’ll never really be safe.” Her eyes misted, and she turned her face away, hiding her tears. “It means there’ll always be monsters under the bed, and I don’t want that to be true.”

The woman was breaking his heart. “C’mere.” He wrapped his arms around her, where he wished he could always keep her, safe from the monsters.

“Just give it some thought, okay? See if any names pop into your head.” He heard a car pull up. “Maria’s here. Give me a kiss before I go.”

“Thought you’d never ask.”

Without hesitating, she slid onto his lap, facing him, and gave him a smile that made his heart feel like someone had clamped a pair of jumper cables on it. The charge that sped through him was like nothing he’d ever felt before.

She lowered her mouth to his, and he cradled her neck with his hand, careful not to touch the bump on her head. Her lips were warm and lush, and he swept his tongue into her mouth, loving the taste of her. All too soon, the doorbell rang, and he lingered for a few more seconds before pulling away and staring down at her. Her eyes were dark with desire, and the last thing he wanted to do was leave. He wished to God that he were in a better place in his life, because he was going to find a way to mess up whatever this was between them. That was a fact.

The head doc’s waiting room wasn’t typical of any doctor’s office that Cody had ever been in. The chairs were soft leather and comfortable, the assortment of magazines varied and some were even interesting, and jazz music played softy through ceiling speakers. The receptionist had offered him a choice of coffee, tea, or soda. He’d almost asked if she had any scotch, and he would have only been half kidding.

“Mr. Roberts.”

Cody jumped up, eyeing the front door, wondering how fast he could get out. Pretty damn fast if he wanted.
Man up, dude. You’ve been through worse than this.
He wasn’t so sure about that, but his job depended on doing this. He followed the woman who’d introduced herself as Norma when he’d checked in. She reminded him of the kind of grandmother you could tell all your troubles to, and then she’d feed you cookies and milk. Probably intentional on the doc’s part. Trick you into liking it here, then sneak up on you when you weren’t paying attention.

She led him to an office, and then backed out without a word, closing the door behind her. There
was
a damn couch against the wall. He so fucking didn’t want to be here.

“I’m Tom Bledsoe,” said a tall man maybe ten years older than Cody. He had black hair peppered with gray, and piercing blue eyes.

“Cody Roberts.” He shook the man’s hand.

“Have a seat.” The doctor returned to his desk. When Cody hesitated, he chuckled. “The chair is fine. We’re not at the couch stage yet.”

“Not sure I ever want to be.”

“Almost everyone says that. Do you prefer Mr. Roberts or Cody?” he asked after Cody was seated in front of the chrome and glass desk.

“Cody’s fine.”

“Good, because I prefer Tom.” He steepled his hands and fixed on Cody with those all-too-seeing eyes. “Tell me why you’re here.”

And there it was right off the bat. The million-dollar question. “I was given an ultimatum by my boss. Get help or lose my job.”

“I’ve known Kincaid for a few years now. I imagine he’s a good man to work for.”

“He is.” For a while they talked about the similarities and differences between serving in Iraq, where Tom had been a medic, and Afghanistan, where Cody had been deployed.

“Why do you need help, Cody?”

The man was a trickster all right. He’d lulled Cody into relaxing before springing the question. He took a deep breath. “I keep having this nightmare, the same one over and over. Last week, on an operation, I had a flashback. Now I’m grounded until I figure things out.”

“I see. That unfortunately happens to too many of our military men and women who’ve served in a war zone. It’s not a weakness, and it doesn’t mean you’re crazy. Just that you’re human. In your case, with the recurring nightmare, I’d guess something happened that you’re suppressing.”

“So what do I do about it?”

The doc smiled. “Exactly what you’re doing by agreeing to see me. The reason I’m good for you is that I’ve been where you are. I served, I saw things I’ll never unsee, and I understand where you’re coming from.”

“Did you suffer from PTSD?” For some reason Cody wanted the doctor to say yes. Not that he’d wish what he was going through on anyone else, but how was the man supposed to understand if he’d never experienced the night sweats, the feeling that he was losing his mind, and at his lowest moments, never considered biting a bullet?

“I did, and I was stupid about it for too long. I came too damn close to swallowing a bottle of pills. I was a doctor, not yet a psychiatrist, but still thought I could heal myself. It was Kincaid who made me see the light. The man’s persistent if nothing else, and he practically dragged my ass to treatment. When I was thinking straight again, I knew I wanted to help others like me, so I went back to school and got my degree.”

If Tom Bledsoe could get better, why couldn’t he? “Tell me what I need to do.”

“This first appointment is two hours. That gives us a chance to talk and go over how the treatment works. After this, you’ll come see me twice a week for one hour. There are a few choices, but I’ve found that CPT works best. That’s Cognitive Processing Therapy. Trauma has a way of causing us to struggle with our memories of an event, sometimes the result being that we’re unable to make sense of something that happened. I’ve not yet delved into your nightmares and what you remember, we’ll do that at your next appointment.”

Now that he was committed to doing this, Cody was disappointed that they weren’t going to jump right in. “How long does this all take?”

“That depends on you. How open you are to the treatment, how hard you work at it. I’ll be giving you some tools to help you handle depression and learn how to become aware of your thoughts and how to change them. We’ll get to the bottom of your nightmare, figure out how much of it is real, and how much of it isn’t. Individuals returning from a battle zone often blame themselves for things that were beyond their control, especially if someone died. You were a sniper, and that’s right up there for messing with your mind.”

Cody didn’t think that was his problem. “I never lost sleep over killing an insurgent. My worry was more that one of our guys would get hurt or worse because of me. You know, that I didn’t kill the bad guy first.”

“And that was your job and an honorable one. Don’t ever let anyone tell you different.”

“Not even my parents?” Why had he brought that up? He’d long ago accepted he would never have their approval for what he did.

Tom eyed him with interest. “Not even them. That’s always easier said than done, though, and we’ll talk about your relationship with them.”

“I’m good there.” He was here to get to the bottom of his nightmare, not to discuss the relationship with the professors. “They’re entitled to their opinion.”

“They are, even when it’s a wrong one. My concern, Cody, is how much their lack of approval affects you.”

“I don’t need their—”

“But we won’t get into that today. The first thing I want you to do is to write down your nightmare and bring it with you to your next appointment. Do it right after it occurs so you remember every detail. Also, write out the flashback you had as much as you remember. What led up to it, what you heard, smelled, saw, thought. That’s your homework for this week.”

Cody had no desire to discuss his parents, but he’d deal with evading that discussion when it came up. He stood when Tom did. “This is gonna be different. I’ve been trying to forget it, to put it in a box and lock the lid.”

“A problem never gets solved by ignoring it, it just takes root and grows. Make your next appointment with Norma on your way out.”

“We didn’t talk about what this was going to cost me. Don’t get me wrong, I’m gonna do it no matter how much, but—”

“The bill’s paid. And before you argue, you’re a valuable member of K2’s team, and Kincaid believes in taking care of his own. If it makes you feel better, he gets a discount. He paid for my help when I couldn’t. When I tried to pay him back, he refused on the condition that I treat any of his men who needed it, and you’re not the first. Someday, you can do good for someone who needs it by paying it forward.”