Only Hers (27 page)

“Was there a problem?”

“No. Things couldn’t have gone better. The people I saw gave me as much as I gave them. I’d forgotten how older people have a certain way of looking at things, of expressing themselves that is practical and thought-provoking at the same time.”

He stepped closer, his eyes searching hers. “Why do you keep rubbing your neck?”

She snatched her hand away. “Stiff muscles. I wish Melanie were here to give me a massage.”

“Isn’t she the one you wanted to send a picture to?”

Shannon lifted a delicate brow. She had no doubt Matt remembered Melanie from the night James called as well. “Yes. She’s my best friend and the head of the PT department at Memorial.” Shannon smiled in remembered pleasure. “She can give you a massage that will make you curl up and purr.”

A strange expression crossed his face. He took another
step. “I don’t know about making you purr, but I can give it a try.”

Shannon felt hot all over, her knees weak. “I—I wouldn’t want you to go to any trouble. A good soak will do just as well.”

“A massage would feel better,” he said, his voice as dark and compelling as his eyes.

“W-we couldn’t do it properly.” She forced the words past her dry throat. His heavy brow quirked as his searing gaze ran the length of her. She gripped the banister for needed equilibrium. “Th-there’s no hard surface to lay on.”

“You can sit in a chair and I can do it from behind.”

Images immediately formed in her mind. Matt, bare-chested with a carelessly wrapped white towel around his lean waist, standing behind her as she sat on a backless chair. The heat and hardness of muscular thighs pressing firmly against her back while callused hands caressed her bare shoulders, then slid with aching slowness to gently close over her breasts.

She plopped on the step, her breathing erratic. Her entire body tingled in hopeless disappointment and growing need.

Instantly, he was there kneeling in front of her. “I told you you couldn’t do all this.”

“I . . . I . . .” She fumbled for words. She couldn’t very well tell him it wasn’t her work schedule but the passionate promise in his midnight eyes and velvet voice that caused her weakness. Her mind frantically sought a way out of her predicament.

“I don’t want an escort.”

“He stays,” he told her, thrown not at all off balance by the change in topic.

His warm, minty breath bathed her face. It took all her willpower to stand instead of leaning closer to taste his mouth. “I can take care of myself.”

Matt straightened. “If anything happens to you, Octavia would blame herself.”

Why had she thought for a moment that he might care a little bit about her? “I’ve driven at night by myself before.”

“The escort stays.”

He was too close, her feelings too new. Turning away from the blazing intensity of his eyes, she fled up the stairs and to her room. Loving Matt was the easiest and the most difficult thing she had ever done.

Matt set a time record in removing his boots. Next came his shirt, followed closely by his pants and briefs. Stepping into the shower, he turned the water on full blast.

Shannon was killing him.

What the hell possessed him to offer her a massage? Stupid question. The opportunity to touch her soft skin without feeling guilty had been too much of a temptation. But something within him had also wanted to ease the lines of tension around her mouth.

He shouldn’t care about easing her discomforts or seeing her smile. But he did. If he wasn’t worried about her he was lusting after her or irritated with her. Somehow she had slipped past his ability to remain indifferent.

Throwing his head back, he let the blast of cold water hit him square in the face. This crazy wanting, this mindless need for her had to stop. She was not going to get to him. He was not going to break his staunchest vow of keeping his involvements casual. He was not going to make love to her.

His head lifted. Water pelted the thick, corded muscles of his arms, shoulders, chest. And it wasn’t doing a bit of good. He wanted Shannon, wished she were with him now, sleek, wet, willing.

He tried to think of something else . . . the haying, taking the cattle to auction, Sir Galahad’s breeding schedule. Matt groaned. This wasn’t working. The only thing that would work was the woman down the hall.

Only her.

Matt was avoiding her again. Shannon had hardly seen him in the past three days. With the torrid dreams she was having about him, perhaps that was for the best. Her face heated just thinking about the lusty things he did to her in those dreams. Sweet little Shannon Johnson was turning into a wanton!

Shaking her head, she turned off the FM Road onto the Badgets’ driveway. Her car had barely straightened when Mrs. Badget stepped out of the house, then came down the flower-lined walk. Shannon frowned. The elderly woman had made a habit of meeting her at the front door with a smile. Today, she was doing neither.

Unease swept through Shannon. She forced herself not to slow the car to a crawl and put off whatever waited for her. As she pulled to a stop and saw the lines of strain bracketing Mrs. Badget’s mouth, Shannon’s dread intensified.

Inside the tiny frame house, Shannon took one look at Mr. Badget’s flushed face, the subtle flaring of his nostrils as he tried to draw more air into his lungs, and knew she had been right.

She could not handle this.

“I’m so glad you’re here, Shannon,” Mrs. Badget said, the relief on her face easily discernible. “Henry hasn’t been well since lunch.”

“D-don’t go worrying the girl,” Henry admonished, and tried to rise from where he reclined on the couch.

Without thought, Shannon went to him. The uncertainty in his pain-filled gaze reached out to her. She was all he had. Once she had been the best. Gentle but firm hands kept him from rising. “Why don’t you let me judge that? I want you to lie quietly while I take your blood pressure and vital signs.”

“I’m fine,” he said.

Shannon gave him a reassuring smile as she quickly wrapped the blood pressure cuff around his arm. “Then you shouldn’t mind me taking a reading.”

Henry nodded and relaxed.

Shannon quickly took the vital signs. They weren’t good. “Let’s prop you up a little so you can breathe better,” she told him and did just that, all the time asking questions that required only a monosyllabic answer. Finished, she turned to Mrs. Badget. “I forgot to ask Octavia to take my things out of the dryer,” she said to the elderly woman. “Can I use the phone?”

Mrs. Badget glanced sharply at the phone on the end table by the couch and began to tremble.

Shannon took the frightened woman to the kitchen. There was no time to pull punches. “I think your husband is having a heart attack. He needs immediate medical attention and he needs you to be strong.” Reaching for the phone, she called the emergency medical service and Mr. Badget’s doctor, all the time keeping an eye on the man through the open door.

As soon as she hung up the phone, Rose Badget clutched Shannon’s arm. “I’m scared.”

“I know and it’s understandable, but you can’t let your husband know.” Shannon closed her hand over the woman’s frail hand and squeezed. She of all people knew what Mrs. Badget was going through, but this time Shannon was determined to win. “Help is on the way, and for what it’s worth, I’m here.”

“Thank God. I don’t know what I would have done without you,” Mrs. Badget said.

After another brief squeeze of Rose’s hand, Shannon led her to the living room and urged her to take the seat by the couch. Shannon drew up the piano stool.

“Mr. Badget, I think you need to be seen by Dr. Gaines. The fastest way is by ambulance.”

Fear and denial stared back at her. “I-I’m fine. Just indigestion.”

“Then I’ll feel foolish and you can have a good laugh on me.”

“I . . . need to feed . . . the chickens,” he told her, and once again tried to rise.

Again firm hands restrained him. “Please, I know this
isn’t easy, but I want you to lie back and try to relax. Don’t talk.”

“You listen to her, Henry. Be glad she’s here.”

His gaze found his wife’s. She caught his left hand. Her eyes were suspiciously bright, but no tears fell. “Just be glad she’s here.”

Henry gave a half-nod, then his eyelids drifted shut. Mrs. Badget’s worried gaze flew to Shannon, but Shannon assured her he was fine.

Mrs. Badget watched her husband for a few minutes, then looked at Shannon. “Nursing is clearly more than a job to you.”

“Yes,” Shannon answered.

“Wish I had some of your training. I thought it was indigestion from the red beans he talked me into cooking for lunch. He didn’t start having trouble breathing until a few minutes before you arrived.”

“Without training you couldn’t be expected to know. Don’t blame yourself for what you have no control over.” As soon as the words were out of her mouth, Shannon felt them deep in her soul. That was exactly what she had done. Blamed herself for something beyond her control. Matt had been right on target. She could only help to the degree of her ability.

“I’m thankful you decided to come see Jackson Falls,” Mrs. Badget said. “I’m glad you’re here with us.”

“I am, too,” Shannon said, and meant it.

Matt walked into the ICCU waiting area, not knowing what to expect when he saw Shannon. Her call to Octavia from the Badgets’ house had been brief. As soon as he received the emergency page he had known Shannon was involved. All the way to the hospital he had worried and wondered and prayed as much for Henry as for Shannon.

Her saw her immediately. Standing beside Mrs. Badget and Dr. Gaines, Shannon looked self-assured and competent. She hadn’t buckled under pressure. Somehow
she had found the strength and courage to face her fears. He didn’t know why the knowledge both pleased and bothered him.

He watched Octavia rush over and hug Shannon, and wished he could do the same. She looked up and their eyes met. Shannon might have gained her peace, but she had taken his.

Matt was waiting in the kitchen early the next morning when Shannon walked in. Leaning negligently against the countertop, arms folded across his wide chest, he looked unbearably handsome. And utterly unobtainable.

Last night at the hospital, he had left her alone once she assured him she was fine. Dr. Gaines, Mrs. Badget, and others praising her only made Matt’s aloofness more difficult to understand.

Although Henry Badget was resting comfortably and the preliminary tests results were good, her mood had grown somber. Before she knew it, she had been on the pay phone in the waiting area to her parents. Faced with the uncertainty of life, she wanted to see them. She hung up with a promise to be home for the weekend.

Gathering her courage, she walked over to the coffeepot. “Good morning.”

“I told you you didn’t have to work today,” Matt said, never taking his eyes from her.

“I couldn’t sleep.” He seemed more remote than ever.

“Probably a combination of last night and the prospect of going home.” He picked up his cup of coffee. “Have you made your reservation yet?”

Hurt splintered through her, and her hands were unsteady as she poured her coffee. “I thought I’d make them this afternoon.”

“I’ve got a better idea,” Matt said. “If you leave now, you should be able to visit Mr. Badget and still get an earlier flight out to St. Louis.”

Knowing her emotions were easily read, she kept her eyes averted. “I don’t know if there’s a flight then.”

“There is. I called. Your parents will be happy to see you.”

“Yes, they will.” The pain deepened.

“If you get home and decide to stay, just contact Arthur,” Matt told her. “I’m sure we can work out something about the meadow and see that your car gets to you.”

Her head came up. “I’m coming back. I have a week left of my vacation.” Her voice trembled with the effort to remain calm.

Hard black eyes impaled her. “Why? Jackson Falls isn’t what you’re used to, and obviously you don’t have any more doubts about what you want out of life.”

“How do you know that? Before now you haven’t said ten words to me in the past twenty-four hours. No, make that the last three days.” The incriminating words were out before she could stop them.

He gripped the mug. “Last night you seemed totally in control. Mrs. Badget and everyone there looked to you for support and you gave it without a moment’s hesitation.”

Some of the anger left her. She didn’t think he had noticed. “In caring for Mr. Badget last night and trying to help him and his wife deal with his illness, I finally accepted something you told me in the meadow was true. I had no control over what happened to my grandfather. My training has limits. Last night I realized how important just being there is.”

She drew a hand through her hair. “I’ll always feel empathy for the people I care for and their families, but it won’t tear me up inside. It won’t interfere with my effectiveness as a nurse.”

“Then you’ve found what you came for, Shannon. Peace. There’s no need to come back.”

He didn’t want her. She gripped her cup to fight against the crippling misery. “I haven’t finished learning how to make rope.”

A muscle clenched in his jaw. “I’m sure Cleve will understand if you didn’t return.”